Whiskey and a Broken Frame

Nobody mentioned it at the Danvers sisters' game night. I was grateful for that, because Alex at least must surely know what I did. Maybe the others suspect. Kara must…

But Alex and I were too similar; she knew what I was capable of. What Lex was capable of pushing me to do.

I shot my big brother.

I murdered Lex. The only person I could remember really loving until I met Jack, Samantha, Ruby, and Kara. And what's worse is that murdering him felt like justice. It felt good.

Not for anything that he'd done to others, no.

Ending his life felt like setting things right, for ALL the times I'd been made to feel less than or like just another Luthor since he slaughtered all those people years ago. For every time my own insecurities stemming from our family's deeds tainted ALL of my relationships.

I'm not going to go mad, because as much as it felt good to finally put an end to the nightmare that my brother had become, pulling that trigger shattered me.

Every story, every fairy tale I'd ever read that dealt with 'kin killers' was deeply against such an action. Most of the time, the act of murdering family invoked some kind of cosmic justice. In regards to killing family, was turnabout fair play? Because Lex had definitely tried to have me killed before. So had my mother, Lillian.

I know that she loves me now. I do. But I also remember when she left me for dead when John Corben went nuclear. I remember when her goons threw me off my balcony. Her love was abusive, and cold, and it always made me feel small.

Not like Lex's love. There was a time when his support, his care…they anchored me when I needed it most. And I shot him.

Kara loved me. I think. But now…I just don't know.

But I put that to the back of my mind. I just…there was so much going on in my head right now that I needed to take a break. I wasn't even ready to process his final revelation: that my sweet, sweet friend Kara had been lying to my face for years.

I slammed the tumbler of whiskey down on the frame of the two of us. The glass fractured, and It felt symbolic in the most cliché way possible. I drained the rest of whiskey.

My suspicions were confirmed. I couldn't feel the buzz. I looked over to the alcohol cabinet I kept. I had just downed an entire ten fingers of overpriced whiskey, and I felt nothing.

You see, last night, after getting back to my penthouse from game night, I did something dumb. I was drunk, I was angry, and oh so gripped by grief. I injected myself with the Super-serum. And then I destroyed the Harun-El extractor. And then I collapsed in my bed a sobbing mess.

But that was yesterday. Today was a new day, and everything was fine. I just have super powers now…and I'm not in any way ready to address the whole identity outing of Supergirl.

The tumbler I was holding shattered in my hands, the dregs of whiskey spilled into the cracks of the frame guarding the picture of Kara and I.

"Ms. Luthor?" I looked up at my new secretary. She had doubtlessly heard the glass shattering and was worried; about me, for me? It did not matter. I was really hoping this one wouldn't betray me like the last couple had. She was noticeably tall, but younger and softer spoken than either Eve or Jess had been. She spoke with an accent, Mediterranean I think? I really couldn't pin point it closer than that, she could just as easily be Israeli or Greek, and I wouldn't know the difference unless I heard her speak her mother tongue.

"Everything is fine, Eris. I just slipped is all," I said in a light and measured tone that I really should've been given an Oscar for.

"Do you want me to call up a janitor?" Eris asked softly.

"Might as well. Do I have anything in the next few hours?" I asked.

"Ms. Arias is arriving at 1:25pm, but other than that, you're clear for the day." Eris consulted her pad.

Oh Samantha. I had requested she come in, all things considered, she owed me a small favour. I needed to learn control. And who better to teach me other than the former Worldkiller?

My phone rang.

I looked at the caller ID: it was Kara. I sighed as I brushed the broken glass off the back of my hands. I picked up the phone and answered without preamble, "Can you meet me at my penthouse in half an hour?"

"Yes, of course! Anything for you, Lena," Kara replied in all earnestness.

Anything for me? If only.