Opening Notes: these one-shots can range from parodic to macabre, and are not in conjunction with one another unless said otherwise.

Originally, I considered having this first chapter be a sort of bonus scene for Bizarre Academia, but decided against it as it just does not fit in the narrative. So I tweaked a few things and here we are.

XXXXXXXXX

This... is not my hotel room, Funny Valentine silently observed as he pushed the door in front of him away, allowing him to fully exit the wall. It must have been oiled or replaced recently, as it made no creak. Despite having D4C for only a short time, he had already taught himself a few seemingly mundane but greatly useful tricks, one of which he utilized then and there. The Stand's soles manifested under his boots as he took his first step into the dimly lit, wide open room. His foot made contact with the floor, but like the door, not a sound was made. The room was like a small hangar, and he seemed to be all alone in it, making him think back to those hellish days in the desert. Out of the massive windows, he could see the skyline of Tokyo. He was still getting used to his newfound abilities, but so far whenever he traveled to a parallel dimension, his surroundings tended to be the same. Perhaps in this world, the suite he was staying in had not been finished, or even built. Some worlds were so similar, it was as if he had not left the one he had come from. While others were so different, they were down right mindboggling.

In the center of the chamber came a faint luminous glow, not unlike a night light to keep a nyctophobic child calm. Whatever it was, it was long and tall, nearly reaching the ceiling. He stepped closer to it, still not making a single decibel. Closing the gap, he found that it was a massive fish tank. He looked to his sides and over his shoulder. Finding that he was still alone, he allowed himself a minute to look at whatever was inside the water, if only to get his mind off the aches his scars were giving him. He bent his knees to make himself more level with the aquarium. He was no ichthyologist, but he could tell the specimens swimming about were exotic and expensive. As he watched them, he recalled the reading he had done as a boy, about how fish had nearly no memory. Part of him envied that, wishing to exile the images of him being strung up and whipped for days on end.

He was pulled from his thoughts instantly. Something thudded on the opposite side of the glass directly in front of him, making the fish scatter away. He recoiled back at the sight of the woman staring at him, mouth agape. His soldier training, ingrained into him, flared up and he reached into his jacket for his firearm. His fingers curled around the handle when he stopped himself. She was indeed looking straight at him, but her eyes were glassy and unfocused. Funny panted as he observed more details. She was bleeding heavily from her mouth, hands, and head, making crimson stains riddle her light brown hair. If she was not yet dead, the Grim Reaper was stretching his bony fingers towards her.

D4C's User panted lightly, one hand still on the gun and the other covering the Corpse Part within his chest, as he watched her slide down the transparent barrier, making a prolonged squeak fill the empty air, leaving a vertical trail of red. He didn't hear the thud of the world's newest corpse meeting floor, but he did hear the words coming from an apparently aroused woman coming from beyond the tank.

"More. Give me more."

Funny could have left. He could have simply shot the glass and let the water wash over him. But the Heart he had happened upon in the desert was steady, calming his own blood-pumper. Was this a sign to investigate? The Corpse's Heart had not stirred him wrong yet. He kept a grip on his firearm as he quietly crept along the aquarium. He heard something reverberate off the glass. A sort of... crunching. Like the sort one made whilst eating dinner. Step by step, he moved along, keeping his senses about him.

Another sensuous word came out, as if the speaker was fawning over her lover. "Delicious."

With the shock of the impact gone, the fish returned to their normal routes. Following the curve of the glass, he came to a sight so horrendous, his mind showed him the bloody battles of the war he had fought in. Shaking it aside, he forced himself to focus on the situation at hand.

His scars made his back ignite with pain as he looked at the numerous, bloody cadavers strewn about. With the light provided by the fish tank, he could see their faces frozen in terror. Even more disturbing were the wounds. At first glance, most would think their killer had taken an oversized melon baller to them. But the small waves suggested something far more disgusting.

He swallowed reflexively as his vision wandered further, coming to who he surmised to be the speaker. From the light going on her, he could tell she was naked. Deep purple hair hung over alabaster skin. She held a severed chunk of flesh over her, letting the blood flow into her maw like water from a fountain. Despite his experience in combat, Funny Valentine found this to be beyond grotesque.

He felt his fingers tighten on the grip of his gun as her arm dropped, letting her snack fall to the bodies.

"I hate being interrupted when I'm eating." She spoke as if it was basic knowledge that had slipped his mind. He kept his breathing steady as she inhaled deeply through her nose. "You're human... but there's something about you... what is that? It's unlike anything I've ever experienced."

Is she talking about my Corpse Part? Is she a Stand User too? Funny wondered, slowly drawing out his firearm. Does it enhance her senses?

"Are you with the Doves?" She asked.

"Doves?" He repeated, finger ready at the trigger.

"That accent..." She finally turned to face him. Her eyes were straight from Hell itself. Scarlet irises surrounded by pools of black. "That sharp face. Are you... American?"

"And proud of it." Funny's father's patriotism had truly been inherited by him.

The cannibal grinned. "I've never had somebody from the West. I wonder what you'll taste like!"

Those words were enough. Funny brought his arm up and pulled the trigger thrice in quick succession, all aimed at her head. The bangs killed the silence that had once dominated the room completely. The bullets connected to their target. Her head shot back, making it so she was now gazing at the ceiling. As smoke floated from the muzzle, Funny waited for her to fall to the ground and join her victims.

Instead, she just stood there... and then she began to laugh, making Funny's eyes widen.

What?! I know for a fact these aren't blanks! And I'm positive I didn't miss! He fired two more shots into her stomach. As with last time, her body wretched from the projectiles meeting her flesh, but now the Stand User could see the truth. They had not broken her skin. The small bits of metal fell from her torso and clinked onto the floor. She began to full on cackle as her skull came back to its proper position, making the other three used bullets fall as well. Is that her Stand's ability?

"I guess you really aren't with the Doves," she said gleefully. "Not with being so stupid. They don't call me 'Binge Eater' for nothing. I'll savor your taste. I don't even have to try with you." With that declaration made, she charged towards him.

With a mere thought, D4C fully manifested in front of its User, and threw a punch with the power of train. Its white-blue fist met her face. She went backwards, skidding along the floor.

The human-eater spat out a mouthful of blood. "I didn't even see it..." She stood up and sniffed again. She looked directly at him. "You're definitely human. But for ruining my night, I'll eat you slowly." As soon as the words escaped her mouth, massive red tendrils sprung from her back, ending with points as sharp as spearheads. She crouched down, and leapt at him.

D4C moved to behind its User and unleashed a barrage on the glass. In an instant, it flowed out like from a destroyed dam, covering Funny. The Binge Eater payed no mind to the flowing liquid. She zeroed in on her prey... only to find he was gone. She smelled his scent lingering. She looked down at the water, seeing only the floor and the fish flopping about, desperate to breathe.

"What are you, a magician?" She wondered aloud as she looked around.

Between the floor and the water, Funny mused as he emerged from the glass of an unbroken, identical aquarium. She claimed she didn't see my Stand... He instantly spotted that universe's Binge Eater, enjoying the same meal as her counterpart, too entranced by the blood in her gullet to detect him. If the other one is using... whatever those were, she's playing with her best cards. It's only fair I do the same. He removed himself from the clear wall entirely, and cleared his throat.

She froze, as if somebody had pressed the pause button on her existence. She looked over her shoulder to be met with the sight of him.

"You missed one," he said, not straying from the water tank.

"I don't even remember inviting you," the second Binge Eater he had met that evening said. She too smelled him, and smiled. "But there's something intoxicating about you!" Like her double, she underestimated him and sprinted towards him. The American pressed his back against the glass but remained calm. Her manic expression grew bigger as she got closer and closer. Her mouth opened and she reached for him. Funny forced himself to focus, to find the perfect timing.

As her hands made contact with his neck, he made full use of his Stand's manifestation range. D4C materialized behind her and shoved, making her chest and stomach make contact with his own. He quickly wrapped his arm around her. To any unfortunate observer, he seemed to be embracing her. In reality, he had succeeded in his gambit. He was between her and the tank, and she was coming along for the ride. They both quickly melted into the glass, and the next thing either of them knew, they were wet.

Water was still flowing out of the hole D4C had made. The first Binge Eater, despite all she had done and seen, was dumbstruck for a moment. One second, her American snack was gone. And the next he was back, hugging what looked like her twin.

"Who are you?" She demanded.

"Who are you?!" The other shot back.

"Dojyaaa~n!" Funny sang as his Stand punched his secret weapon into her interdimensional copy.

The two mass murders collided, and the affect was instant. A small, cubical section of the arms sprng off and merged. The new singular piece then exploded like a small firecracker.

The two looked, at the moment, unconcerned. That self assurance went away as more and more chunks flew off of them, like bees exiting a hive, only to explode and leave nothing. Then, both felt a pulling all across their bodies, as if they were made of oppositely polarized magnets. Their torsos were glued together. The pain of their bodies gradually disintegrating was beyond agony.

"What have you done to me?!"

The second made the mistake of drawing out her own crimson tentacles. They too met with their counterparts and began to merge into oblivion.

"This is my ability," Funny said as the monsters screamed, trying to claw at him. It was to no avail. Their legs were gone already. "To cross the boundaries between dimensions. Unfortunately for you, Binge Eater, no two of the same thing can coexist in the same space. They cancel each other out. No two of the same but me, and my Stand." He then spoke the last words the two women would ever hear. "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap."

With a bang, the two were no more. Funny was again alone as the trinkle of the water died away, the level having at past reached a point below the holes.

As he sighed with relief, he heard a small snap and a chuckle come from behind. He instantly turned on his heels to see who it was.

He was met with a tall, burly man in a white suit, wearing rings that made it look as if he was talons and a mask straight out of an old series of horror movies Funny used to watch when he was still a teenager. In the new stranger's hands was a pair pliers so large, they could have been used to pull railroad spikes.

"I suppose I should thank you," the sharp dressed freak said, snapping his fingers by pressing down on the joint with his thumb. "Whatever that was, you just did my job for me."

Funny crouched down, pushing a corpse onto its side. "You're welcome. But I think I've had enough of this universe for now." He put himself between the body and the still wet floor.