Okay! Last chapter - enjoy!

2 DAYS LATER

He had slept for two days. They didn't know why he wasn't waking up but the doctors didn't seem concerned. Hailey, Voight and Will talked about it. They had a pretty good idea why he wasn't waking up. Sleeping was less painful, emotionally but they would let it go for now.

It was about 10 pm on the second day when he was starting to show signs of waking. He lifted his arm and it immediately flopped back down to the bed. He winced and tried again and it went to his side where he'd been stabbed and had two broken ribs.

Suddenly there is a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jerk. His face scrunches in pain and with the pain comes anger. Anger has finally come home to roost and fuck them, fuck them all.

Hailey.

"Jay, hey it's okay. Just breathe. Breathe through it. Adam get a nurse."

It was no more that a whisper but it packed a punch, "Get out."

No one moves.

His voice is raspy from disuse but finds a bit more volume now that his anger has finally risen to the surface, "Now. Get the fuck out of my room."

"Jay…"

"Get your hand off me Hailey. Are you fucking kidding me? GET OUT!"

Will, comes rushing in with Adam, "Guys, what's going on?" He can see how upset Jay is and tries to calm him with his brother-doctor mash-up voice.

"Hey…hey…Jay, you need to calm down."

He wants to scream at them but the fact that his 'screams' come out in a raspy whisper just add to his anger. He tries to sit up but falls back to the bed in pain, "Calm down? Calm down? If you want me to calm down then you all need to get the fuck out of my room."

His breathing is shallow and he's holding his side. It's obvious he's in even more pain.

"Why are you even here? Trying to ease your guilty conscience?"

Adam moves to the side of his bed, "No, that's not…not guilt…we care…"

"Not guilt, Ruzek? NOT guilt?" A tight breath, the pain is becoming unbearable. He weakly jams a finger into Adam's chest, "that's the first thing you should be feeling." He takes them all in, "You…" his voice barely a breath, filled with emotional and physical pain, "…are the reason I'm here."

Dammit, he hated himself for saying it but couldn't stop himself. He knew it wasn't really their fault, that laid at the feet of those who framed him. And even if they hadn't believed it, that might not have prevented him from being arrested and put in jail. But God it hurt that they hadn't believed in him. The rug was pulled out from under him. For lack of a better word, he was abandoned by them. He is so freakin alone and the pain was bringing it all to the surface. He closed his eyes.

Everyone is still. They can't argue with him there. But they had to do something to make it right. They couldn't just not come see him when he is in the hospital.

On the verge of tears, his voice quiet and broken, he told them once more what he needed.

"Please, please…can you please just leave."

That did it. They finally respected his wishes, all beating themselves up for not doing it sooner. In their selfishness to right their wrong, they not only caused Jay more emotional pain but physical pain as well.

2 DAYS LATER

He's finally feels somewhat clear headed and he's alone. He doesn't know where everyone has been for the last two days but he's grateful they respected his wishes and stayed away. He needs time to think and has been spinning since he woke up. The pain of the situation is hitting him full force. Not the physical pain but the emotional. Physically he's feeling a bit better. Emotionally, he feels 10 times worse. He remembers some of what happened since he first woke up but knows there are gaps in time where he's oblivious to what happened. He doesn't know what to do about the team and his job.

Will comes slinking in, unsure if he should be there but not able to help himself. He couldn't stay away any longer, he desperately needs to be forgiven by his brother.

It's the first time Will's been back since he kicked them all out. And now his damn brother is interrupting his thoughts, invading his space, his anger and his grief. Grief is a good word for it. He feels like he lost something, lost everything. He doesn't want to talk to Will. Not yet. Probably not soon. Maybe not ever. He needs time to figure things out and Will standing two feet away from him is grinding his spinning mind to a halt and it's pissing him off.

Will can sense that Jay's upset. He has a right to be.

"Jay. I'm sorry. I should've believe you." He shakes his head and mutters, "I don't know why I didn't. I don't know why I believed the evidence when Voight..."

"Christ, Will…Get out."

Not sure what to do, since Jay obviously didn't want to talk yet, Will switches to doctor mode.

"Okay. I just need to get your vitals and I'll leave."

"You're not my doctor. The nurse just took my vitals. Get out."

Will looks at Jay for a long moment and the depth of his screw up once again hits him like a ton of bricks, causing him to stumble back a step. Jay looks lost and he's the reason why. Well, one of the reasons why. The other six are sitting in the bullpen at the 21st district.

"Jay..."

"Get out Will." He's happy his voice didn't crack but knows he wasn't able to keep the pain out of that request. He's pissed he can't hold on to the anger, that every time with them it so quickly turns into despair. He doesn't want to deal with this, can't right now, he just wants to go back to sleep. He pushes the button on the morphine pump. He can't handle this right now.

"Jay, I..." The look on Jay's face brings tears to his eyes. "Sure. I'll come back later."

He stands at the door and watches Jay fall into oblivion. He covers his mouth to stifle a sob, there's no fixing this. He's lost his brother.

Jay signs out AMA the next day. Actually, 'signs out' isn't quite true. He unhooks himself from everything and leaves. He's not talking to Will. Not talking to Intelligence. Not talking to anyone. He goes back to the apartment when Will's at work, packs a bag and checks into a hotel, not caring that they'll track him down through his credit card or the GPS of his phone. They would get the hint. Leave me alone. As he sat on the bed, head in his hands, he realizes how alone he really is. He has no one he can talk this out with. Not even Will. That thought puts the squeeze on his heart. He lays back on the bed and stairs at the ceiling. Tears once again making a trail and running into his hair. He wishes Mouse was here, wishes he could at least talk to him. But he's on an op. Jay prays he's safe and falls asleep.

3 weeks later

THE BULLPEN

Today they show up and Jay's desk is empty, all his stuff is gone. Voight comes in and leans against the door. "He's taking a leave and then going back to G&G."

The silence is heavy as it is once again slammed home what they did to Jay, a member of their family.

"How do we fix this?"

Voight huffs. Angry at himself, angry at the situation.

"There is no fixing this."

That just adds to the weight of the silence. It's smothering. Guilt will do that to you.

"He's transferring? Why?"

For whatever reason Ruzek still doesn't get it. Their minds are all drawn back to yesterday when Jay tried to come back, cleared for desk duty. He had tried to put it behind him. Tried to forgive us. He lasted almost an hour. Then Ruzek opened his mouth because he couldn't stand the silence, the stillness of Jay as he tried to belong again.

"Come on Jay. The evidence they had, you would have thought the same thing."

The look on Jay's face said it all but in a god damn broken voice, he adds the words anyway, "No Adam, I wouldn't have." He looks around at the entire team, wanting to pin each of them with an angry look but the anger was gone. He's not sure what his face was showing them but he knows what he felt - alone.

He's been back at his apartment for the last week. There is nothing he can really do about Will, they're living together. Will tries to give him his space. Jay can feel the guilt emanating from him whenever they're in a room together. There is a part of him that wants to give Will some relief, save him from his guilt and forgive him. But if Jay can't do it honestly, then he won't do it at all. So he avoids him, partly so he doesn't have to see Will's guilt and partly to give Will a respite from it, out of sight, out of mind, he hopes.

Even outside the team he was alone. It was out now in the 21st that he had been framed, but him being innocent wasn't interesting gossip compared to him being guilty, so he still received looks of uncertainty. He knew Platt was cracking the whip on that, it was evident during the hour he was back at work but he still couldn't stay.

He was sick of feeling and wallowing in sad, alone and "angsty," it wasn't him, so he talked to the Chief the next day. For now, only he and the Chief knew it was going to be a temporary transfer. He would stay with Guns and Gangs until the pain of NOT working in Intelligence became greater than the pain of staying there. That would give him enough time to sort through things, enough time to forgive, even though he knew forgiveness wouldn't be a one time thing but a daily occurrence. The transfer would help get him to where he could be willing to learn to trust them again. It would be rough and he would be willing to do it. He just wasn't there yet.

THE END

Hope you enjoyed this little ditty, it was fun to write. Hope I did okay with the angsty whump. I enjoy it when I read it in other stories, especially when it goes along with physical whump.

Just an FYI - there will be an epilogue. I have it outlined but not sure when it will be done.