Here it is. This chapter is brought to you by a stressed, (unintentionally, dammit) ill-mannered student who desperately needs to sleep more. No editing, we die like men.

When I said "expect later updates" I meant by like a week, not over half a year later. Hey, it's been 8 months! Welcome to 2020! Things have gone to shit.

What's happened since the last update? Too much that you don't care about and I don't want to bother you with that. I can complain about everything in a separate thing. It's a lot of trivial shit (like 90%), some major shit, and more shit because life is a huge fuck you.

...yeah. Sorry. Since I started this, I really do want to finish. It's a shame depression hit me like truck-kun when he isekai'd everyone.

We're nearing 100 favorites and have 150 follows. Woah. That's like… A lot of people. I'm sorry you're all here. Go spend your time more productively on some other thing that is actually somewhat consistent instead of whatever trash this is (just kidding, please stay, I have words today).

I hope you can settle for what's here now; half the usual content. I can't force myself to write anymore, not if I want to make an attempt at quality. Failing quality, granted, but I like to think I'm trying. Copied and pasted from my phone so rip the formatting, but eh, I'll fix it later, maybe.

Pass the bold text; it's the content you want.

Chapter 4: Somaesthesia

Autres temps, autres mœurs.

French to English:

Other times, other customs.

TenTen sneezed.

"Bless you," I said. It was on instinct; you say it after someone sneezes because it's polite, and not being a widely regarded asshole means you're somewhat polite.

Less than a second later, my thoughts went from cover your mouth don't fucking sneeze on me to that was English did I really just-

"Bure tsuyu?" TenTen said. She had this confused look on her face, and my internal panic worsened. "What does that mean? And what does tsuyu have to do with anything?"

"It's, um," I said, like an intellectual, because 1, it's English, and 2, I don't exactly know the origin for the phrase (I didn't take AP English or any class related to language other than what I had to take, I can barely do alright with English grammar). "It's something. Don't worry about it."

Don't worry about it. Perfect excuse, works like a charm every time.

"But I AM worrying about it!" She whined.

…I stand corrected: works like a charm every time when adults are concerned.

"Just, uh. Don't do that then. Don't worry about it." I repeated myself. TenTen is quite clingy, and I'm not well suited for clingy people. (Remember why you're alone, NaHiotomiri.)

The topic fades as I question this kid on her classes. She said they're all boring, but the chakra related topics are interesting.

Today is a Sunday in April, and it's alright. Rain falls in no particular order, and May will arrive quickly as time passes.

I don't have much to do other than think about how Naruto is doing and what I plan on doing. Naruto is in TenTen's class. He's 5, like me, and has been skipping out on most of his classes, apparently.

Huh. Honestly, I don't think I really care all that much about him anymore. At least, not now. I'm going to go to the Academy, do my own thing, graduate as a shinobi, and learn to utilize chakra. Learn more about the world while I'm at it, in terms of technology and science. There's really no point in me trying to get involved, is there? It's my life. Why should I worry about the events that might occur in the near future?

Ouch, the guilt hurts. Damn, giving up on the Uchiha massacre and Naruto already? What else am I going to give up on?

Hey. Guilty side of me? Fuck you.

I'm still writing progress notes, though it's weekly now and with less details. There's really no point in writing them everyday other than to kill time and waste paper.

The key I wear as a necklace for the drawer under my bed got snatched by TenTen once during a game of… I'm not sure what it was. It was some sort of game though. Eh, yeah, I should hide it better. Maybe in my hair.

I still need a haircut. Sensei from the orphanage classes mentioned they're happening in early summer, so I'll probably get Hitori's hair chopped off by early July.

TenTen nudges me and I glance at her. She's holding up 4 senbon between her fingers, her hand balled into a fist.

"Hitori, look," she says, "I'm going to show you this new thing I read about from the Academy books-"

(I ended up with a bandage wrapped around my right shoulder and TenTen crying while apologizing to me. She doesn't know how to avoid moving objects when throwing things yet.)

She's just 6, it's not okay to hurt children, you're an adult so act mature, what would she-

I have recently been spending a lot of time indoors.

A few hours might not seem like much, but it is. Enough time for me to review all my progress notes, continue talking to myself in various languages(and the accent- oh my god the accent bothers me so much), that kind of thing.

There's the light manipulation I still want to do, chakra experiments, that thing about trying out different chakra natures. That kind of thing. One main uncompleted project which caught my attention was the animal and plant experimentation plans. I… should start getting more organized.

I'm going to start experimentation soon. Hopefully soon. Maybe soon. Look, I'm just going to start experiments eventually, okay? By the time I'm… if I'm generous, 9, I should have something set up. Experiments on rats. And fish. Plants, too.

I want to understand chakra. I want to understand how this energy, which is apparently so essential to human life here, is able to work. Naomi's world didn't have chakra.

I want to know chakra. What can I break it down into? I know it isn't energy. Energy is it's own thing. So what is chakra?

What can I tie chakra down to? Energy can be related back to mass and speed of light. Chakra is so called a mix of physical and spiritual energies, but what does that mean?

Nothing is impossible. At worst it's a one in near-infinity chance of reaching, but it is in reach, and that's what matters.

Work around the mishaps and find the answers.

It's for the sake of science, and I don't think anyone would miss a few rats or fish or plants going missing.

The issues here are how I'm going to get my hands on said organisms, having a place to experiment in, and materials for experimentation on them in the first place… Eh, I'll figure it out when I get there. For now I'll just start collecting and creating some sort of farm-like system to keep a supply or subjects ready for use.

...when I'm older. Children are seriously useless.

Also, my old handwriting is horrendous. I should write smaller.

As I re-lock my drawer, I remind myself on the things to focus on in the present. ANBU- Naruto- newspapers- data mining- caution caution CAUTION-

(There's no need to worry yet. Take your time.)

I saw a dog today while I was walking to the library.

A dog.

A DOG!!

Fluff! Dog! Doggy!

I wanna pet it. I really do.

Damn, I want a dog of my own. Why do I live in the orphanage? I want a dog - or a cat, a cat is fine too, but I want a fluffy animal friend - and I can't own a dog there.

I guess the dog was scared or something, because it ended up running away from me.

No, like, I saw the dog and the dog saw me, we made eye contact for half a second, and I kid you not the dog started sprinting in the other direction.

Inu-san… am I scary?

And on this fine day when the rain is falling and sensei decided to introduce us to instruments, I confirm, muscle memory is weird.

As far as I'm aware, muscle memory relies on the "memory" in your muscles, otherwise your body, to perform certain tasks. You gain muscle memory through repetition; for example, if you practice writing the Russian alphabet enough times, eventually you'll be able to memorize how to write it all without actively trying to figure out what each letter looks like. That's how my dad started teaching me how to write in Russian.

…The bike example is more effective, huh. Basically, learn to ride a bike in your childhood, and you'll never forget how to ride it. You can't "unlearn" something, that's not a thing.

Anyways. Muscle memory. It's established on active repetition of a certain action.

However, it appears some of Naomi's muscle memory carried on into Hitori's body, despite not having actively repeated these specific actions to get the muscle memory. So does muscle memory lie in dormant action instead of the body's "subconsciousness"? If that makes sense. It does, sort of, and not at the same time.

I, uh, don't really know how else to explain the drumming.

They're not drumsticks - at least not the kind I'm used to - in my hands, but they're still able to play the same song I want, even if it's off key by… a lot, probably. I don't have perfect pitch. Relative pitch isn't going to get you far in life.

Straying off track. So. Drumming. Two chopstick-like sticks, a snare drum (...should I even ask? Should I? Kishimoto, your stupid ass brought snare drums into this world and I'm pretty sure you don't even have wooden pencils here), and me.

I don't remember the exact notes to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", but I swear if someone gave me drumsticks and this snare drum I could play it back by memory in under 5 minutes, give or take.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

…I should return this snare drum.

I walk up to sensei, and he takes the materials back. Overall, today was another boring day in class. We didn't do anything but play around a bit.

At least I got to learn something out of this.

May arrives and with May comes more rain, more time indoors, and more time outdoors with my umbrella.

I wish rain boots were a thing. There's not enough water for it to be considered flooding right now, but there is enough water for large puddles to form and being forced to walk around them since I don't want to get my feet wet in muddy dirty how unsanitary water.

There's a little thunder at night, and sometimes during the morning. No actual lighting as far as I can tell.

Which reminds me. Today, I'm going to confirm whether or not I have access to a third element!

Hell yeah I wanna be the Avatar of this world!

Okay, I'll shut up now.

So, the thing about chakra elements, as far as I'm aware- it's not impossible to have all 5 elements, just. Really, really hard. Because of some bullshit that isn't exactly well explained.

Well this world can go suck my nonexistent dick because too bad I'm going to have something in all 5 elements.

Fire is already covered, even if I have no idea how to make a red-orange ball-shaped fire from my mouth. Water is limited to making small puddles from wet ground, but it's still something. Lightning I'll begin today, and if I can generate even sparks that'll be good enough for me.

Earth and wind I'll focus on later. I don't think I'll be making walls of dirt or tornados or anything like that until years down the road, but something is still progress and progress is good!

Optimism! Yay!

I used to be so fucked up as a child, after all that bullshit from middle school. Look at me grooming myself into being happier now.

Anyways, here I am in this array of wood and leaves potentially being spied on about to create lightning sparks. Is this a good idea? No. Am I still going to do it? My stupid brain says yes.

Lightning nature is extremely versatile. Well, all the elemental natures are versatile in some way, but lightning nature more so. It's less about lightning than it is about electromagnetic manipulation focusing on electricity. Electrons, probably.

And as anyone who ever passed a course in chemistry should be able to confirm, these electrons are fucking everywhere. Every single known element on the periodic table should have electrons. Except maybe some ions of hydrogen.

Applying that here- anyone who knows what the fuck they're doing can rip apart atoms for electrons (or gather atoms, I guess, and ensure they all become stable with a full shell of valence electrons) and make things go very messy.

Or use the electricity generated naturally by human cells and control people's movements like they're puppets. Go through the spinal cord and neurons. The precision for that is intense, but I'm sure it's possible.

It's a fundamental force of the universe, and-

…straying off topic again. I tend to do that a lot.

I hear the rumble of thunder overhead and sigh. Time to get started.

I still don't know what exactly I'm doing to get chakra out into manipulating the world around me, but I'll get around to it. TenTen says it's something you're supposed to feel for, but I can't ask her to try and help me on what it is to feel for exactly since she hasn't learned it yet.

It's me standing some distance away from the orphanage surrounded by trees, an umbrella in my left hand to shield me from the rain and with my right hand I'm going to try to make static electricity. It's probably the easiest and safest type of visible electric-related thing I can do right now. Fine, maybe not the easiest, but the one most widely acknowledged as safe is good enough for me. There's no way I'm going to be making lightning of all things anytime soon.

...I have no idea what to do. Damn. Uh, see, if I rub my positively charged hand against this bit of… is this plastic…? On the umbrella… handle…? I don't know what it's technically called, do I.

Well, if I rub my hand against some certain material, then I might be able to create some static from exchanging electrons. I probably won't though. I should've gone with wool. The issue is I'm pretty sure wool might not exist in this godforsaken village… I know sheep exist because they're mentioned in books, but I don't know if wool does.

I don't know why wool clothes don't exist here, but I don't have any access to wool anyways for this so life is kinda hard.

Ok. Rub hand against metal and hope that the person spying on me like the pedophile they're probably not isn't worried that I'm crazy.

After a few moments transfer hand to coat.

I definitely could do this indoors but I'm an idiot who didn't think this through, so. Haha.

Oooh, nope. No result.

I sigh. Maybe trying static electricity with my hair instead of hands later.

(It's when I'm the library that I remember static electricity works in dry environments, not humid ones. Oops.)

New library book came in today. It's about some of the recent short stories published the capital. They're all waxed in drama and romance and in general, seem pretty shit. There's a noticeable focus on character development and lack of plot.

And a special edition newspaper came in for the festival in a week. It's basically a huge advertisement.

I return to book to the other librarian - Eiji, I think is his name. I walk outside where the rain still falls, and sigh. The library is comforting, but there's nothing much left for me. All I do there is reread books I've read, pick up newspapers on Mondays, and steal paper and ink. Sometimes I draw, but not much of anything.

The world seems so big and so small to me, and sometimes I forget that there's life outside this village.

It's later in the day when I'm brush Hitori's hair and wonder what it would be like if it were an exotic shade of blonde, light and bright and cold. Naomi never cared much for her looks, but… her hair… Naomi's hair was pretty. It was rather short, but it was nice to look at. Naomi was pretty. And Hitori is a child, she might seem a bit cute on the outside but when Hitori grows up she'll be rather ugly compared Naomi, won't she?

I end up making static accidentally after my brushed hair touches the fur coat I'm wearing and I then touch the hair. I wince at the sudden shock before the implication catches up to me.

I'm trying to shoot electricity through my hair this time instead of my fingers, and as expected, nothing happens. I grit my teeth.

Try again.

...no results.

It's maybe late June when I figure out how to actually get my body to shoot out bits to electricity. I'm using the transformation jutsu to mimic Naomi's body, and sitting on a bunk bed with a roof far too low. I haven't made much progress over the past month, and not much has happened. TenTen is practicing a lot with target practice and she plays less with me as the classes get more "rigorous" for her. I see her with other girls sometimes, and have no need to approach her when it appears like she has new friends.

A win-win situation, really. She needs someone better than me in her life, and I generally like to be alone.

I really don't do much but talk to myself these days. It really just feels like months of self-induced solitary confinement, either that or I'm slowly turning depressed from all this lack of brain stimulation. Exercise is good for you - things like runner's high to get that euphoric feeling. A pity I can't get it because I still don't know if I'm being watched. My days are limited to walking around near trees, the library, and this orphanage and not much else.

(There are few things that comfort me now - this key hanging around my neck, this umbrella in my hand, and the information in my mind.)

So. Here I am, on this fine summer day, twisting around my hair with a slender finger and trying to enjoy life. The usual bullshit you do when time passes slowly and there's not much to do.

I comb my hair with my fingers and I distract myself from the heat outside by deciding to move to sit on the cooler floor. I'm wearing a shirt made from polyester - at least, it's polyester in this form. I stand and the cloth rubs against my skin-

An electrical shock runs through my body.

I end up falling on the floor, stumbling as my head shoots up then hits the bed frame of the top bunk and Naomi goes poof as Hitori returns.

I try to mimic the same sensation again - and it's pretty easy, actually. The effect here is more prominent, more sharp. I get the shock again and grin. I try it again and I can't see anything, but I know it works.

It's not generating any light like light bulbs do and it isn't making a huge sound like thunder does after lightning. Of course not- the static is sudden, and brief, whereas light bulbs have constant currents and lightning is much more powerful than what I'm doing.

I should write this down.

(Some seconds later one of the caretakers rushes into the room to ask about the sudden thud, and sees Hitori sprawled on the floor smiling. He slowly closes the door, put off by the strange girl before him.)

(Hitori is a strange phenomenon, but many in this world are strange, so he thinks nothing of it and continues back to the kitchen.)

I. GOT. MY. HAIR. CUT.

Fucking finally. It's been literally years.

It goes down to about the area where Naomi's hair went - around mid-chest. I'm now able to tell where my bangs are - wasn't able to before, due to the way it ended up parting - though they're cut at a similar length as the rest of my hair. My hair is still darkened (like the soot leftover from a fire, not desirable), but it's fine.

There is less hair and my head feel lighter and I feel freeing.

I tie it up with an elastic hair tie (like a rubber band, I think, but it's not rubber, so what and how-). I walk back to my room, vision no longer occupied with thin, stray strands of brown, and life is okay.

For one moment.

It goes to shit the next moment when I remember that in 3 months, I will be 5 years old, and in 5 more I will be in school. In the same class as the protagonist, as the star characters, as the future clan leaders.

A year ago, maybe two, this would have made me happy - the child-like glee Hitori possesses because what isn't there to like about this situation? There's so much to learn about chakra and this world! And Hitori, she thinks it's amazing.

But today, Naomi thinks, life is meant for tragedy for her and him and them and everyone, and she's messed up and so is this world and this life and she wants to laugh and cry so tired but I can't seem to sleep more.

And time is passing so slowly and so quickly and there's so much I want to do and due to these circumstances I can't do it.

Pfft. Ha. How… cute. Neiかdliわいいch。.

In August, I test myself on my ability to use different natured jutsu. I'm outside again, and today I said fuck it to the person keeping tabs on me.

(Honestly though, I might as well have resumed training again. What does it matter if I end up taken to be experimented on by some evil bastard? So long as I learn how to remove the backlash from physical pain then I'm good. No, not exactly good, more along the lines of I won't end up too fucked up.)

(And it's not like I can really do much now, I'm just wasting time.)

(He or she or they should already know that I train, right? So what does it matter?)

(What does anything matter? Does my life have meaning anymore? Do I have meaning anymore? Who is I?)

Fire is simple - though it takes a while to get that dry feeling in my mouth - and I burn a stick easily. I use what little water I could grab from the dirt (what water I could steal from these roots) and put out the fire. I shock myself again with electricity after having confirmed the fire is dead. And today, I'll begin learning to do stuff with wind.

Specifically, the kind of wind with enough speed to break things.

Nothing major yet, just a bit of bark.

I want to break it - not necessarily into pieces, more like… controlled? Like, in half. Make a hole, maybe, instead of breaking it. With just my breath.

In a typical occurrence, the bark would remain solitary (unless it's too light for that, in which case the bark is no good for this experiment). However, if I were to break - or blow a hole through it, dent it, whatever, then that would indicate I'm using some sort of unknown source of energy - chakra - to do said action.

Once more, I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'll get there eventually.

I grab a firm piece of bark from the selection lying scattered on the dirt. It's rough and a dark shade of brown, and makes a small crackling sound as I rip off all of the unwanted bits on the sides, wincing as one nearly leaves my finger with a splinter.

The bark is left on the ground, leaning against the trunk of a tree. I breathe in deeply, and exhale, then breathe again.

Break the bark-

Out comes a sudden burst of air-

-and the bark remains where it is.

...try again.

I did try again.

It didn't work.

Do I need to regulate the ratio of "wind" and "energy" to break this thing? I'd assume so, the issue is how.

There are several smaller problems with that. One, I don't know how to regulate my chakra, since I don't know how much is being used in the first place. For all other cases, I'd keep going with random amounts hoping that it works but it really doesn't do much until I hit the right amount.

It's me thinking "please fucking work" some thousand times and eventually getting it right, basically. Then trying to recreate the exact sensations - not by memory, because my memory really isn't THAT good - to be able to perform it again.

Two, I don't understand how to keep my breathing consistent to the degree it may need to be. Which, as you can probably tell, isn't ideal.

This ends up with changing amounts of "wind" and chakra. Two changing variables in an uncontrolled experiment. How nice.

I sigh, removing myself from the ground and patting off dirt from my pants.

The fire was easier because it was mainly me breaking chemical bonds in my mouth and then just having the heat - the amount of each component didn't particularly matter, as long as it was enough to light the hydrogen aflame. The water was me trying to "squeeze" or "pull" it from the ground, and all I had to do was take it up. Once more, the amount of energy doesn't matter, as long as the water reaches the surface.

Electricity relied on the movement of electrons, primarily using friction to do so. I'd replicate the static without friction by reimagining the feeling of the static, going mainly off sound and trying to recreate said imagine in my head. I'm not exactly certain on how the electrons are being moved in conjunction with the chakra, though I'd assume once again the amount of what doesn't matter here as long as it's enough to get the right feel.

With wind, I might need a consistent amount of air and chakra flow. Air has to hit a certain range, because too much air, if unconcentrated, will blow the bark down instead of breaking or cracking it and too little will do nothing. Even if concentrated it'll have to be controlled to a specific area so it doesn't randomly crack or break the bark. And of course too little air does nothing.

In the case of chakra, too little will mean the air doesn't have enough force to break the bark, and too much-

…I dunno, I guess it'd tire me out. It's not like using too much chakra will be something I face though. Maybe.

Anyways. I have to be able to control the direction and the amount of wind to form a hole, and not break the bark into pieces.

Does it matter how much wind relative to chakra I use as long as I still accomplish the goal I set out to achieve? Maybe not now, but when I'm out of breath, yeah.

I should go back inside. I'm covered in sweat so my clothes are clinging to my body, and my throat is parched. I want water.

Shit, I feel lightheaded. My stomach hurts.

I clench my tiny hands into tiny fists, ignoring the way my uncut nails stab into flesh. Grabbing my yellow umbrella which I've become far too attached to, I head back indoors.

Dinner is nice today. It's curry. There's a bit more meat than usual.

I miss life when I was able to make choices on my meals and buy my own food.

It's cold outside. Gripping the coat that hangs more like a bag than it clings to my body like a piece of cloth should, I breathe in the scent of wind.

My fingers - it's not like they hurt, but it's cold.

I go out for a run in the woods, leaving my yellow umbrella in my overly large pocket.

I trip and stumble a few times, but that's fine.

"Was für eine beschissene Zeit, draußen zu sein." Complaining doesn't help much - actually, it reinforces negativity - but ever since Naiomi became an adult she found that it eases a bit of the tension. Besides, as long as she got her shit together, what she did along the way was whatever.

I… have lost my yellow umbrella.

I realize this when I enter the library, sweat dripping down the back of my neck and fingers feeling warm yet outwardly so cold and feet aching.

(I need to get more done. There's only so much I can do in my head when I sleep.)

My pocket is empty. Shit.

I think I'm panicking. No, no. Stay calm. Stay collected. When was the last time I saw it?

I don't remember. Somewhere in the forest after I finished my run, did I still have it back then? Can't say. I don't remember.

I have lost it. Oh no.

It's fine, right? It's just an umbrella.

Just a normal, dirty, yellow umbrella.

I read the newspaper and can't seem to concentrate. Rereading lines and processing thoughts slower than usual, I find myself soon returning the paper and walking the short distance back to the orphanage.

It's too late in the day now to go back and search for it.

It's the first time I recall having such a vivid nightmare (in this life, though maybe that's a lie).

"Daddy? Who is that man in our home?"

A TV screen drones on, showing pictures and film and a news reporter. Something very tall is falling. People are screaming. Why are they screaming?

"Where's Mom? Daddy?"

"-an act of terrorism against our nation-"

"It's unbelievable, Sarah, look at this-"

"At 8:30 PM, the President-"

There are screams heard on the TV and two men, both wearing a mask and dressed in black, exit a room.

Faces are blurry.

"When is Mom coming back home?"

Hushed whispers between the three adults. When the strangers leave, a blurred face turns to mememe.

"мой вундеркинд," he says. There is something else he says, but I can't hear.

I can't see I can't hear I cant SEE FAlLinG DowN WHY CAN'T I SEE-

(Are you there?)

PaiN.

(The scars of the past leave their marks.)

I wake up in a cold sweat.

Oh. I think. Am I scared?

She watches the shadows slowly fade away from the window.

The night is quiet and peaceful and oh so lonely.

Naomi never finds the umbrella.

It hurts-

It HURTS-

IT HURTS-

WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH-

(Faces flash - so many faces)

("Was it love that tied the knot between stranger and-")

"Who are you?"

How many nights will it be before I finally get to sleep?

мой вундеркинд, he whispers, and why-

WhY arE You dOing tHIS TO Me-

"Fuck you."

I hate you. I hate you and you and her and him and-

I hate every single person on this fucking hellhole of a planet.

Fuck you all. Go to hell.

(smile.)

When the nightmares do end - and when did they stop coming? - I find often more times than not myself startled by how real they feel.

"Hitori's weird. I don't like her."

"Yeah, right? She's like, so gross and all."

"I heard from Miku that she goes outside in the forest to - to, run, or something."

"..."

"Aww, that sounds so lonely!! Pftt, ah, haha, can you imagine?"

"Running? Hitori? No way. She looks so weak!"

"Oh, but isn't she like, sick or something? Tsuna said she's being weirder, or whatever."

"..."

"Hey, TenTen? Aren't you going to say anything?"

Ah. Curry with no meat, for dinner.

Ha. Pfftt. Aww.

Therefore, you and me-

Hitori, huh?

Hi-to-ri.

(She wakes up one day, and like the previous times, tells herself fuck this, get up and go out and do some shit. Stop wasting time.)

(And like the so-called human she is, so irrational, she forces herself to rinse and repeat.)

(Stick to the schedule.)