"Klaus, I have a proposition for you."

"A propa—what?" He leaned his back against his desk and tried to read Five's impassively smiling face. "You know I got a looooot of questions wrong on this week's language lesson. Just speak the Queen's English."

Five rolled his eyes. "First of all, I am speaking the Queen's English. Second of all, that was on last month's spelling unit. Do you ignore every tutor or are you so stupid that you can't even remember?"

Klaus shrugged, not at all offended. "A little bit of both."

"Fine then—" Number Five rubbed the bridge of his nose as Klaus clapped his hands in excitement. "—I have a deal to make with you."

"Ooooh!" Excited, Klaus clapped his hands. "Do tell, dear Five."

Even when Five was giving him the infamous look of death, Klaus was more than pleased with the reaction. Usually, if he was being too annoying, Five would have already left via his teleporting ability.

"I want you to swear." At Klaus' confused expression and overall vibe of 'what good would swearing do?', Five decided to elaborate. It was the least Five could do for his dearest brother. "I want you to let loose that drunk sailor impression in front of Dad."

Klaus went pale.

Five took notice of his brother's rapidly declining color with a small smirk on his cherubic face. If this were a prank, Five would have called Klaus' expression a pure win.

"Are you game? Do this for me and I'll do your math work for the next three days." Five held out his right hand, but Klaus refused him. The taller boy had a contemplative look on his face, almost as if he wanted more incentives. Five sighed. "And I'll give you money so you can go and do…whatever it is you do when you sneak out."

Klaus may have looked playful and hungry at the mention of money, but his expression became borderline melancholic. "You've made a wonderful offer, Five, but I can't just go up to Dad and go 'Christ on a cracker, Reg!' what would Mom say?"

"Dad doesn't care and Mom is a robot."

"What about dear Pogo? You really want to upset him?"

Five looked at his brother incredulously. "Since when do you care about anyone but yourself?"

"Ever since the idea has the very high probability of my getting locked in a mausoleum or something." Klaus squeezed the edge of the desk behind him; it was a futile gesture meant to ward away the nightmares of that ghastly place. Years might have passed from those frightening images, but Klaus was in no hurry to relive those memories.

"You know what a mausoleum is, but you can't pronounce proposition?"

"In my defense, I also don't know how to spell mausoleum."

Five gave him that look that was only a hundredth of Dad's one thousand watt scowl. If Klaus didn't know any better, he would have thought that Five was going to resort to violence. As it was, Five was merely calculating if their mutual benefactor would hate it if Klaus were to disappear.

Probably. Four was still a number and an asset to the Umbrella Academy.

"And anyway," Klaus continued, "you never explained why. You're usually more…I don't know, serious and you got life figured out already. What benefit is it to you if I swear in front of Dad? I'm pretty sure the old man already knows that we all swear—especially you."

"Do the why's really matter?"

"Seeing as you're only talking to me and throwing the whole 'I'll do your math homework for like a week' thing, there's gotta be something else in that pretty head of yours." Klaus huddled back onto his desk as he took in Five's passive face. "There's gotta be something that you want."

After hearing Klaus' conclusion, Five didn't know what to say. Generally, Klaus was annoying as a wasp. He was loud, obnoxious, and completely resistant to practicing with his powers. Five couldn't exactly blame him for that, though. (A part of Five felt a sense of respect for his higher ranked brother). His powers were extraordinary and the old man was too relentless and uncaring towards his adopted children. But that ounce of respect was not enough for Five to completely tell the truth.

"Maybe I just want to get you in trouble. You know what Dad said about uncouth language and obscene innuendoes."

"Pretty sure Allison and Luther are already acting out those obscene innuendoes."

The both of them shared a secret look, a look that siblings around the world can attest to using, before both of them huffed a few chuckles.

"It's only a matter of time before they get caught. It's surprising to know that those two haven't already."

"I'm more surprised that you know what innuendo means."

Klaus rolled his eyes at Five's quip. "And the smart aleck decides to come back for an extended vacay." For no sane reason, Klaus allowed his both to slide onto the floor with a small thud. "Seriously, thought, you gotta have a reason."

Five scowled at Klaus' display of carelessness. It would have been a hysterical sight if it wasn't for the fact that it happened regularly. To be honest, that was why Five chose him in the first place. Any more information about that was not going past Five's tightly sealed lips.

"Let's call it a—" Five scrunched up his face as he tried to think of an appropriate word to describe the situation. "—science experiment. You like those, right?"

"And what's your projected hypothesis?" Klaus leaned on his arms as he tried to get a better look at his brother. "That we all find out that Dad's super power is to internally implode when he hears a bad word?" He sank back, totally prone, on the floor. "I'd rather die."

"Well, that's what's going to happen anyway…why not just speed up the process?" Brusque and grotesque the matter was, but the tiny hint of teasing helped soften the blow. "And anyway, I have twenty dollars on the line."

Getting tazed would not have given Klaus that much energy to jump up and ogle Five. "T-t-twenty dollars?" Klaus leaped up to his feet. Even Five's overconfident disposition whilst lounging on the bed wasn't enough to soothe him."Twenty dollars for a dare. For. A. Dare. You know how many third world countries would kill to have that much dough?"

"Klaus—" Five flopped back onto the bed with a huff. "—that's like calling the kettle black. Besides, you spend so much of your money on the most frivolous of things. Cut me some slack."

"Yeah, because you're Five and I'm Four. People expect me to be frivolous while you…"

"Me?"

"Yeah! You're you and I'm me!"

"And twenty dollars are—"

Klaus, not really caring about the money in the first place, decided to interrupt his dear brother.

"Who are you betting against? I bet it's Ben and Vanya."

Five sighed, more out of fond exasperation and not of genuine frustration at being interrupted. "You really think those two wouldn't believe that you would swear in front of Dad? I'm betting against Luther and Allison."

"Who else knows about this proposition?"

"Everybody except for the adults."

Klaus was absolutely floored. There was no way that twenty dollars were being thrown on the line based on the fact that he would allegedly swear at Dad. Geeze, he wondered how, why, and when the rest of his siblings managed to get together and come up with this stupid bet/dare/thing.

Klaus rubbed his hands in delight; he loved being the center of attention. "Tell me, what are you all betting on?"

"Vanya, Ben, and I are betting on your swearing and Dad not paying attention. Luther and Allison think you'll get us all in collective trouble."

"And Diego?"

"He think it's stupid."

Klaus feigned swooning all over his desk, his limbs splayed out. "For shame for not participating with the rest of us siblings!"

Five said, "I've calculated the possibilities that'll make—"

"Ooooh, don't tell me!" Klaus jumped onto the bed beside Five. "I'll place my own bet and play along."

Five raised an eyebrow. "You still have money?"

"Darling, we live with an eccentric billionaire; we always have money."

"All right then. Which team—"

"My own team." Klaus flashed a predatory smirk at his brother. "You're going to regret ever telling me about the bet."