A/N: Hopefully you can tell who's speaking...I did my best. Tell me if it's unclear and I can try to clarify. Try and guess some of the comment authors! I think they're pretty easy, but maybe I'm wrong.
"Hello and welcome to Buzzfeed Unsolved Postmortem, a show where we answer your most pressing questions about the latest episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved! This time, we're going back into the mystery of the Jackson family."
"Ah, yes, the kid who blew up the St. Louis Arch."
"Possibly. Possibly blew it up."
"Right, maybe. In between getting zipped all over America by aliens."
"Anyway. All the questions we're answering today came from you guys via our Buzzfeed Unsolved Facebook page, our Buzzfeed Unsolved Instagram page, as well as directly on the video on BUN."
"Subscribe!"
"The first question we're answering today comes from Instagram. redheaddare asks: are you guys clear-sighted?"
"Uh, well, I wear glasses, Ryan. So, you know, not really?"
"How blind are you, anyway?"
"Enough to need glasses."
"So could you read a piece of paper over there?"
"I don't think anyone could read anything that far away! It's like fourteen feet!"
"…You suck at measuring distance. Anyway, back to the question! No, I think both of us can see okay but not enough to not need glasses."
"On to the next, not as weird question! From piper_mclean: did you find percy to ask him about any of this? The short answer is no."
"Our legal team didn't allow us to. Plus, we don't where he lives. The Jackson's kind of dropped off the map after the whole incident occurred."
"Not that I blame them."
"No, me neither, Shane. From a comment from the actual video, anonymousgoddess asks: do you think beings other than aliens are responsible for the disappearance of Sally and Percy Jackson?"
"Ryan, I swear to God."
"Shut up. The answer is I don't know. There are a lot of things at play in this world; aliens just seem to fit the evidence best. I imagine you could look at it a lot of different ways to come to different conclusions."
"I think that's bullshit, for the record. That's not how aliens work."
"Can you say definitively – "
"Don't do this – "
" – that aliens weren't involved?"
"No. It kills me inside every time I have to admit this and you know it, but the answer is no. I cannot say for sure that aliens weren't involved."
"That's all I needed to hear. So, yeah, I don't know if maybe it was other supernatural forces at play, but I do know it can't be explained naturally! And that's why it ended up here!"
"You know, I wonder if anyone ever gets disappointed when you give them answers like that."
"We cover cold cases! By definition, I can't give them solid answers!"
"Still…"
"Next question!"
"Nope, it's my turn, Ryan! Next question is from 'gram town and playingwithfire wants to know: did the Jacksons ever get up to anything else? I don't think it's aliens you should be looking for #shaniac #ryanshairkeepsgettinghigher #unsolved."
"Well, that was cryptic!"
"Yup. I liked the hashtags though."
"You would."
"Anyway, um, I don't think the Jackson's were ever involved in anything other mysteries. Ryan?"
"Not as far as I could tell, like I said, they kind of dropped off the radar. I'd like to think they're living happily now."
"Living their best lives up in – where did they live again?"
"New York?"
"In the greatest city in the world!"
"Did you just quote Hamilton?"
"It's a musical worth quoting, Ryan."
"Oh, totally. I just didn't think you were cultured enough to have seen it."
"Rude!"
"Back to BUN for our last question of the day! Oh, wow, this is a long one. Finishing it off in style I guess."
"'Cause that's what we're all about here!"
"So, seaweedbrain says: great video! I loved the amount of effort put in! the theories were especially great! I think ryan is a little more right – aliens sound like the way to go! The case was awesome this time around; sally and percy sound like interesting people and sally sounds like a kickass mom! Thanks again for the video and I love the channel! #boogara #unsolved #bun #youguysrule."
"Nice! I agree with everything but the aliens!"
"Shut up. Anyway, thanks for the great comment, seaweedbrain! I hope you enjoy our other videos as much as we love making them! Next week, we'll take a close look at a similar case that also features a missing child."
"Are we theming our videos now?"
"Eh, sort of. They both came down the pipe at the same time."
"Weird expression, but okay. Thanks again for all your comments and remember to hit subscribe on our new channel BUN!"