The blond host with the cheek bones that could cut cheese, in the stunningly-fitted purple suit stands beautifully at the gates of the only slightly less picturesque mansion. He gestures out an arm to the people back home as if to say 'I not only welcome the contestants in today, but you as well, gorgeous listeners'. He doesn't say this though. His co-host cuts in before he can work through all of his flourishes.

"Well hello darlings! Welcome to Season Ten of the Bachelorette- that's right, we've been here for a full decade!" The pink drag queen sassily shimmies her left shoulder to the camera and winks, "But we sure don't look it, do we?"

"I'm Giogio," says the first host, a suspiciously timed breeze rustles through the court yard, picking up cherry-red petals from the rose bush that end up showering down around his form.

"And I'm Marian," The queen says.

"Today we shall welcome in twelve strapping beaus who will compete to conquer the heart of our new belle, Muffy!" Giogio announces and Muffy emerges from gates in a dazzling red cocktail dress in heart-to-heel glitter. "And what a belle you are my dear~" he says, taking her hand and kissing it. Muffy giggles.

"Almost as beautiful as us!" Marian chirps.

"With such a beautiful damsel as this, we can expect the battle for our princess' favour to be fierce," Giorgio comments.

Marian grabs Muffy's shoulder, "But don't worry hun, I am first and foremost, a licenced doctor. These men won't be escaping you in an ambulance nor a body bag- the only way they're going home is if you kick 'em out yourself. So tell me sweetheart, are you ready to meet your future husband tonight?"

Muffy jiggles on the spot with bubbly jitters, "Yes!"

"Well then, go get in greeting position girl! The limos are about to arrive!"

We follow Muffy back through the gates where she waits at the end of the circular driveway, in front of the elaborate doors of the mansion. She readjusts a few times, deciding how to stand. She finally settles on planting her legs straight and folding her hands in front of her.

The long black vehicle arrives and from within we hear the men shout "MUUUFFFYYYYY!" as the blonde comes into their view for the first time.

She glances at the camera with panicked excitement, "They're here!" She says through her teeth.

The door opens and our first man steps out.

Kai (24)- Cook

Interview from the Bachelorette Studio ™: "Hey I'm Kai, I'm from… well… everywhere really. I'm a summer-chaser, that is to say I move with the seasons, setting up my Seaside Shack on whichever beach is sunniest. It can get lonely never staying in one place for too long, I'm here to find my life-long travelling companion!"

Kai walks up to Muffy confidently. "Muffy! Hi!"

Muffy grins, "Hello! It's so nice to meet you!"

Kai smiles. "I just want to say, I was so pumped when I heard you were the Bachelorette."

"Oh really?" Asks Muffy.

"Absolutely! I'm a bit of a snowbird- I like to follow the sun and I guess that's how I got pulled off course and ended up here."

"How do you mean?" She asks in confusion.

"I suppose you were just shining brighter," He winked.

Her jaw drops and he smiles seeing that his line clearly landed well. "I'll see you inside," he says and walks inside. A second later, Muffy regains herself and calls after him. "Yeah! Of course! I look forward to meeting you!"

He was already gone and she glances at us in embarrassment at her lack of composure. "I forgot to ask his name," she winces. "And he's sooo cute!"

Giogio and Marion are watching from afar. "Oh, she's smitten," Marion comments.

The next man emerges from the limo.

Cliff (26)- Alter Boy

Interview from the Bachelorette Studio ™: "Wh-what?" He asks, frozen like a deer in headlights. He angles his ear over, clearly receiving an off-camera prompt. "…. I'm Cliff." After a momentary pause, he realizes he has to say more. "I uh. I'm not sure what I'm doing here. Carter- um- my pastor signed me up. I don't really have any family. I used to. It would be nice to someday have that again. Although I'm not really sure I could win here… I don't even have a job. I'm sure 'unemployed' doesn't look flattering beside my name." He looks surprised. "It's doesn't say that?" He asks. "What does it say?" After a moment's pause, he buries his face in his hands.

Cliff emerges from the limo, unsure of himself. He approaches Muffy cautiously. "Hi," he says.

"Hi," Muffy smiles.

They both stand there for a moment in awkward silence. "What's your name?" Muffy asks.

"Cliff. You… look very beautiful tonight."

"Thank you!" Says Muffy. "I look forward to talking with you tonight!"

Cliff nods and heads inside sheepishly.

"Silent type," Muffy comments under her breath. "But sweet!"

The limo doors once again open.

Allen (25) Stylist

Interview from the Bachelorette Studio ™: Hello, I'm Allen, and I will be proposing to Muffy at the end of this season, so remember the name. If the guys in my limo were any indication, this will hardly be a competition. Just so you know, they say 'all's fair in love and war' for a reason. I'm not here to play nice, I'm here to win, so I'll do whatever it takes."

"Muffy! Darling!" Allen calls, walking forward with his arms outstretched.

Muffy is surprised but accepts the hug as it comes, he kisses her cheek and pulls back "Look at you dear, such a sight to behold! I've worked with models less lovely!"

Muffy giggles. "Oh wow, thank you! What's your name?"

"I'm Allen," he says. "I'll go in for now, but we simply must talk later!"

"Of course!" She agrees.

Allen saunters casually inside and Muffy fans herself.

Pete (22)- Farmer

Interview from the Bachelorette Studio ™: "Hey I'm Pete, I've recently inherited a farm and have been working hard to bring it back up to working condition. I am very happy to have this opportunity with Muffy!... Uh…. I think that's all that needs to be said here, I'm more a man of action than words anyway."

The first chocolate haired man of the season approaches Muffy with his charming boy-next-door smile and Muffy immediately welcomes him, "Hey! I'm Muffy it's so great to meet you! What's your name?"

Pete pauses only for the briefest amount of time- approximately the same amount of time it would take the average person to type a four letter name. "Pete," he says.

"Well, Pete, was the flight here nice?"

He nods.

"I'm glad!" Muffy exclaims.

Pete scrolls through his options of one-liners. He settles with something safe. "I really hope to get to know you better!"

"Me too!" Muffy replies. "Find me inside and we'll talk!"

He nods again and exits.

No one leaves the limo now and Muffy shuffled awkwardly. "Is that all of them for that car then?"

Marian turns to Giogio. "There was one more for that one, wasn't there?"

"Indeed…" Giogio agrees, beautifully.

They approach Muffy, signalling something is wrong.

"What's going on?" She asks. "The hosts don't usually come in here at this point do they?"

"We're not-" Marian starts to explain but is interrupted when a couple of crew members in black run over and whisper in Giogio's perfectly formed ear.

"Escaped?" He exclaims. "What does that even-"

The giant leaves of the tropical tree above them rustle and a man jumps down, clad in leopard skins, his muscular chest fully exposed.

From the window of the reception room of the mansion, we see a few guys peeking. Kai's jaw has dropped, he mouths "Oh. My. Goddess," to Cliff who just looks concerned, possibly not even about the man. He's had that expression this whole time.

Shea (?) Hunter/Gatherer

Interview from the Bachelorette Studio ™: "Me Shea, who you?" After a moment where the camera personnel appropriately don't respond, he creased his brow. "You people weird," he says, and promptly stalks off, camera right.

Muffy is clutching her chest. "Is- is this a bit?" She asks the hosts.

The hosts shrug.

"Me Shea," he says, standing up unnaturally close to Muffy.

"Hi Shea," She squeaks. "I'm Muffy."

Shea smiles, and for a second the man looks very young. "Muffy…" He says, testing the word on his tounge. "Muffy pretty."

"Thank you," she says. "Do you want to go inside? I'll talk to you later tonight."

"Alright," Shea agrees easily enough.

As he passes, Marion plucks his hastily made spear. "I'll just take that for safe-keeping Hun."

The hosts inspect it with confusion as they leave Muffy to continue meeting her suitors.

A moment later the music picks up to something menacing. We see what looks like large mascot bird feet walking on pavement similar to the road to the mansion the limo had driven up previously. The shot goes back to Muffy who puts her hands to her face as a man in a chicken costume rounds the bend of the road in.

"Oh woooow," she comments.

He waddles over. The menacing jaws-like music evapourates.

Rick (28)- Chicken Master

Interveiw from the Bachelorette Studio ™: "Hey, I'm Rick! I work on a poultry farm, chickens are my life! I love them, they are way more complex and intelligent creatures than anyone ever gives them credit for. I am patient, I am easy-going, but I am also fiercely protective of my family when it matters."

The men in the waiting area are all crowded around the window now holding cocktails.

"Is that guy in a chicken costume?" Cliff asks.

Pete nods.

Kai looks pale. "Uh oh."

"What?" Asks Cliff.

"Who do you know who LOVES chickens?" Kai asks dryly.

Pete deliberates and the exclaims in realization.

"Uh oh," Cliff agrees.

"I hope I'm wrong… That guy's a cluckin' psycho," Kai says.

Shea is pressed up against the window. "Bird… taste good. Big. Meat would feed Shea and Wada for long time." He sighs sadly and knocks his forehead against the glass. "Manly woman took Shea's spear."

"Someone get this man a spear!" Kai calls.

Back with Muffy, Rick finally finishes approaching. He takes off his costume head and smiles at Muffy handing her the basket of eggs he was holding in his wing. "Muffy, I know I'm not a stud like some of these bros, but I promise I'm a good egg who could hatch into a great husband!"

Muffy still looks overwhelmed. She accepts the eggs. "Thanks… I'll have them for breakfast I guess."

Rick nods and heads inside. Kai has disappeared from the window.

There is a clip-clopping sound and a handsome man on a horse comes trotting up.

Wayne (29) – Postman

Interveiw from the Bachelorette Studio ™: "Howdy, I'm Wayne and I was born an' raised in the South. I am told I'm quite the charmer but I'm surely not tryna play the field. I've simply never met a lady who didn't deserve a nice compliment."

'He's hot' Muffy mouths to the camera in surprise.

The cowboy gracefully hops off of his horse and walks up to Muffy. "Muffy?" he asks.

"Uh, yes!" She says.

He rustles in his bag, "I have a letter for you."

"Oh?" she asks.

He pulls out a letter and hands it to her. She reads it. "You look stunning tonight. I knew that flower would really suit you." She pauses. "What flower?" She asks in confusion.

"Oh right!" He says in fake surprise. "There was something else." He reaches back in his bag and pulls out a red hibiscus. Slowly and deliberately, he pulls the left side of her hair behind her back with a "Pardon me." He tucks the flower behind her ear and smiles. "Well, the sender was right, you are beautiful."

Muffy puts a hand to her lips.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"You're so charming I'm not sure what to do," she says with nervous giggles.

He winks, "Well thank you kindly Ma'am. My name's Wayne, maybe we could meet up after my shift?"

"Of course!" She grins.

As he leaves into the mansion, she looks at the camera. "Oh I like him."

"Me too!" Marian's voice narrates few a couple other introductions.

"And so Muffy continues to meet her eligible bachelors," In the background we see Muffy speaking to a few men from the next limo.

"Aloha!" A tan man with blue hair says to Muffy and pulls her into a hug.

"Aloha!" Muffy says back. From within the hug she points at his arms hidden in his suit. 'Firm!' she mouths to the camera.

She meets a man in a star-spangled bandanna who shakes her hand vigorously.

Then a dark-skinned man who flirtatiously turns a hand-shake into a hand-kiss. Muffy is blushing hard.

Next is a doctor who is clearly a doctor because he hasn't bothered to take off his head mirror or coat.

Finally, a perky orange-haired boy who bashfully scratches the back of his head.

When the last contestant enters the mansion, the hosts return.

"he was adorable," Muffy comments about the last guy. "I just wanted to gather him up in my purse and take him everywhere with me."

"HUN," Marian said in agreeance.

"Did any strike your favour?" Asked Giorgio. "Do you have any favourites?"

"It's too early to tell!" Says Muffy. "There were a lot of promising guys! I look forward to talking with them tonight!"

"Which will air next week!" Marian interjects.

"What?" Asks Muffy.

"We will have to relinquish some of our time when this episode airs because apparently, the network believes basketball will need the coverage!" Giorgio says, tilting his head back in distress as if reporting the most tragic news known to man.

"Apparently a bunch of boys playing with their balls is more important than a girl finding her one true love," Marian sighs with a shrug.

Muffy chokes.

Next time on the bachelorette:

"Kai!" Rick shrieks. Kai runs for it.

"You're dangerous," Muffy says flirtatiously to the dark-skinned man.

"I just… don't want you to have to deal with someone who isn't here for the right reasons and isn't serious about this," Rick says comfortingly, still in his chicken suit.

"Can I… feel you up a little?" Muffy says between giggles to the purple haired man.

The bachelors + Muffy are gathered around a large wood table and a letter. "I'm coming to steal your heart. Signed Phantom Skye," Wayne reads in confusion.

I ran out of time XD

It's been a way more busy weekend than I anticipated. I moved to a new province and city recently and downloaded Bumble BFF because I know literally nobody and school doesn't start til the fall. All at once, everyone I was messaging wanted to meet up so I've been running from festivals to malls to movies. It's been a lot of fun but I've had zero time to write this :P

Thanks to Psycho Kay for suggesting Shea. I totally forgot about him.

The other men who haven't had much screen time yet will have their time later in the night... next week. I'll be travelling for work so it might be another rushed job :P

If you have any suggestions for challenges and dates for our men, let me know!