Hello. Thank you for your patience. I hope that I do not dissapoint you. Sorry for the long wait. But 2020 has brought a lot of bad news in my life. But I hope you will enjoy this piece.

Otis Molyneux looked upon the pistol, that rested on his table. It had been lying there since he got home and had taken it from its place near his bedside.

A friend in the movement had given it to him as a precaution. Being a member of The Sons of Africa was not without risks. And while most people didn't take them seriously, there were people who wouldn't hesitate to use any excuse to attack someone like Otis for pleasure.

Now Otis had the pistol loaded and ready to fire. But not to defend himself, but to punish himself, if the worse thing had happened.

He thought about Mr. Parker's hands around his throat, about how he had seen in his eyes, what sort of man, Georgiana's guardian viewed him. And Otis felt shaken and disgusted by that image.

Once again Otis wondered how he had let himself go down so far on the wrong path without seeing how lost he had become.

However, he did remember why he started going to the gambling houses. It was because the treatment he was getting from the racists and judgmental white people.

He hated the looks filled with distain and fear, whenever he went to the library or the park. In the movement, he had found his equals, but it wasn't easy there either, because they had a lot of expectations for him, and it did put him at risk. There were still reminders of the differences between his people and the white people. He was devoted to his cause, but he also longed for something else. Just something he could escape to for a little while from the reality. A place to forget the outside world for an hour or two.

At the gambling den, he had felt at ease. No one there judged him for his color or for where his sympathies and loyalty lied. They were more interested in how he played his cards. They accepted anyone who could play regardless of background. He had felt like an equal. But now he could see what a merciless world he had entered. A place where no one had any sense of right and wrong, and where debts were paid at the expense of others and at a price higher than expected.

Otis couldn't imagine what his benefactor would have said if he saw him now.

After Mr. Parker had send him away, Otis had wandered around London in despair. He couldn't remember what happened between parting with Mr. Parker and Miss Heywood to he came home.

It was as if his very heart had been ripped out of his chest. His concision would not allow him to find rest in sleep. He had been walking a hole in the floor out of worry, angsty and guilt. At last he had pick out the pistol and loaded it, but not to put an end to his shameful existence. Not yet. It had felt wrong to take the way out as long as there was a chance that Georgiana might escape. He had spent the last hours kneeling at his bedside, praying to the Lord for Georgiana's safety. Asked for forgiveness for his sins, waiting for a sign that told him whenever the worst had happened or if a miracle had happened. He expected the worst and hadn't thought of what to do in case of a miracle.

The pistol had lied on the table in silence, waiting patiently for his answer. Otis Molyneux wasn't going to use it as before he knew for certain that Georgiana was beyond saving.

He couldn't describe the relief that had run thought him, when Beecroft's henchmen had knocked on his door and called out after him, demanding that he paid a 'compensation' to Mr. Howard. Otis pretended not to be at home, but he overheard the henchmen discussing how Howard's bride had run off. He knew at once that it meant Georgiana was safe. He thanked the Lord for his mercy.

But that left one question. What should he do now?

He got up from the table and walked around the room. It had been out of the question to seek out Georgiana, despite that he desperately wanted to see her safe and sound with his own eyes, so his soul could be at peace. All he did was writing her a letter addressing it to Mr. Thomas Parker's London resident and hope that Georgiana would be there or someone there could pass it on to her. Maybe miss Heywood. He didn't have hopes, but he couldn't think of anything else to do.

Now he had to face other things in life. He had debts that needed to be settled. He didn't like to think of them. They had before been a burden, but now they were a poisonous reminder of what he almost had done to Georgiana. It sickened him to think of being confronted by them. But he must honor them before they could bring more damage to him and to the people around him.

There was only one solution to him – selling himself as a slave, although he could imagine that it would be impossible to be sold for a high enough price that could satisfied his creditors.

Someone knocked at the door. At first Otis ignored it, but then…

"Molyneux? Are you home? I would like to have a word."

Otis held his breath. Mr. Parker? What was he doing here? He got up on his feet and slowly opened the door.

There was Mr. Sidney Parker standing outside, and he had come alone.

Otis opened the door wider and let Mr. Parker in. "I didn't expect to see you here. Especially since…"

"I don't blame you," Mr. Parker said and sat down on the only chair in the room. "I read your letter to Georgiana. She is concerned about you, so I thought I might check on you. And I can see that you had a long night."

"I don't think that I can ever sleep again." Otis sat down on the bed. "How is she? I do not have the right to ask, but I cannot bear…"

Mr. Parker interrupted. "I understand. She is physical fine, but I fear that her spirit will be broken for a long time. Miss Heywood and I managed to catch up to Howard's coach before it could reach the boarder."

"Thank god," Otis sighed and laid his face in his hands in relief. "What I wouldn't give to undo…" He stopped, unable to finish the sentence. "But I can't undo it. I have no right to forgiveness, but please believe me, that I had never dreamed of the danger I had brought upon her."

"I do believe you," Mr. Parker answered. "I know the world of gambling. I know how they can lull you into another reality, where you forget about the outside world. How that once you crossed the line between sense and the game, the sense doesn't follow you."

Otis was surprised. He never expected Mr. Parker of all people to sympathies with him.

"How much does she know? What does she think?"

"She knows that now that she is safe, they might take it out on you."

Mr. Parker's eyes fell upon the pistol on the table.

"You weren't going to use that upon yourself, weren't you?"

Otis looked away. "How could I face another morning, if Georgiana had been ruined?"

"Your death wouldn't done her any good," declared Mr. Parker. "It wouldn't have change anything."

"Except ending my pain."

"If you have any respect for yourself or Georgiana, put this idea out of your head. Once you are dead you stay dead."

That last part stung with Otis. He looked toward Mr. Parker, but to his surprise, there were not the usual distain.

"What are you planning to do now, Molyneux?"

Otis shrugged. "I'm not sure. I know that Georgiana is lost for me. I don't deserve a woman like her. I don't deserve any woman at all. She probably won't trust me anymore, regardless of her concern for me. I don't even know if I can trust my own judgement anymore. When you held me at my throat outside Beecroft's…"

He was quite for a moment, touching his neck. The wave of the memory shaking his body.

"It… It was like I finally saw how tainted I had become. I saw myself as you saw me. And I despised it."

"It's never easy, being confronted with another view of yourself," Otis heard Mr. Parker whisper. He sounded wishfully. Then he turned to look at Otis. "I can imagine that you have been cured of your gambling addiction."

Otis throwed his hands in the air. "I swear, that I will never set my foot there again. I can't even think about it without feeling ill. I still have debts that needs to be payed, but I want to put an end to this part of my life."

"Good. There may still be hope for you, Mr. Molyneux. As for your debts, I might be of some help. There has been enough unhappiness in this sad business. And I wouldn't want to see anymore. After that you will pay Georgiana a visit."

Otis starred at the man who had just hours ago been on the brink to kill him. "With your permission? I couldn't possibly face her…"

Mr. Parker immediately got up on his feet. "The first step in moving on is to make peace with the past. You and Georgiana deserve the right to part on proper terms. Besides I think Georgiana needs to hear your side of the story from you, in person. I believe you owe her that much. At least show her, that you are not afraid of taking responsibility. Otherwise you will be a much greater disappointment, than you already have become."

He made a gesture to Otis to follow him, but just before they stepped outside, he grabbed Otis at the shoulder.

"You have been granted a second change, Molyneux. Don't waste it."

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