Okay, I have updates to write, but this was nagging at me. That along with the fact that I've been working more often than not. This will wind up being a two shot (I hope, I can't juggle 3 stories at once). This is set before Olivia even enters the Academy.

Olivia Benson's head rested on the chest of her fiancé, listening to his beating heart. The small stone of her engagement ring glinting in the moonlight. She'd never been happier than she was at this exact moment. Her soon to be husband's baby was growing in her womb and for the first time in her twenty three years of life she felt like someone loved her. She felt his hand run over her shoulder. "I love you, Billy."

Billy Hansen was a strapping young man with a blond crew cut, hazel eyes, and a muscular build. When he drank his cheeks turned bright red and it appeared that he loved the woman in his arms more than anything in the world. They were starting a family and he just knew life was going to be perfect. "Love you, too, Jelly Bean." He kissed the top of her head.

She felt anxiety rise in her chest, but she told herself to push it away. She hated when he called her anything related to food, but it was better than him calling her something referencing an animal she supposed. She kissed his chest and closed her eyes. If she wasn't so in love with him, she'd be gone already. Or maybe it was because he loved her, and she didn't want to let that go, for fear that she'd be alone the rest of her life. "Mm," she felt him wrap the blankets around them both. She'd learned to live with and adapt to the things he did that rubbed her the wrong way and convinced herself that if he didn't love her, no one ever would.

He fell asleep, holding her tight. Throughout the night he'd turned on his side, facing away from her, pulling the blankets off of her. She got out of bed in the middle of the night to get another blanket and go to the bathroom. Once she got to the bathroom she let out a blood curdling scream, she was bleeding. Billy got up and ran to the bathroom, seeing his fiancée sobbing hysterically, blood dripping down her legs. "What happened?"

Olivia looked at him. "The baby," she cried and fell into his arms.

Billy rubbed her back. "You look like you're losing a lot of blood, we should get you to a hospital."

She couldn't do anything but cry and nod. He helped her dress, putting a pad in her clean underwear, he brought her to the hospital. Just as they walked into the ER she collapsed on the floor, weak from blood loss. They rushed her back to a room. "What's her blood type?"

He looked at his fiancée on the stretcher. "I— I don't know. She's pregnant. Please, do something."

The doctor looked from Billy to the nurses. "Get some O neg! Stat, we need to start transfusing." The nurses scurried about, closing the curtain, shutting Billy out. Billy walked to the waiting room and sat, waiting for someone to come get him. After about an hour a doctor came out and looked around. "Billy Hansen?"

Billy stood up. "Is she alright?"

The doctor moved closer. "She's pretty shaken up, she won't stop crying. We want to sedate her, but she wouldn't let us until you were back there."

Billy nodded and followed the doctor, walking back to the bay Olivia was in. She looked so pale in the bed, tears still uncontrollably streaming down her face. "Oh, Jelly Bean."

Olivia wiped her eyes. "I lost the baby," she cried and took a deep breath. "They don't— they don't know if I'll ever be able to carry a baby to term."

Billy sat on the side of the bed. "Why not? Did something happen."

She shook her head, crying again. "No. Billy, I— I have endometriosis. I was diagnosed right before we met in college. I didn't say anything because we weren't trying to get pregnant and then we got engaged and I was going to tell you, but then I got pregnant, I didn't think I'd ever be able to," she let out a sob.

He stood up. "Wait, so you knew this could happen?"

Olivia wiped her eyes. "Oh, come on. Miscarriages happen to women all of the time whether they have endometriosis or not."

Billy looked at her. "How could you keep this from me? We were supposed to have a perfect life together."

She felt her heart break. "We still can! There are other ways to start a family. Surrogacy, adoption."

He shook his head. "No. We don't have the money for a surrogate and I'm not raising a child that isn't mine."

Olivia looked at him. "Who are you? How can you be so selfish? There are thousands of children in the United States alone who need safe, loving homes and you won't give one of them a home because you're too selfish to raise a child that you didn't help create? Stop being obtuse." She felt him slap her across the face and she let out a shocked yelp, holding her cheek, tears running down her face. "Get out." She yelled. "Leave!"

Billy looked at her, a fury in his eyes she'd never seen. "I'm not the one who lied about being able to have children."

She took the ring off her finger and threw it at him. "I thought you loved me," she shook her head. "I didn't realize that all I was to you was an incubator." She took a deep breath. "The fact that you couldn't even get me a decent ring that wouldn't turn my finger green and had an actual diamond should have been my first clue. Get out, Billy. I'm done. We're done. I'll be by with a couple friends to pick up my things in the next few days."

He picked up the ring and looked at her. "You'll never find someone like me. You'll be alone the rest of your life. Little whore."

Olivia looked at him. "By the way, Jelly Bean is a stupid pet name for an Olivia, much better suited for a Jillian, wouldn't you think?"

Billy looked at her. "What are you implying?"

She rolled her eyes. "Give me a little bit of credit. You really think I didn't know about her?" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I just had a miscarriage, I don't have the energy to fight with you. You slapped me, you can leave now or I can have hospital security escort you out."

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3 Weeks Later

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Olivia sat at the bar in a short ripped jean skirt and a black bustier, her abs exposed. She was nursing a cosmopolitan and getting lost in the music. She saw a man sit next to her and she smiled at him. She let her eyes travel down his physique. "Hello."

The man looked at her and smiled, his green eyes shining. "Hello, beautiful. What brings you here on a Wednesday night?"

She smiled, noting his dark hair and the little bit of scruff on his face. "Drowning my sorrows, hopefully getting back on the horse. You?"

He smiled. "Celebrating. The successful finish of college, graduation is next week law school starts in the fall."

Olivia raised her glass. "Congratulations. I just finished myself not too long ago. I take the civil service exam in a few months, then I'm off to the Academy."

The man smiled. "Now, I'm pretty familiar with the Miranda warnings, but if you were to arrest me and I talked about how sexy your body was, would you hold it against me?"

She blushed and chuckled. "Smooth." She turned to face him after downing the rest of her drink. "But speaking of sexy," she whispered, looking at his lips. "I'm going to kiss you now, so I really hope you're single."

He stood her up and stood up, looking down at her. "Very much so," he whispered and their lips met in a brief kiss before he pulled away. "Trevor Langan, nice to meet you."

Olivia smiled and bit her bottom lip. "Likewise", she whispered.

Trevor caressed her face. "What should I call you?"

She opened her mouth to respond and then closed it again. "Uh, you know... it doesn't matter," she shook her head. "Take me home, and I'll give you the best night of your life, no strings attached."

He looked at her. "How about I take you home and you tell me what sorrows your drowning, and your name."

Olivia looked at him. "We're never going to see each other again, why does it matter?"

Trevor ran his thumb over her lips. "If we're never going to see each other again, what better person to tell your troubles to?"

She took a deep breath. "Fine. After I rock your world I will tell you my sob story," she ran her fingers over his chest.

He kissed her lips and put some money on the bar to cover their drinks. He took her hand. "How about I just call you beautiful until you tell me your name?" He asked, walking out into the streets of New York with her.

Olivia smiled. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Langan." She looked up at him, standing on her tiptoes and kissing him gently.

Trevor kissed her back. "Let's get back to my apartment," he whispered. "It's not much, but it's cozy."

She smirked. "Do you either have thick walls or very understanding neighbors?" She asked coyly. "I've been known to be a screamer during sex," she whispered and ran her hands down his back.

He smiled and raised his arm, hailing a cab. "My neighbors can go to hell if they don't like the fact that I have the most beautiful woman in the city in my bed and I'm going to make damn sure she is as pleasured as she can be." He opened the cab door for her, letting her slide in and climbed in after her, giving the cabbie his address, kissing her temple and holding her hand in his. "Fifteen minutes, including the elevator ride up to my apartment, and we'll be able to get naked and have some fun."

Olivia smiled. "Best thing about being fresh out of college is we can stay up all night having fun and not have to worry about being up the next day for work."

Trevor kissed her lips and held her close, feeling the cab stop, seeing his building, he paid the cabbie and got out, running inside with her. "I can't wait to see you, you're so beautiful."

She blushed and kissed him as the elevator brought them up to his floor. She followed him and stood behind him as he opened the door. She walked in and looked around. "Wow," she turned and looked at him and took her top off, her bare breasts coming into view. "Are you ready for me?"

He pulled her hips closer. "You just keep getting more and more beautiful."

Olivia unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them off. "Oh," she gasped, seeing the outline of his erection in his boxer briefs. She moaned. "You're so big, baby." She pulled his shirt over his head, feeling him unbutton her skirt and push it down, leaving her in a thong. She walked him back to the couch and pushed him down, straddling him, grinding her hips into his. "Fuck," she let her head fall back.

Trevor held her hips, groaning. "My God, you're so sexy, we should move to the bedroom so we can get a condom."

She shook her head. "I can't get pregnant, I can't—" she stopped and felt her lip quiver. "I—"

He caressed her face. "Talk to me," he whispered. "How can I help."

Olivia swallowed hard. "My name is Olivia Margaret Benson. I had a miscarriage three weeks ago. My fiancé, he found out why I lost the baby, he slapped me and called me a whore after he was the one cheating on me. I threw him out of my hospital room. I've been living with a sorority sister, because the only family I have is an alcoholic mother who never loved me because I'm a reminder of the worst night of her life, the night she was raped. From the moment I started being interested in boys I've been good for nothing but sex, at least as far as my mom was concerned. I was a pussy to fuck. Billy made that clear," she looked at his chest, tears welling up in her eyes. "I um… I can go—"

Trevor pulled her into a tight hug. "Stay," He whispered and kissed her temple. "Olivia Margaret Benson, I don't know why your mother decided to fill your head with the lie that you're only good for sex. You're so smart, I can tell from looking at you that heart is made of gold, you have a beautiful smile. And goddamnit I will tell you this as often as you'll let me, but you matter. I don't want this to be just tonight, I want more."

She wiped her eyes. "Well, I should tell you before this goes any further, I have endometriosis, it's what caused the miscarriage, it's why my ex slapped me. There's not much chance that I'll ever carry a pregnancy to term. I was an incubator to him. So, if you want to take things a day at a time and see where we end up, I'm happy to. But I don't… I don't need anymore than tonight, and I'll understand if you don't want to have sex with me after I just dumped all my emotional baggage on you."

He held her face in his hands, kissing her passionately. "I don't mind the emotional baggage, we've all got it. I do still want to have sex with you. But we're going to do this right. I'm going to bring you to bed, bring you to the heights of ecstasy over and over again, all night long. I'm not stopping until you tell me," he kissed her softly.

Olivia smiled. "You mean that?"

Trevor nodded. "While I realize having sex with you is probably not the best way to prove to you that you're worth so much more than what's between your legs—"

She stopped him. "It's perfect, Trevor. I've never had a man concerned with making sure I hit climax, and to have the sexiest man I've ever laid eyes on tell me he's going to make sure I get there over and over… it's more than I've ever had. To be honest with you, I don't think that I've ever really had an orgasm."

He tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'll do whatever I can to help you have an orgasm and make it as mind blowing as possible." He smiled. "And tomorrow I'll make breakfast and we can talk about whatever you want. I just know that as much as I want you tonight, I want you in my life for a lot longer than just tonight."

Olivia stood up and took her thong off. "Take me to bed," she whispered. "We can both come together." She grinned as he stood up and picked her up. She giggled and wrapped her legs around his waist as he walked her into his bedroom, setting her on the bed. She crossed her legs and watched him drop his boxers and she moaned. "Oh, Trevor." She felt him lay her down and climb on top of her. "Fuck me," she whispered.

Trevor caressed her face and shook his head. "I'm going to make love to you," he whispered. "I'm going to worship and cherish your body, it's what you deserve. You're sure you don't want a condom?"

She felt tears in her eyes and she shook her head. "No condom, I'll take the risk. I just… I need to feel everything."

He nodded. "No risk. I'm clean," he kissed her lips and gently rubbed her clit, his fingers pushing inside her. They both moaned. "You're so wet," he whispered.

Olivia moaned. "I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. I've never wanted someone this much. I need to feel you."

Trevor slowed down and kissed her neck. "Ready?" He heard her moan and saw her nod. He slowly pushed inside of her, both of them letting out a moan, his forehead on hers.

She let out a breath. "Oh, you feel amazing." She felt him slowly start to move and she moaned softly. Her back arched into him. For the first time in her life, her movements during sex weren't calculated, she didn't feel as though she had to preform her sexuality to get a man off. She laid back and felt every bit of pleasure coursing through her veins. "Oh, my God!"

He kept thrusting inside of her. "You're so beautiful, Olivia. So beautiful." He groaned. "Oh, baby, I'm so close. Come with me."

Olivia let out a whiney moan and scratched at his back. "Oh, Trevor!" She let out a breath and felt her orgasm take over her body. She felt his release inside her and she fell back against the bed, panting, holding him tight as he fell on top of her. "Holy shit," she looked into his eyes. "That was amazing. You are amazing. I've never felt like this before. My body is tingling and it's so amazing. Is this what it feels like to orgasm?"

Trevor smiled and kissed her lips. "I don't know what a woman's orgasm feels like, but from the way I've heard it described in the past, I'd definitely say yes."

She kissed him again. "You're amazing," she whispered. "You're the best lover I've ever had."

He smiled and kissed her neck. "That was just the beginning baby. I haven't even started to truly worship your body yet. Just you wait."

Olivia smiled. "I need a bit of a recuperation period," she chuckled.

Trevor nuzzled her nose. "We have all night, we have the rest of forever, or as long as you'll have me."

She smiled. "I'm inclined to never leave this bed. I feel—" she shrugged and shook her head. "I feel wanted and cherished and we've only had sex and I feel more cherished and wanted and loved by you than I did by my ex who I was with all through college. I'm just… I'm used to not feeling this way. I always assumed Billy loved me, and if he didn't, if he left then… I'd be alone my whole life. But—"

He caressed her face. "Anyone who could take advantage of being the one priveliged enough to love you, anyone who could cheat on you, or walk away over a medical diagnosis, even if it means that you can't carry a child, there are so many who desperately need a home."

Olivia looked up at him and took a deep breath and letting her mouth open. "Trevor Langan… I think I might be falling for you. So hard."

Trevor smiled. "Well, I know I am—"

She shook her head. "You don't understand. When Billy found out about the endometriosis I mentioned that there were so many ways to make a family, surrogacy, adoption. He said we didn't have the money for a surrogate, and that he wouldn't raise a child he didn't have a hand in making. I called him selfish and obtuse and that's when he slapped me. It hurt so much," she shook her head and felt her lip quiver. "I hadn't been hit in so long, I forgot what it felt like."

He rolled off of her and held her. "You never ever should have been hit, not by this asshole who if he ever comes near you again I will personally kick his ass, and not by anyone else."

Olivia rested her head on his chest. "My mom," she wiped her eyes. "She drank to cope with her rape but I was the constant reminder. The neglect wasn't enough, when she didn't pass out after she got drunk, she'd slap me around, the older I got the worse the abuse got." She shrugged. "I've never known what it feels like to be loved," she cried into his chest and felt him rub her back.

A/N: Okay, I KNOW it's possible for someone with endo to carry a child to term, that it's possible for a person with endo to get pregnant, and they're only at a slightly higher risk for a miscarriage, but this is late eighties and early nineties, we've come so far in reproductive health since then, and we still have a long way to go. Anyway, the next chapter is coming soon. I have a bit of a respite from work this week for the next couple days. Leave reviews here or on twitter (couricshargitay) and I'll see you in the next one.