Two weeks later Daryl and Aaron were saddling the horses and readying a carriage for a trip to the Hilltop. Over Buttons' back the hunter could see Paul and Harry showing something to Lydia. His lovers smiling and joking about something the young girl was telling them.
His lovers.
Nah… His husbands.
Absent-mindedly, Daryl touched the rune behind his ear. He liked the word. He really did. Harry and Paul were no longer just his boyfriends, which had always sounded a bit too juvenile to him and not big enough for the thing they shared.
"You've got that lovey-dovey look on your face again."
Feeling like he had been caught with both hands in the cookie jar, Daryl spun around, coming face to face with Beth's Cheshire-Cat-grin. The young blond woman let out at sweet tinkling laugher at the sight of his bashfulness.
To hide the blush that by now adorned his cheeks, Daryl instinctively bowed his head with a dark grumble.
By now more than unfazed by the hunter's grumpy responses, Beth proceeded to bump shoulders with him with a knowing smile.
"It's a good look on you." She whispered conspiratorially.
There was such an honest and good-natured joy in her words and her face that Daryl felt his lips twitching upwards against his will.
"Hmmhmm." He hummed back noncommittedly. But Beth understood. She always did with stuff like that.
Beth had been one of the first people to simply and happily congratulate them when the news of their marriage had hit Alexandria.
Everyone else… Paul, Harry and Daryl included… had been quite shocked to be honest.
Not quite about thing itself but how it happened.
Although Natania and Hermione had stressed more than once that 'marriage' wasn't quite the right term… Wizards apparently didn't get married but bonded. Which in turn had set Harry in a real panic. The young Brit had feared that he might have accidently bound Daryl and Paul into something they didn't want.
Like he had done with Jadis all those years ago.
That he had trapped them and that a bond might stifle their freedom. Or worse their free will.
In the flurry of Harry's panic, Paul's and Daryl's more or less speechless shock and an overwhelmed Rick throwing angry questions at them, it had been Natania's sharp reproach that had called them to order.
What had followed had been a lengthy explanation what exactly bonding meant. Harry, Michonne and Paul had nodded dutifully along, while most of it had gone far over Daryl's head. In the end, he had exchanged a look with Rick, certainly feeling dumber than ever before in his life and to his utter relief his brother had looked equally clueless. After listening to 30 minutes of incomprehensible magical theory, Daryl had had enough.
"So, what yer saying, is that them runes are just symbols, right? Them are just stamps of approval that Harry, Paul and me are a good fit?!" The hunter tried to summarize in the little he had understood in his own rough wording.
"Very basically, yes, Mr. Dixon." Natania had deadpanned in his direction.
And Daryl could swear that he had heard her rolling her eyes.
"It's a testament to the mental combability the three of you share and a sign that depth of your relationship was positively received by the ancient entity. Something that isn't given lightly or often but will in no way hinder your ability to make decision on your own or violate the privacy of your mind. So, Potter can calm his horses and stop the nonsense panicking." The old woman had told them wryly.
They all had been somewhat calmer after that.
But then it had been Beth's pure happiness for them and her almost careless exclamation that had driven the point home.
"Oh my god! This is so wonderful and romantic! To think someone looked into your hearts and saw that you are it for each other. For good. For the long run!"
And as cheesy as it sounded that was it, wasn't it?!
The marriage… or bond… or whatever. It was nothing new, not really. Just an acknowledgement of what had been already there. He wanted to grow old with Harry and Paul. His wickedly sweet wizard and troublesome hippie ninja.
There would never be anyone else for him. These two owned him.
Body, soul and heart. Completely. Everything that made him Daryl, they owned.
He had given himself to them gladly. And he would do it again in a heartbeat. Daryl had known all of this for a long time.
He did, really.
But there had been also small slivers doubts left, buried deep inside him. They usually took the form of his Da or Merle… slurring insults at him and his lovers, continuously feeding that deep-rooted insecurity and lack of self-worth. He had gotten better at ignoring those thoughts, calling his Da and Merle idiots but…
But sometimes he had wondered if the two younger men really felt the same… if they wanted him the same way, he wanted them.
And now he had proof.
In the form of a small symbol tattooed under their ears.
A testament to their mental combability, Natania had called it. As he had understood, it wouldn't have worked if they wouldn't have wanted the same from their relationship and future together.
Ever since Daryl had started to touch the symbol behind his ear a lot more and he had come to enjoy calling Harry and Paul his husbands and be called theirs' in return.
He was pretty sure all of Alexandria had seen that love-sick smile on his face by now.
Last week, when they had decided to visit the Hilltop with a bigger party from Alexandria the hunter had asked Glenn for a favour. Now he hoped that everything had worked out, like he had planned.
"Daryl!" Lydia's excited cry had him looking up and just in time to brace himself as she barrelled into his side. For a moment she hugged his middle, pressing her face into the well-worn leather of his vest.
As she looked up at him, she was bright-eyed and smiled broadly at him.
"Did you know? Did you know? Harry said that Michonne's horse is having a baby. A foal! And… and he and Paul said, I'll be allowed to look after it and that Michonne allowed me to have it! I'll have my own horse! Daryl! My own horse!"
To see the usually serious girl babbling with so much euphoria, as she excitedly tugged on his vest, caused Daryl's heart to swell. Her happiness was contagious. Daryl felt a smile stretching over his face, as he pulled her into a one-armed hug.
"Sounds great, lass. I know, yer gonna do a freakin' good job with that, too."
He chuckled warmly, putting a hand on her hair, careful as not to mess up the pretty plaid that Paul had done for her.
It was always amazing to Daryl to see how such a simple praise and encouragement, that they trusted and believed in her, would make Lydia stand a little taller, caused her small shoulders to be a bit straighter.
"Thanks." She whispered, squeezing his middle again, before taking off to look at the pregnant horse.
"I was right, you know."
Daryl jumped a little at the sound of Aaron's voice.
His friend and Beth were both grinning happily at him.
"Back when I told you, you'd make a great father. Turns out, I was right. You just skipped the exploding diaper part." Aaron patted him on the shoulder.
The hunter flushed once again but this time not in awkward embarrassment but with a feeling of pride.
The Hilltop looked radiant.
Maggie and Enid had truly outdone themselves! The group from Alexandria had arrived late. Glenn and Abraham were still busy setting up lights to illuminate the old Barrington house and three big tables that had been nicely decorated with flowers.
The smell of fresh bread and roasted meat filled the air.
It looked like a feast.
"Did you know of this?" Stunned Paul looked at Harry and Daryl, but they both of them seemed to be equally surprised.
"Nahh…" Daryl grumbled with his typical frowny face.
"Well, it's not everyday someone of the family suddenly gets married, Pookie." Carol chirped from the side.
Apparently, a whole delegation had also come from the Kingdom including the King, the Queen and their sons, as well as Nabila and Jerry and their son.
The chubby woman greeted Lydia warmly and heartfelt, gushing over how well she looked and how pretty her hair was now. It was sweet to see Lydia squirming under the motherly attention of Nabila. On top of that, Henry had realized that there was another child around his age and was talking a mile a minute to their girl.
"She looks better than the last time. You took good care of her." Carol huffed beside Paul.
And if Paul didn't know better, he might he thought her disinterested or indifferent… but he had gotten to know Daryl's best friend over the years. Carol was a particular woman. Incredibly tough, a warrior without a doubt… ready to push where other might pull back. It was probably the sole reason she was still alive today.
And under all those things, she was ready and willing to do to keep her loved ones save, was still a very caring woman. One that might even regret the way she lashed out at Lydia.
"She's a good girl." Paul answered her very simply.
A soft smile playing around his lips as he watched on as Harry rescued their little charge from being overwhelmed by Nabila's kindness and Henry's curiosity.
"Yeah… Pookie's surely telling me that very time we speak over the mirrors. He's not subtle in his pride. It's cute." Carol smirked, her eyes looking softer now with fondness and maybe a tiny hint of grief.
"You did the right thing. Taking her in, I mean." She finally admitted.
Paul felt his eyes going wide but before he could respond, Carol had already turned away to talk to Benjamin.
Paul huffed in exasperation. What a stubborn woman…
Just when they were about to sit down to eat Harry's mirror vibrated. The slender wizard felt his stomach drop even before he opened the device.
A feeling that increased as soon as he came face to face with Negan's dirty and rumbled reflection. The scout's expression was deeply troubled and just an inch sort of panicked. The background around him was worryingly dark.
"Negan?!" Harry hissed lowly, just in case the other man was somewhere he needed to be quiet.
~Green Eyes! I think, I am close to the horde. I… I'm not sure yet… but the little princess was right. It's immense. Thousands if I had to guess.~
"Merlin's hairy left egg!"
Everyone around Harry stopped talking and while Abraham raised an amused eyebrow at his choice of curse. One of the Hilltop's female residents glared at him, while covering her child's ears.
Closing his eyes for a moment, Harry waved Rick, Maggie and Ezekiel over.
"Negan is getting closer to the horde. He says, it's huge."
Ezekiel looked worried, while Rick and Maggie, both, frowned.
"What's his position?" The King asked.
When Harry relayed the answer, the three community leaders shared a few heavy gazes. This was close to the border in the north… Close to the Hilltop.
Rick nodded decisively.
"Tell him to come back. I am going to talk to Bea and Oceanside." The former Sheriff instructed sharply, sky blue eyes shining with a sharpness that Harry hadn't seen in a while.
But Negan was shaking his head furiously, signing fast.
~ Not yet. I haven't found the horde yet! I can find it!~
Face stubbornly set, the mute scout glared at them through the magical mirror.
"Negan… I am grateful for your work but Rick is right! This is getting to dangerous for one person. It would be better if you came back. Bloody hell. I can apparate to your location right now and bring you home." Harry sighed warily.
Negan scowled deeply in response.
~You gave me this job! You said this was my opportunity to redeem myself!~
"And for that you need to be alive, don't you?" Feeling frustrated the young wizard hissed back.
~The job isn't done yet!~ Negan stressed again. ~We can't know if we ever get this close again to the horde!~
Just when Harry wanted to argue further, Maggie put her hand on his shoulder and gave Negan a single, firm nod.
"He's right. Backing of now, could lose us some valuable information." Turning to their former enemy, she leaned closely to the mirror. "Please continue a little further! We… No, the Hilltop needs to know for sure how big Alpha's herd is and where exactly it's hidden."
Negan smirked victorious at Maggie, before titling his head in a gesture of respect. The mute scout grinned broadly and just a little teasing at Harry.
~Cheer up, Green Eyes. Thank you for trying to look out for me but this should be seen through, don't you think?"
The young wizard huffed unhappily. "I… Maybe… Just be careful out there."
Something about all of this wasn't sitting right with him.
"We'll inform Rick that you're going to follow your lead a little further. Don't venture too far after them… All of it… it just doesn't feel safe. Call if you need help, alright?"
The weight of Harry's words had all of them tensing up. His forebodings had never been something that should be ignored. All of them knew that.
~Sure thing, Green Eyes.~ The smirk around Negan's lips was pure self-confidence but there was something soft and warm in the way he looked at the wizard.
"Take care." Harry mumbled.
Paul and Daryl tried to ease him back into the light-hearted atmosphere but Harry couldn't quite shake the unease off that had started to grow in his belly after the call.
Little did he know that someone had eavesdropped on their conversation and had cluelessly shared the news. And neither of them even suspected that this might set an ill-fated line of events in motion.
Magna had always a way of gathering information. It was something Connie admired about her friend. The deaf woman had learned the art of silently and unobtrusively observing the world around her and while she saw a lot… just sometimes it wasn't enough.
The moment Harry had pulled a small mirror from his pocket she had known something was off… She had seen it in the worry lines on his face and especially in the way his lovers and family had reacted. The leaders of the different communities had tensed and put their heads together, conferring in hushed tones.
The most people hadn't paid it much attention but Connie had been curious what had happened.
To her surprise Magna had managed to eavesdrop on parts of the conversation.
Apparently, Negan had called through.
Connie had felt her heart leap when the mute scout had been mentioned. The man had reported in to inform people of a big herd. A gigantic herd he had been tracking on his own! And would continue to track alone.
The thought had left Connie uneasy and restless. She couldn't quite say why.
Maybe because he had saved them…
Maybe because he was someone who was surviving with a similar handicap as her own…
Maybe because he had never second-guessed her abilities in spite of her deafness…
Maybe because he had been just genuinely nice to her…
Connie come to like the man with the laconic attitude, who would tease everyone mercilessly but held so clearly a soft spot for Lydia, and for Harry as well.
In the middle of the night she couldn't take it anymore.
Driven by a strong sense for justice and worry she left her sister a small note. Hidden by the darkness of the night, she made her way to gate and sneaked out of the community. She set out in the direction, Magna picked up in the conversation between Harry and Maggie.
Connie hadn't gotten far before she saw something moving in her peripheral vision. The deaf woman felt her stomach revolting in fear. She had recklessly decided to leave on her own…
What if the last thing Kelly would have of her was that short note, she had left her…
To her surprise two women from the Hilltop pushed their way through the ticket.
Sasha and Enid, if Connie wasn't mistaken.
Sasha was regarding her sternly, reprimanding her wordlessly for her midnight stroll. The younger girl, Enid, was saying something motioning awkwardly…
Connie thought that the girl wanted her to go back, but she wasn't sure…
So, she simply shook her head, pointing in the direction Negan was supposed to be. Sasha frowned at her, peering into the night as if trying to see what might be there. The pretty, dark-skinned woman raised a questioning eyebrow at Connie. Again, Connie tried to get them to understand by gesturing, but with no avail.
Awkwardly the three of them starred at each other.
The deaf woman internally cursed herself for forgetting her notepad. This was so frustrating.
The two women clearly wanted Connie to go back to the Hilltop but she couldn't tell them why she felt the need to leave…
Just when Connie was still wracking her brain how to make them understand, both Sasha and Enid flinched, spinning around.
It seemed like a Walker had materialized out of thin air behind them…
But something was not adding up.
Connie had never seen a Roamer standing so still.
The next morning started for Daryl in flurry. Abraham had woken the whole Hilltop even before the sun had risen.
Sasha was missing.
And she wasn't the only one. After they had turned what felt like very stone in the fucking community. The only revelation their search had turned up was that Enid was also gone. Harry had been upset and nervous all morning.
And then Magna and Kelly had come forward with a note that made it clear that Connie had left the Hilltop in the middle of the night, because she wanted to help Negan.
As soon as they knew this, Daryl's green-eyed husband was about to start to magically search for Sasha's pocket mirror.
"Point me Sasha's mirror!" Harry whispered, laying his wand into his open, upturned palm.
Beyond tense Abraham stood with them, watching the wand rotate like a compass needle before coming to rest in a north-west direction. Just when they were getting ready to follow the signal… the wand quivered noticeably.
"Harry?" Abraham hissed in concern.
"She's getting closer… I think…" Despite the actually good news, Daryl could feel the unease vibrating of his small husband.
And then they heard Kal shouting from the gate.
Something was coming.
Harry gripped Daryl's and Paul's hand for support. His bright green eyes shining with fear and concern. Abraham had gone very pale under his red moustache. Lydia and Carl came running to them with Rick and Maggie hot on their heels.
Magna and Kelly were already climbing the ladder to the out-look platform on the wall. Whatever they had seen, had the two women cursing loudly.
Daryl felt his heart beating incredibly fast as they followed them to get a clear vision. An uncomfortable tension had settled over the whole community. You could have heard a pin drop.
The calm before the storm.
And then they saw them.
Their procession was an eerie sight.
There were at least ten of them. Slouching closer to the gates, dragging their feet in uneven moves. Their clothes were torn, bloodied rags. Patchy, lanky hair hanging into decaying faces.
They would have been the perfect image of a small herd of Walkers if not for the purposeful way the moved towards the Hilltop and with each step they came closer, they seemed to become more and more 'alive'.
Gaining speed, straightening their posture, raising piercing stares at them.
Between Daryl and Harry, Lydia inhaled sharply.
But even without that, the hunter already knew who was about to knock on their door. One figure stood out from the small crowd gathered there. The others seemed to keep a respectful distance, looking for small gestures… orders.
A group and its leader.
A pack and its Alpha.
Spellbound all of them observed how the figure moved determinedly forward. Despite the small physique they seemed to grow with each step, radiating dominance.
Coming to a halt, they removed their Walker skin hiding their identity, revealing the face of a woman. She had purposefully covered herself in dirt, so her mask would fit better. Her hair had been shaved off completely.
Her expression seemed eerily detached. Coolly she gazed up to them, cocking her head in a curious, almost bird-like fashion.
Just once, for the spilt part of second Daryl thought he had detected a flicker of emotion in her face…
When she had laid her dark eyes on Lydia.
It was gone too fast and when she finally addressed them, the hunter thought that it might have been a trick of the light.
"Your people crossed into our land. There will be no conflict."
Her voice was light and despite the fact that she spoke loudly, it held a strange whispering quality.
"Your people killed our people. There will be no conflict."
Daryl felt Harry shivering beside him, while Lydia seemed to shrink into herself. Her shoulders hunched and her head lowered. It hurt something in the hunter's chest to see their charge retreating like that again. Paul had pulled the little girl close to him, as Alpha turned her icy stare up at them.
"I'm done talking. Bring me my daughter. Or there will be conflict."
Paul felt the blood rushing in his ears. His belly was churning painfully. He felt sick. Lydia seemed to be frozen in his hold, impossibly still as if she had stop breathing at all.
Alpha had come.
No.
Despite her attitude… Lydia's mother had come. To collect her daughter.
To collect their daughter.
Harry had inched closer to them, while Daryl had stepped forwards, having positioned his broader frame slightly in front of them.
Abraham was cursing violently. They still didn't know where Sasha, Enid and Connie were.
Maggie was squaring her shoulders, while Rick was almost audibly grinding his teeth.
Their lack of reaction had Alpha huffing.
Wordless she motioned to the people behind her. Someone moved forward, handing the bald woman a blue piece of clothing.
A jacket, Daryl noticed. A jacket that looked dreadfully familiar.
"That's Enid's!" Carl hissed.
"Fuck!" Abraham puffed like an angry grampus.
Paul shivered. If the Whisperers had kidnapped Enid... What did that mean for Sasha and Connie? Where were they?
Nobody dared to asked, though. All of them too afraid of the answer or even worse giving their enemies a hint to look for the two women in the first place.
"Where is the girl, who has worn that jacket?" Rick called out, obviously pissed and tense.
"Where is Enid?" Carl yelled simultaneously.
Alpha looked satisfied with that reaction.
"Somewhere else." She easily waved Carl's anger away with a dismissive gesture.
Paul guessed that she was being evasive on purpose.
"It isn't easy to do here, what needs to be done, isn't it? Those particular woods... They seem to react to certain things, I learned. Took me some time to figure it out. Some tests were necessary." There was a light almost purring quality to Alpha's voice.
"It wasn't useful to keep her here with us."
The implications hung heavy in the air. Paul felt like retching. Alpha had tested the blessing… there could be only one way she had done that.
And it made one thing very clear. Alpha wasn't another Negan. Negan would have hesitated to use his people as cannon fodder, this woman didn't.
And it made Paul dread the questions:
How far would she go to get Lydia back?
What wanted the Whisperers to do that warranted that they took Enid away from the blessed territory...
"The only reason you might have drawn unwanted attention towards your group, are intentions of violence!" Harry spit out, causing Lydia to flinch.
"Hmm, but wanting to collect my daughter, isn't violence. Bring me my daughter and you get the other girl back. It's easy. There's no conflict in that." Alpha shrugged, a small smile stretching over her dirty lips.
She had figured it out. She had found a way to manoeuvre around the protection of the blessing.
"How do we know Enid is still alive? You could be lying!" Rick intervened.
"Hmm... I could be. Or I could be telling the truth. You want to bet on it?" Alpha hummed uncaringly, eyebrows raised in a nonchalant way.
Rick and Maggie exchanged uneasy glances. The dirty blue jacket taunting them.
"Daryl..." Rick started softly to speak and something about the way he was peering at Lydia, had Paul's hair standing on end.
"Nah!" The hunter hissed sharply, interrupting the former Sheriff immediately.
But Rick wasn't backing down.
"I don't like this but we need to talk about this. They probably have Enid. Maybe Sasha and Connie, too."
"And she's her mother. We might need to give her back." Maggie whispered, looking torn.
Paul knew that Enid had become family to Maggie. A mixture between a foster daughter and a younger sister. The former Hilltop scout liked the friendly young woman, too. But Lydia had become part of his family, too. She was their…
"Ya know what?! Fuck ya! I don't see you bargaining away your kid, Maggie. Yer daddy would not 'ave stood fer that!" Daryl hissed, causing the young woman to flinch, before the hunter directed a harsh glare at Rick.
"I lov' yer like a brother, man. But if ya try ta give away our girl to that woman, we're done! Ya hear me, Grimes?!"
Baby blue eyes wide, Rick stumbled back.
"Yer once decided not ta sacrifice someone fer the greater good, 'cause we are the greater good. Ain't that right no more?" The hunter hissed.
Paul thought his heart would flow over in this moment. And here, he had stupidly assumed that he couldn't love Daryl more than he already did.
The Alexandria's and Hilltop's leaders had gone pale. Maggie seemed to be fighting tears down, when she glanced at the blue jacket again.
"Maggie, Enid wouldn't want you to do that. She could never live with herself if we went through with that." Carl whispered, blue eye clenched shut in grief. "And we promised, dad! We promised!"
Crash
Everyone jumped. Abraham had punched the wall. Hard.
The burly red-haired man let out a strangled sound. Half feral growl, half wet chuckle.
"Sasha's pregnant." He barked out, his red moustache quivering in desperate anger.
And then the former Sergeant shared a very long look with Harry, before he exhaled sharply, who seemed to all but curl around their girl.
"Nah! Fuck me over twice!" Abraham groused, sagging against the wood. "Carl's right. Sasha would take me and my balls to the rodeo if I didn't look out for your little kitten."
"Thank god!" Harry mumbled beside Paul, leaning against him and Lydia with relief.
Rick and Maggie, both, looked incredibly guilty.
"Is it true?" Lydia whispered, almost inaudible. She was hunched in on herself as if to make herself as small as possible. "You're not sending me away?"
"NO!" Harry hissed vehemently, clutching the girl's frail shoulders. "Never! I not going to let that woman or her people hurt you ever again."
But instead of relieved Lydia only looked torn and lost.
"Harry!" Paul interjected, voice and eyes sharp with reproach.
With a soft sigh the long-haired man crouched down before Lydia, so he could make eye contact with her. With tears swimming in her eyes, she was staring down at her mother by the gate. Scared, and so heartbreakingly confused, she turned her pleadingly gaze at Paul.
He knew that they were putting her into an impossible situation. How was a 11 year old little girl to choose between her mother and them…? Three men, who she had known only for a short while… against the woman, who had given birth to her and who had been the centre of this tiny person's existence for so long and in midst of the end of the world….
Daryl, Harry and Paul had grown to love her like a daughter and Paul desperately wanted to believe that Lydia had come to like them as well.
And yet…
This wasn't a decision they could make for her.
As much as Paul agreed with Harry, righteous anger and protectiveness wasn't what their little girl needed right now. Closing his eyes against the onslaught of emotions, the long-haired man fought for composure. Trying to remember what it had felt like back in the group home, Paul took a calming breath.
Back when new families tried to woo him… the few nice people who had tried to offer him a home.
How he had shied away from them, how he had leashed out against them… because the possibility of their love and friendliness had been just too much… too dangerous to hope for or to believe in.
The harsh reality of the group home, the loneliness and holding onto the bone deep hurt of loss, painful but so well known that it had been easier to bear than the uncertainty of a potential happiness or worse another failure.
"Oh Honey!" Paul mumbled, pressing a quick reassuring kiss to Lydia's hair between the plaids he had done just a few hours before.
"Of course, it's true! We love you. We love you so very, very much. We want you to be happy and safe. If you want us to be your new parents, we'd love to take care you."
Lydia's big brown eyes seemed to be impossible wide with wonder, so disbelieving that anyone was offering her love and protection so freely. That someone was acknowledging her like that.
Swallowing heavily, Paul interlaced his fingers with Harry's slightly shaking ones that still rested on her shoulder, trying to ground all three of them. The young wizard had pressed his lips to a thin line, green eyes shining wetly with anger and love and so much fear.
While Daryl's presence hoovered reassuringly close to them. Silently shielding them. Guarding them.
Both of his lovers were holding themselves back and Paul tried to draw strength from the trust they obviously put in him.
"I know that she's your mom…" Paul muttered to Lydia, when she threw another longing glance at Alpha's straight figure by the gate. With pins and needles piercing his heart and gut, he steeled himself for his next words, because she needed to hear this, too. Because in the end it was her choice.
"And… fuck, if you really, really want to go back… if you think you'll be happier with her… than we'll let you go…"
Harry flinched as if struck.
Lydia was quivering with tension, like under a heavy physical strain.
"Mama, she came here." Paul's chest constricted in a cutting pain, when hesitant brown eyes sought him out.
"Do you think that… that maybe she has missed me?" Her words were barely above a whisper, they all had heard her though.
"I miss her." The shy admission felt like someone was turning a knife in his belly.
Paul could feel Daryl tensing up behind him, clamming up like a mussel in expectation to be hurt. All the while Rick and Abraham seemed unable to even look at them. The desperate hope in Lydia's tiny voice was just too much to bear. Alexandria's leader, as well as Maggie and Abraham had their own reasons to hope, that the girl might decide to go back to her mother on her own accord... even if they didn't want that kind of life for the child.
The fear for the three missing women was still palpable, though unvoiced now… and Paul knew that this silence was due to Daryl claiming Lydia as theirs. Because she had been theirs for weeks, no months now! Because everyone had accepted her into the family as well. Because they wouldn't just throw on of their own to the wolves…
But if the sheep went on its own…
Sasha was the woman Abraham loved. She was pregnant, damn it!
Enid was Hilltop's doctor. She had been Carl's girlfriend, a sister to Maggie.
Connie was such kind and sweet person. She had family in Alexandria.
And Alpha was dangerous.
Not only for those three but for all of their communities.
The ambivalence of the situation resonated deeply in all of them…
It was stifling and excruciating to witness Lydia's inner strife. Harry and Daryl knew just all too well what it felt like to fight for the love of someone, who would kick you to the ground on a daily basis. They knew the pain of tearing yourself apart in fruitless hope to belong, to be cherished and be loved back.
Paul thought his heart was going to burst under an onslaught of sadness and compassion, he felt for his little girl.
"I am so sorry, honey! I know this must be so freaking hard for you. I wish I could make it better for you. To make it easier, I really do!" Paul squeezed her shoulder and Harry's fingers.
"But this is something, we cannot decide for you." He muttered, his thumb catching a lone, stray tear from under her eye.
Paul could feel Harry's slender hand shaking under his fingers. Emerald green eyes were clenched shut and the wizard had pressed his lips into a thin line obviously fighting with himself to keep silent, trying to give Lydia the time and space to come to a decision.
For a while uncertain, big brown eyes darted forth and back between her mother and Paul and his lovers.
"I could stay with you? I wouldn't have to go back? I would never see mama again…"
"Not, if ya don't want ta." Daryl told her firmly, slated blue eyes gleaming in determination.
"But… I don't want to cause trouble… She said there would be conflict. You don't know her… You don't cross her. The horde…" Lydia whispered fearfully, glancing timidly between Daryl, Paul and Rick.
The former Sheriff was frowning in displeasure at that information. Glenn, who had been silent the whole time, put a hand on his wife's shoulder, wordless they passed a message between them. After a moment Maggie leaned against her husband, her face looking softer, than Paul had seen it all day.
"Then we deal with it." Glenn said firmly but kindly to Lydia.
Rick's lips twitched into a small but honest smile.
"Glenn's right, Lydia. If we have to, we'll deal with it. We've managed stuff like that before. Carl told you, didn't he? You have Harry, Daryl and Paul, but we'll have your back as well. We're family."
Lydia's bottom lip wobbled dangerously. And as she gazed longingly at them all with soulful brown eyes, Paul felt his heart sink and his guts clench in icy dread.
How was this possible?
She had been with them for such a short time and yet…
And yet she wore such a Harry-like expression on her little face. Paul didn't need to hear her say it, he already knew what and whom she had chosen.
"The three of you have raised her well. You made her your daughter and that's what you get, you selfless idiots." A small bitter voice mocked him in his head.
"Thank you." Lydia whispered, tears swimming in her eyes but not yet falling, as she put on a brave and shaky smile on her face. "I am really grateful for everything. But…" A tiny hiccup interrupted her sentence.
"No…. no… no…" Harry was shaking his head franticly, mumbling under his breath.
Lydia turned to the green eyed young man, laying a small hand on his tear-streaked cheek.
"I want to go back. To my mom. I miss her."
"Yer sure?" Daryl huffed softly, sounding so fucking defeated already.
The hunter had seen it as well, that expression on her face. So much like Harry. Full of love. Full of kindness. Ready to give it all and yourself if it meant protecting those most important to you.
"Yes, I am sure, Daryl."
Her words were simple, spoken softly, a little rueful but with an inner strength and conviction. Caught between mind numbing shock and a pain that cut through his chest, Paul couldn't help but notice that she stood tall when she voiced her decision, not huddled or afraid, but with straight shoulders, head held high.
And while Paul felt frozen in his anguish, Harry pulled her in a tight embrace with a convulsive sob.
"I love you so much. I…" His voice broke.
"I love you, too. All of you." She whispered back earnestly, as if disclosing a big secret. And maybe it was… or would be where she intended to go.
Pulling back, Harry struggled to say something. Opening and closing his mouth a few times. Paul got the feeling that the two were conversing without words. With a sigh Harry pressed their foreheads together.
"… Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh, if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind…"
Harry hummed softly, stroking lovingly over her hair.
"If you ever change your mind, Poppet, we're there, okay? You'll always have a place with us. Always."
Paul could see Lydia sizing up at those words, could see her resolve wavering for a tiny moment, before she forced herself to nod and take a step back from Harry. Paul thought that he could hear the shattering of Harry's heart in that moment.
"Lydia…" Glenn tried to intervene, but the little girl just shook her head.
"It's… It's alright. I've become stronger here. It's going to be ok. It's gotta be." The little girl said firmly.
Rick watched with a heavy heart how Daryl, Paul and Harry said their good-byes to their daughter. The girl, they had adopted and who was about to go back to her mother.
"Doesn't this feel fucking similar to you?" Abraham growled beside the Sheriff.
"Yeah… I never wanted to feel like that again. I swore to myself… after taking Harry in for good… I swore to myself that I wouldn't…" Rick sighed, feeling deeply troubled. "Do you think, she really wants to go back?"
"Hmmhmm. Sounded damn sure." Abraham hummed darkly, mouth twisted into dark frown under his red moustache. "Jesus made it clear that it was going to be her decision. How are you gonna argue against that?"
"Once upon a time a child's wellbeing might have counted more than its choice." Rick muttered, feeling solemn.
"Not that easy anymore, is it?" The tall red-head grumbled. "With all the shit around us… It's harder than ever to tell, what's right and wrong. She said her people didn't give a rat's ass about each other and yet…"
Yeah… And yet…
There in front of Hilltop's gate stood this terrifying woman, wanting her daughter back.
A woman, who had abused her own child, dismissing all possessions and love from her way of life.
And yet…
Alpha was here. She must have waited for months. Experimenting on the wards. More than likely sacrificing her people in the process.
Rick could see it lurking under her rough appearance, beneath her strange speech or her cool gaze.
A mother.
The former Sheriff was sure that Lydia had seen it, too. The chance to get her mother back. That's why Rick had always hated cases of child abuse. The sight of beaten down kids defending their parents again and again. He had seen it so often, these desperate faces contorted in relief and fear to be taken away from the person, who was supposed to love and cherish them.
This woman down by the gate was Lydia's mother. Whatever had happened and whatever was still going to happen, this would be a fact that wouldn't change.
Alpha was Lydia's kin and blood.
A child's wellbeing weighted against a child's will.
That had never been easy.
But times were different now. Lydia wasn't a normal child. Carl had reminded him of that just a few weeks ago. Were they in any position to force her to stay?
Could they lock her away to protect her from going? Was that kidnapping?
And there was still Enid to think of…
Suddenly Rick was reminded of Grady Memorial Hospital. In a nasty way their roles had been reversed with Alpha's, hadn't they? They had taken prisoners… fuck, Rick had even killed an Officer… to force an exchange. To get Beth and Carol back. Dawn Lerner had been so convinced that she was doing the right thing, when she had tried to force Noah and Beth to work for her system.
He had looked like that to her?
Wild, hungry, dirty, and just barely teetering on the edge of any civilised behaviour… An Alpha male leading a ragtag group, harsh and violent. He had been so convinced, too. So full of distain for anyone too weak to do what was necessary to survive. Ready to take anyone in this way down and ask questions later. An enemy's life hadn't mattered much then… And almost anyone beside his family had been a potential enemy.
Fuck, that felt a lifetime away now…
But yeah, that had been him. Back then. Out there.
When he looked at Alpha right now, was he looking at what he might have become without Alexandria?
What right had they to interfere if Lydia wanted to go back to her mother. Those were her people… She had lived with them for years. Alpha had kept her daughter and those others alive, somehow…
His heart clenched painfully when he saw Lydia hugging Daryl, who was whispering something to her. As his brother pulled away, the hunter was trying to whip his eyes without attracting attention.
"You want to take anything with you?" Jesus was asking her softly and maybe a little hopeful.
His expression was kind, despite the sadness rolling of him in thick waves.
The girl nibbled on her thumb, before shaking her head. All of four of them seemed disappointed by that and then… considering where Lydia was going, she probably wouldn't be allowed any memorabilia.
"They raised her to be a tough little cookie, didn't they?" Carol stepped up beside Rick.
"I almost whish they didn't." The blue eyed man answered.
True, there had been a short moment when he had thought that it might be easier if Lydia went back to her mother, that it would increase their chances to get Enid back and to find Sasha and Connie alive and well. But now that it was happening…
He felt hollow.
"You want us to accompany you to the gate?" Harry mumbled, looking so dejected and heartbroken, that Rick wanted just to bundle the young man up.
Again, Lydia shook her head. Her little hands were clenching and unclenching in distress.
"No… Is it ok if Rick comes?"
Surprised they all looked at him.
"Of course… but can I ask why?" Alexandria's leader asked softly.
"She's going to say things. She always does. You can handle that, right? I don't want her picking on Harry, Paul and Daryl." Rick felt tears welling up in eyes.
Lydia must be so nervous to meet her mother again. And at the same time, she was trying to protect Jesus, Harry and Daryl from the woman.
With a deep breath the little girl straightened her posture. She was looking intendedly at the three men, who had saved her life and had taken her in, who wanted to be her fathers, almost as if she was trying to burn their images into the deepest part of her brain.
Kal and Dante were opening the gate for them. And with a last look back at Daryl holding and being held by Harry and Jesus, Lydia set out. Rick following her, mindful to walk exactly her pace.
"You know there is still time." The former Sheriff mumbled. "I know we… you said that she's your mother. But if you change your mind, now or ever… no matter if Harry, Daryl or Jesus are with us… Alexandria can be your home. If you need us, we'll be there."
Small teeth were nibbling on her bottom lip, nervous hands fiddling with the seams of her shirt.
"Even though, you didn't want me there in the first place?" Lydia asked in a small insecure voice.
"Yes, even though. You want to know why?" Rick answered. "Because Harry, Paul and Daryl made you a part of the family, of our community. You're one of us, as much if not more, than you're one of them." He nodded at the scary group of Whisperers, clothed in rags and dead skin, dirty, smelling like death.
Big brown eyes stared at him.
Before Lydia looked at her mother again.
"Thank you."
Whispered almost too soft for Rick to hear.
With a heavy beating heart Lydia stared at her mother.
She had come! Her mother had come for her. She had waited for Lydia!
Her mother, who always strove to make her strong.
Her mother who believed in lessons by pain rather than love and nurture…
The young girl couldn't remember how often Alpha had threatened to hurt her, how often she had gone through with it…
"If you want to kill me, you'll have to kill my daughter as well. Because I refuse to leave this world without her!"
Didn't this mean that her mother loved her? She had protected Lydia, hadn't she?
Her mother had been all she had known for so long. Didn't Lydia need to be grateful for that? At least a bit?
And her mother had come back! Had searched for Lydia. She had come.
That had to mean she missed her, right?
Maybe things would change now. Maybe…
Lydia wasn't dumb. She knew of course that her mother had done terrible things to her, too… but…
…but she missed her despite all that. She longed for her.
There had been a time, before all this… when her mother had been a real mama.
A part of Lydia, just wanted her mama back!
But she wanted Harry, Paul and Daryl as well.
They said they loved her. That she could be their daughter. They had taken her in and had taken care of her.
They had not demanded her to stay, but they had offered her a place. Rick had offered her a place. They had given her a choice.
They were sad that Lydia hadn't chosen them, but they hadn't cast her out.
They hadn't threatened to kill her or to hurt her.
She had known that they wouldn't.
Her chest ached terribly, as she looked into the unmoved face of her mother.
There would be no choices with Alpha.
Enid would be dead if Lydia stayed.
Sasha and Connie could die if Lydia stayed.
Alpha would unleash the horde if Lydia stayed.
Her mother would relish in the suffering and death, she would cause in Lydia's name.
Her mother loved her that much.
That had to count, right?
That had to be enough, right?
There was no real joy in Alpha's face when Lydia and Rick came closer. Nothing but a slightly pleased glint in her eyes, a miniscule up-tun of her mouth.
"My name is Rick Grimes. A friend of this community. Its leader has allowed me to speak for it on the behalf of the girl you took."
Rick sounded strong, powerful.
It was something Alpha might acknowledge, but Lydia knew that her mother would see such strength as a threat as well. Nervously the girl watched as her mother smoothed her expression further into a mask of disinterest.
"Hmmhmm, I see you brought me my daughter, Rick Grimes. You may collect your girl from the border straight north from here." She hummed in familiar detached whisper, that never failed to cause unease in Lydia.
Mother and daughter shared the same dark eyes.
Alpha's seem fathomless, bottomless pits swallowing all light and all emotion, as she took her daughter's appearance in.
Her pretty hair-do, her clean clothes… A stark contrast to her mother and her people.
It was easy to see her mother's distain and mocking for all those things. And yet Lydia thought she might see a flicker of love in the depths of her eyes. In shaky steps the young girl moved forward, feeling almost sick with fear, relief and hope.
The months she had spent with Harry, Paul and Daryl had taught her so much, had given her so much… but they had made her forget how to behave around her mother…
So, Lydia's mouth was moving before she was knowing what she would say.
"You came. You really came for me, mama."
That was a mistake.
She knew it immediately.
It was spoken to loud.
It held too much feeling.
She had called Alpha 'mama'.
Her mother's twisted in rare show of emotions.
Fury. Disappointment.
Fast as a snake, Alpha struck her in the face.
Hard enough to have Lydia's ears ringing, as pain bloomed over the left half of her face.
Something blue fell to the ground.
The hair clip.
The hair clip, Harry had given her and that Paul had worked into her hair just this morning.
It was broken.
The small girl might have stumble or even fallen, if her mother wouldn't have grabbed her roughly by the arm, forcing her into tight embrace.
Lydia was paralysed with shock and fear. The attack had been so sudden… she couldn't quite think straight yet, when her mother's voice cut through the haze.
"You'll call me Alpha like all the rest." The reprimand was coolly spoken, almost melodic in its hushed tone. But the hand, harshly gripping Lydia's neck in a very threatening manner, conveyed the message loud and clear.
Whatever illusion or hope Lydia might have held onto to this point, shattered right then and there.
Revulsion filled the small girl as she inhaled the familiar stench of decay, clinging to her mother's clothes… no, this went deeper… the stench had buried itself in her mother's own skin by now.
What had made her mother a good mother once was rotting from the inside.
Had been for a while.
And what it left behind was a shell.
Alpha.
Her mother might love her in her own twisted way, but she would never change.
And she would never stop hurting Lydia.
I've made a mistake.
The realisation hit Lydia with all its terrible force. Making her knees weak and buckle.
This isn't what I want!
I…
I…
I want to go home!
To Paul's easy smiles. To Daryl's steady support. To Harry's warmth.
Trapped in her mother's arms, with tears gathering in her eyes and panic building in her stomach, all she could think was:
It's too late.
Too late.
Too late.
Now, I have to go with her.
Crack.
Being pushed back quite forcefully, Alpha had to let go of Lydia.
Rick was immediately by Lydia's side stabilising her, so she wouldn't fall down. And then there were Daryl and Paul, faces set in grim scowls. With gentle hands, the hunter checked her throbbing cheek. His tenderness brought more tears to Lydia's eyes than the pain could ever have.
Everything in the small girl screamed to bury herself into the archer's strong frame, seeking shelter from the cruel truth she had just found. Her belly ached terribly.
Taking a deep breath, she could help but notice that Daryl and Paul smelled like home. Like comfort. Safe.
Peeking through Daryl's strong arms, she saw Harry's back in front of them. The young man was smaller than her mother. Definitely slenderer.
But despite that the raven-haired wizard looked very intimidating.
"You'll never raise your hand against her again." Harry voice cut through the air like a whip.
Alpha's response was feral snarl. There was blood running out of her nose.