Everything is insane, and violent, and unjust.

When words fail, actions speak. I urge you to sign every free petition, donate if you have the funds, go to protests if you can, and most importantly educate yourself and speak out against systemic violence and racism. To be silent means to side with the oppressors.

Black. Lives. Matter.

10. FRACTURE

MY LIFE HAD BEEN SHORT. In that time, it felt like it was filled with nothing but violence. Most of the human memories I carried only seemed to feature fighting, blood, and war. It was like I'd always been scrambling, desperately clawing for my life in some way or another. Anything to save me or my family. I was almost used to the motions of it now.

But fighting for Jasper unleashed a whole new intensity to things.

As soon as we collided, I ignited. I was an explosion. I was fire. I was instinct.

I was a flurry of teeth and nails and flesh, with nothing but Charlotte's growls and rage thundering in my ears as sure as blood would have. But I was quiet. There was no need for anything but my own surety. Charlotte was already afraid of me, but clearly not frightened enough. If she thought she could attack mine, she would suffer the consequences.

"Blaire!" Jasper barked, but I was too far gone. I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to.

I sent her rolling through the forest. Her back slammed into a tree. I tore after her, kicking up leaves and dirt behind me. "I thought you wanted this to end?" I snarled at her. "Is this another test?"

I threw my hands down on top of her, ready to shatter her ribs, but she weaseled out just in time. I pivoted after her, only to dodge her right hook. Instead of my face, her fist took out a chunk of a small tree, sending splinters everywhere. Then the entire thing fell down. I rolled out from under the trunk before it even touched the ground. I shot out and tried to tackle her, but she darted out of the way again. "You'll find I tend to excel when I'm tested." The growl in my voice mottled my words. "I go beyond expectations!"

Instead of answering, she flitted out of the forest. Back the way we came. Toward Jasper.

The trees were a blur around me. It was so easy to catch up with her. Almost like she wasn't even trying. Was she trying? What did it matter? She tried to attack Jasper, and I wouldn't let that go unpunished. I threw myself into her. We flew into the clearing, tearing up grass and kicking up blood, landing in a pile of shredded elk carcasses. I was up first, reeling around for a second chance at the hit I couldn't land before –

But she swiped her legs across mine, knocking me down. Then she pounced, her fingers digging into my shoulders with her teeth bared. She pulled her fist back, but I moved quicker and slugged her in the face.

CRASH!

The collision exploded in my ears and cracked her jaw. Sickening satisfaction twisted my insides as spiderweb cracks formed along the side of her face. The force of my punch sent her backwards. I lunged after her, going for her throat –

But she raised her hand, palm out.

It drew me up short, skidding to a stop only a foot away. At least I got the satisfaction of spraying dirt into her face. But Charlotte simply brushed it away and pushed herself up with a snicker. "I yield, I yield."

I frowned. Then growled. "What the hell were you doing –"

Jasper grabbed my shoulders, flipped me through the air and behind his back, and dropped me on my feet. I stood behind him, frozen, stunned. What just happened – How did he do that? "Really, Charlotte?" he demanded.

Charlotte raked her fingers through her short hair, brushing out leaves, patches of elk fur and flesh, and other forest debris. Like nothing even happened. She winked at me while her jaw reformed. "Aww come on, Jazz. We were just having a little fun."

Charlotte wiped a smear of blood off her jacket, the move so casual it was infuriating. Another growl unfurled from my chest and vibrated my entire being.

"It ends now." Jasper's voice was calm. How the hell was it supposed to end when Charlotte kept egging it on?

She cocked her head to the side, vibrant red eyes surveying the mess around us. "You think it will?"

"Goddammit, Char." Peter rushed out of the woods, murder bright in his eyes like twin rubies. Was he going to attack next? I bent my knees, ready to dart around Jasper if the other vampire sent us so much as a wrong look, but Jasper held his arm out in front of me. Barring me. Why wouldn't he let me defend him? Defend us? The other male didn't spare me a look, too worried about his mate painted in blood and gore and forest.

"If you have something to say, then say it," Jasper told Charlotte. "Unless you'd prefer to keep going on like this. I'm more than fine with watching Blaire kick your ass ten ways to Sunday."

Peter growled at him. The noise was so deep it hit me in my chest. "Enough –"

I snarled back.

Charlotte smirked, but it didn't hold any warmth. "I'm sure you wouldn't. Not when she feels like nostalgia."

I had a feeling we categorized what was "nostalgic" by completely different decades. What did she mean by that? Tension prickled across my skin, rising like hackles. It wasn't mine. "It's only been two weeks," Jasper said. "And in that time, she was under the tutelage of a psychopath –"

"Make your excuses," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "The time, the sirehood, whatever sob story she has, but that anger –"

"Is justified," Jasper said, surprising me. "You're being unreasonable."

"Am I? That child is everything you left behind. We all know it. She'll drag you back if she doesn't watch herself." She gave me a slow onceover. "At least she knows some form of restraint."

"Call it mercy," I sneered. "If you do anything like that again, I won't stop the next time."

Peter glared at me. Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Noted."

I hated her flippant attitude. How she still seemed to look down on me even though I could have killed her. Anger bubbled up within me with yet another growl. Maybe she didn't learn that lesson the first time. I took a step toward her –

"We're done." Jasper wrapped his arm around my shoulders, crushing me into him. The move held no comfort. It was restrictive. Suffocating. I tore myself away from him and folded my arms across my chest.

"I think it's best we part ways for now," Peter sighed, slinging his own arm over Charlotte's shoulders. She didn't shake him off, but she didn't look particularly thrilled. "Meet again after we have a little more time to get used to things."

He chucked something through the air – a bag Jasper caught with a loud THWACK!

"We re-upped your supplies," Peter explained, finally glancing at me. At the fresh blood covering me head to toe. "And then some. Call us when you hit Denali."

"Or when you reach Ontario," Jasper returned. "Whichever's first."

He and Peter shook hands before he leaned down to hug Charlotte. My skin crawled with discomfort. I glared at them both. Her mouth lingered a little too close to his ear for a little too long, whispering something a little too fast and quiet for me to catch. It was just another thing to hate. When Jasper straightened up, he looked… troubled. What did she tell him? My shoulders dropped.

Then I tensed all over again when she made her way toward me. "I don't hate you, you know," she said, sticking her hand out.

I scoffed and didn't take it. "Could've fooled me."

"Jasper's one of my best friends," she explained. "He deserves the best. I have to make sure that's what he gets."

I rolled my eyes, but the words hurt. I knew I didn't have her approval. If not the best, was I even enough to be good?

She pushed her hand further toward me. "I think you'll get there. For his sake."

I shook her hand out of curtesy, and because I knew Jasper would probably be upset if I didn't, but I couldn't help the feeling of inadequacy welling up inside me as she walked away. I couldn't shake the unequal way we were leaving things. Maybe it was her goal to push me just as I started to regain balance. I was becoming exhausted with fighting to stay upright.

"We'll meet again soon," Jasper promised them. "It'll be better."

Much like the way they left the first time, there was only a rustle in the leaves. Then nothing. Jasper and I were finally alone, but it didn't feel right. I was still tense, as if I was waiting for Charlotte to jump out of the woods again. Or for Jasper to say something... I didn't know, just something.

He didn't. He shrugged the new backpack Peter gave us over his shoulders. "Ready?" he asked, already taking a few steps forward.

I didn't follow him. Uncertainty held me in its grip, making it impossible to move. There was frustration there, too. "So is that what all vampire friendships are like?" I demanded. "You try to kill each other and leave at a stalemate? She tried to hurt you –"

"Charlotte wouldn't do that," Jasper said. "Like I said, she wanted a reaction out of you. She would take any advantage to do that."

"She wanted to test me," I seethed. My thoughts flashed back to missing hits and her haughtiness. Anger flared next. "You shouldn't have gotten in the way."

"Blaire –"

"How am I supposed to learn anything if you keep me from experiencing things? I'm not going to know any other way. I can handle it. I have to."

I wasn't angry at him, not really, but with my mind constantly turning, I could see things so much clearer now. There were so many tactics and strategies that Charlotte had chosen for me to turn over and assess, all flying through my head at lightning speed. I would've stopped on my own. If Jasper hadn't come between us, if Charlotte could have seen what I would do without seeming like he influenced me… maybe her opinion of me would've changed. Maybe a few other things could've changed too. But we'd never know.

"All right," Jasper said.

All right? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

He didn't say anything more. He squared his shoulders back and focused on a path ahead of us, ignoring me. Ignoring me? Were we fighting?

"We should reach Denali by tomorrow night, at the latest," he said. "There will be water on the way."

He was running, turning into little more than a blur streaking across the clearing. I pulled my snarl back into my chest before it could escape, then pushed off the ground and forward with more force than necessary. I left two deep scars in the earth behind.

V

AN EVEN BLANKET of snow covered the ground and piled on the limbs of trees as we ran further north. All the while, we were held up a silence just as deathly cold as the snow.

I'd taken another bath in a half-frozen creek, and changed into another pair of leggings and my Forks Spartans hoodie. I even put on shoes: a pair of hiking boots Alice had the foresight to pack. Even though vampires were immune to freezing to death, we could still feel cold after a while. Especially if we were running through six inches of snow with nothing but bare feet.

Icy wind stung my face as I flanked Jasper's side. My gaze often flickered to the back of his head, then to the trees and sky. It was clear, the clouds opening up to an indigo sky teeming with stars and whorls of glittering constellations. It was bright and beautiful. It gave me the chance to feel small again. Even if I was something entirely different now, I was still just one tiny, uninteresting thing in a massive universe.

The want for blood boiled low in my throat, threatening to bubble up again in mere hours, but I kept it in check. There had been an uptick in Jasper's speed, an anticipation that lingered over me from him, that made me think we were getting close. I hoped that would mean we'd be able to talk soon. The silence… it didn't feel right. I wanted to fix it.

The ground sloped upward under our feet, turning rocky with only bare patches of trees and bare, scraggly bushes. The moon climbed higher over us, like we were running to catch it. It cast everything in silver, including Jasper's golden hair. My heart clenched as we got to the top of the hill. "Jasper –"

He stopped before I even got his name out of my mouth. I stopped too, slipping on loose rock. I rightened myself before – or even if – he could catch me. He stood still, immovable as the mountain under us, watching me with golden eyes washed out by the moonlight. My hands curled into fists, nervousness quickly and effectively eating me alive. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did –"

"You didn't do anything wrong. I should be the one apologizing. There is a lot of this you'll have to learn on your own, but…" he broke off to sigh. "You've already felt alone enough as it is. What would I be to you if I didn't try and help?"

Somehow, our hands found each other in the dark, fingers intertwining with ease. It bridged the divide between us. Just like that... things were right again. It was so easy, so freeing.

"Hopefully you won't have to. At least for a while. I want to be more than what – what he made –"

The words caught in my throat. Jasper's thumb swiped over my knuckles before he tugged me into him and wrapped his arms around me. I pressed my face into his chest, breathing in his scent, letting it ground me. I squeezed my eyes shut, but I could only see dead human faces with wide unseeing eyes, mouths twisted open in horror, blood spraying through the air, pooling in the grass…

My throat burned with need. The fear of what I became came next, and it moved sluggishly. I clutched at Jasper, willing it away as best I could. "I want to move on, but I can't if they all keep pulling me back –"

"I know. I know." His fingers smoothed along my hair. He leaned down and pressed his lips against the crown of my head, bringing waves of calm that eased the tension I held tight within me. "It'll be okay."

I had to keep believing in that, too. Maybe one day it would be true.

We stood there long enough for the moon to climb higher and cast glittering iridescent fractals across the snow.

And for someone to approach.

Their footsteps crushed the fresh five-inch blanket. My fingers tightened in Jasper's shirt, just as his arms pulled me in closer. "Shit," he cursed, his breath puffing against my hair. "Blaire, I –"

"Jasper!"

I pulled back at the shockingly feminine voice shooting across the tundra. I turned to the sound, frowning at the powder flaring up into the air. What now?

Then she jumped out of the snow, arcing into the air with a twist that made the moon highlight the pink in her hair. I stepped out of Jasper's arms and stood in front of him, ready to take on the next attack because... that was what it felt like. The absolute dread coming from Jasper threatened to eat me alive.

A statuesque vampire landed, poised and perfect, revealing herself to us. Her hair fell loose and smooth around her face, wide with a brilliant smile. She looked like she was supposed to be some kind of supermodel in her knee-high boots and leather hooded jacket. She started running along the snow again straight toward us. Jasper took a step around me. "Tanya –"

"I knew you'd come back eventually," she said with a bright, trilling voice.

Before I could do anything to stop it, she crashed into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then she kissed him.

V

Once again, this is me checking in on you. I hope you're all doing okay, and if not, reach out. I'm going through Some Personal Stuff at the moment as well, so my responses may be delayed, but I will respond. Love you guys.

I also want to thank justanemogirl and Seltix for their donations. They mean so, so much.

And thank you to everyone else for your comments!

You're all such a bright spot in my life when I'm dealing with a lot of uncertainty. I hope you all know how grateful I am to have you... even if I tend to show that with slow updates and cliff-hangers...

Sorry. I promise I'll try and make the next chapter less cliffy. I'm starting to annoy myself tbh.