Imagine my complete shock when, scrolling down ColeyDoesThings' latest videos "fanfiction reader moods", I stumbled upon a commenter by the name Irradiated Cactus who sent this out:

"Android AU, Strangers to Lovers"

Someone's been spending a lot of time in the RWBY FanFiction section

And what's even better and worse at once is one of the replies made by Icy Glaceon stating:

Such a shame Clem is leaving…

Like, wow. Holy moly. People… know me, huh? It wouldn't be over the top or arrogant to say I'm kind of popular.

I'm not gonna lie, it hurts. It hurts because I don't have a choice. My feelings don't have a say in this. If I don't do this now, I'll break. Everyone's gonna know, and that's a way worse fate than the one I'm forced to choose now.

You know this feeling where you know what you're doing is bad, but you have to do it anyway? Rip off the band aid, but in an emotional way. Yeah. That's me, right now. All of my fanfics have been published. All I need to do now is cross-post the stories from Ao3 to this site, and vice versa.

Since March 25th of 2017, all I've been trying to do is give something out for people to enjoy, make sure they feel happy. I know that sounds corny, and kind of dweeby or hipsterish, but hey, it's the truth. Back then, I wasn't feeling too good about myself or my life, and I didn't want anyone else to feel what I was feeling, so I made these stories.

It's weird. To most, if not all of you, all I am is a fanfiction writer. Most of you don't care about me, and hey, it's fine, I get it. You have bigger things to worry about. I don't want to burden you with my unfixable problems.

I guess I'm just sad. I'm leaving. And I know that I've been planning on leaving for over a year, but planning about it is different from experiencing it.

I'm typing here, baring my thoughts and feelings out, and wondering if you'll doubt my sincerity. It's plausible for me to be making this up for attention. I'd say that I'm leaving, go under the radar for a few months, and pop back up with a new story.

I'm not, though. Or at least, I don't plan to.

I'm going to lose 3 years of my life. It's not actually my life, I know, but it's a life. It's weird, different, fun, strange, but it's a life, and it's mine, and it'll be gone.

Jeez, what if someone, in a couple of months, stumbles upon this, being a late reader. What'll they think? Will they miss me? Or will they shrug and say they'll just find a new author?

It's scary, being forgotten. Scary, but inevitable. What matters more is being kind, helping others. (Yeah, yeah, pretty cheesy, I know. It's true, though.)

I'm going off-topic, aren't I? Sorry. I wanted to address the issue, and show off the fact that someone on YouTube commented about my story, and how that comment got over a thousand likes. How crazy is that?!

So, yeah.

Insert the clearing of the throat here.

Let's get started with this story's BtS, where I dissect it down to its essence, figure out what works and what doesn't as a way for me, and you, to learn from my mistakes and improve upon our writing.

I'll divide this BtS into two parts, the writing writing, and the story writing.

Writing Writing is where I get more technical. I wrote this story around 2019 of December, maybe earlier. Things have changed since then. My writing has changed.

Story Writing is, well, about the story. This is where I'll go in-depth about the structure, character arcs, character depth, all that jazz.

…

Writing Writing

Remember, I'm not a professional writer. However, I plan on one day publishing my work and becoming a professional writer, so I've been doing research myself.

You don't always have to follow these rules to the max. In fact, I don't encourage it. When taking advice, you should always do so with a grain of salt. Don't just believe it. Do more research, or better yet, test it out. Experiment with your writing.

Do what works for you. That means figuring out what does work for you in the first place.

Nicknames

No more "the brunette"/"the blonde"/"the girl"—use their name, unless you're writing in the POV where the character doesn't know their name.

For instance:

The stranger walked in with a strut to their walk.

"Hi. The name's Yang."

"Hi, Yang," said the yellow-eyed brunette, nodding.

The tall blonde returned that nod.

VS

The stranger walked in with a strut to their walk.

"Hi. The name's Yang."

"Hi, Yang," said Blake, nodding.

Yang returned that nod.

In the first sentence, the reader has to take a pause to figure out who's who, and focus less on the dialogue. It's a small difference, but one that impacts your writing far more. You don't want the reader to focus on how the character looks while they're saying or doing something, you want them to focus on what they're saying and doing. It can be a turn-off for some readers.

Think of it like this: if you saw someone whom you know, would you think to yourself, "Ah, there's the freckled pale black-haired furry."

Or, more realistically, would you thin, "Ah, there's ThePurpleZoroark. The weirdo."

Descriptions

Nada for "her eyes/hair/face were beautiful". It's overdone. And what's overdone can be boring. The readers don't want to know how the blue eyes of the character is like the ocean, full of depth and richness. I mean, sure, that's a good thing to keep in mind of, but wouldn't they prefer to know something unique about the characters?

Instead of telling them how beautiful the character is, why don't you tell them what makes them beautiful in the first place.

Weiss gasped at the sight in front of her. Ruby was so beautiful. Her eyes shone in all of its silver glory. Those black tresses shimmered. Weiss was so lucky to have her. Who'd have known the dolt would grow up to be such a beautiful woman?

VS

Weiss gasped at the sight in front of her. Ruby's ponytail accentuated her cheekbones, and sharpened her chin. Her arm, no longer hidden by the fabric of sleeves, glowed with its muscles. Weiss knew she'd been working out, but seeing was different from knowing.

See, the first one is good. But the second one? It's more interesting. And that's what writing's all about—being interesting, so much so that the reader has to read more.

We know Ruby has silver eyes. And we know she has black hair too. So the description about how amazing her eyes were and how her hair glowed, while nice, I suppose, doesn't matter.

In the second one, we learn that Ruby wears her hair into a ponytail, which is unusual. She's not wearing a long-sleeved shirt as well. Oh, not to mention she'd been working out. (Let us take a moment of silence to imagine Ruby with biceps and abs.)

Those are three new pieces of information! Information that ties in with what makes Ruby beautiful in Weiss' eyes.

The ponytail? It added more depth to her cheekbone and chin. The shirt? Biceps. Duh.

There's nothing wrong about writing how beautiful your characters are. But don't you want to write about what makes them special too?

Flowery Sentences

No long sentences unless it's necessary.

Look, I know how much you want to write something beautiful, something poetic, something that sounds like what Oscar Wilde or Virginia Woolf would write, but really, I beg of you, from the depths of my heart, however frail and small it may be, and how little you care about it, though that doesn't mean you yourself have no heart, it means you've not used it for long, it's been too long, you've forgotten how to use it—

Stop.

Too many long sentences will confuse your readers. Especially if there's a simpler way of writing the same thing.

Yang sighed, confused, cheeks pink, thinking about Blake and those damn sass of hers and how much she loved it, wondering how she'd confess her love, if she'd do so at all.

VS

Yang sighed in confusion. Her cheeks pinked. Blake and those damn sass of hers. Oh, how Yang loved it. How would she confess her love? Would she do so at all?

Not gonna lie, I kinda like the first one better. I still write like that now, too. The thing is, I don't do it often. In each chapter I write, I make sure to save these long sentences for special occasions. So that when my readers do read these sentences, it'll be impactful.

I think the best saying is to not use too many spice, lest you ruin the dish. Or something along those lines.

Same Beginnings

Starting sentences the same way: don't do it. This may be hard for you. It's hard for me too. I catch myself doing it, and have to figure out a way around it. There isn't much to explain other than it's less boring and more creative. Lemme just show you.

Ruby looked to the side. Ruby ran a hand through her hair, wondering what was going on. Ruby blinked at Weiss' biting of the lip.

VS

Ruby looked to the side. Running a hand through her hair, she wondered what was going on. Weiss' biting of the lip made her blink.

See?

Two Stones, One Bird

Let's clear up the confusion about adverbs and dialogue tags.

These two have the same issue, AKA, people don't know what to do with them. Some say adverbs and dialogue tags (ones like "whisper/mumble/groan" instead of "say") are something you should never do.

I disagree.

Though, that doesn't mean you should do it all the time. I still use it, at times, but I use it when it matters. Plus, overusing dialogue tags (again, the ones people call "bad") and adverbs can take the readers away from the story.

"Are you sure we're alone?" mumbled Weiss anxiously.

"Of course," laughed Ruby. "Don't fret, Weissy."

"You know I hate it when you call me that," growled Weiss.

"Oh, yeah?" Ruby remarked cockily.

"Yeah," husked Weiss.

"Why don't you do something about it, then?" whispered Ruby.

VS

Weiss tried to peer from the curtain. "Are you sure we're alone?"

"Of course." Ruby, from behind, brushed a strand of pearl-white hair, her fingers' touch soft, ghost-like. "Don't fret, Weissy."

"You know I hate it when you call me that," said Weiss, turning to meet Ruby's eyes with a sharp look on her face. Ruby grinned, impish. At that impish grin, Weiss took a step forward, causing Ruby to step backwards. Her back met the wall with a thunk.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Ruby's cheeks flushed against the coolness of Weiss' breath brushing against them. The dress she was supposed to be trying out lied uselessly on the stool.

"Why don't you do something about it, then?" whispered Ruby.

I… might've gone overboard with the second version, but do you see where I'm getting at?

I only used the dialogue tag twice. There was no need to keep reminding the readers who's who. They aren't dumb. Most of the time my own readers are smarter than me, and I worry about disappointing them. You don't need to constantly tell them who's saying this and that.

Also, notice the difference in impact between the first version of the last sentence and the second one. Because in the first one, I use excessively weird dialogue tags that the readers become numb to it. In the second one, however, I used it once, so it has more of an oomph! to it.

This applies the same way to adverbs. Sure, I could've written out, "Ruby softly brushed Weiss' hair." But why would I do that when I could've done, "Ruby brushed Weiss' hair, her fingers soft."

It tells the same thing, but verbs are stronger than adverbs.

You don't want your writing to be weak, don't you?

Speaking of weak writing, do you notice how both in the first nor the second version, I never mentioned where the scene is taking place?

Yet, whether or not you know where it happened, you at least get a hint in the second version. (By the way, it happened in the fitting room.)

Why?

What's cool about not using dialogue tags and adverbs is that it forces you to fill in the blanks in your story using actual writing. Instead of focusing on whether to use "growl" or "roar", you can focus on the setting, how your character interacts with the setting, those kind of stuff.

It circles back to my second advice: write about the things that'll capture the reader's interest.

Four Stones, Actually

It's honestly become a pet peeve of mine to read authors who use the word "felt" in their writing, not because it's something you should never use, but because most of the time, you can replace it with something stronger.

There's nothing complicated about it. Not using the word felt is better.

Yang felt heat creep up her cheeks. Fidgeting and swallowing, she felt the beginning of an exhale leave her mouth. "So, yeah. I'm kinda in love with Blake."

"... I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a secret?"

Yang felt the heat on her cheeks turn hotter, no longer with embarrassment. "You could at least act surprised about it!"

Weiss blinked lazily. "Oh, wow, I had no idea you were in love with her, especially not with those heart eyes you sent her way all semester, and the way you kept lighting up when you see her."

Yang felt distraught.

Yeah, Weiss got her there.

VS

Heat crept up Yang's cheeks. Fidgeting and swallowing, the beginning of an exhale left her mouth. "So, yeah. I'm kind of in love with Blake."

"... I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a secret?"

The heat on her cheeks turned hotter, no longer with embarrassment. "You could at least act surprised about it!"

Weiss blinked lazily. "Oh, wow, I had no idea you were in love with her, especially not with those heart eyes you sent her way all semester, and the way you kept lighting up when you see her."

Yang was distraught.

Yeah, Weiss got her there.

See how easy it is to not use "felt"? And it makes a whole lot of difference too! Even if it's as simple as changing it to "was"!

This goes for passive words too.

Ruby was embarrassed by the lack of response. "What do I do, Blake?"

A pause, followed by a slick blink. "Tell her how you feel. Duh."

"But what if she doesn't return it?!"

"Then she doesn't return it."

Ruby let herself be deflated by a large sigh.

This was a mistake.

VS

Blake's lack of response embarrassed Ruby. "What do I do, Blake?"

A pause, and a slick blink following. "Tell her how you feel. Duh."

"But what if she doesn't return it?!"

"Then she doesn't return it."

Ruby let a large sigh deflate her.

This was a mistake.

Story Writing

Whew. That's done. Now, let's move on to the actual writing!

Lack of Explanation

Though I've stated that this story takes place in a D:BH AU, I've also made it clear to myself and you that people who've never played the game should be able to enjoy this story to the fullest.

The lack of explanation hampers that, I think. I'm not saying if you don't play it, you'll not understand any of this. But there should be an explanation either way, even if, without it, the story is relatively easy to follow. The LED stuff, Cyberlife, androids, those kind of snazz. It's not calculus.

People give this a pass because it's fanfiction, nothing more. But I'm seriously considering turning this into a novella, complete with original characters, settings, yadah yadah. For that to work, I can't just shove in weird things and expect people to accept it as "part of this AU". There needs to be reasons. Reasons that tie in with the plot of this story.

Think of it like this: Blake isn't a faunus for the sake of her being a cute neko girl. It ties in with her whole character. If Blake were a human, would she have been in Beacon with Team RWBY? The team formed because Blake ran away from the White Fang, which wouldn't have happened if she didn't have cat ears.

If you're going to introduce an element that's out of this world—whether it be magic, or robot, or other stuff—make sure there's a reason behind their existence.

There are lots of questions I should have found the answer to before posting this story. Questions like what Beacon is, why Blake didn't want to deviate, who Jacques is, why Ruby's so insistent on helping out Weiss, and more.

Yes, technically, I can answer these questions. You can too. Chances are, our answers are more or less the same.

What's Beacon? It's a place for humans and androids to live in coexistence peacefully.

Why didn't Blake want to deviate? Because she's scared of people shunning her for being wrong.

Who's Jacques? CEO of Cyberlife, or someone with as much power/status/rank of a CEO. Basically, he's a powerful man.

Why's Ruby so insistent on helping out Weiss? Because good dolts are good.

But has this story ever shown these facts? We hear a bunch of people talking about how great Beacon is, but there's never any physical descriptions, never any snippets of it.

Hell, what even is Beacon?! Is it a school?! A city?! A country?! Do you know?! I sure as hell don't, and I'm the author!

And blue blood! What is up with that?! Why did I ever include it in the story?! Did it, at one point, become important!? Nehi! Why did Past Me include it, then?! Because Past Me liked references! Even if those references make no sense!

Argh! I could go on and on!

Structure

I didn't learn about story structures until 2019. No, that's not quite the truth. Deep down in my head, I've always known, with my being an avid movie-goer. I could always tell when the first act's too long, or when the middle gets sloppy, even if I couldn't articulate it then.

The first time someone introduced me to a kind of structure in story, I was in the midst of writing my very first multi-chapter story: Head Over Heels. Pontius Pilot, my beta back then, told me to look it up because he told me it would help with my writing. And it did. It was a beat for a romantic comedy, and was fairly simple in general.

Head Over Heels is a mess, but it's a mess I was able to finish because of the story beats. And in my opinion, it's better to end a bad story and move on to the next rather than keep trying to perfect it, even when you no longer like it.

With this story, I chose to use the 3 act structure, mostly because it wasn't overly complex, but not overly simple as well. It wasn't like the one I used for my other story, The Truth and What Matters More. In that story, I used the simplests of story structure: beginning, conflict, end.

I didn't go too in-depth with the structure. In fact, most of what you've read was me lounging around in my bed all day, thinking of how I'm going to have fun with my writing, no idea whatsoever on how to proceed, only that I should. Looking back at it now, it's clear how much of a panster I've been. Whenever I make plans, I always deviate (heh, get it?) from them. What's worse is that whatever I come up with ends up being far more interesting than what I planned for.

Like, every awesome thing I come up with is accidental. No joke.

It's why the 3-act structure worked well for me. It's liberating. All I have to do is make sure the end of each act brings forth a change in the story. I know the actual 3-act structure goes far deeper than that, but again, I didn't want to. I never thought this story would turn serious. It's fanfiction, after all. And not just that. It's fanfiction that I used as a stress relief from writing my other, more serious fanfiction.

Really, all I did was go and speed write the entire first act in 3-4 days, stop, wait until I had enough motivation to do it again with the second and third act.

The real challenge is editing the work, and that's less because it's taxing work and more because I didn't want to change the story too much.

Fox, the nice nerd that he is, kept on wanting to do more than beta and help me edit my story, but back then, I knew he was busy with Real Life™ so I didn't want him to twist his hands getting too involved. Plus, I wanted to prove myself, and how much of an adequate writer I was.

Thinking back to it, I wonder how the story would've turned out had I and Fox co-wrote it. It surely would be an even bigger mess! We love dem large word counts.

Character Development

What is character development? To me, it's when a character feels less like a cardboard cut-out and more like a real person. I'm not saying your characters have to be 100% a real person. That's, like, mega super ultra hard to do. What I want to discuss is that they're more than who they appear to be, at first, and provide explanation for why they act the way they do.

Basically, it's adding depth to your characters.

For instance, Blake didn't want to be a deviant. She despised the thought of it. Later on, we learned it's because she was afraid, even though everyone was ready to accept her.

That's good. But you know what could be better? If we'd seen, from Blake's own eyes, what they did to deviants, and why the prospect's so scary. For us to understand her being afraid, we, as the readers, need to feel an ounce of that fear.

The characters don't feel 2D to me. They emote. Only, the reason behind their emotions are vague. We could've explored them more.

There is depth, but it's in the background, untouched. There's never been a conversation between one of the characters with Blake, asking why she's the way she is, or with Yang and her love for alcohol.

Like, what if, after Yang remembers a memory about Tai, she gets clammy and sweaty and fidgety and immediately reaches for a bottle of alcohol. That would not only explain her situation better—she drinks to forget—but give the readers a better understanding that whatever Tai did in the past, it screwed her up, years later.

The same thing goes to Ruby. What if she's fixated on the thought of fixing androids, and gets terrified at the smallest of malfunctions?

For instance, Qrow's vision glitches, or his robotic arm freezes and moves without his control. Ruby doesn't just ask what's wrong. She moves to help him, searching for a toolkit, rambling about the many things she needs to do.

There are many more things I could've written about to further develop my characters. I'm sure you could come up with something as well.

Character Growth

If you're confused about the difference, don't worry, you're not the only one. I used to be, too. People confuse character growth and development all the time.

While development is all about depth, and the ins and outs of a character, character growth is about how much they change throughout the story—whether it be good or bad.

I never like to plan growth in my story. To me personally, it should something that happens naturally, unscripted. Trying to force growth is worse than no growth at all.

I know there are formulas to how we should properly grow our characters, give them meaningful arcs, yadah yadah, but I prefer to do things my way. It feels wrong to have them be forced to change in a certain way. My characters should change the way they want to change themselves. It's like forcing them to fit into a specific mould or shape I want, instead of letting them go and having them fit into the shapes or moulds they can fit naturally.

But this begs the question: do my characters change throughout the story? If so, how, and is it realistic?

Right off the bat, I can say with certainty that Qrow, Yang, and Ruby don't change at all. Sure, their personalities become more withdrawn and serious as the story progresses and the stakes go higher, but themselves? Nada.

Now, is that a bad thing? No. I don't think so, at least. There's nothing wrong with characters that stay the same throughout the story. In fact, sometimes it can be favorable that way, as to keep the story simpler, and easier to digest.

Like, imagine if in Season 1 of RWBY, it's not just Jaune who goes through a growth, but his whole team, along with Team RWBY. Sure, it could be great, but it could also confuse us, the audience. The result could be a cramped, forced growth that feels rushed and unrealistic.

One great example of character development is BoJack Horseman. None of the characters stay the same. They all shift, turn, become better then worse then a different kind of better. But they take their time doing it. It doesn't take the main character, BoJack, one season to realise he needs to change. It takes five. Five whole seasons! And he's the main character!

But that's exactly my point. A growth cannot be rushed, nor planned to every little detail. We need to give characters room to breathe, to think, to wonder if they want to change.

So, yes, Blake's still afraid of being a deviant at the end of her story. But she's come to terms with it, even when it takes Yang having to get hurt. She's still afraid at the prospect that her feelings are "wrong", but she's getting there. Ghira is no longer her owner, but really, has he ever been just that to Blake?

And yes, Weiss doesn't need to change all that much, because from the moment she broke her protocols, her character growth is finished, and all she needed was to remember.

I don't see anything wrong with that. Most of my characters don't change, and those who do don't change in a massive amount. There's nothing wrong with leaving parts of who we are the same. In fact, that's more realistic, in my opinion.

Conflict

With this being a love story and a fanfiction, I can get away with a lot of things, such as the weak external conflict, AKA Jacques, Cyberlife, and the whole humanity who disagrees with the belief that androids can have a life.

This relates back to the lack of explanation, as stated before, as well as character development—with the exception of changing the word "character" into "world", or, in other words, worldbuilding.

The threat of the story has always been the antagonists finding out Weiss and Blake are deviating, and how quickly they can escape to Beacon before it's too late.

The hitting point of that story is Yang getting beaten up. And when did that happen? On chapter 21 of the story. 9 chapters before the story's end.

Again, this is a love story, so technically, the romantic tension between the White Rose and Bumblebee pair themselves can be called conflicts. Not to mention there's the whole Weiss trying to regain her memories bit. (I don't think it's fair to call "Blake trying in vain to convince herself she's not alive" a conflict.)

But wouldn't it be nice if they weren't the only conflicts of the story?

Like, what if there was a subplot of Weiss seeing firsthand what they do to deviants in Cyberlife? And Weiss interacting with that deviant before Jacques and his men "studied" him?

And Blake. Blake lives in the human world. Surely, she must've seen humans beat the crap out of androids, whether they're deviants or not. Humans are aggressive creatures. We don't need to have a reason to be horrible.

I'm saying that the conflict of the story is weak because we don't get to see the stakes, so there's no way for us to know how much danger our characters are in. Because of that, there's no real sense of urgency, not until Chapter 21.

"So what if there's no urgency?" you ask. "What's so wrong with that?"

Well, there's not much of a reason for the readers to root for the characters. The only reason you did so at all is because this is fanfiction, and you've already cared for the characters before you read the story.

If this weren't fanfiction, on the other hand, can you say with certainty that yes, you'd enjoy this as much as you enjoyed it now; no, you didn't, at any point, want to stop reading; and no, you didn't see any glaring mistakes?

My story feels like a slowburn angst, with a hint of mystery and threat looming in the far away background. Then, in the third act, it switches gear into a mediocre action story, with barely any action at all. It's a mess. A good mess, but a mess nonetheless.

… Am I being too harsh on myself?

Overall, What Would I Change?

Don't worry, despite all my criticism, I don't hate my story. I do, however, think there are many mistakes that need fixing. In fact, you could say that I'm doing this because I love my story, and writing, and want to change for the better.

I can't make any promises now, as I'm working on another original fiction, but I do plan on turning this into a novel. And if I'm going to do that, I'm not going to settle with this. There needs to be changing. Stat.

Now, what are those changes?

Let's see:

A) I need to show the audience, more than once, what happens to deviants, and why the prospect of becoming one is so scary. Deviants getting dissected, shot, terrorised, you name it, I'll write it.

B) Weiss requesting Ruby to kiss her after she got shot in the eye, thinking she was going to die. Like, if that were to happen, then her remembering everything would impact the story more. We understand why Weiss is drawn to Ruby, and why Ruby's so adamant on helping Weiss.

C) Beacon reaching out to deviants, showing that not all is bleak, and there's still hope. Perhaps Ozpin will come himself, and make an announcement. Oh, or perhaps there'll be a protest, of sorts. That way, we know that while, yes, there are people who'll hurt deviants, it doesn't mean everyone's against them. They have allies.

D) Expand upon the whole Tai shenanigan. It'll be good to have Ruby and Yang and Qrow have deeper development. Especially since Tai did show up at the end of the story.

E) More threats. Instead of just Yang getting beaten up, and them realising that hey, things are serious, how about we have Yang's beating be the last straw? What if Ruby repeatedly got phone calls full of threats? What if one day, cops showed up at their doorstep, looking for the whereabouts of Qrow Branwen? This is kind of like Number A, only instead of bad things happening to other people and the characters being witnesses to it, those bad things happen to them.

F) Have the androids be more android-like. Yeah, sure, having them pick between options as a way for them to make decisions are neat n' all, but there should be more. How about having them not be able to detect humor? Or never stumbling or stuttering? How about we go even freakier, and darker? They're androids. They're not like us. They don't breathe, they're able to answer every question exactly right, and the personality they put on to not scare humans end up scaring them even more. Basically: the uncanny valley. Use it.

Whew. Those are loads of things that need changing, or I guess more things that need to be put in the story.

Tell me if you agree with the changes I've mentioned, or if you think there should be more changes that need to be made. I want you to be brutally honest. There's nothing wrong with criticism, after all. I want to change, to be better. I can't do that if I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

So, if those are the changes that I need to incorporate in my story—if I do plan on rewriting it into an original fiction—how will it turn out?

Weeeeeeeelllllll.

In Act I, things would relatively stay the same, with the exception of more worldbuilding. This includes the main character seeing what society does to deviants, and androids in general: Blake seeing humans beating up androids for fun, and Weiss seeing Cyberlife capturing a deviant and doing something horrible to them. This could be the chance for explanation as to what androids are, when did humans start making them, the nature of this world, though that's not a priority, since the world itself is self-explanatory: it's a future where mankind's technology has advanced enough for us to build sentience. It's been done many times before.

Act II is the longest of the acts, and should be 50% of the story. In a story, there's a promise of the premise; things that the summary of the story and the buildup promises. This act is all about fulfilling that promise, showing the audience what they want to see.

This is where we explore the world.

This means, of course, more romance, which we've already seen. However, this also means raising the stakes higher and higher. This is where Ruby starts to get weird phone calls, and Weiss interacts with a deviant, and even perhaps Blake, who barely manages to avoid getting beaten up.

I also want this to be where Ozpin comes into the picture, literally. Instead of Qrow vaguely saying he has a contact that can get them out of danger, how about we have Ozpin opening his hands, saying there's a chance for androids to escape to Beacon?

There should be a code that only deviants can crack, and have that be their only means of escaping. Again, in the first act, or maybe here in this act, we should see what happens with androids who try to escape on their own as a warning to the characters that the possibilities of escape is low, and Ozpin is their golden ticket.

I also want the middle of this act to be where Yang gets horribly beaten up, instead of the end. Why?

So that in Act III and the other half of the second act, it's all about them escaping to Beacon. The story shifts into this thriller, suspenseful drama where they go to any lengths they could reach to find safety.

It won't just be them navigating through the city, it'll be them making deals with devils, stealing vehicles and cash, going off the grid.

Imagine Ruby and Yang watching the news reporter quoting Tai's words, stating that the androids have kidnapped them, framing them into victims.

Imagine them all, having to hide in a local's house for just one night, and finding out the next day that the local got in prison for helping them.

Imagine Yang's health deteriorating because of an infection, and them having no equipments to heal her, and having to hurry.

Imagine.

Just imagine.

…

Wow. So, that's it. That's my BtS.

Honestly, I'm all wiped out. Let's speed things along.

Thank you for reading this. I'm sorry if there's any mistakes, whether it be grammatical or otherwise. I haven't edited this yet, and I plan on doing so tomorrow, or when I have the time. (Edit: I've edited this, but I'm quite certain there are still mistakes I missed. I'll considering re-editing this again tomorrow.)

I hope none of the writing advice I give you is wrong. Like, what if some pro writer stumbles upon this and goes like, "NO! THIS IS ALL WRONG! YOU'RE SPREADING OUT LIES! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"

I mean, it could be possible. Like, there's a low probability of that happening, but there is a probability. That's why, as stated before, you should always take any advice with a grain of salt. Figure out what works for you. Don't hold on to my every word.

Although, I'm pretty sure my advice will help you out. It did help me out, so…

Thank you all for reading this. I hope you've gained something useful from this. I certainly gained something: writing all of my mistakes down helped clear my head, and figure out what to do with my future stories as well as this one, if I will turn this into a novella.

Tell me what else I've missed. If there's any mistakes I failed to recognise, comment it down. I genuinely wanna know. And, if you can, comment down ways I can fix those mistakes, and overall improve my story.

So, yeah.

See ya next time, guys!