Chapter 10

Mikan's eyes widened at the shocking revelation of the truth.

Natsume...Natsume's going to die?

Mikan felt a sudden coldness hit her in the gut as she couldn't believe what she just heard. Her heart began to pound and she unconsciously placed her shaking hand over her mouth as the suffocating feeling of dread starting to overwhelm her. No. It can't be real. Natsume has just returned to them from his near-death experience during the last week and now that he's awake everything's supposed to be alright already. She thought that the worst has passed and now they'd be able to return to normal life again as students with all their friends in class B but how could Persona say something so cruel like that?

Mikan clenched her chest tightly. Her mind refused to acknowledge it but it was her heart betraying her as deep down she's truthfully aware of how Natsume's condition has worsened lately. Even without the previous incident affecting him his health was already a constant source of worry and it has been falling rapidly through the last few months. He looked tired all the time and with the intense coughing he's been experiencing almost every night, the bottom line was almost frighteningly obvious. But she was so scared she didn't want to believe that was the only option they have. There's got to be something—

"Looks like we have a visitor."

Mikan suddenly realized that she has been too occupied with her thoughts that she didn't notice the over looming shadows right in front of her. She glanced up to see Persona himself standing in the doorway. "Ah." She gasped and stepped away, terrified of what the teacher would do now that she has been red-handedly caught to be eavesdropping on their conversation. She watched as Persona's hand reached to the door frame and he pushed it open wider to reveal more of her petite figure so that even the occupant of the room could see her clearly now.

"Mikan?" Came the voice from behind Persona.

Mikan tilted her head slightly to see Natsume who was sitting on his bed with half of his body covered in blanket looking at her with a startled look on his face. There were conspicuous looking bruises on his cheeks that were impossible for anyone to miss. "Natsume!" With all the questions in her head at the moment Mikan wanted nothing more than to run straight to the boy, but she couldn't with Persona still standing in her way. However when she returned her gaze to him he smirked knowingly and instead of snapping at her he merely walked past her, making his exit and leaving only the two of them in the room.

Mikan took the chance and quickly scrambled to Natsume's side, carefully taking in his appearance while doing so. He was currently wearing a long black turtle-neck sweater that hid most of his skin except his face which she'd never seen him put on before, and that got Mikan the feeling those horrible big bruises on his face were not even the worst of his injuries. "Natsume, what happened to you?" She kneeled down beside the bed to level his eyes but he already turned his face away to the opposite direction. "Your face... Was it Persona who did all that?" Her voice quivering a bit.

Natsume acted as if he hadn't heard her and kept the attitude for a long while until Mikan pressed on. "Natsume, please." Mikan took notice of his abnormally pale complexion underneath the awful blue and dark purple colors decorating his now rather swollen cheeks and realized how hurt it must be. She felt herself partly to blame for that as she should've never left his side at all back in the hospital.

Natsume shook his head slightly. "No." He slowly drawn up his knees and folded his arms around closely, hunching over in an almost fetal position. His long bangs falling over covering his crimson eyes. "It's nothing. Just leave me alone for now Mikan."

"How can it be nothing?" Mikan's eyes began to glisten. "Do you know that it also hurt me every time I see you like this? It feels so suffocating inside every time you shut me out and decided to stay quiet about the most important matters, even now. Don't you have the slightest trust in me after all we've been through together?"

Mikan stared down at the non-existent spot on the floor. Her fingers reached the hem of her skirt and clenching it with shaking fists, bracing herself for the next words to come out. "I... I heard what Persona said to you." She paused, waiting to see if she's earned herself a reaction from the said boy but he stayed in his statue-like stillness. "What he said about... about you're dying... It isn't true is it? Please tell me it isn't true." Her eyes were deep, chocolate pools when she returned her gaze to him, a look of anguish crossed over her face.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Her lips trembling as she saw his unwavering eyes, which beyond its burning colors held such an interminable pain and dejection he had endured. "You don't even once look at me ever since I came in here." The silence he's been so obstinately displaying almost drove her crazy. She couldn't wait any longer and reached for his hand, gripping it firmly in her hold hoping to finally get his attention. "Talk to me Natsume."

Mikan managed to catch the flashing in Natsume's eyes for a brief second before they unexpectedly flared into burning temper. "I said leave me alone!" He snapped, jerking her hand away from his and the force sent Mikan's body crashing to the floor.

"Oww!" Mikan moaned in pain while rubbing her aching back but Natsume only stared down at her coldly. She yelled to him in agitation. "Why are you—"

"You've been so noisy since earlier." His piercing gaze and indifferent tone of voice abruptly cut her off. "What do you care? Whatever happens to me is none of your business."

"What's wrong with you?" Mikan's eyebrows furrowed as she noticed the sudden change in his expression. It was completely void of any emotion before which she thought couldn't get any worse but now his face filled with resentment and his darkened eyes were unforgiving, just like how they were when he first met him. So vicious and horrifying. This was not the Natsume that she knew, and she couldn't help but to shudder under his scrutiny.

"You seem to have the wrong idea about me." He slid a sideways glance that seared her, making her body icily cold.

"Just because I said nothing and let you hang around me all this time, you actually think that we're close enough you can just talk all you want about me. Well, I'll set this straight for you. The truth is, I can't stand your presence at all. The mere sight of you disgusts me and my hatred towards you hasn't changed since I first saw you in that faculty office. To me, you're nothing but a stupid loud-mouthed ugly girl who doesn't even know when to stop meddling into other people's business. I've had enough of your nagging." He rose to his feet and his intense gaze overlooking her small figure before he heartlessly delivered his final blow. "I hate you, Mikan. I don't want to see your face ever again from now."

"Wha—" Her voice trailed off as the feelings of dejection and hurt welled up inside. Mikan's eyes were burning with threatening tears as Natsume's harsh words kept repeating itself over and over again in her head. The fresh wound he had just inflicted on her was extremely painful for the reason it had come from the very person she loved, who she thought also loved him back, or at least consider her more than just a nobody but he had stated it that he hated her every being and his words were clear as day that there was hardly any room for Mikan to retaliate or even interpreting it in different ways.

It's like she had been punched straight in the gut, forcing every bit of air out of her lungs and left to choke up on her own despair. She didn't know what to say at the moment, or even how to react because all she wanted was to disappear from the room, to escape the penetrating crimson eyes watching her every movement. She felt so ashamed she didn't want to be seen crumbling and breaking for him more than this so in order to save herself, she aimed for the much more productive emotion; anger.

"Natsume…you jerk." Her voice cracked as she tried to hold back the tears. She slowly got up, her knees wobbling but she was too busy picking herself up, or at least make an impression of not hurting in front of him. "I…I hate you too." There was a twinge in her chest when she said that but she forced herself as she had no other choice. "I don't want to know anything about you anymore!" She threw the bag she had been holding right at him, quickly turned around and ran away from there just in time before fresh tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

Natsume moved his eyes following Mikan's hurried retreating figure quietly while also taking notice of her fragile shaking back. He stood on his ground for a little more while and after making sure she'd left his room far enough, his strength ultimately gave way and he slumped listlessly to the ground with the bed frames supporting his body.

He sat on the floor holding his head in his hands and sighed deeply, overwhelmed by a horrible sense of guilt and indignation which gnawed at his insides for everything he had said, for everything she had to hear because he never actually meant any of them. He loathed himself more and more with each passing insult coming out of his mouth that he ruthlessly directed to her, and the look of hurt he saw in her eyes; so raw and familiar, clawed his own wounds and caused a pang of regret that crushed him so thoroughly he could neither breathe nor move.

He slowly looked down to his hands, recalling the devastating desire of wanting to embrace her that came like a boisterous flood as soon as he saw the expression she made. The kind he hated the most to be etched across her face. At that moment he badly wished to use those hands to shield her from every hurt, ease her worry by saying everything's going to be alright, but he didn't. He couldn't.

He was exhausted; physically, mentally and emotionally with all the compulsory pretense done for nothing else but her own sake, to spare herself from further grief of losing the man she loved because she had already known she was about to, so wouldn't it be better if he make her to as well hate him? Then maybe in the end the pain won't be too excruciating, the slice won't cut too deep and the stitches that will be made by everyone who also greatly cherished her, the faithful friends who will do everything to fill the hole in her heart after he's gone could be enough for her to move on and find somebody else, a kind-hearted man that will surely return all her feelings and make sure she never hurt again, possibly someone like Ruka. Yeah, he could trust Mikan to his best friend. She'd be fine; they'd be fine without him. It didn't even matter anymore if he has to be alone drawing the last of his breath. With the mission that was just assigned to him, at least he already knew exactly the hows and whens of his finish line, and he'd already determined to die fighting.

"She cried." Persona emerged from behind the still-opened door, the black clad he's donning had done a great job concealing his presence impeccably during their conversation though Natsume was completely aware he was there the whole time. He leaned casually against the jamb with arms crossed over his chest. "Weren't you a little too harsh on her?" He asked in a form of teasing.

"Look who's talking." Natsume replied coldly without sparring him a glance.

Persona chuckled derisively at his remark but stayed where he was, watching the boy with jeering amusement.

"She's gone." Wearing his emotionless mask, Natsume opened his mouth when he still sensed the teacher's presence. "There's nothing more for you to see in here. If you have no other business with me, get out of my room."

He laughed. "Of course. Now that the little show you put on is over I have no reason to stay here any longer anyway." The smirk grew on his face before he turned on his heel. As he closed the door behind him he looked over his shoulder one more time and said. "Rest well, my cat. I hope to see you soon in class."

It wasn't until the fourth day of locking himself inside his room that Natsume found the strength to actually get up from the bed and decided to end his peaceful seclusion by going to school that Monday morning. He noticed that he had lost some weight which was hardly surprising considering the amount of food he had taken during the last few days. Most of his time was spent lying quietly on the bed, staring numbly at the ceiling. With the absence of light inside that hollow empty room, many thoughts had come and gone from his mind but in the end it was always the scene of his last conversation with Mikan that would hauntingly, persistently return to him in his every waking breath. And the more frequent nightmares at night weren't any help either so he finally decided he'd had enough and instead of continuing to hide like a coward, he would get back to his feet and face the harsh reality once again.

When he arrived at the class the first one to greet him enthusiastically was Ruka. Natsume was relief to see his friend in a perfectly good shape now contrary to when he last saw him two weeks ago. The Alice stone did such a good job and it looked like he was already back to his usual self that it was as if the accident had never happened. Though he was a bit perplexed when Ruka suddenly asked how his mission went and why it took so long for him to come back before he remembered the excused they all had agreed upon to cover up his absence. He came up with another lies to align with the previous ones—something he seemed to have done too often lately, leaving out the details as usual and his words just flowed smoothly there's no way anyone hearing him would not believe it.

He was about to get to the part of explaining the injuries on his legs when the class' door suddenly opened and from behind it came a genial voice he could instantly recognize at any place. "Good morning, everyone." Mikan greeted the whole class.

"Morning, Mikan-chan."

"Good Morning."

She smiled at them in reply but anyone who knows her could immediately tell it wasn't the usual bright hearty smile that had become her trademark as the brunette has been looking low-spirited these past few days. The entire class noticed the peculiarity but they had no idea what could be the reason for her sluggishness. Even her pigtails looked somewhat lusterless. Nonetheless she walked around the class heading to her own seat which of course, had to be located right behind Ruka and Natsume's desk. She stopped abruptly when she spotted the raven-haired boy.

In that moment they were caught into looking at each other's eyes.

Mikan's filled with uncertainty and at the same time anguish for his betrayal, while Natsume kept his ever-present poker face though it wavered for a second and glinted with unrefined feelings of remorse and profound sorrow which he immediately pushed to the back of his conscience before Mikan could notice and he was the first one to break their contact by turning his face away from her. Facing the rejection, Mikan's hands curled up into balls at her sides and she looked like she was about to cry.

Ruka noticed the tense between them and he went from petting his pet rabbit to stand up on his feet and facing the brunette. "Sakura?"

"Ah." She blinked rapidly to clear her vision. "M-morning, Ruka-pyon." She said dismally and stared downcast to the ground hiding her face then hastily head over her desk without waiting for a reply and sit beside Hotaru who's currently busy finishing her latest invention.

Hotaru stopped working on her tool when she saw her. "Mikan?" Mikan didn't seem to hear Hotaru as her mind had flown somewhere else. However the wordless exchange between her friend and the Black Cat just now didn't go unnoticed by the inventor's keen eyes and they straight away ranged over the bemused Ruka who also had no clue to what was going on between them. She gave him a silent glare that told him to figure out what's the problem with his best friend as she held the newest collection of Ruka's humiliating photos in her hands as the means of blackmail if he didn't do it soon and that was enough to send the animal-lover scrambled back to his seat to ask the said person.

He began nervously, clearing his throat. "Ehm, it seems that Sakura has been acting weird ever since I recovered and went back to school a couple days ago." He said. "Do you perhaps know something about it Natsume?"

He shrugged and frowned. "How am I suppose to know what's inside that stupid brain of hers?"

"But just now it seems that…"

"Let it go Ruka. I'm not talking about this." He propped up his feet on the table and placed a comic book he brought to cover up his face. "Just so you know, I don't want anything to do with that girl ever again." With that he cut off their conversation one-sidedly by pretending to sleep so Ruka couldn't confront him with the matter any further. As expected he heard him sigh but subsequently said nothing else.

As the time went by, the act had almost become genuine until five minutes later when Narumi's sudden entrance surprised the whole class by noisily blowing a golden trumpet with festively attached red ribbon to it that Natsume also couldn't help but wake up from his slumber. Begrudgingly he opened his eyes to see their homeroom teacher's appearance that was even weirder than usual. He was wearing an elf costume with long jingled hat, leather shorts over long-sleeved shirt, striped socks and even pointy curled up shoes, all in bright reds and greens which was a contrast to his blonde hair that he felt staring at it for too long could cause a permanent damage to his eyes.

Narumi beamed his brightest, biggest smile to them. "Good morning! How are my cute little students doing?" He said in a sing-song tune. "Well, I hope you're all doing well since there's only two more weeks left before Christmas!" Some students immediately cheered at his words while Narumi blew his trumpet once again for the sake of celebration until Natsume almost really burn the Goddamn thing. The teacher clapped his hands and the tumult died down.

"Because of that, starting from today you're all going to help with the preparation of our annual Christmas Party in the Alice Academy Grand Hall. As usual you're going to be split into two groups where each will be responsible for either decoration or food and start working together after school based on which team you choose. I hope you all pick wisely by carefully considering where your Alice will be able to give the better contribution while not forgetting to have fun too when you're at it. That being said, I'll leave it to Inchou to list down the team preferences of each student in class B and submit it to the event committee before lunch." He gestured to Tobita who sat at the front and nodded briskly.

"Is there any question?" Narumi asked. Having to celebrate the same party every year in the Academy all of the students already knew what to expect by now and thus it left none of them with question. Narumi took the clue of their silence then speak again. "Well, if you don't then I'll be seeing you after school because I'm giving you all a free period today, so Adieu!" With that he twirled out of class to who knows where, leaving the students who were already busy chattering with each other while the Class Rep began to carry out his duty starting from the backmost desk.

Natsume closed his jaded eyes once again when the teacher's gone, drowning out all noises around him of people talking about how excited they were for Christmas or wondering what they would get as presents this year which vexed him more by each passing seconds, knowing extremely well he wouldn't even last until the much-awaited day, let alone welcome it with celebration like all the other students. It had been irrevocably decided without his consent that he must leave three days prior to Christmas at the latest so the occasion definitely had nothing to do with him, and he wouldn't want to be bothered with things such as preparations or the appendages–anything that smelled festive, when there're much more important subjects he had to think about. So when Tobita Yuu meekly approached him only because he had to after he's done with everyone else except him and Ruka, Natsume bluntly turned down the bespectacled boy. "I'm not participating." He said uncaringly.

"Eeehh?" His face grew frantic. "But Natsume-kun. Narumi-sensei clearly said that every student has to take part in this and haven't you always been previously?"

"Tell him to count me out this year." Came his curt reply.

"I can't. You know I'll be in trouble if I don't get this form filled out by lunch." The ever-dutiful Class Rep adjusted his glasses anxiously, pleading to the Black Cat. "Please, Natsume-kun. You don't always have to show up after school but please help me and just pick any team for now." He pulled on a lost puppy looks which affect him not even the slightest. But Ruka heard all that, and kind that he was, starting to get sympathetic.

"Tobita's right Natsume." Ruka began to speak next to him. "Unlike any other events the Academy held, this Christmas Party is the only one where even Dangerous Ability students are allowed to participate. Because of your status you've missed out pretty much on everything that it's a shame if you have to skip this one too. Besides, it's our last Christmas before we graduate from elementary school. I want you to at least have a little fun before that."

Tobita immediately looked up to Ruka with sparkling eyes and an extremely grateful expression like he's some kind of angel while Natsume sighed wearily. How the heck was he supposed to have fun when he knew he'd be spending Christmas exactly six feet under grounds surrounded by other dead people? He might as well reserve a coffin and decorate it from now to make it merrier for the occasion. Maybe then he would feel less lonely, or cold. Could dead people even feel at all? Guess he would find out the answer to that before long.

Above all, he couldn't allow Ruka or his other friends to know about it. Mikan had known but thankfully it seemed she hasn't told anybody. He had to keep up the charade and in this case sticking to his point would only get as far as protecting his already-bruised ego. Besides the act would later require him an acceptable, if not realistic explanation to his best friend which he couldn't provide any right now. He mentally cursed the universe for putting him in this situation then leaned back on his chair to hear the girls talking.

"So how is it, Mikan-chan? Which team are you on?" It was the pink-haired girl, Anna.

"Well," said Mikan. "Since my Alice won't be of any use for decorating, I thought I should choose the food team just like last year." She tried to be excited like how everyone expects her to, but to Natsume's ears the unnatural way she raised the pitch of her voice only made her sounded like a choking duck. He grimaced inside at Mikan's awful lying ability but lucky for her it seemed that the duo geeks were completely blind to that.

"Really? Nonoko and I are also on the food team." Anna giggled excitedly.

"What about you, Hotaru-chan?"

"Sure." The inventor replied. Her face was composed but her eyes twinkled meaningfully. "I'll be glad to provide my assistance when it comes to the food tasting."

"We're all on the same group then! I'm sure we'll have so much fun." The other girl squealed.

Natsume decided he'd heard enough and shifted back his attention to the two boys in front of him. "Oi." he called the Class Rep.

"Yes, Natsume-kun?"

"You can write my name on that paper." He said nonchalantly.

"Really?" Tobita blurted out unbelievingly making Natsume narrowed his eyes at the stupid unnecessary question. "I-I mean, of course. I'll put you on the food team as usual then."

"No." He muttered quietly. "I'll be on the decor team this year."

A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit short but please don't forget to review. ;)