31. New World

Summary: Light contemplates the events of the past ten years...
A/N: Here we are! The last chapter of this collection... It's the longest, and serves as a conclusion to this entire series. It's set at the same time as L's story in the Notebook chapter. I hope you'll like it :)

Light wakes up alone. It's something that happens regularly, whenever L stays up late to keep working, or when he's already left for their office. This time, however, Light definitely remembers going to bed together, and when he checks the time he sees that it's too early for L to have gone back already. Light knows it then - L must have gone to touch the notebook, as he does every year.

Usually, Light sleeps through it. He doesn't want to know that L is down there, in a secure room only he and Watari - and Ryuk - know about. He doesn't want to be tempted. It's been ten years; he's had enough time to analyze why and how he became Kira - and it's precisely why he also knows how easy it would be to follow that logic again. On some of their hardest cases, he's found himself wishing L would bring up the Death Note, wishing they could finish things quickly and easily… And somehow, he knows L was thinking about it as well. But Light also knows that if they allow themselves this, even just for one time… It won't end there. They will use it again. And again. Until it becomes wrong.

So that's why he doesn't want to know when L goes down there. He trusts him more than he trusts himself on this matter, even with Ryuk most likely following L and trying to tempt him. It's silly, actually, because Ryuk would probably tell Light where the notebook is in a heartbeat if he asked… But it makes things easier. Although, to be fair, Ryuk doesn't really seem to care about the Death Note that much anymore. He's having enough fun hanging around Wammy's House.

Light sits up and sighs softly. Somehow, he doesn't feel as restless as he would have expected to. Maybe time really did help a little, maybe it's the fact that they don't have any particularly difficult case going on… Light doesn't know, and he doesn't particularly care either. Right now, it's simply nice to be here, sitting quietly in the dark, being aware that L is currently with the Death Note and yet feeling relatively at peace. He takes a deep breath, resting his head back against the headboard.

Ten years…

Whenever he thinks about himself as Kira, it feels so close and yet at the same time very disconnected. L has helped him a lot to confront his memories, understand them and accept them as a part of himself. He's still learning from his mistakes, still having to deal with the occasional nightmare, but it all got better. He knows what he's done, and yet as time passes by it becomes harder and harder to recognize himself in his memories of Kira.

Maybe that's what time does. Ten years is a relatively long time, even though Light would argue they are still young - he's not even thirty yet, after all. But his life now is so different from his life ten years ago - even before finding the Death Note, when he was just a high school student in Japan. It's so different from anything he ever imagined when he was younger, so maybe it helps make the gap between who he is now and who he was ten years ago seem even bigger.

He never would have thought he would be living in England, working as a freelance detective with the best detective in the world - actually sharing that title with him. He certainly would never have thought he'd be married to said detective - actually, he never thought he would be married to someone he loved, period. Ten years ago, he thought his entire life was planned already - whether those were his choices or ones imposed upon him by society and family, that's another issue - and somehow it all turned out to be completely different. In fact, it turned out to be a life he actually likes.

He's always found it slightly disturbing, though, that everything he has now is really a result of him having been Kira. He thought about this many times, and he can't imagine his life turning out this way if he had followed his original plans. It's another thing that has been hard for him to accept. Many times he felt as if he was being rewarded for what he had done, and he sort of hated it. But L also helped him through this, helped him accept that life doesn't really reward or punish people - it just happens, and people can do what they want with it. L also argued many times that Light was still dealing with the psychological consequences of having been Kira, and that having fought against him to truly banish him hadn't been a small feat. So, Light shouldn't beat himself up for being happy with how his life is now.

Light smiles softly, toying absently with the ring on his finger. He remembers meeting L as Kira and hating him so much… He hated him as well when he lost his memories, at least for a while. But he's glad he's gotten to know the real L - the human being behind the letter. He's gained a life partner, an equal - and he's also having the most fun when they're together. A small chuckle escapes him as he recalled that botched proposal - and how perfectly them it was, after all.

The way L's eyes had lit up then closed in pleasure as Light made him taste his newest creation in the kitchen. How he mumbled "hmm, marry me," while he was still munching on the cake and Light choked and started laughing it off. Then how L looked up at him with wide eyes and said: "No - but, actually, I mean it - wait," and then ran off to go get the rings he had bought sometime earlier. Light honestly kept thinking it was a joke until L slipped a ring on his finger in the middle of the kitchen with a half eaten cake still sitting on the table. L apologized later for how it all turned out, saying he had really been trying to figure out the right way to do it, but Light laughed and said it was probably the best way. Besides, he hadn't been thinking they would get married at all, so it really was a surprise.

The door to their room opens and Light jumps slightly as it takes him out of his thoughts. It's L, of course, and he's looking at Light in surprise.

"Oh - you're awake."

Light smiles as he sees L bite his lip. "It's okay. I woke up after you were gone… And yes, I figured out where you were, but I'm actually fine."

L seems relieved and smiles back, making his way to the bed. "Good, then." He sits next to Light and hugs his knees. "Thinking?"

Light hums softly. "Yeah, I mean… When I realized where you had gone, I thought about everything again. But you know all this stuff already, I don't need to bother you with it."

"You don't bother me," L replies quietly.

"It's been so long now… I still think about it, but I feel more and more disconnected from who I was back then - before everything happened."

"It's probably normal," L says, nodding slightly. "I think everyone would say they feel different at 28 than how they were at 18. I certainly did." He turns his head towards Light then, and pokes him gently on the shoulder. "You're just getting old."

Light huffs and swats L's finger away. "Says the guy who's already 35."

L shrugs. "I find that I get more handsome with age…"

Light laughs softly, rolling his eyes, but doesn't deny it. He won't agree though, not out loud; he won't give L this satisfaction. They settle into a comfortable silence for a while, until L speaks again.

"So… you're okay?"

"I am. Like I said, I still think about it… I always will, even though we don't necessarily talk about it much anymore. It's not as if I can forget anyway, especially not with Ryuk hanging around. Not that I would want to either - as much as I hate those memories, they're important."

"We all need to learn from our past," L says, his voice barely louder than a whisper. Their eyes meet and L gestures for Light to lie back down. When they're both under the covers, L extends his arm and Light gently settles his head on L's chest.

They fall into silence again as L's fingers softly draw idle patterns along Light's arm. Light allows himself to relax, thinking about what L just said. Even though he does still think about the Death Note during some frustrating cases, he can also appreciate the fact that he doesn't even voice these thoughts. He knows using it even once wouldn't be inconsequential. Even though he also knows that his intentions weren't ultimately bad when he first found the Death Note, he understands how flawed his reasoning was. He might have felt righteous, that the world needed this, but...

Creating a new world free of crime is a nice idea, clearly. Most people would agree on it. But the brief drop in crime rate that happened when Light was Kira wasn't real - it was only fear. People's mindsets weren't changed… In a way, they were just waiting to see whether or not this whole 'punishment' thing was here to stay - and as soon as Kira disappeared, crime levels went back to how they used to be.

True, Light still wishes he could make a difference in the world. They catch a lot of criminals, but the crime rate doesn't necessarily decrease much. He supposes that as long as people have free will, there will always be the same amount of crime… It doesn't really make him feel better, but he also knows he won't be able to change the world using fear. What he hopes is that it's the little things that will slowly make the world better - even if he isn't there anymore to see it. Whether it's them catching criminals, or other people all over the world doing good things, helping others. This 'new world' might be a possibility someday.

"Still thinking?" L asks quietly, breaking Light's train of thoughts again.

Light smiles against L's chest. "Hmm. You would say they're naive thoughts, though."

L hums pensively. "Maybe you're not that old yet, then."

Light huffs and shakes his head softly. "I just… Remember how Kira wanted to create a new world without crime? I was just… wondering if it was actually possible. But without Kira."

There's a beat of silence before L replies. "Well… I mean, people will always have free will, so it's hard to say. It might happen, slowly. If we hope that it will be the good people who will influence the bad, and not the other way around."

Light breathes out a small chuckle. "I was actually thinking something along the same lines."

"I know."

Light props himself up to look at L for a moment, smiling as their eyes meet in silent acknowledgement. It's something he loves - just how they always seem to be on the same page. After spending ten years together, this special bond they share is only getting stronger.

Slowly, he leans forward to place a small kiss on L's lips. "Well then. As you already know everything I'm thinking, I suppose I'll go back to sleep."

L gives him a fond smile and pushes some of Light's hair back before settling his hand gently against the other man's cheek. "Goodnight then, dear Light."

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who read these stories and stuck with me through this month! I honestly wasn't sure I'd be able to do every day given that I was super busy this month, but I got a good headstart in September so in the end it was okay :D

Huge thanks to the amazing Ikathemadhatter for suggesting we do so many prompts together! Working together was a huge part of my motivation as well, and I love your art tons so it meant a lot to me that you'd want to bring some of those stories to life. I've had so much fun doing all this with you, thank you again!
And once again guys, don't hesitate to check her out on Tumblr because her art is awesome!

I don't know what the future will hold in terms of writing... For now, to be honest, I'm going to take a break because as much as I enjoyed participating to this event, I kinda need to rest a little ;)