The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters has gone out to sea. Just more fun and frolics centered on what goes on at Cheryl's Place!

Treasure Fever

"What are you guys doing?" Ron asked. Krieger, Cyril and Ray were loading some equipment into Krieger's van.

"Krieger thinks he's come up with some new treasure hunting sonar," Cyril said.

"Yeah Cheryl gave us permission to use one of her boats at the marina," Ray explained. "We're gonna sail out there and find us some treasure. Wanna come?"

"We'll split the treasure with you," Krieger said.

"Why not?" Ron said. "Get me out of the house for a day."

"Good," Krieger nodded. "Let's get this equipment into the van and we can head to the marina."

"Carol really gave you permission to use one of her boats?" Ron asked as he helped them with the equipment.

"Permission, stole her keys after she passed out cold after a groovy bear and absinthe binge…" Krieger waved. "Same difference."

"Whoo hoo!" Pam ran by. "I got her platinum credit card! I'm off to the mall!"

Soon the gang was on a medium sized boat in the ocean. "All right me hearties!" Krieger did a pirate imitation. "Time to find some booty! And some treasure too! Whomp! Whomp!"

"Honestly I'm completely played out of the whole pirate theme," Ray said.

"I guess getting captured by pirates in the South Pacific, nearly losing an eye and nearly dying from a gunshot wound to the stomach would do that to you," Cyril realized.

"Not to mention the space pirate incident," Krieger added.

"That and that one weekend I led a religious retreat at Captain Bill's Hideaway Bungalow," Ray sighed. "I learned the hard way if you set up a retreat, always make sure that the owner of the hotel isn't sleeping with half of your congregation."

Ron looked at Ray. "You were a minister?"

"Long time ago," Ray waved. "Before I came out. Long story. Not that interesting."

"When people say it's not that interesting," Ron remarked. "Nine times out of ten it is pretty interesting."

"What about the tenth time?" Cyril asked.

"Odds are my cousin Clayton is telling the story," Ron groaned. "That man could bore paint off of a wall."

"Sounds like he and Cyril would get along like a house on fire," Ray said.

"You know…?" Cyril glared at Ray. "Never mind. Krieger how's the equipment working?"

"Oh, it's working," Krieger said. "The board is all lit up. The little scanner thingy here is going ping. There's wiggly lines on the monitor."

Ray sighed. "Why do I get the feeling we would have gotten more if we went to the mall with Pam?"

"Maybe but we do that all the time," Krieger waved. "Besides it's good for us to get out of our rut."

"Stealing from your friends is normal for you?" Ron asked.

"Well not the ones who don't have any money," Krieger said. "That's just common sense."

"Are you sure we can find something out here?" Ron asked.

"Are you kidding?" Krieger asked. "The ocean is full of mysteries and treasure! Did you know we've mapped more of outer space than the ocean floor? We can find anything down there!"

"I think we've got something," Cyril pointed to the monitor which was beeping.

"Ooh! Goody!" Krieger worked a machine. "I attached a magnetic scooper to pick things up. Let's see what valuable thing we've found! It could be a sack of old coins! A lost piece of jewelry. Some artifacts from an ancient civilization!"

Krieger brought it up. "It's a bunch of golf clubs," Ray blinked.

"See if there's a nine-iron among them," Ron said. "I could use a new one."

Twenty-five minutes later…

"Krieger, we haven't found anything!" Cyril snapped.

"We've only been out here an hour," Krieger told him as he worked the equipment. "And we've found a few things."

Cyril groaned. "Yeah, five golf clubs, two tires, a can with a crab in it, and a bunch of hubcaps!"

"Hey!" Ron pointed out. "It's not a total loss. The golf clubs are in good shape and I wanted to try a new putter anyway."

"Yeah!" Krieger said. "Just be patient! The Titanic wasn't found in a day you know?"

"The machine is picking something up," Ray pointed to a blip on the screen. "Let's check it out!"

"Good idea," Krieger said as they piloted the boat to the location. "I think we finally found a shipwreck!"

"Good," Cyril said. "Because I'm sick of this train wreck of an agency!"

"I'm going to increase the sonar to get a better look," Krieger said.

"Before we start," Ray said. "We should remind ourselves that this is probably the site of a human tragedy. People lost their lives and we should respect that."

"I respect it," Cyril said. "I respect the fact that I can make enough money to get a new car. Crank up the sonar, Krieger!"

"How high?" Krieger asked.

"The highest!" Cyril said. "Crank it up to eleven!"

"All right!" Krieger whooped as he did so. "FIRE IT UP!"

WWWWHOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

"Whoa!" Ron gasped as the boat rocked.

"It's got a real kick don't it?" Krieger grinned.

"Are we supposed to hear sonar?" Ray winced.

"Well we heard that one," Ron said. "Wait, something's happening!"

The ocean bubbled and broke around them. "That's not a shipwreck!" Cyril gasped as he looked overboard. "It's a school of stingrays!"

"Fever," Krieger corrected.

"What?" Cyril did a double take.

"A group of stingrays is called a fever," Krieger told him.

"Really?" Ray asked. "I didn't know that."

"Well whatever it's called there must be hundreds of them!" Ron whistled. "Look at them all!"

"The sonar must have disrupted the fever and confused them," Krieger remarked. "And they're headed straight for that public beach over there in the distance."

"Uh oh…" Ron blinked.

"Huh," Krieger thought. "I didn't think sonar affected stingrays."

"Krieger that thing was so loud it could affect the deaf!" Ray snapped.

"Guys," Ron pointed. "Those stingrays are swimming really fast. Right towards that beach where there's a lot of people! Uh oh."

"This does not bode well," Cyril gulped.

"No, it does not," Ray added.

"Speaking of human tragedy," Ron winced. "I sense one is about to happen."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Boy those screams can really carry, can't they?" Ron winced.

"Hey want to sail away nonchalantly and pretend we had nothing to do with this at all?" Krieger asked.

"Good idea," Ray said as he went to steer the ship away.

Later that evening…

"Marine biologists are baffled at the bizarre mass stingray attack that happened on LA's public beaches this afternoon," Grace Ryan read the news. "Although no fatalities, almost thirty people were stung and had to have emergency medical treatment."

"So…" Cyril blinked as the guys watched the television in the living room. "We caused a stingray attack."

"Not if we get rid of the evidence," Ray said. "Krieger break out the sledgehammers."

"If anybody asks," Krieger said. "We were at the track."

"In other words," Ray asked. "Alibi Number 16?"

"With a little bit of Number 9 thrown in," Cyril added. "There's always traffic this time of day."

"You have a list of alibis?" Ron asked. "Can I see it? Because I have a feeling I may need it in the near future."

"I'll give you a copy of the pamphlet," Ray told him.