Berserk I: One Man...

"And now my gambit begins," Funny Elder said with his usual veneer as the two Valentines watched the General chase after the jockey. "Come." He turned on his heels.

Funny Lesser followed him down the hill, copying his pace. Will I really grow my hair that long? The two proud Americans reached the end of the slope, coming to a small lake. "Well, that answers my unasked question about where all the soldiers were getting fresh water."

"Thinking of survival in the midst of war. Truly, you are me." Funny Elder spoke with a slight hint of pride as he looked at the surface of the water. His reflection stared back at him.

The younger Funny stood by his counterpart's side and did the same. The duo remained completely silent for a few long, serene moments before the less experienced of the two spoke up. "You mentioned somebody called The Noble One?"

"Ah yes. I did, didn't I?" The older Valentine did not avert his eyes from the lake. "I've not seen him in person, but I have witnessed what he is capable of. Men of truly titanic power quiver at the very idea of him. A man doomed to die over and over again infinitely... spared from his curse with a mere wave of the Noble One's hand."

"That sounds quite merciful. Why do you want to fight him?"

"Because the man who was freed from his suffering was one of the most vile human beings I have seen. He wanted to murder his own daughter to satiate his paranoia."

Funny Lesser felt rather stupid at that moment. "Oh. And so this Noble One..."

"Recruited him for his power to erase time itself."

That statement made the young Funny gape at his interdimensional self. "That... that is a very dangerous power for such an unstable person."

"I am aware of that. And his temporal abilities are nothing, nothing, compared to that of the man he now follows. Hence my own recruitment procedures. But enough of that. We cannot remain here for much longer. There are things to do elsewhere and I am wasting time."

"But I have so many questions!"

Funny Elder put an understanding, supportive hand on his younger self's shoulder. "Then you can find another one of us. Infinite realities. Infinite Funny Valentines. But I have a question of my own. Can you swim?"

The younger Valentine blinked at the random, innocuous inquiry. "Yes?"

"Good." Without warning, Funny Elder grabbed the fabric of his counterpart's jacket, and pulled, sending him into the water before them while maintaining his grip. With the other Funny technically between water and water, the older one activated his own D4C, sending him away. "Go forth, Funny Valentine, and find whatever it is you are searching for."

The main Funny of these tales panicked for the briefest of moments. Not because of the water, as he knew how to stroke and tread, but because of just how suddenly his other self had acted. On instinct, he gasped. And to his shock, his lungs did not fill up with water. Realizing his situation was not dire, at least not at the moment. On his hands and knees, he looked around to assess just where he had wound up. He seemed to be in a shallow, softly flowing river, barely a few inches deep. All around him were grassy fields, with a few large rocks here and there. No civilization in sight. Perhaps it would be best to move on to the next reality, rather than wandering around aimlessly. He shifted his weight, preparing to stand up, when his hand slipped.

"AH!" The rocks beneath the translucent water proved to be slippery and jagged. He surfaced his possibly injured palm and shook the water off it. He exhaled sharply. Had his skin been breached? All he could tell was that his glove had certainly been split. He had experienced worse agony. Far, far worse. The still-fresh scars on his back were undeniable evidence. Still, as he was not a masochist in any measure, he was not too keen to have it back. He looked closely at his stinging palm for a moment before he felt something collide with his other arm, just along the surface of the river. It felt small, like a coin. He looked down.

It was a necklace. Black thread wrapped around the holder of... he did not know just what it was. A ruby, maybe? It was red, after all. Perhaps garnet or labradorite? Curiosity bored into him. He reached down with his injured hand and gingerly wrapped his fingers around the string. Bringing it up to be level with his eyes, he took a closer look.

It was not any precious stone he had ever seen or read about. In fact, it did not seem to be a stone at all. It looked... fleshy. Bringing it even closer, he squinted. On it was something he could have sworn was nothing more than a trick being played on him by his own eyes.

A mouth.

He blinked, but it did not go away. In fact, he noticed more on it. What looked like two closed eyes, distorted in position relative to a normal face, were also on the odd bauble. As was a nose.

As he knelt there, completely lost as to what he was holding, he heard something over the flowing of the water. Laboured breathing. Slowly, Funny looked over his shoulder. What he saw was even more bizarre than the necklace.

It was a man. A very thin, heavily bandaged man kneeling in the water just as he was. He looked positively malnourished, as if he had not eaten in months. Bloodied bandages covered the vast majority of his skin-and-bones body. But what caught Funny's eyes had to be the helmet. Silver like a polished knife. The design of it revealed little more than the wearer's maw and eyes, and it reminded Funny of a bird of prey.

The stranger was breathing heavily, as if he had just finished crying. And he was staring right at him.

Funny broke the silence. "Stars and garters, man. What the Hell happened to you?"

Bird head's mouth was agape, but no words came out. Only strangled breaths. He reached up, with plenty of evident struggle, for the necklace.

Funny looked at it in turn. Did it belong to this living ragdoll?

Before Funny could react or ponder any further, the sound of splashing rang up behind him. He finally got to his feet and twirled around to investigate the source (thus putting the necklace out of his new acquaintance's reach).

What beheld him was even more bizarre than the naked cannibal. It was another him.

This new Funny instantly earned the nickname Knight Funny from his younger self, due to the complete suit of pink armor he was wearing, along with the scappard on his hip. With him were two others.

A dark skinned woman who was wearing only what looked like a cape to keep herself decent.

And a man who easily towered over the rest of them. He looked absolutely enraged, teeth bared and arms bloody.

The woman shivered. "Where are we?"

"Safe, Casca," Knight Funny said with the same tone Funny Elder had when presenting the General with her consort. "I'll be honest. I did not think that would work. But it seems reality is reality, no matter where we are."

The female named Casca was then wrapped carefully in the other man's free hand. "Are you alright?" Despite the rage practically oozing off his face, Funny could tell he was genuinely concerned for her. Were they lovers?

She placed one of her own hands on his forearm. "I'm fine." Her voice was shaky, but truthful.

Knight Funny looked around, quickly locking eyes with his younger self. "Ah, it's the resident me. How goes life?" He summoned his own Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.

Funny blinked at how... nonchalant he seemed compared to his companions. He willed his own Stand to fully manifest. "It's... confusing."

His alternate self nodded and leaned slightly to the side, getting a view of what was behind him. "Oh. And you've brought him."