I finally caught up with Ducktales I'll give more chapters for Grounded and Road Trip (one more apiece) but I wanted to get this out first! I'm hyped for season 3. No spoilers for this unless you haven't seen Happy Birthday, Doofus!

Also, I tend to reference my other stories but it's not really important to read them unless I expressly say so. Also, also I tend to write really long author's notes that I doubt people read.

Once a week. Once a week every Thursday. Punctuality was a construct, since after all time was a construct. To define being on time would require one to define time, which was probably impossible. That's what Louie told Boyd. Boyd was always there at two o'clock. Patient. Punctual. Half because he was programmed to be like that, half because he wanted to be. He was still partially sentient, he had the choice now to be kind, caring, loving. The bond he was forming with his new family and his very best friend Louie strengthened those positive emotions. Now that that meant he didn't have break downs every now and then, and sometimes he broke down on a Thursday. But most of their meetups were just peaceful. Usually, they just sat on a bench and talked.

"Why are you always wearing a hoodie? Are you unable to process heat, as I am?"

"No, it's just my style. It's comfy, and it has a big pocket."

"What do you keep in your pocket?"

"It varies from day today. Usually, shiny things I find on the street, my phone, some money if I have any, unopened cans of Pep sometimes, my glasses-"

"My remote?" Boyd interrupted. Louie looked at him, surprised. They had talked about a lot of things together but not this. Rarely ever did they outright talk about Boyd's droid status.

"Yeah. I keep that on me. Because I'm not going to let someone bad get their hands on you," Louie assured.

"Are you going to reprogram me again?" Louie looked horrified.

"Of course not, Boyd! You're perfect just as you are. You program your own destiny now."

"I just, sometimes I think you only hang out with me because you know you can reprogram me if I get boring or flawed."

"The only way I'd try to "reprogram" you is by helping you experience more of the world."

"So you're not going to get tired of me?"

"I don't think I can, Boyd. I like talking to you too much. I can be myself around you." Louie didn't put on an act with Boyd. He wasn't trying to get anything from Boyd. He liked being himself around Boyd while Boyd was figuring himself out. It was like they were figuring themselves out together, every Thursday. Louie was often hesitant to do any soul-searching and find more reasons to dislike himself, but he was willing to take baby steps towards betterment. Boyd wasn't the only person he was changing for. He was changing for his mom, his uncles, his brothers, Webby, his other friends, and lastly himself. But Boyd was the only one who was helping him change instead of just implying that he should. Boyd wasn't even asking Louie to change. He was just there to listen and talk. It was really nice. Really peaceful.

Louie wasn't supposed to get any peace. He shouldn't have expected it to last. That was his biggest mistake, thinking that any good thing could last.

"Where are you going?" Dewey asked on a Thursday, the Thursday after Louie had promised Boyd he wouldn't reprogram him.

"Just out, Louie was on edge. If either of his brothers found out about Boyd, they would only see Boyd as a robot. Huey would want to study him, Dewey would want to use him. Louie would lose his best friend, essentially.

"Out where?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Can I come?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Dewey I'm going to be late."

"Late where?" Without answering, Louie shoved his hands in his pocket and left. Dewey's eyes narrowed and he ran and grabbed his fedora.

"Dewtective."

To Dewey's credit, Louie didn't notice he was being tailed. A lot of other people noticed Dewey tailing Louie, though. Because he was quietly singing his own spy theme song. Louie just didn't notice because he was in his own head. He was thinking about how Boyd had been so afraid of being reprogrammed. He didn't want to scare his friend like that, it made him sad. If he thought it would be safe, he would have left the remote at home. But he couldn't let anyone get a hold of it. He couldn't let anyone reprogram Boyd and ruin him. Boyd wasn't a killer robot or a false optimist ignorant to the extent of the world. Louie walked a little faster, wanting to be more on time than he normally was. Wanting to calm Boyd's fears of reprogramming.

Dewey was confused. Louie was just sitting on a bench in the middle of Duckberg, talking with some kid about nothing in particular. Who was the kid? Why was Louie so invested in being on time for a boring conversation with a stranger? Dewey, pretty bored, was about to leave when he heard the other kid say something he took slight offense to.

"You're my best friend, Louie." Dewey held his breath, listening really close for Louie's response.

"You're my best friend too, Boyd." Dewey turned around and paced in his hiding spot, ranting in a whisper about how he was supposed to be Louie's best friend and how it so wasn't hard to say, "Boyd you're one of my best friends, after my brothers and Webby." Who even was Boyd? Random stranger, taking his best friend title. What a scam! Hey, yeah, that could actually be it. Louie could be getting scammed by this guy, or he could be scamming Boyd... Dewey tipped the fedora low down over his eyes and hyped himself up.

"Dewtective."

"Where's Dewey?" Louie asked Huey when he got back from his meetup.

"I don't know, he left when you left, I thought you guys were probably doing something together." Pieces clicked together.

"No, no, no, no, no." Louie ran back out, headed for the Drake treehouse, not fearing for Boyd at this second, instead picturing his slightly older brother covered in bees, dumped in the honey bin. Doofus would chew Dewey up and spit him out like gum if he got the chance. There was a decent possibility that Dewey was already in grave danger. Louie was incredibly concerned. He needed to get there as fast as possible to be able to talk Doofus down. Obviously that was never a given, Doofus vaguely liked Louie but certainly not enough to spare his life. Louie was usually fairly good at talking himself out of problems because most of the people he talked to had some sense of logic or emotion that could be twisted and appealed to. Doofus had no discernable logic or emotion. He just did things to do things and it was terrifying. Louie had the full loathing of almost every single villain his uncle had ever faced, but Doofus was the one that scared him the most. Because Doofus was unpredictable and ruthless. And Dewey didn't stand a chance.

Dewey had been surprised and suspicious when he ended up at Doofus Drake's treehouse. He was just going to poke around a little, figure out who Boyd was, especially in relation to the utterly offputting Doofus Drake. Surely Louie hadn't just gone and named a total stranger best friend. That title was supposed to mean something, it shouldn't be thrown around willy nilly. Louie, after Webby but before Huey, was Dewey's best friend. And Dewey didn't care where he fell on the ranking but he still had to be top three. He still had to be before Boyd. Dewey was close friends with Launchpad, but Launchpad wasn't going to be ranked higher than Louie. Dewey was dewfinitely overthinking this. He rung the doorbell and was greeted by Doofus Drake.

"Other Louie," Doofus greeted coldly, looking him up and down with analytical and dead eyes that made Dewey squirm in discomfort.

"Yes, hi, does a Boyd live here?" Doofus eyes burned in anger.

"What do you want with that bratty little robot?!"

"Excuse me, robot?" Louie's best friend was a robot?

"Yes! Your evil little brother programmed Boyd into being my evil little brother and ruined my life."

"Louie's friends with a robot..?" Dewey was still putting the pieces together.

"Oh, they're friends, are they? Of course, of course..." Doofus grabbed Dewey's shirt, pulled his face close, spit in it, then pulled away, not letting go of Dewey. Dewey was scared now.

"Louie was supposed to be my friend. And Boyd was supposed to be my brother! My birthday present-"

"Happy birthday!" Dewey squeaked in terror.

"It's not my birthday! All Louie does is take! They're supposed to be my FRIENDS. Dewey had two options. The first was to recognize that Doofus's erratic behavior was a reflection of his own jealous thoughts. The second was the prevailing option of self-preservation.

"Let's get our friends back."

Louie arrived as fast as he possibly could, panting to catch his breath and ringing the doorbell frantically. Doofus appeared with even more intense dramatics than usual.

"Is my brother here?"

"Let's think of it as a trade, Louie. Your brother for mine. Give me the remote for Boyd and you can have that worthless flesh boy you seem so keen about."

"No, you can't hurt my brother, you monster! Don't you dare lay a hand on him!" Dewey listened from the other room, touched by Louie's outburst.

"Give up my brother then. Choose. Because you already have your friends, so stop taking mine!"

"Boyd would be your friend if you gave him a chance and accepted him for who he is. He's not your friend if you just reprogram him into what you want. That's not friendship!"

"Oh, and what you have with Boyd is friendship? How can he reject you if you hold that power over him?"

"I'm just trying to keep him safe."

"It's your choice, Louie. You can only save one of them."

"He chooses his brother," A voice came from the shadows.

"Boyd?" Louie looked up at his friend, feeling sick with worry.

"Give him the remote, Louie. Family's more important. I've cherished the freedoms I've had as your friend, but now you need to save your brother."

"No, I'll do anything else! Take me instead and let them both go. Let Boyd control his own destiny, please!"

"Oh, so you can't choose between them," Doofus mocked.

"I'm choosing, Doofus. I'm choosing both of them. Dewey's too important to me, and Boyd has been one of my best friends these past few months, and neither of them should have to suffer." Dewey listened and then called out, "Aren't I your best friend?"

"Dewey, of course you're my best friend isn't me sacrificing myself for both of you enough for you?"

"Yeah, okay, don't sacrifice yourself, I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"Yeah." Dewey walked out, only spit on a little.

"You dirtbag! Why would you make me choose between my friends? No one's getting the remote. Neither of you gets to control us. I'll see you next Thursday, Boyd."

"Bye Louie!" Louie grabbed Dewey's arm and dragged him out the way his brothers often dragged him by his hood. He was a little bitter now.

"I was worried about you, Dewey! Doofus is a psychopath he actually could have killed you, and you were just jealous of Boyd? That's insane!"

"I just... It's just... You called him your best friend..."

"He is! Dewey, I don't have lots of friends outside you guys and Webby. You're all really outgoing and friendly but Boyd is the only person besides you guys who has ever just been my friend. Okay? You're obviously first, but Boyd is one of my best friends too."

"Yeah, okay, I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay, you're both safe and that's all that really matters, just let me have Thursdays, deal?"

"Deal."