Chapter 1: Rewrite

Boredom. It was, by far and away, the most potent of the emotions Tatsumaki still experienced. The day to day grind of life had become monotonous, with each day repeating the same set of events like a machine. Wake up, morning routine, sit around watching TV whilst awaiting a call from the association, and occasionally switching to the news channel in the hopes that something- anything- would be worth her time. Those days were tedious. Those were the type of days that were not worth waking up to. And yet she had to.

Something, anything at all. A Demon level threat that could fend off her psychic power, a Dragon that can't be crushed by anything she could muster, a God on the verge of wiping out humanity and the Earth itself. She desperately wanted it, and yet a part of her had already conceded that the day would never come. The Demons were always pathetic, the Dragons were always overestimated, and there has never been a single God level threat in the three years the association existed, and if there were any when she was still freelancing then she wouldn't have known.

"Being so strong sucks sometimes, huh?" the woman muttered. Her empty apartment whispered back mockingly.

She crushed the empty milk carton in her hand in frustration and flung it into the dustbin on the other side of the room. However, instead of joining the rest of the trash like she expected, she heard it hit something before rolling onto the ground. She lazily turned her head in the general direction of the bin and noted how it was now full. She must've forgotten to clear it.

Now suddenly hyper aware of the general uncleanliness of her living room, she groaned. Chores were never her strong suit; she only ever did them when she had to. Even then, she didn't want to do them. Despite being an esper, chores still felt like... well, chores. She glared at the trash in hopes she could will it into non-existence, but she didn't have such powers at her disposal.

As the realisation that she had to do the chores dawned on her, Tatsumaki sighed. If only the association came up with robots to do the chores for S-class like her. They had better things to do than spring cleaning- protecting the world, for example. Or at least, she had to. The rest of the pathetic weaklings that were her colleagues, not so much.

However, before she could begin the dreaded task of cleaning up her living space, her phone blared the association's ringtone. Swiping the device off her table, she flipped it open and answered the call.

"Miss Tatsumaki! A Dragon level threat is headed to City A, please, can you-!"

"You're lucky I'm bored."

"Huh? Ah! Thank you Miss-!"

Meaningless gratitude did nothing but inflate egos and cause idiots to overestimate themselves, leading to eventual death. Needless to say, the last thing she needed was something so useless. After all, she already knew just how much the people relied on her overwhelming power. Without her, Earth would've been destroyed countless times, assuming that the small fry she dealt with weren't exaggerating.

Come to think of it, what if she really was so strong that world-ending threats were nothing more than bugs to her?

No, they were all just arrogant flies who didn't know their place in the world. She'd rather die than admit there was nothing left to challenge her. She'd rather die than suffer eternal boredom.

...

As Tatsumaki approached the outskirts of City A, she had to admit to herself that it at least looked good. Despite past experiences that taught her how little that meant, the sheer state of ruin that the metropolitan area was in sparked a sense of... intrigue. Tatsumaki wrinkled her nose at the thought before tossing it away. She would not be disappointed due to having high expectations. Not again.

As the esper neared the center of the destruction, she spotted the bodies of two of the association's lackeys sprawled across the rubble. They were easily identifiable by their garish costumes that stuck out like sore thumbs amidst the grey. They must have been C-Classes that were so hellbent on fueling their egos that they rushed in gung ho. Actually, no, C-Classes were told to stay away from Dragon level threats. A-Classes then? Rather pathetic, weren't they? Tatsumaki scoffed. At the very least, she would've liked to see a certain blue-haired pretty boy with his face smashed in.

"I am Vaccine man!"

A voice that could only belong to the source of the distress bellowed further ahead. Following it, she soon spotted a purple humanoid with antennae standing in a relatively open space. It had a figure that would make most of the wimps that called themselves 'men' jealous, and was currently... presenting itself was the best way to describe it, to something that, Tatsumaki mused, would not be out of place in a comedy.

A bald guy- as in so bald that his head was utterly void of any sign of hair- so much so that it shined- in a jarring yellow jumpsuit, with red gloves and boots and a flowing white cape. Another joker from the A-Class probably. Why hadn't he run away yet? Was he suicidal perhaps? She wouldn't put it past the morons that ran the place to actually hire a depressed person, but to think that they'd let him run amok... the thought was way too believable.

As Tatsumaki mused on the incompetence of the association, the monster began a monologue- what was with these flies and their monologues?- about how it was born of the planet itself to cure it of the disease that was the human race, etcetera, etcetera, before transforming into a large monstrosity that looked more befitting of a Dragon level threat.

The smallest hints of a smirk broke onto her face, the esper smirking as she flexed her fingers. But before she could think of the best way to dispose of the trash, she vaguely registered a nagging in the back of her head. She had forgotten due to the sheer nonchalance with which she viewed the monster that someone else's life was at stake. She couldn't have her fun if it meant risking an easily preventable death because then the association would have her attend another damned meeting.

However, before she could tear the purple behemoth into pieces, it was already in pieces. The bald nobody had, with the most lax punch she had she had ever seen thrown, turned it into a shower of gore. From this, she concluded that there were two possibilites. One, the monster was actually a Wolf level threat, which was even weaker than Tiger and practically unheard of, and somehow managed to beat two A-classes and reduced the city to rubble. Two- and to think that this was the more likely of the two possibilities- the association hired a new S-Class that somehow managed to rival, at the very least, Silverfang in competence.

"Not again... all it took was one punch... DAMN IIIT!"

Tatsumaki ignored the damn near pitiable sight of the baldy on his knees and crying out in what she assumed to be frustration at the lack of challenge. Pity was a disgusting emotion that she didn't want to feel, and no, it definitely wasn't because she had for a moment almost, probably, definitely not sympathised with his plight. Additionally, now that she was paying attention, she realised that there was a little girl lying on the ground nearby.

The esper quickly conjured a shield around her, just in time before a piece of the monster's guts splattered over her. It wouldn't be the first time some civilian got sick because monster meat- or was it blood? Entrails? Because monster entrails were infectious, but she'd be damned if she had to put up with another meeting lecturing them on the "responsibilities" of a hero again. Damn that girly boy ninja. Speaking of damning lackeys of the association.

"You!"

"Eh?" The baldy looked up from his pathetic position. His face was awfully bland, with dull eyes that were almost as lifeless as that dog suit wearing fetishist. The dead eyes widened slightly as he stood up and pointed at her rudely. "Whoa, you can fly? Are you a real life magical girl?"

Tatsumaki blinked. "What?" She shook her head before glaring at the idiot. "Are you an idiot or something? What were you thinking leaving that kid over there?" She scoffed as she hovered the little girl off the ground. "Nevermind, I bet you weren't even thinking you stupid egghead."

The baldy furrowed his brow. "Geez kid, did your parents not teach you any manners?"

Let it be said that Tatsumaki never had any patience for idiots. Even less so if the idiots didn't know their place and talked back and tried to insult her despite the fact that she was the sole reason the planet they stood upon wasn't destroyed. Therefore, when she flung the egghead into the nearest concrete wall that didn't have something spiky poking out of it, it was done with no remorse.

"How dare you! I'm twenty eight! I'm probably older than you are! This is how you thank me after I just ensured the association wouldn't demote your bald ass for leaving a litttle girl vulnerable?! Unbelievable!"

To his credit, he shrugged off being thrown at hyper velocity rather well. "Oi, what's wrong with me being bald huh?" For a moment, he displayed a comically annoyed expression before the dullness returned in full force. "Ah, but you're probably right about the girl. Thanks for that, but I'm not a part of your magical girl association. I'm just a hero for fu-" Suddenly, his eyes were sharp and intense. "Ah crap! I just remembered, there's a sale I have to catch! Hey, thanks for the help, but I gotta go!"

The baldy was gone in the time she took to blink and process his words. All she could do was growl in annoyance. Of course the new S-Class had to be another annoyingly eccentric jackass. At least he wasn't completely useless though. Maybe the old bastards in charge would call on him instead of her next time there was a fly to be swatted. With that in mind, she dialed their number to report the extermination of the pest. When they thanked her for her efforts, she scoffed and told them to give credit to the new baldy S-Class they thankfully didn't bother to introduce.

As the caveman on the other end stuttered about how there were no new S-Classes, and that there were no new heroes that were bald, Tatsumaki felt something strange. Confusion. Tatsumaki barely registered that what she felt beyond the frustration was pure, potent confusion. And beyond that, intrigue.

Who the hell had she just met?

A/N: I binned the entire draft I had of the rewrite because it felt too similar to the original fic. Rather than moving on, it felt like I was looking back and that killed any motivation to write this fic at all, hence the delay. Screw that noise I decided: Here's a rewritten chapter one because the first one I uploaded was admittedly horrendous.

I will make sure it doesn't take me another year to update the damn story. Writer's block can go kill itself because regardless of how much stress I'm under thanks to school projects, I still want to enjoy one of my hobbies damn it.

Thank you by the way to certain readers for your messages. Knowing that I managed to inspire some people to take up writing as a hobby renewed my vigour.

Edit 11/7/2020: Fixed small errors and added some parts the mobile app didn't save.