ONE

Before I met Hannah Baker, I was a wallflower—simply because I chose to be one. Because I figured out at an early stage of my teenage life that humans can be complicated and dangerous, sometimes full of betrayal. It was the outcome of this revelation that made me decide to become the invisible girl. It was an effective technique with the whole point being that no one could bully you if no one knew you existed. But this all changed starting around the time that Hannah became the new student at Liberty High, and everything has changed ever since.

My breath feels shaky as I let out a long sigh. I still feel so rattled by what has happened. Hannah Baker left us like a hurricane, abandoning us to deal with the aftermath of a disaster, but I can't blame her. Not when she's dead and not when she was a victim throughout her time here.

Now that she's gone, I can't shake off the feeling of emptiness inside of me which seems to be haunting my very soul. My body feels so weak as I think about her. I can't stop myself from wondering if she would still be alive if I had put in my full efforts to actually be a friend to her and if I hadn't...

"Hey, Gina."

My shoulders raise into a jump as I get completely spooked out of my thoughts. I take a step back before shutting my locker closed. "Gosh. Clay, you scared me."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to," he says quickly.

Our eyes meet and I observe his blue irises for a moment. Unlike another pair of blue eyes that I know, I can't tell what he is thinking. But then again, I can't tell what the other pair of blue eyes that I know is thinking these days either.

"It's okay," I quickly reply as I pick up my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. I want to leave immediately because his presence reminds me of her, but I decide to make small talk just out of courtesy. He did stop by to say hi to me in the first place. It would be rude to not engage him into a conversation. "Um, how are you?"

"Just okay," he shrugs. "You?"

"Um. Okay too I guess," I give him a short answer. My voice sounds so dead.

We walk side by side in silence, but nothing is awkward. If anything, I feel nothing but sadness. We reach the end of the hallway and the view of Hannah's old locker appears into my sight. I can't help but freeze as I take it all in.

It's eerie seeing her old locker decorated with flowers, letters, and photos because it's just another reminder that this is our new reality. She's really gone and there's nothing that anyone can do to bring her back.

It's messed up how even after what happened with Hannah, everything that has been going on at Liberty High keeps happening. It's like they haven't learned their lesson.

Two girls are standing in front of Hannah's locker. I recognize their faces, but I can't seem to remember their names.

"She was so pretty," one of them says.

"Totally," her friend confirms.

They take a quick selfie.

"What is it again?"

"Hashtag. Never forget."

I want to say something to them. I want to tell them how wrong it is to fix your hair before posing in front of a dead girl's locker, but of course I keep to myself. I'm in no position to tell them anything. Not when I didn't do anything to help Hannah when she was alive.

"Oh. Hi, Gina!" They smile at me.

"Hey," I say with a friendly smile, trying to sound like I recognize them because I know that I've seen them somewhere before. Things changed for me last year. I used to be the invisible girl, but not anymore. Not since I started dating one of the jocks, something that I never imagined could ever happen.

The bell rings, but strangely I don't feel the need to rush to class. Today, I don't even care if I'm tardy or not. Worrying about something like that seems way too trivial at this point, even for someone like me who hasn't had any absences or tardies so far throughout high school.

I feel reluctant to step away from Hannah's locker. I really don't want to go to class because it means that I have to pretend like everything is okay when it isn't.

"Babe, what are you doing here? With him?" a firm voice asks, bordering on a defensive tone.

I let my boyfriend's arm wrap around my shoulders as he pulls me into the side of his body. I'm so used to this kind of blatant and overprotective gesture coming from him, but it seems strange that he would do this in front of Clay. Why would he need to be so defensive over me in front of him? Clay and I aren't even that close. Not anymore.

I glance up at Justin and I see dark circles under his eyes. I'm concerned because they look severe. It seems like he hasn't gotten a wink of sleep last night, or maybe for a couple of nights. I wouldn't know. I haven't really seen him around lately. He's been distant, probably because of Hannah. I'm sure her death has affected him in a negative way like it has for the rest of the school.

My mouth parts open just a little so that I can say something to him, but nothing comes out. There's nothing but silence between us. My heart thuds aggressively against my chest. I'm nervous to see him. Although Justin has been drifting away from me, so I have I. Truthfully, I've been trying to avoid him since last week.

I know I need to be honest with him, but I don't know if I can at the moment. I'm scared of our future.

I look into his pretty blue eyes that melts every girl he meets, the same pair of eyes that are making me feel so vulnerable right now. I feel naked under his stare and I want to escape immediately. I'm aware of the situation that is occurring and I feel the weakest that I've ever been in my entire life. I don't want him to look at me because I'm so afraid. My mind starts creating scenarios, things that could go wrong if what I fear has happened to me is really true and if people find out about it.

With Justin standing right by me, I suddenly feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I thought I was prepared to tell him, but I don't think I am anymore. The last thing that I see before I break eye contact and pull away from him is his knitted eyebrows and his sad expression. I wonder if he's sad about Hannah or about us. Maybe both. We're obviously still together, but something feels different.

"We were just... talking."

Gosh, that sounded so lame. I quickly think of an excuse to leave and I go with the obvious one.

"Well, I...I've got to get to class. You should too," I mumble. "Call me later?"

He nods.

"Okay," I say without taking a single glance back because I'm worried that I'll experience a nervous breakdown if I look at him again.

I try to stay strong by walking in a fast tempo. It's when I'm a couple of feet down the hallway that I realize that I've been holding my breath. I let out another shaky sigh before I get my breathing to return back to normal.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hear Justin asking in a demanding tone and I know that he is talking to Clay.

But why? What has Clay ever done to him?

"Nothing, I'm just-"

"Looking for something?"

I can't help but get curious as to why Justin is even talking to Clay right now. I know it's wrong to spy on my boyfriend, but I can't help it. Since I'm already late to class, I decide to stick around a little longer. Neither of the two boys are looking in my direction so I hide in the girl's bathroom, pressing my back tightly against the wall so that I can still hear somewhat of their conversation. Good thing the janitor left the door open.

"What would I be looking for?" Clay's voice questions.

"You tell me."

"Do you even know my name?"

"'Course I do, Clay. You're not that innocent, Jensen. I don't give a shit what she says."

A frown develops on my lips as I try to figure out what Justin means by that. What does he mean that Clay isn't that innocent? And who is this she that he is talking about?

I quickly step away from the door when I see Mr. Porter approaching. He orders the two guys to get to class. They all disperse into their separate ways and I'm left alone in silence to try to understand what happened. But the more I think, the more confused I get.

At the end of the day, I make my way through the crowds of kids who are leaving school because I'm an English tutor and I have to stay at the library a few times a week after classes end. I arrive at the library and as I take a seat at my usual spot, I remember what happened last year around this time.

Justin Foley was one of the students who were assigned to me for tutoring. I assumed that his grades in English were slipping and that he needed help maintaining a C or higher in order to keep playing sports at our school. I was new at tutoring and Justin was only my third student so far. I still felt that it was difficult to explain my thoughts clearly to the person that I was tutoring. It was hard not to just tell them to fix this and that. I really wanted to give into doing that at times, but tutoring was all about explaining and having the person learn and be able to apply their new skills to their future assignments.

I hoped that this Justin guy would actually listen to me and make things easier for the both of us. I wasn't ecstatic about tutoring someone like him, so I wanted our sessions to quickly be over. In order for that to happen, I needed to tutor him well. That way, he'd never have to come back once we got his grades up.

He came in wearing his Liberty Tigers Varsity Jacket that first day. He was surprisingly on time, early actually. I assumed that it was so that he could leave early too.

"Hey. Are you Gia?"

I was the only person sitting inside the main section of the library, so I wasn't surprised when he correctly identified that I was his tutor. What he didn't get right though was my name.

"Gina," I corrected him, feeling slightly annoyed.

We had been in classes together before. I knew his name, but he didn't know mine. Did he even recognize me? Probably not. But then again, I'd chosen to be "invisible" around here. I barely even had any friends other than maybe Clay, who had become my friend ever since we both started tutoring recently.

He leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms. "Right, Gina. You're supposed to be my tutor." He didn't look all too happy to be there and I didn't blame him.

I nodded, trying to be as nonchalant as I could appear in front of him. Jocks like him made me self-conscious and nervous. As a matter of fact, all popular kids made me feel this way. After all, they were the ones who were often infamously known to bully other students around here. Liberty High was such a stereotypical school, like the high school created within the movie of Mean Girls, except it was worse here. I couldn't wait for college.

"So what are we working on today?" I asked.

"Um... A literary analysis? I'm not really too sure of what that is."

"Can I see the rubric?"

I wondered if I had spoken alien language to him when he just stared at me.

I felt my face heating up with embarrassment for some reason and I turned my head away from him and looked down at the table. "Um... The instructions that your teacher probably gave your class? You know, with the grading expectations and whatnot."

"Oh, right. That should be here somewhere," he said as he rummaged through his backpack where most of the papers were bent and disorganized. "Here."

I took a quick look over the requirements before asking, "Which book did you want to write about?"

"To tell you the truth, I really don't know. I didn't read any of them..."

I was surprised to see him actually looking sheepish about it. Did I... intimidate him? No way. It was difficult not to smile along him as his lips attractively curved upward, but I managed to fight the urge to do so.

"Justin, this essay is due in three days," I told him.

"I know," he groaned.

I sighed. "Okay. We can do this, but we're going to be relying heavily on Sparknotes."

"Spark what?" he repeated.

Justin seemed a little arrogant and impatient at first, but there was something about him that was annoyingly charming at the same time. It had to have been his smile. His mischievous smile.

As I tutored him more and more, I began falling for him. There was something special about Justin. Whenever he glanced into my eyes and smiled, I just completely melted. I felt angry at myself when I first realized that I had developed a crush on a guy like him. He was Bryce Walker's friend. Therefore, he was probably another one of those fuckboys. He was basically bad news.

For a girl like me who fantasized about meeting a boyfriend who was a romantic, Justin was someone dangerous to have a crush on. If I wanted to act smart, I needed to keep my one-sided feelings under control. I needed to treat him as a guy that I was tutoring and nothing more. But that evidently became hard, especially as time went by.

"I can't believe you made me come to a party with you," I said to Clay as we entered the crowded house full of teenagers.

I still couldn't figure out why I had come with him as I fidgeted nervously next to him. This was definitely way out of my comfort zone. I wasn't even dressed to be at a party in just my red plaid shirt and regular blue jeans. Compared to some other girls here, I looked like a fashion terrorist.

"I'm persuasive. That's why," Clay replied and I nodded in agreement.

Secretly, I realized that I had come because I was genuinely curious. I wanted to know what it was like to blend in with the other kids.

"So uh, you're here to see Hannah," I commented. "You have a crush on her, don't you?"

"No, I don't," he quickly said, but his voice went up into a higher pitch and I knew that he was lying.

"It's okay. I'll keep it a secret," I told him, meaning what I said. He looked like he was about to say something—to probably try and tell me that I was wrong—but he never got to say it.

"He came! Clay's here!"

The owner of the voice was Katherine, or Kat as everyone called her. She was one of the popular kids too. Maybe not all the way up there, but somewhat. I liked her. She seemed pretty nice for being one of them. Next to her was Hannah, the new girl. I guessed they were friends.

"I win. You owe me five dollars," Hannah said to Kat as the two of them made their way down the stairs to meet us.

"You bet on me?" Clay asked Kat.

"Against you," Hannah clarified.

"Last party I saw Clay at... Mm, my birthday, fourth grade," Kat revealed.

Clay nodded. "I still remember that clown."

"Mm. Oh my god! He was a heroin addict," Kat explained. "My mother, the social worker, hired a recovering heroin addict. He had the shakes. Anyway, hi Gina. Did you come here with Clay?"

"You remember me?" I ended up asking instead of answering her question and I immediately felt embarrassed.

"Of course I do!" she said with a smile. "We had ninth grade English together. I ended up reading that book you did your report on because it sounded so good."

"Really?"

"Mm hmm," she nodded. "So tell me, how do you and Clay know each other?"

"We're both tutors," I told her.

"Oh," she said. "So you're not together?"

"No," Clay and I answered at the same time.

"God no," he added.

"Wow, thanks," I said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I'm just saying that we're just friends."

"Obviously," Kat concluded as she motioned for us to follow after her. "Okay, uh, drinks. Come on."

"Hi, Kat!"

"Hey," Kat said to a girl with a smile before greeting a few other kids.

I wondered how it would feel to be popular. Maybe it wouldn't be so scary to be a high school student if you were.

"This is quite a turnout. People are happy to see you go," Clay said.

"I really just threw it so Hannah could finally meet some people before I depart this realm," Kat replied while putting her red cup down onto the kitchen island.

"I met Helmet," Hannah said, which I now knew was her nickname for Clay. He did ride his bicycle everywhere.

"Clay doesn't count. You met him at work."

"I feel like that should count," Clay said to Kat.

"Of course you do," she replied. "Okay, refills. Clay, what is your drink?"

"Uh, Sprite."

"Oh my God. You are priceless. You are a gem. You'll have a beer."

"Sure, I like beer," Clay said slowly.

"And a beer for you as well?" Kat asked me.

"I'm... going to have to pass up the offer."

"Really? You don't want to try?"

I shook my head while worrying that she would try to peer pressure me, so I was relieved when she moved on.

"Kat," Tyler approached with his camera.

"Oh. Picture."

Kat brought all of us together before striking a pose. I awkwardly smiled as Tyler took the picture. He gave us a thumbs up and Kat left, probably to grab Clay some beer.

"Stop having so much fun, Clay," Hannah said sarcastically.

"I'm having fun. Totally. Woot. Right, Gina?"

"Uh, sure," I said.

Hannah reached for Clay's collar. "You're too buttoned up," she said before unbuttoning him. I watched them laughing together and I briefly wondered if Hannah liked Clay back. That would be nice.

"Hey, you're the new girl."

My eyes shifted over to see Bryce Walker standing next to Hannah.

"Apparently," she said.

"Uh, I like your laugh," he said and I fought the urge to roll my eyes right in front of him.

"Thanks," she said. "I like your understated sense of fashion."

He laughed. "Thanks."

"Bryce," Kat said, coming back from out of nowhere. "Better go hit the keg and catch up. You're an hour behind."

"I'll see you later. I hope," Bryce said with a smile.

"See you," Hannah replied, looking a little shy.

"Oh, God. No. Solid no, Hannah," Kat said while handing out the new drinks. "He is like frat boy Darth Vader."

"He didn't seem that bad," Hannah said in response.

"I was being kind," Kat told her.

"She kind of was," Clay added.

"I think I want a beer too," Hannah said all of a sudden.

"Okay then, Princess Leia," Kat said, putting her hands up in surrender.

"Oh my God. You're both nerds," Hannah said before laughing. "Have fun."

I guess I was one too for understanding that reference.

Kat leaned forward when Hannah left. "Are you gonna tell her?"

"Tell her what?" Clay asked.

"Oh, please. I've known you this entire century."

"Is it that obvious?" Clay asked, looking at me this time and I nodded. "Well, give me a break. I'm not good with the... you know and the gay rumors only recently subsided."

"Mmm. So the stakes are high for you," Kat concluded.

"It's like, around her, I can be different. You know? Like I'm the new and improved Clay Jensen: high school sophomore, archaeologist-slash-adventurer."

"Clay, sweets. You're a prize," Kat said as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "But from my limited observation, she has terrible taste in guys."

"You won't say anything to her?" Clay asked, hoping that she wouldn't.

"Only if it comes up," she said with a teasing glint in her eyes.

"Kat!" he objected, but she had already left.

Tugging Clay by the arm of his shirt, I made him follow after me. If he wanted a chance to get with Hannah, it was a good idea to stick by her side. We were soon reunited with Kat and Hannah, but the house was getting too loud and filled with too many people.

"It's getting kind of hot in here," Kat stated. "Shall we out and get some fresh air?"

We went outside and immediately noticed the two athletes, Justin and Zach, who were wrestling with each other as the sprinklers drenched them with water. Poor timing for them I supposed.

"Meet the boys," Kat said. "Jack Foley is mine and Zach Dempsey for you."

It was then that I realized that Justin was already taken. Of course he was, but I hadn't really paid attention to him before I started tutoring him. I didn't know that he and Kat were together. But then again, in high school, a lot of relationships didn't last. Maybe it was because I hadn't been a relationship before, but I couldn't imagine being so seriously in love with someone in high school that I would want to consider being in an actual relationship with them. Could that even be possible?

My heart ached as I thought more about how I could never be with an attractive guy like Justin. He would never want to be with someone like me.

"Zach Dempsey? Really?" Clay questioned Kat's choice for Hannah.

"What? Zach's sweet," Kat said, which was super ironic to say as he was currently still wrestling with Justin on the ground. "Okay. Yeah, he's kind of dumb. But he's the sweet kind of dumb, which is the best kind."

She placed her cup down and started clapping for them. "Yes. Liberty High's star athletes, ladies and gentlemen. So impressive. Sorry, boys. Can't have you in Hannah's house soaking wet."

"Seriously?" Justin questioned.

"Oh my God. Look at yourselves," Kat said, gesturing towards them.

Suddenly, Justin took his shirt off. "Better?" he asked with a confident grin on his face.

He looked so comfortable in his skin and he probably was with the kind of body that he had. For a sophomore in high school, he was lean and muscular, which made sense since he was an athlete. But still, I was caught off guard. I felt like I was committing a sin for looking at him when his upper torso was naked like that. However, Justin didn't seem to care at all whether or not people were looking.

I noticed that he had tattoos and that made him seem even more dangerous than he already was. In California, you weren't allowed to get a tattoo if you were under the age of eighteen, which he definitely was. That meant that he had gotten them illegally and his parents probably didn't have a clue.

"Improvement for sure, but sorry. It's still a no-go," Kat told him.

"Come on. It's not a party without us," Zach said.

"We'll take our chances," Kat replied. "Go dry off."

"Your loss, milady," Justin said in an English accent, which was actually kind of funny.

"Idiots. I can't even," Kat complained, but she was smiling.

"But they're sweet idiots," Clay added sarcastically before following Kat back into the house.

I noticed Hannah exchanging smiles with Justin as I walked behind her. I had a feeling that she liked him and she was actually really beautiful. I wondered if this meant that when Kat officially left, she and Justin would become the next couple.

Author's Note: This fanfic is based off of the show, but I'm posting it here because it seems like more people are using this category! Please leave a review if you enjoyed this first chapter! I'm going to be switching back and forth from past and present tense to indicate where in the timeline my OC is at and I'm also putting stuff that has happened in the past in italics. I hope it's not too confusing. Thank you for reading!

-Jane