One: Nagging Concerns

Authors Note: This story was inspired by a moment in the Season Three episode Desperada and several posts to the character's Instagram accounts. The two aren't related in canon, per se, but my little writer brain went into overdrive and came up with a story that would work well in my What Came Before He Knew Her series – another chance to tell a story from Chat's perspective in the grace period before he finds out who is under that polka-dotted mask. As with No Strings, I've not entirely plotted this one out, so it could be a bumpy ride. (It worked so well last time, what could go wrong…?) -ep

Gorilla deposited Kagami outside her home on our way back to the mansion from the Couffaine's houseboat. How I had managed to talk him into dropping us off there for Fencing practice instead of the actual gym he'd taken me to for years spoke less of my ability to prevaricate and more of his decision to give me a bit more room as a teenager. I wasn't sure Father would approve, but then again, neither one of us would volunteer anything to him, either.

Staring out at the traffic as we made our way through Paris, I was lost in my thoughts. For everyone else, a few hours had passed; for me, it had been nearly a month while I'd tried unsuccessfully to fight an akuma with Ladybug. I sighed thinking about it, for I'd not done it as Chat Noir; through a comedic series of events, she had actually asked my civilian alter-ego to don the Snake Miraculous. Despite Plagg's protest, I'd seen it as a chance to finally convince her of my love for her and had accepted.

Far from convincing her, though, I managed to fail spectacularly in every way possible as Aspic. Thousands of times we tried to beat the akuma, and thousands of times I watched, horrified, as my machinations came to naught and Ladybug vanished before my eyes. Each and every moment had been etched into my memory, permanently, along with the visceral emotional reaction that accompanied it. I assumed it would take months for the smallest fraction of those memories to dim.

In the end, I'd relinquished the Snake, but not without the additional sting of seeing how well Viperion handled himself after Ladybug asked Luka to join the team. I knew myself well enough to know I wasn't jealous, for it did take all three of us to vanquish Desperada. I was more upset, perhaps, that I'd not been more upfront with Ladybug and had simply passed on the Snake in the first place. At the very least I might have had a month of my life back.

How Ladybug viewed Adrien now, though, was a topic I didn't want to consider, for I felt like I'd not acquitted myself overly well. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against the cool glass, feeling tired and worn out. Both were true, but both would be hard to explain given that to all outward appearances I'd only been tooling around on the keyboard with Luka and his band for the afternoon. As I sat back in the seat and opened my eyes, I saw the Dupain-Cheng Bakery go by and was instantly gripped with a craving for baked goods and the gentle conversation that came with them. I started to say something to Gorilla, but by the time I caught his attention, he'd shifted lanes and was moving briskly with traffic away from the shop.

It likely would have been an ask too far, considering what he'd done for me earlier, but I knew I had an alternative option that I could use once we'd returned to the mansion. That happy thought sustained me for the rest of the ride and nearly through one more lonely dinner overseen by Nathalie. But once I had the bedroom door closed behind me, it felt like the balloon had popped, and I found myself sliding down to sit against it.

Plagg floated out from my shirt, still wearing the partial I-told-you-so look from earlier in the sewer. Once he saw my face, though, it shifted into something toward concern. "Adrien? Are you all right?"

"Yeah," I said. "More than anyone, you know just how long this day actually has been."

"True," the Kwami of Destruction said. "But don't be down! You took out Hawkmoth's latest akuma today, and it was one of the harder ones we've faced."

I grunted. "After twenty-thousand-odd whacks at the apple, you mean."

"Look," Plagg said, "the important thing is you learning something. About yourself."

"Yeah," I said, leaning the back of my head against the door and looking at the ceiling. "And about Ladybug."

Plagg floated up to my line-of-sight. "What do you mean?" he asked. "I was down in the sewer, if you recall."

"I told her," I said simply.

"That you love her?" Plagg smiled. "I'm not surprised. But—"

"No," I said. "I told her I was Chat."

Plagg's eyes went wide. "You did what?"

I closed my eyes and pulled back the memory one more time and replayed it. "Somewhere in the ten or eleven-thousandth cycle, I was running along the street with Ladybug as Aspic and blurted out I was Chat Noir," I said.

"And? What did she say?"

"Not much," I laughed ruefully. "The look on her face was priceless, though – and then she was gone. Zapped by Desperada into nothingness." I paused. "It was disbelief, I think. She couldn't see Adrien as Chat."

I opened my eyes and looked at my kwami. "Given how badly I was doing as Aspic, I can see how she'd think that." I smiled a bit weakly. "Anyway, I'm on the prowl for some macaroons. Care to assist?"

Plagg narrowed his eyes at me. "You're going to the Bakery? To visit Marinette?"

"Yeah," I said as I pushed up from the floor. Every muscle ached, which I supposed was an aftereffect of my misadventures of the day. "I could use the company," I added to the unspoken question on Plagg's face.

"And what am I, then?" he asked.

"You know what I mean," I said, bopping him on the head with a finger. "Human company."

"I'm not sure that is the wisest of ideas, kid," he said skeptically. "But if you want to go, let's go."

I smiled again. "I need it," I said simply. "Do you mind?"

"No," he said, with the trace of warmth I knew he hid beneath that irascible exterior.

"Plagg – claws out!" I cried, and went through my transformation into Chat Noir. I was tired enough it felt like I was moving through gelatin, but a few moments later, I'd launched myself out the open window and vaulted off the wrought iron fence surrounding the mansion into the evening. As I worked my way over the rooftops of Paris, though, I found the fatigue hadn't been erased by the transformation to Chat. I had to stop a few times to catch my breath, which was very unusual, and it took me a lot longer than normal to reach the playful party lights of Marinette's rooftop oasis.

I landed atop one of the conical chimneys with a soft rubbery thump; unusually, I'd not picked up her unique scent portfolio as I normally would, and was surprised to find her leaning on the railing overlooking the river. "Hello," I said.

She turned from her position with a smile. "Hey, Chat," she said warmly. "I didn't expect you tonight."

"I like to keep my women guessing," I said as I leapt down to the railing and perched next to her.

Marinette smiled wider. "'Women' indeed," she said as she scooted closer to me. "Well, what brings the stray to my doorstep this evening?"

"Funny you should put it that way," I said. "It was a hard day, and I need a break from it." I looked at her sideways. "From being a superhero. Just for a bit."

Her eyes widened. "The akuma attack?" she asked. At my nod, she continued. "I didn't realize it was that serious. You and Ladybug and that new guy – what was his name?"

"Viperion," I said.

"Yeah, the three of you made short work of it."

Thinking it would be hard to explain what had actually happened to me – especially since it would reveal a little bit too much about my alter-ego – I just smiled. "It takes a lot of effort to make it look like no effort at all, Princess," I laughed.

"Well you know you are always welcome on my rooftop," she said. "Relax away."

"Thanks," I replied, genuinely happy to be accepted somewhere, by someone, just as I was. Even if that meant being clad in magical black leather, a domino mask and feline ears. For Chat had long allowed me to expose more of my true personality, though with Marinette, I generally left the flirting Chat behind – that part of me was an attempt to prove to Ladybug I loved her, and seemed inappropriate when visiting my friend.

We sat companionably for a while, contemplating the river and the lights from the city as they danced along it's surface. The view was similar to the one from a favored perch of mine a few blocks down the street, but I had long thought Marinette had the superior angle – especially on the grand cathedral of Notre Dame. Like the rest of the city, I'd been keeping tabs on the restoration effort, for it hurt my soul to see the grand space still shrouded by scaffolding.

As perceptive as Marinette was, though, she seemed to sense the underlying turmoil in my tired feline brain. She put an arm to my costumed bicep. "Cosmic thoughts, kitty?"

"Purrhaps," I said quietly, watching a single rower as they moved across the river. "I made a mistake today," I started.

"A serious one?" she asked.

I looked up and away, much as I had the night I'd visited Marinette when Ladybug had stood me up. "I feel badly talking about Ladybug with you," I said. "And it seems like I only talk about her when I'm with you."

"Not always, but you do," she said. "I don't mind. I know you don't have a lot of people you can talk to."

I nodded. "I don't. In or out of the mask," I added.

"Chat," she said, "whatever it is, I'm sure it wasn't nearly as bad as you think."

"Maybe," I said. "I suppose it's in the eye of the beholder."

I wanted in the worst way to slightly unzip the collar of my costume; for some reason, it was feeling more restrictive than usual – and hot. Considering how it generally kept me at equilibrium, I was a bit concerned. "I… I revealed something important to a person I care about today. And… they didn't handle it the way I expected they would."

Marinette moved her hand down to the paw I had grasping the railing, and squeezed it. "Are we still talking about Ladybug?"

"Yeah," I said, and I looked away. The last thing I wanted was Marinette to see my feelings reflected in my eyes.

"You told her who you were, under the mask, didn't you?" she said quietly.

My eyes snapped back to hers. "Yes," I said simply. "I can't explain exactly how, but as a result of the akuma today, she doesn't know that I told her. But I know how she felt about it."

"How did she react?"

"Stunned. Disbelieving, I guess?" I sighed, but it came out more like a wheeze that nearly devolved into a coughing fit. Where had that come from? "Not what I expected," I repeated.

"I'm sure she was in shock," Marinette said, defending my partner. "And if it was in the middle of an akuma attack, she might not have been able to completely process it."

"True," I agreed, but that one word came out a bit raspy, enough that I had to swallow a few times before I could continue. "I suppose… my timing could have been better," I finished. For the first time that evening, my throat felt a little raw.

"Are you feeling all right?" she asked.

"People keep asking me that today," I said. "Yeah, just a little tired."

I was well off my game, for before I knew it, she'd pressed a hand against my exposed cheek. "Chat!" she exclaimed. "You're running a fever!"

"I am?" I said. "I guess that explains the sluggishness." I blinked a bit. "And my inability to smell anything. And the blurry vision."

"Dear Lord," she said. "You shouldn't be out here – you need to get to bed."

"Probably right," I said, and I pulled out my baton. "And here I was looking forward to the macaroons," I laughed, which quickly turned into a series of deep coughs that racked my body. The signs had been there all afternoon, but now I couldn't deny it – I appeared to have caught something. Not surprising given I'd been running around in a sewer for a month.

Marinette had held my back while the coughing fit passed, and when I turned toward her, I could see the concern in her features. "Can you make it back to your home?" she asked.

"Absolutely," I lied.

"That's what I thought. Get down from there and put yourself over there on the chaise."

"Princess –" I started to protest, but Marinette was stronger than I thought (or I was far weaker than I realized) and managed to pull me off the railing and propel me toward her chair. "I'm going to be missed," I managed to mewl before finding myself beneath a blanket, my baton propped up on the table beside me.

"Not before tomorrow morning," she said. "That'll give me enough time to ply you with some soup and enough analgesics to get that fever under control."

"But—"

"Hush."

Marinette tucked the blanket around my body in such a way that made movement somewhat difficult. But to be honest, I'd spent the last of my energy protesting and made peace with the fact I was now a kitty burrito. And what was it with being wrapped in a blanket when you were already melting down, anyway?

"I'll be back in a jiffy. Don't go anywhere."

"Your wish is my command, Princess."

My masked eyes followed her as she moved to the skylight, and as much as I appreciated what she was trying to do, I knew I should return to the mansion and have Nathalie summon my pediatrician. And there were a thousand and one things that could go wrong the longer I stayed, including exposing Marinette to whatever I had (which would be bad) or somehow revealing my true identity (which would likely be worse).

Yet the allure to remain in that cozy, home-like spot was so potent when compared to the sterile alternative of my bedroom, it was almost like the decision had been made for me. I stopped fighting my body and let my masked eyes drift closed; the last thing I heard before dozing off was the scrape of the skylight as it gently closed behind Marinette.