When he first joined the team, he knew instantly he was neither wanted nor liked, which was okay with him. He knew what it felt like to have someone thrust upon you unexpectantly and without your say so.
So, when the barbed jabs started and the talks of his lowly achievements without the title agent started up, he let them roll off his back, never taking any of it seriously.
As a year came and went, and he saw no improvement in their attitudes, he began to find it harder to brush their comments off. Found many of their shots hitting home, unbalancing him. They no longer just felt unfriendly, they now come across downright hostile at times.
In the beginning he had understood the mistrust they had in him, the lack of respect. Because he hadn't proven himself, haven't earned their right to trust him. He was a cop, he understood hazing and its reason behind it, he just had to tough it out.
So that year he worked his ass off, completing all reports on time, making out of the way connections that broke the cases wide open. He noticed the tension the teamed seemed to get when working, so he set about making the working environment more fun and easier going, cracking jokes.
But if anything, doing that seemed to just make things worse and made him seem more incompetent. So, he changed tactics. He tried to learn all he could about his team, their likes and dislikes. Hobbies and interests. Once he knew he tried to cater towards them. Getting them food he knew would perk them up.
Making sure jokes were something they understood or even liked. He noticed when something was stressing them out and went out of his way to elevate it, even if it that was by directing all the stress at himself so they could vent.
When he hit the two-year mark, he thought maybe he was making some progress, finally tearing down their misconceptions they had of him. Surly two years was long enough to prove his loyalty and worth to them, he thought to himself.
But just as he was beginning to feel like he was starting to fit In, they would come up with a new derogatory remake on his status as cop or make fun of his appearance again. Would go out of the way to make sure he knew he was still not welcome.
Two years of the constant verbal abuse was starting to wear thin, but he stuck it through, because even if they didn't really want him, he still felt like he belonged with NCIS. Maybe not with them specifically but with the branch as a whole.
Knowing that if he wanted to stay, he had to make being on the teamwork. So, he worked harder to prove his loyalty, taking more risks in the field to keep them safe and allowed them to get home to their families or leave for dates earlier, covered their paper loads, or ran the boring errands without complaint.
The only ones who seemed to have noticed was Hetty and Eric, who began to grow concerned with his lack of self-preservation, whenever they would corner him on the matter he would give a nervous laugh and tell them he had it all under control, ignoring the little voice that said he really didn't.
His three-year anniversary of joining the team seemed to sneak up on him, catching him by surprise. He was actually impressed he had made it this long and was about to comment on it, when they caught a case and any other thoughts were thrown on the back burner.
He didn't seriously begin to think that maybe this team was out for his life until they all got caught in the blast as bomb exploded in a building they had been searching.
While Kensi, Callen and Sam checked in with each other, calling out affirmatives they were all right. He laid still and waited for his name to be called out. Heart dropping to the pit of his stomach when it became apparent, they would be no call of his name.
After that it became harder to ignore or take no notice of the lack of care they showed him when out in the field, brushing off his worries or injuries, as if they weren't worth their time. Things he had previously brushed over as an overactive imagination now no longer seemed silly.
He no longer felt safe on the team and was unable to hold back the thoughts that one day he would die whilst out with them and he couldn't help but wonder if they were the ones who would pull the trigger that did him in.
The finale straw that broke the camel's back was when he and Sam were being tortured. The team had busted in and rescued them, and the first thing Sam demanded of him was if he gave up his wife and was disbelieving when he denied doing so.
When alone, sat in his hospital bed, mouth and jaw numb for all the medicines floating through his system. His brain whispered that this was inevitable and was bound to happen if he stayed with them. Lost in his own thought he didn't hear Sam enter the room, failing to notice the large man taking an open seat at his bedside.
He hid his surprise at the other presents well and asked what he was doing here. Feeling shock rock his world as Sam thanked him for not giving up his wife.
Later he would blame it on the meds, but he told Sam he was thinking he was done with law enforcement. Was thinking of taking an early retirement and returning to his job as a lawyer. Only to be met with a possessive anger telling him he was part of the team and he couldn't just leave them, not now they were just starting to bond. He just stared at Sam, a numbness settling in.
He didn't even register as a person on their radar, he was just a thing that kept a seat warm and occasionally had a good idea, it hurt to know that he had no value on the team, that he was just seen as their "property"
Once the man had left Deeks alone again, the detective thought long and hard on what he wanted, weighed the pros and cons of both staying and leaving.
He realised he liked working for Hetty, for NCIS. Liked how well they created his cover stories, provided him with the better gear as well as never leaving him without back up.
He also liked working for someone like Hetty, who seemed to know what he needed without him saying so and went out of his way to make him feel appreciated and remembered. Take his birthday for example, nobody on the team remembered, not even his partner but Hetty did and she gave him a lovely bottle to celebrate.
He then thought about staying on the team and instantly his body rejected the idea. Panic flooding though his veins at the thought of going out with them again. That settled it. He would sign the form to become an agent if and only if he could be transferred to another team but still worked with Hetty in some way.
After being discharged he made his way to Hetty's not wanting to be confronted by his so-called team just yet.
Nervously he pressed a shaking hand to the bell, waiting impatiently as he listened to it ring out, hearing the shuffle of footsteps from behind the door.
The small formidable women opened the door, the least bit surprised to see who was there. She ushered him in before closing the door gently behind him, leading him to her study, pouring him a finger before sitting at her desk, offering her guest to take a seat opposite.
Gingerly he sat down, feeling his heart jump into his throat. He knew he had to do this but it didn't make it any easier, it was no secret that Hetty viewed the team as her children and telling her he could no longer work with them would probably be one of the hardest things in the world he would have to do. Taking a deep breath, he dived straight in.
"I can't work with the team any more Hetty. I love working for NCIS and you, but I just can't do it anymore. They don't respect me, don't trust me, they don't even care for me. I'm so close to the edge Hetty and I'm afraid that they will be the ones to push me over" he told her honestly, fidgeting in his seat.
The small women just looked at him, not saying anything for a moment before giving a sad sigh, nodding her head.
"I had a feeling this would happen. I truly am sorry for what they have put you through. I am ashamed to say I had hoped if I gave them time, they would learn to see what I see in you" she told him regretfully.
He shrugged his shoulders, a look of understanding in his eyes. "Not your fault Hetty. I gave it my best shot but sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to" he told her insightfully.
Hetty nodded along with him, agreeing with what he was saying. "You mentioned before that you liked working for NCIS. Would you perhaps consider becoming an agent and working for a new team I am setting up?" she proposed.
"What would I be doing?" He asked curiously, a spark of excitement beginning to form. He ruthlessly pushed it down, not wanting to get his hopes up only for them to crash down again.
"Well we are setting up an elite team that specialise in undercover, you would have noticed that a lot of the time we either don't have people the mark doesn't know, or we don't have agents that fit the type needed." She opened her draw and pulled out a file, taking a peek inside to check it was the one before closing the draw again.
"The team base will be set up here, but you will spend no more than three months a year here as you would be travelling the world, going wherever the need for your skills is." She told him, handing over the file.
He took it eagerly, hungrily soaking up the information inside "It says here that Tony Dinozzo will be the one leading the team" he read aloud, throwing her a curious look.
"Yes, like yourself he is a natural at undercover work. In fact, he asked specifically for you to be his second in command. He mentioned he noticed how the team spoke and treated you in his short time here and it left a lot to be desired. I believe he is going to contact you some time in the week about scouting you" she admitted, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
"That's...I don't know what to say" He stammered shocked. He hadn't realised other people saw how he was being treated and he certainly didn't realise that Tony had picked up on it and wanted to help.
"I believe the words are 'hand me that pen and tell me where to sign'" she smirked as he got to the last page, seeing a form to officially make him an agent.
He grinned widely "You got it boss" he laughed, picking up the pen and sighing his name. He waited for the regret to come, the crushing wave of panic at his rather abrupt decision, but it never came just the feeling of lightness and inner peace, like he had done the right thing.
Six months later saw Deeks standing in the NCIS branch in England, working on a rather intriguing case involving an arms dealer and a master thief. In the last six months he had settled in nicely with his new team, forming a great working dynamic. The group fed off and supported each other, finally he had found the team he had always wanted. He smiled happily as Tony brushed passed him, giving a teasing smile of his own.
"Down boy. Plenty of time for that when you get home" he laughed, giving the taller a wink.
"You know it babe" Tony laughed, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
They had been together five months now and it was going well. Deeks has never felt happier in himself.
After a month of working together, the sexual tension between them getting unbearable until one night, Tony snapped and kissed him. And since then neither had them had looked back.
He had a man he loved and was loved in return. His career was flourishing. His team was supportive and exactly how he had dreamed his original team had been like. Hetty has been overjoyed for them and was immensely proud of what they had achieved in such a short time.
Two weeks into his promotion his old team had confronted him, demanding how he could just up and leave them like that, abandon them without thought and then went out of his way to avoid them. All those feeling of anger and resent meant bubbled forth and exploded.
He gave them some home truths and sent them away with their tails between their legs. Letting the feelings and attachments he had formed with them go, finally feeling like himself for the first time in three years.
"Earth to Marty" Tony waved a hand in front of his face, giving him concerned look. "You okay?" He asks worriedly.
Deeks smiles lovingly at him, leaning. Forward on his tippy toes, giving the taller a kiss "Yeah I'm good. I was just thinking of how perfect my life had become in these last few months" he confessed. A dopy smile on his face.
"You and me both" Tony whispered resting their foreheads together.
Things may not have turned out how he expected them to, and life may have put him a completely different direction then he had been on originally, but he was happy and really that all that mattered.