It's the second day of school. Sitting in class, I can hear Miss Bell talking in the background, but I'm barely paying any attention. Honestly, this English class is the last thing on my mind. From the corner of my eye I spot Landon Parker with one hand under his chin, bored out of his mind, playing with the pen he's holding on his left hand. I know he's not-so-secretly staring at Reagan Johnson, who's sitting on the other side of the classroom. What wouldn't I give to have Landon Parker staring at me like that?

See, the first thing you probably need to know about Landon Parker is that he's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. He's funny, he's sweet, he's the perfect summer day wrapped up in a dream. The second thing you definitely need to know about Landon Parker is that I'm in love with him, but no one knows. I guess I should tell you a little bit about Landon.

He has been my best friend since we were little kids. We met at Sunday school at church and have been inseparable ever since. We did everything together and I could talk to him about everything, make jokes and laugh at silly things. I miss him, though. It's not like we stopped hanging when he and Reagan starting dating, but things got different.

Reagan Johnson is the coolest girl you'll ever meet. She moved from New York last year with her family and we simply clicked. She's my best friend and that's part of the reason why no one can know I'm desperately in love with her boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend. They actually broke up a couple of days ago. Reagan decided that senior year should be one to remember, the time to make new memories, experience different things and have new adventures and that having a boyfriend would slow her down. But I'm not going to lie. A part of me was glad they broke up. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I was super happy my two best friends were together and it's not like I'm going to make a move or try anything at all. Especially now, looking at Landon, realizing how heartbroken he is.

I get snapped out of my daydream about meeting Landon, in gown, in a field with butterflies at dawn, prepared to declare my undying love to him, a scene worthy of a Jane Austen novel. My phone is buzzing in my pocket. It's Reagan, making a joke about Tori's choker being the ugliest piece of accessory she's ever seen in her life. I reply with a LOL and move my attention to the girl sitting in the back.

Victoria "Tori" Garner is Reagan's cousin, but they don't get along. Actually, Tori and I used to be best friends back in the sixth grade, but for reasons having to do with my lack of social skills and her rising popularity we are now…not. She's the perfect picture of the girl next door, attractive, athletic, but inexplicably mean for no reason when it comes to me. Funny how the world works. How you trust someone with your life for a moment, then the next you're almost completely strangers. In all honesty, I don't miss being friends with Tori. She's the type of girl who can make you feel small with just one stare.

Sitting next to Tori is her boyfriend, Jackson Avery. He and I were never particularly good friends, but we've been in the same class since kindergarten. He's the most handsome boy you'll ever meet in your life so, of course, he's Tori's boyfriend. I guess that's how it works. The cool guy and the pretty girl always end up together. But what's funny is that Jackson Avery was actually my first kiss. In the seventh grade, back when Tori and I were still close friends, we all went to Paige Thompson's birthday party. We were playing spin the bottle in the basement when it actually landed on me. Back in the day, Tori was already in love with Jackson and I knew it. What she didn't know was that even I had a crush on him back then and that kiss, as short and awkward as it was, blew my mind. He stole my very first kiss and that was the beginning of the end for Tori and I.

So, here we are. Let me get the puzzle together for you really quickly: I'm in love with Landon Parker, who is in love with Reagan Johnson, whose cousin is Victoria Garner, who's boyfriend's Jackson Avery, who I used to have a crush on.

And well, no one's in love with me. No one's got a crush on me.

Once Miss Bell finally dismisses us, I gather my things and search for Reagan but she's nowhere to be found. I quickly evaluate my options. I either eat lunch alone in the cafeteria or find somewhere quiet where I can eat the sandwich I packed earlier in the morning. Option number two wins.

I settle by the bleachers, where I find Landon, going through his hone, with headphones on. As I approach him, he looks up at me. "Hey!" he says, putting the phone down.

"May I?"

He nods and I sit next to him, placing my bag by my feet. "Did you know she was going to do this?" He asks, definitely talking about Reagan and the sudden breakup. Before I can say anything else, Landon cuts me off. "I know you're best friends and all, but…"

"I didn't know. I'm so sorry." I tell him and he lets out a deep breath. I can see it in his eyes, the heartbreak I know all too well. "She'll come back to her senses, you'll see."

"I'm not sure about that. Seems like she's already moved on."

"Reagan fell really hard for you, Landon. I mean, how could she not?" I stop, as I realize the way the words came out of my mouth. Landon doesn't seem to notice though and I move on, changing the subject. "So, senior year, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty cool. Remember how badly we wanted to reach this place? Be seniors?"

I do. We used to make plans about our lives after high school and imagine how awesome it would be to leave our past behind, to set new goals in the future and move on. And although I couldn't be happier about going to college next year, I also couldn't help but to feel sad. This is our last year together as classmates and as neighbors. I was going to miss seeing him every day. Not only me, but my family, they also loved Landon. He was the son my father never had and the older brother my little sister Alice always dreamed of having. Graduation seems so far away a couple of years ago, but here we were, a few months ago from prom and… huh prom. As I think about it for a second, I wonder if maybe Landon and I could go to prom together. I can see us already, dancing in the middle of the dance floor, me in a beautiful dress, his hand on my back, as he looks at me with those eyes and tells me I'm beautiful.

"Want some?" He asks, holding a bag of chips in front of my face, completely unaware that I've been staring at him for the past two minutes without blinking.

I shake my head and make a move to get my sandwich. "So, what are you listening to?"

He looks down at his IPhone again and shrugs. "Some new band I found." He hands me the headphones and presses play. The music is cool. It's by some random English indie rock band I've never even heard of before.

The third thing you need to know about Landon Parker is that he always finds new bands and sounds, he's got the most perfect taste in music.

..

"Would you stop moving your head?" I ask Kimmie, as I try to untangle her wet hair with a brush.

"You're hurting me, you know!" She protests. We're sitting in my bedroom's floor, in front of the body length mirror against the wall. I'm only a couple of years older than Kimmie, but we're about the same height. If you didn't know better, you'd say we're twins. "My friends Isla Mae and Polly told me they heard someone say something about Grant Carter tell people he might ask me out on a date sometime."

"Are you even allowed to go on dates? I don't think daddy will think you're old enough for that."

"Daddy doesn't need to know!" Kimmie is feisty, we all know that. "By the way, I saw Landon today, after school."

"Oh… you did?" I try to sound as cool as I can be, but the simple mentioning of his name makes my stomach drop.

"He was buying flowers, which is odd, considering Reagan broke up with him."

"How do you know they broke up?"

"Everybody knows everybody's business in this town."

I guess that's only true for certain people. I never saw myself as someone anyone would care about. Not that my life was filled with excitement or any type of thing that got people talking. Most times I simply felt invisible. And trust me, sometimes the gift of invisibility is not a super power. If only Landon saw me! I finish combing Kimmie's hair and start braiding it. She's staring at me through the mirror and it's almost as if she's reading my mind. "You know, your time is up."

"What?"

"What, what?" Kimmie goes on. "About Landon. Next year you're both off to college, far from each other. He just got out of a relationship, you're as single as single goes…"

"I don't know what's you're talking about." I look at my reflection and notice that my face is turning bright red.

"Oh, c'mon. Don't lie."

I finish braiding her hair and get on my feet, my hands are shaking. "I seriously don't know what-"

"You're in love with him!" Kimmie says, standing up as well, checking herself in the mirror before turning to me. "And you should do something about it. And you should definitely stop living your love life through old John Hughes movies. You're not the star of an eighties film!"

Where is my sister and what has the alien standing in from of me done to her? "I don't live my love life through old romantic comedies." I lie, but what girl doesn't do it? It's easier to pretend being Molly Ringwald, knowing the happy ending is coming soon, than facing the fact that I'm the teenager with the most boring love life anyone has ever seen.

Kimmie rolls her eyes at me and heads to the door. As soon as she leaves, I run to shut it. My mouth drops open, words don't come out as I search for air. No one was supposed to know. How does she know about this? I'm either the worst actress on the face of the earth, she either red my journals or she simply knows me too well. Either way, she has to keep her mouth shut and not say another word on the matter.

When I finally calm down, I sit in my bed, open my nightstand drawer and reach for the red notebook inside of it. You see, my journals are my most prized possessions. They're full of words I wouldn't dare saying out lout, all the dreams and the secrets from the deepest parts of my heart, all the love letters I wrote to boys who will never read them.

I hold the red journal close to my chest when the phone rings. It's Reagan.

"Hi."

"You won't believe what I just heard!" Her tone makes me feel excited to hear the news. "Victoria and Jackson Avery broke up."

"No! That can't be true."

"Told you, you wouldn't believe it. Apparently, she's been cheating on Avery the whole summer with a guy she's now seeing."

"Noo! Seriously?"

"Seriously. She dumped him, just like that. Deleted all their photos together from every social media account and made it official with the other dude." My brain is trying to process it as she goes, so I make myself comfortable by sitting with my back against the headboard. "They had a huge fight in the school parking lot today too."

"But they're… teen royalty!" I say, with the lack of better words.

"I know!" Reagan's almost screaming with excitement. "Not that it's any of my business, but watch it blow all in Tori's face in a couple of weeks."

"What do you mean?"

"She thinks she owns people. Jackson has been branded her property. As soon as he finds someone new to replace her, she's going to lose her mind and that…" Reagan stop and I picture her smiling from ear to ear. "… is something I'm not gonna miss."

..

The one thing in life I hate more than waiting for someone who is running late, is waiting for someone who is running late at the mall. It's been almost half an hour and Kimmie is still a no show and I'm starting to wonder why the hell on earth I agreed to meet her. She's always running late!

So, mindlessly, I take a few steps forward, before bumping into someone who was walking out of a shop.

"Anybody ever told you not to text and drive? Or… in this case, walk?"

I look up. It's Jackson Avery. "Sorry."

"It's, you know… just a warning. Don't want you going around running over people."

"Oh sorry!" I say. It's strange enough to see him out of school, nevertheless the way he's speaking to me, making jokes even.

"Nah, it's okay. See you around, Kepner."

I watch him leave when I hear my sister's voice behind me. "Who was that?"

"You're late!" I say, turning around.

"I know, I'm here now… doesn't matter. Who was that guy you were just talking to?"

"That's Jackson Avery."

"Jackson Avery as in Jackson Avery?!" She asks and I simply nod twice. "Why was he talking to you?"

"What's with that tone? As if Jackson Avery wouldn't talk to me like the human being that I am!" I tilt my head and sight. "Anyways, let's go. There's this really nice pair of boots I saw the other day, I wanna check if they're still on sale."

..

By noon the next day, I'm sitting with Reagan outside and she's telling me about this new Tv show I should definitely check out. The day is warm, the sun is straight in my face, almost blinding, but it feels nice to enjoy the last days of summer. I make a mental note to do my homework in the backyard later, when- "Hey, can I talk to you?"

We look up at boy in front of us at the same time. "With me?" I ask, directing a finger at myself.

"Oh, it's Jackson Avery and look… he isn't wearing a leash, my cousin let him off his leash. Aren't you a lost puppy?"

"Very funny, aren't you, Reagan?!" His tone is proof he didn't find the joke amusing. "I need to speak with April. Alone."

Reagan looks at me, then back at him with a puzzled face. "Fine! See you in PE." She tells me before turning on her feet and leaving.

I'm not sure if I'm seeing things or not, if this is all part of a joke or not. My brain is suddenly overflowing with questions with the motives of Jackson Avery's sudden need to speak to me. My mind runs back to the day I bumped into him at the mall. Did I do or say something I shouldn't have? How could I know? My memories are unexpectedly all blurry and I can't seem to remember the words I exchanged with him that day. Wait, did I say anything at all? Can't remember!

"Look, I appreciate it and everything, but… it's never going to happen." He says, in a quiet tone, almost apologetic. I'm more confused than ever. "And it's really nice that you think I have eyes that can melt your soul, that's cool, but-"

"What are you talking about?"

He ignores me and continues."-from what I remember about that kiss, it was nice, I mean, seventh grade nice."

Then, it's when I notice the note he's carrying in his right hand, it's only slightly folded and I can read the beginning of it. It starts with "Dear Jackson A., I can't stop thinking about you and your ocean blue eyes…" In that moment, I realize exactly what it is. A love letter I wrote to Jackson after the kiss we shared when we were kids. My mind is screaming with voices telling me to keep it cool and freak out all at once. I don't know what to do or how he got it or how to explain why I wrote that. All my brain cells are crashing down at once. "How did you get that?"

"It was in my locker this morning."

I start to feel a rush of adrenaline run through my body, followed by a sense that my sould is about to leave it behind. I was having an outer body experience and I could see myself sweat like a pig in the middle of the desert. I can't catch my breath. My mouth is abruptly too dry. It the background, like the chorus of a distant song, I can hear him saying "It's just that Victoria and I are in a really weird place right now and we're taking things slow, so it's just not the right time. I mean, I don't know what you were expecting to come out of this, but-"

From the corner of my eye I see Landon quickly approaching. He's got a piece of paper in his hand too. It could only mean he's got the latest love letter I wrote. My heart sinks inside my chest. I panic and for about five seconds I see my whole life flash before my eyes. Then, the world surrounding us starts to collapse, like the Armageddon, walls of fire and holes on the floor are swallowing me. I lose my ground and without taking a second thought I wrap my arms around Jackson's neck and press my lips against his. He seems to be taken off guard, because he doesn't react. After I come back to my senses, I let Jackson go. He looks confused, but I don't say anything else and simply start running.

I run to the car and only stop when I get home. I need to see what happened to my journals, I need to know why they got the letters or at least try to understand what's going on. I rush upstairs and take a look inside my nightstand. The red journal is gone. Then, I search for the rest of them in the closet. Only another one is missing. The one I wrote when I was thirteen. The one with Jackson's letter.

My knees hit the floor when I lose the ability to stand. Feeling defeated, I let out a loud "NOOO!" A scene that could be straight out of soap opera.

..

I barely sleep that night, but in the morning I have a plan. The letters are out, they read them and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, nobody else did… otherwise, I'm just going to have to move to another state. Wait, no, to another country. Canada seems like a good place to start my escape route. Sure, no one will stop me at the border. Anyways, I just have to go through today and simply avoid Landon at all costs, maybe forever. Well, and Jackson as well. Doesn't seem so hard if you think he hasn't talked to me in years previous to this incident.

I get up before anyone else does, which is nice, because for once I don't have to talk to anybody in the morning. After getting dressed, I grab a banana and head out the door. I'm the first one to arrive at the school parking lot, but I don't mind. It gives me time. I sit in my car for another hour just thinking about what I should say or not say if either one of them comes talking to me. If I could just dig a hole in the ground and hide in there forever.

As I hold the steering wheel with both of my hands, considering leaving town right then and there and make a run for it, someone taps on my window, making me jump on my seat.

"Hey, Kepner?" I look to the side to find none other than Jackson Avery leaning in. "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing. What are you doing here?" I know he wants to talk, but I don't want to talk. Actually, I don't want to look at him, I don't want to see him, I don't want to be near him.

"Look, I just want to make it very clear. I'm flattered, but Tori and I just broke up and I'm not that into you-"

"Jackson, are you trying to reject me? I asks, after awkwardly getting out of the car and grabbing my things. "I'm not trying to date you. I wrote that letter a long, long time ago. You were never supposed to read it."

"Then why did you write it?"

"That's a good point, but-"

"Why did you kiss me, then?"

I let out a deep breath and face him. "I had to pretend I liked you so that someone else didn't know I like them."

"Oh. Okay. Who?"

"What?"

"Who? Who is he?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Okay, so I'm not going to believe you." He shrugs. "I think you like me."

"I really don't!"

"Should I tell the rest of the school you wrote me a love letter?"

"Okay, fine. You're really not letting this go, are you?" I scratch the back of my head and press my lips against each other, reviewing my options. "If I tell you will you leave me alone?"

"Maybe."

"It's Landon Parker."

"Wait, isn't he dating Reagan Johnson?

"Well, yeah… no!" I reply, not even sure why we're having this conversation. "They were dating, not anymore. And he probably got a letter too yesterday and that's why this whole thing is messed up and why no one can know I like Landon, especially him."

"Wait, hold on." He stops me, holding one hand in the air. "He got a letter too? Just when you think you're special she goes around writing love letters to everyone."

At this point, I'm not sure if he's joking or not. "Anyways, don't start feeling special. I only kissed you because he was coming to talk to me about it."

"Oh… okay."

"Are we done here? 'Cause we got to go to class and everything."

"Oh sure."

"I'm sorry I kissed you."

"Don't worry, could've been worse."

I start to walk but he keeps walking next to me. "What are you going to say when you see Landon?"

"Well, I'm gonna try to avoid him."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"The truth, I don't know…"

"That you like him?"

"I don't know, Jackson!" I'm starting to feel a little bit impatient. Not only are my nerves jumping through the roof, this whole conversation isn't making me feel more confident to walk in class today.

"Wait, what if you didn't say anything to him. I mean, about liking him or not." I stop and look at him. He must've noticed the puzzled look on my face. "Why don't you let him think we're together for a little longer? And not just him, but the whole school?"

"Why?"

"Okay, well… When Tori heard we kissed she went crazy. If she thinks you and I are together, she might want us to get back."

"Oh, so you want to use me to get back together with Tori?"

"Technically you used me first, for Landon. I think you owe me one." I roll my eyes at him and start to make my way again. "Look, you don't have to answer me now. Take your time and think about it, alright?"

"Fine, but don't wait standing." As I walk away, I turn my head to look at him once and catch him staring at me, with a smile on his face.

...

AN: If you follow me on twitter, you know about my recent obsession with the movie "To all the boys I've loved before". As I was watching it, I couldn't help but to think about japril and about how cute would be to write something similar about them. The story has all new characters (no actual Grey's characters will be used other than April and Jackson's family). Let me know if you enjoyed reading the first chapter and leave a review to let me know if I should continue it!

Thank you!