A/N: Canon divergence is the name of the game here. I tried to stick close, but there are a few things I've elected to ignore. Kent doesn't exist, and neither does Maura's ex-husband. There are probably other things as well, but those two are the most notable.

This is a multichapter fic, and it will be a bit angsty at first. This is definitely a character driven story – no central crime, or thickly woven plot points outside of character motivation, thoughts, and feelings.

Special thank you to LuckyPenguinBuddy for answering all of my finale questions! Thank you so much!

And another big, big thank you to Speakers77 for graciously volunteering to be my beta for this! Thank you so much! This story wouldn't be half as good without her! (However, all mistakes are still my own because I'm constantly touching things…lol.)

Thanks for reading! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, not making money. ETC. ETC.

…

Jane sighed as she dropped the last box onto the floor. Sweat covered her arms and lower back. She brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and put her hands on her hips, surveying the space around her. The apartment was tiny – not much bigger than her first place away from home – but she had been incredibly lucky to find an affordable place near Quantico. It had a modest bedroom, a perfunctory bathroom, with the kitchen and living areas combined.

Currently the living and kitchen area were full of cardboard boxes and furniture that had been haphazardly placed by the movers. Her bed frame and mattress were the only things that had been put in their proper place. Jane had been far more concerned with getting everything in by nightfall than worrying about where to put her things. She could deal with that later. Though, admittedly, that column was starting to hit capacity and later was fast approaching.

Jane rubbed her face with her palm before flopping onto the couch that was partially blocking the hallway. She had so much to do. It was Friday. Her first day of work was the following Monday. She rubbed the spot over her heavy heart, her fingers trembling slightly as nervousness skittered up her spine. It was too late to ask all the questions bouncing around in her head. She couldn't be second guessing herself. Not now. Not when she was already nearly 450 miles from the only place she'd ever known as home.

Getting up every day was beginning to be an arduous process. Crawling out of bed, with all of her aches and pains, then putting on her badge and holstering her weapon was getting harder and harder. There were so many days these last few months she wanted nothing more than to just lay in bed, curled up in a ball. She was so ungodly tired. She knew other detectives who suffered from burnout. But this, the disquiet she'd felt in her bones, the anxiety in her chest that was getting bigger and bigger – it was all getting to be harder and harder for her to ignore.

She didn't know how to ask for a break. That would mean she'd have to admit she needed one. She couldn't do that. She couldn't voice her demons out loud. That would put her in too much of a vulnerable position. She could never show her belly like that, not even to the people closest to her, even if she was sure they would understand her. It would cost her too much. The hole she'd been digging herself into was getting deeper and darker, then all of a sudden, the DC offer fell into her lap. It was a sign, it had to be. So, she grabbed it with both hands and ran to the light, damn the consequences.

And here she was – in a new city, on the cusp of a new life, away from her family and friends, and, now, now she was starting to second guess herself. She dropped her head to the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

Before she could ruminate any further, her cell phone chimed from the kitchen counter. With serious effort, Jane pushed herself up from the couch and walked toward it. An automatic smile spread across her face as she saw Maura's name on the lock screen. A pleasant warmth settled in her stomach. Maura always had that effect on her. Rather than answer back Maura's text, Jane swiped to the video chat function. It didn't take long for Maura's smiling face to fill her phone screen.

"Hey, hope I'm not interrupting anything important."

Maura shook her head. "Hi, not at all. I just had dinner and now I'm reading in the living room." Her picture went a little fuzzy as she spoke.

"Us Weekly or Cosmo?" Jane teased.

Maura rolled her eyes and held up her National Geographic magazine. "Neither."

Jane shook her head with a small smile. Maura's face was still fuzzy, and Jane hated that she couldn't see her properly. When she left home, she'd wanted to give Maura her own goodbye, but due to time constraints it hadn't been possible. She had given everyone a hug before jumping into her car, but Maura's had been the longest and the tightest. She was the hardest for Jane to leave, and when she saw the tears in those hazel eyes and just how so very sad Maura was, Jane almost didn't get into her car at all. But Maura had given her a playful shove, had whispered go. And here they were. Miles and miles apart.

As the thoughts swirled around her, her eyes drifted back to Maura, a woman who so casually took up so much space inside her head without even realizing it. Maura's shoulders were drooped, and even through the blurriness Jane could see the pronounced frown lines around her mouth. The lighthearted mood she'd felt just moments before evaporated almost as quickly as it came. A heaviness began to settle across her shoulders like a thick blanket. She couldn't shake it off. "You want a tour?" Jane found herself asking.

Maura sat up straighter with a nod at the screen. She brought her wine glass to her mouth and took a small sip. "Please."

"Okay so," Jane turned the camera around so the view was the room and not her face, "you'll have to use your imagination."

Maura laughed, "who knew you had so much stuff? It didn't seem like that much when we packed it all."

"Right?"

"Did you just get done?"

"Yeah, it's almost an eight-hour drive." Jane rolled her neck from side to side, even though Maura couldn't see. "I didn't want to lose the movers, so I kept to the speed limit. Mostly."

Maura shook her head, a small smile on her lips, as she took another sip from her glass.

"It's pretty uninspiring, I know, but I'll put the couch here," she waved at the empty space along one wall.

"Much better place than where it currently is – I approve." Maura teased.

Jane rolled her eyes. "When you visit, I'm going to put it back where it is blocking the hallway, just for you."

There was a pause, before Maura spoke. "You want me to visit?" Her voice was quiet and a vulnerability Jane seldom heard from her wove into the words.

The softly spoken question cut into Jane like a knife. "Of course, I want you to visit." The words were automatic, but thoughts rushed through her brain one after the other. I wish you were here right now. I wish I was there. I wish I didn't come. When she settled into her car that morning and started driving something in her gut told her she was making a mistake. That same feeling reverberated inside her head, in her chest, now. She'd always listened, always led with her heart – but this couldn't be a mistake. It just couldn't.

The call ended fifteen minutes later with Jane showing Maura her bedroom, which was mostly together and the bathroom which she still needed to find a shower curtain for. Jane had tried to ask about Maura's day, how it was after she'd left, if her mother had ever stopped with the hysterics, but Maura had been vague and barely responsive. Jane had a feeling that Maura was dealing with the same heaviness she was. Jane didn't know how to fix it, for either of them. She only hoped time would help them both. They had parted with a promise to call at the end of next week.

When Jane ended the call, she flopped back onto her misplaced couch. Her heart pounded in her chest; she pinched the bridge of her nose with shaky fingers.

How did they get here?

She didn't know when it started or how – this crack between her and Maura. But it had grown and grown and grown. Jane knew it was her fault. She was a master at pushing people away. She was so used to shoving down her own feelings and emotions she didn't know what to do when confronted with them. Frankie had called her emotionally constipated before, told her she was hard to get to know, hard to care for. It was an off the cuff remark during a game of pool after a rough case. No one had refuted him. Not even Maura. The words cut deeper than she cared to admit because he was right.

But rather than own that, rather than accept the help and shoulders to lean on she'd buried it further in her chest. Down and down and down. And pushed those around her further and further away. By the time she'd realized it wouldn't kill her to reach for the hands that wanted to help her, she was all alone.

It was just her. Like here. Like now.

Everything was falling apart around her, it seemed, and that even included the steadiest thing in her life: Maura.

They had followed through and gone to Paris together. It was the first time Jane had been out of the country, and she was so happy she got to share that experience with Maura. But there was something just a little bit off, a little bit not right about their interactions. Her leaving Boston had put a dark cloud over most of the vacation. They had to have fun in spite of the knowledge that she'd be leaving when they got back. A sense of finality colored every interaction, and by the time they'd gotten back home Jane had felt worse than when she left, and her relationship with Maura felt even more strained than it had before.

Jane took a deep breath as she stared at the mess around her. Conflicting emotions swirled within her.

She wished Maura was here. Or that she was back in Boston. She wished things weren't so broken between them. That she wasn't so broken. Then maybe – surely – none of this would be happening right now.

Jane brought up google on her phone to find a pizza place that would deliver. She would build a life here. She had to. It was what she wanted. What she convinced herself she needed.