The summoning of a new Servant was always a bit of an event in Chaldea. The existing inhabitants found excuses to linger by the summoning chamber; staff trying to anticipate the additional guest they would soon need to cater to, Servants hoping to sneak a peek at the new arrival in case it was someone they knew from their prior lives – a friend, a lover, a bitter enemy.

Ishtar perched on the bench, daintily eating a peach as she waited for the newcomer to come her way. No need for haste, after all. They would inevitably have to cross this area to reach the dormitories, and she would be able to drink them in at her leisure. Decide whether to grace them with her attention.

Beauty was always a plus, of course – Ishtar considered herself quite the connoisseur – but despite what people thought of her, she valued other traits as well. Bravery, tenacity and cleverness, among others. Love and beauty might be her domain, but she had equally earned her name as goddess of war.

Excited whispering drifted down from the hallway ahead, and then an unfamiliar figure swept into view. The aura of power immediately identified the woman as a Heroic Spirit, as did the easy grace and confidence of her stride. Her dark blue dress, accentuated by gold jewelry, was cut to show off a lean, athletic build. Quite beautiful, Ishtar had to admit. But the effect was spoiled by the way her hair was gathered up in those ridiculous drills. Did the bimbo really think they would look any better with the ends flared out and tinted in blue?

Ishtar blinked, unsure of where that thought had come from. Then the stranger's gaze locked with hers, a hint of confusion in those serious amber eyes. The placid expression gave away to a frown as she approached. Then a smirk, of all things.

Something about that expression felt both familiar and unaccountably irritating. Ishtar drew herself up to her full height, the better to look imperiously down at the stranger. "And who might you be, approaching the Queen of Venus so boldly?"

"I am Astraea, daughter of the stars. She whose scales judge the gods and mortals alike." She let her gaze sweep up and down Ishtar, before her lips curled. "Although I hardly need my scales to find you wanting." She furrowed her brows in puzzlement, as if she had caught herself by surprise with that last comment.

It was still inexcusable as far as Ishtar was concerned. Her eyes flashed dangerously even as she smiled at the interloper. "Hah, is that jealousy I hear?"

"What an amusing concept." Astraea lifted her head to a particularly haughty angle. "Must I point out that I have the dignity of being incarnated as a Ruler, greatest and wisest of all the Servant classes? Why, then, would I be jealous of a mere Archer?"

"A 5-star Archer," specified Ishtar with a smirk, "While your aura gives you away as a mere 4-star. So who's laughing now, princess?"

The jeer was outside her usual repertoire, and seemed to have sprung to the tip of her tongue unbidden, but she had willingly given it voice. It had felt somehow right for this arrogant blonde.

"Shall we put it to the test then?" said Astraea. "Do not think me impressed by what is clearly an inflated ranking. I have little doubt that your prowess is wildly exag –"

The peach pit hit her right between the eyes.

Golden light blazed as the blonde Servant growled her outrage. She glowered as she swept her arm grandly through the air. Immediately a pair of outsized golden scales shimmered into existence behind her, tilting slowly to an invisible breeze. Ishtar scowled as she summoned her own weapon, a giant's bow of blue-and-gold floating at her shoulder.

"CUSTOS MORUM!"

"AN GAL TA KIGAL SHE!"

Burning beams of light turned the corridor into an inferno as each goddess fired mercilessly upon the other. Glares fixed on each other, neither noticed when the support beams came crashing down around them. Nor did they pay any mind to the staff screaming for cover, nor the choking clouds of smoke, nor even the ear-piercing shriek of the alarm. Nothing mattered, except putting the adversary in her place.

This was glorious.

"This is a disaster," groaned Ritsuka as she buried her face in her palms.

Mash, seated next to her, flipped through the damage report with wide eyes. "Thirty-seven wall panels completely destroyed, along with their internal systems and electronics. An additional forty panels, partially destroyed. Extensive damage to concrete and steel beam supports in sector 3. Minor injuries to personnel -"

"Why?" lamented the young magus, still a bit stunned by the sudden outbreak of destruction. "I mean, Ishtar's always been a bit capricious. But never like this! And Astraea seemed so serious, talking about justice and purity. What's gotten into them?"

"Hmmph," snorted a masculine voice from behind her. "Even in Chaldea, those two still can't get along."

"Not surprising. Possession by a divine spirit can't be expected to cure pettiness if the spirit itself is equally petty," sighed a second, deeper voice.

Ritsuka looked over her shoulder to find Zhuge Liang and EMIYA shaking their heads, although perhaps with a certain hint of fondness.

She knitted her brow. "I don't understand though. Ishtar and Astraea are from entirely different pantheons."

"This isn't the spirits' fault, for once," said the red-clad archer. "This is entirely due to the hosts. Those two never could see eye to eye."

"Mmm," agreed Zhuge Liang, with a pull on his cigarette. "A shame. They had potential as students, if not for this childish rivalry of theirs."

"You knew them in life?" asked Ritsuka with some surprise.

"Well, a version of each. It gets complicated with world lines. But I guess some things don't change, if this is the way they greet each other."

"They always fight like this?"

"Like cats and dogs. It's quite tiresome." He blew out a puff of smoke. "Fortunately you can minimize the damage by keeping them separate. We used to do that with their classes. Just make sure their quarters are at opposite ends of Chaldea, and never bring them together on the same mission."

"And they'll just keep hating each other?" asked Ritsuka.

"They don't really hate each other," said EMIYA, "But you'll never get them to admit that. Even so, they can't help squabbling with each other. So don't give them the opportunity."

"… no."

"Master?"

"No!" shouted Ritsuka, surprising both her Servants and even herself with the strength of her outburst. "I mean…" she said, flushing red under their gazes but forcing herself to continue, "If there's an emergency, I may be forced to use them together, right? So I should sort this out now."

EMIYA sighed. "Master, I appreciate that you think of your Servants as your friends," he said, and she couldn't quite help a wince. How did he always see right through her? "I know it pains you when some of us don't get along. But we are first and foremost your weapons, and you need to treat us as such. Remember what is at stake."

She fiercely shook her head. "Even if you're weapons, you're also my precious… allies." The word family hung in the air between them, though none dared acknowledge it. "I can't just sit by and watch two of my allies attack each other like that. I want us to get along, as much as we can. We have enough enemies already."

"Senpai…" murmured Mash, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. Ritsuka nodded at her, then looked back at the archer, her gaze full of determination.

There was a long moment of silence before EMIYA shrugged. "Yare, yare, what an unreasonable Master I have. But if you're so set on this, I have no choice but to bow to your will."

"Do you have any ideas?" she asked. Despite his dismissive manner, she knew she could count on his full support once he had given his agreement. And for all his occasional anti-social tendencies, she knew of few people with as good a grasp on human psychology.

"You can't stop them from competing, any more than you could ask them to stop breathing," he said. She opened her mouth to argue, but he raised a hand to stop her as he continued. "But you might be able to channel that competition in less destructive ways."

Zhuge Liang looked dubious. "The Old Man said it falls that way in some worlds. The cure would be worse than the disease, though."

"It can't be worse than watching them fighting all the time," said Ritsuka, before nodding firmly. "Archer, please make it happen."

"If you won't reconsider, then I suppose you'll want a plan." She gave him an eager smile, and he sighed and waved her closer. "Here is what you will need to do …"

Ishtar was fuming as she stalked down the hallway, her graceful brows drawn in an aggravated frown. Staff were giving her a wide berth, sensing her foul mood.

Ritsuka couldn't help but share some of that reticence. She looked nervously towards EMIYA. "I still don't see how this won't make things worse."

"You can always give up," he drawled.

She shot him a brief glare, before turning back to her target. Okay Ritsuka, you can do this. She tightened her fists, then walked to intercept the furious goddess.

"Oh hey, Ishtar!" She waved awkwardly.

"Ah, Master." To the magus' relief, Ishtar's expression immediately brightened. "Did you come to see me? Finally someone who appreciates my glory." She sniffed. "Unlike that stupid drillhead."

"Uh, yeah. Speaking of that. Ishtar, I'd like you to fight in a duel against Astraea."

The goddess blinked, then broke into a grin so fierce it would have sent a dragon scrambling for cover. "Ah, you wish to see me crush her into stardust? It would be my pleasure! Allow me to show you the wrath of the Lioness of Eanna." Her red eyes glittered with malice.

"... without Noble Phantasms." said EMIYA, with the ghost of a smirk on his lips.

"Wha-?" She gaped at him. Then she turned towards Ritsuka, who nodded confirmation. "But Master, to properly chastise that harridan-"

"No! I mean, it's a practice fight. In case of an emergency," squeaked Ritsuka. "There might, uh, be an enemy that cuts off our connection and leaves you with low mana. Yeah. So I need to make sure by best Servants can battle without their Noble Phantasms, haha!"

Ishtar raised one perfect eyebrow as Ritsuka flushed in embarrassment. The young magus cursed to herself. That sounded so much better in my head.

"Smooth, Master," murmured EMIYA.

"Argh! Well, anyway. You'll do it, right Ishtar?"

"While you are in dire need of lessons in subterfuge –" said the goddess, watching with amusement as her master cringed, "- your earnest charm makes up for it. Not to mention that any chance to put that hyena in her place is a welcome one." Ishtar laughed merrily. "I am after all the Goddess of War. I shall grace you with a battle beyond peer."

"Still as impulsive as ever," said EMIYA with a shake of his head.

"Pardon?"

He only shrugged before handing her a package wrapped in red paper. "Here. You'll need to wear this."

"You can openly offer me tribute, you know. No one will think any less of you." Smirking, Ishtar tore open the paper and lifted up a wrestler's costume, eye-catching in red and gold. Ritsuka watched her run her hand over the cloth, obviously pleased with both the quality of the material and the care taken with the stitching.

Then the goddess held it up against herself, modeling how it would fit. Given that the costume covered more skin than her usual attire, it was easy to imagine how it would look when she wore it. Gorgeous, Ritsuka had to admit with a small blush. It had been meticulously designed to show off every curve and muscle to best advantage.

Ishtar grinned at her fellow archer. "Did you sew this yourself? My, and a perfect fit too. I had no idea you took such an interest in my measurements."

EMIYA grunted, unwilling to take the obvious bait. That only made Ishtar's smile widen. She cheerfully folded the outfit up, then suddenly frowned as a thought seemed to occur to her. She looked suspiciously between man and magus.

"Wait, did you make one for the bimbo too?" Ishtar's expression darkened.

EMIYA was entirely unruffled. "Of course." When her frown deepened, he smirked and added, "But who wears it best is between the two of you."

"Mmm, true," she acknowledged. The cloud passed, and the goddess was all sunshine again. "Then Master, I eagerly await the engagement. By my grace, you will feast your eyes and heart. Look forward to it!" She cheerfully walked away, her new costume tucked under one arm.

Ritsuka sighed as she turned to EMIYA. "We're just giving them more reasons to fight. How is this going to help them be friends?"

"The objective isn't for them to become friends."

"Then how – oh, never mind. Let's just hope this doesn't blow up in our faces."

Ishtar and Astraea faced each other across the ring, grinning ferociously at each other.

"Feel honoured, you virago. I've been saving up a beating just for you!"

"Loud barking from a useless goddess. I'll soon put you in your place!"

They leaned against their marks, their frames practically singing in anticipation of the moment they would be unleased. Both goddesses were heart-achingly beautiful, as befitted divine spirits even when encased in mortal flesh, but they were also lethal. They had proven as much on the battlefield, many times over.

Ritsuka was so used to living among her Servants, sharing meals and leisure hours, that it was easy to forget that they were exactly what EMIYA had said – weapons. And here were two of her strongest, pointed at each other with killing intent.

The bell had scarcely rung when they rushed each other, vicious kicks colliding in mid-air. Even from where she was standing, she could feel the shockwave from the overwhelming force behind their blows.

She laughed nervously as she turned to Zhuge Liang. "At least they can't really do much damage, haha. Since they can't use their Noble Phantasms."

He pointed back to the ring. She followed his finger just in time to see Ishtar bring down a brutal axe kick. Her opponent barely sidestepped it, and her heel dove straight into and through the floor with a loud screech of tearing metal and wood.

Ritsuka gaped. All right, they are divine spirits, but still! She had many Servants that could perform great feats of strength, but she had seen them in so many battles that she had grown numb to it. In contrast, the two goddesses so rarely used anything but their summoned weapons that she had never come to think of them as physical fighters. But here they were, in savage glory.

She watched as Astraea lunged forward and grappled Ishtar, sending them both flying out of what was left of the ring. Their landing left a crater in the concrete, but they were both up again and trading blows before the dust had even settled.

Strike followed lunge, punch followed counter, in a melee so fast and vicious that even Ritsuka, with her trained eye and combat experience, had trouble following their movements. She could follow the collateral damage just fine, though; gouged walls and smashed fixtures, despite the reinforcement done on the room. At least we moved most of the breakables out.

Eventually their movements slowed as they tired out. Even goddesses could not last forever. A last weary punch, a final stubborn kick, and both fell to the ground in exhaustion. Silence reigned, broken only by their ragged gasps for breath.

Ritsuka began to walk over, to ask the combatants if they had finally gotten it out of their systems, when each abruptly rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow. The better to glare at the other.

"Don't… hah… think this is over," growled Ishtar.

"Of course not... guh ... I will certainly defeat you on a rematch," said Astraea.

The young magus couldn't help but grimace. Great, they're already counting down to their next fight. We haven't accomplished anything.She shook her head sadly. I guess even EMIYA sometimes misses the mark –

"I have to admit though," said Ishtar, "That was a pretty killer… suplex? I believe that is the word. You could have brought down Humbaba himself with that move."

"My thanks. Your tiger uppercut is rather masterful as well. I would not mind learning it."

"You've got the strength to pull it off, for sure." The raven-haired woman admiringly ran a finger along the toned surface of the other's arm. " I suppose you apply melam daily?

"Mmm, I've found that extract of moly root does better. As well as drinking black ambrosia, of course."

"Hmmph. I doubt it can hold a candle to the fruit of my huluppu tree."

"Come try some then, and prepare to eat your words. Ohohoho!"

"Hah! Very well. But after you'll have to try mine. Once you've had the good stuff, you'll never want to go back."

They rose from the floor, brushing off dust and running hands through disarrayed hair.

"Let us depart then," said Astraea Ah, but perhaps we should first pause for lunch."

"Good thinking. These duels take up so much energy."

The goddesses walked off together, still chattering amiably.

"And there they go," sighed Zhuge Liang. "Contragulations, I guess."

Ritsuka blinked a few times, not quite believing the sudden change of heart she had just witnessed. She looked between Zhuge Liang and EMIYA, but their stone-faced expressions left her none the wiser.

She felt Mash's hand on her shoulder. "They seem to be happier, senpai. That's something, isn't it?". The demi-servant smiled encouragingly.

Ritsuka tentatively smiled back before turning to EMIYA. "I guess this'll only last a few hours before they get into a stupid argument and start fighting again, huh?

"There will be plenty of that too," he said. "But soon those moments will come as a relief compared to the rest."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see soon enough, as it's too late to change your mind. The train is already set in motion."

Watching Zhuge Liang nod in agreement, Ritsuka felt the first tendrils of dread spreading up her spine. But no, they were just trying to scare her so she wouldn't get too used to relying on them. Things would be just fine, she told herself.

"Touching you I catch sunlight

It gathers in my hands, spills through my grasp

like mulled wine to warm me.

I want to eat the wisdom of your flesh

Cradle it on my tongue like the slick seed of pomegranate

I would lift you tenderly

And bring you into -"

Ritsuka abruptly stopped and flipped through the rest of the pages. She looked up and past a red-faced Mash to where a certain goddess was lounging against a pillar, looking particularly smug.

"Ishtar, just how many poems did you write?"

"Enough to make even that stubborn Astraea blush the deepest pink! After what she did with all the flowers..." The goddess blushed – blushed! - as she collected her work from the magus. "Naturally I cannot concede defeat in matters of the heart. I am the Goddess of Love, after all. Ah, I wonder if she'd enjoy some grapes while I recite to her," she mused as she walked away, a definite spring in her step.

Ritsuka groaned. "And now they're super competitive over their displays of affection." Several weeks on, and the erstwhile rivals had become almost inseparable. It was bad enough when it was public declarations and lover's tokens, but the young master knew for a fact that the two continued behind closed doors. Loudly, too. She'd already received requests from two of their neighbours, Bradamante and Xuanzang, to have their quarters moved further away. And several from Medb to be moved next door. All in all, it was a wonder Ritsuka could manage to look either goddess in the eye when she spoke to them.

And for all Ishtar had a terrible reputation for mistreating her lovers, she positively doted over Astraea these days. Maybe it was the influence of their hosts, or maybe her nature was more complicated than what Gilgamesh liked to claim. Either way, Ritsuka wasn't sure how much more she could take of the two goddesses mooning over each other

"Zhuge Liang was right, this is even worse than them fighting," she sighed. "I might just about die of diabetes."

"I don't know, senpai. I, um, wouldn't mind hearing you read more poems," said Mash, the red clinging stubbornly to her cheeks. "If they were written by you, I mean."

Ritsuka felt heat suffuse her own face as she met Mash's anxious eyes. Already she could see the Shielder's expression dim with regret, no doubt chastising herself for being too forward. Which meant she would stop herself from asking next time. And, the magus realized as something unfurled in her belly, like a fern uncurling for the sun, she really wanted there to be a next time. Come on Ritsuka, say something! Anything, just something to let her know you're not upset.

"I'm, uh, not really good with writing." The words felt clumsy on her tongue, but she forced them out even though it made her feel like the world's biggest dork. "But maybe we could go for a walk? I mean, the view from Chaldea's observatory is really nice. I just rarely get the chance to see it, since everything gets so... well, everything's always so busy all the time. But," and she found herself grinning like an idiot, "I think it'd be even nicer seeing it with you."

"I'd like that, senpai!" said Mash with a smile that lit up her whole face.

Ritsuka felt some of her confidence return at the sight of that smile, enough to reach out and offer her hand. Even more when Mash took it, gave it a light squeeze, and let the magus pull her down the corridor.

And perhaps she could be excused if she thought that Venus seemed unusually visible that night, or that the stars shone particularly bright.

Author's note: With apologies to Ellen Bass and Audre Lorde for shameless misuse of their poetry.

I'm not overly familiar with FGO, but I felt compelled to write something to celebrate Luvia getting her own official pseudo-servant incarnation. And of course, because it's me, it had to take the form of fluffy shipping trash.