"I've come to make an announcement," Dr. Eggman announced unto the citizens of the city. "Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker! He pissed on my fucking wife!" A young girl witnessing the rant clung to her mother.

"Mommy?" the child said to her.

"That's right. He took his hedgehog fucking quilly dick out, and he pissed on my fucking wife. And he said his dick was "this big"," Eggman said in a voice imitating that of Shadow's, then stated, returning to his own voice, "and I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com."

"Shadow the Hedgehog," Eggman targeted Shadow over the latter's disgustingly gain dominance, "you've got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except way smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like!" Half of an asteroid suspended in space erupted, revealing Eggman's dong in all its glory. "That's right, baby! Tall points; no quills; no pillows! Look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong!"

"He fucked my wife, so guess what? I'm gonna fuck the Earth!" The people were probably convinced of his insanity at this point. Eggman prepared for this special moment - his magnum opus. "That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!" All in one disgustingly head-turning flash, Eggman released his super laser piss through space. However, it was not headed where everyone thought it was.

"Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth," Eggman said. "I'm gonna go higher-I'm pissing ON THE MOON!" His super laser piss struck the moon, strong enough that it had taken a chunk off of it. The watching public mumbled to each other in their disgust. "How do you like that, Obama?! I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!

"You have twenty-three hours before the piss droplets in the fucking Earth!" he threatened. "Now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you, too!"

"Woah…" said Sonic. He, with Tails and Amy, stood shocked after witnessing what happened.

"That is like, Evangelion or some shit man, that is crazy!" Amy said. "Anyway…"

"I just- ohhh," complained Sonic. "I always didn't like the moon but-"

"No," Tails interrupted. "I loved the moon! I don't know why he felt like he needed to piss on it."

"Well, maybe it, like, said something weird about his mom or something. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it, or my tail, or my spikes."

"Well here." Tails handed his blue friend a yellow diamond. It reeked of piss, and had some residue, as well. "Take this diamond as a consolation prize-for the fucking moon just getting pissed on, I guess."

"Wait a minute. I have an epiphany!"

"Let's go!" He and his comrade headed off instantly, leaving Amy to ponder in her confusion.

"Wait, what's- what's an epiphany?" Amy question the already-leaving duo. Sonic and his friends would do whatever it takes to save the world from Eggman's piss, even if that means relying on a rock...with piss on it.