"How to Date Fellow Humans"

Author: Just a couple notes before we begin. This is set during episode 13 "Voyage of the Ruthless" and basically is a what if scenario: what if Raylah and Callum and Ezran didn't get on Villads's ship right away? What if they stayed in town for a while and maybe...something happened? This isn't meant to be a super long story, just a fun, silly, sweet what if with one of my favorite ships! Enjoy!

Time, time was everything.

Time changes everything we do, think and see. Time can change thoughts, opinions, lives, weather, fashion, food, employment, healing, planning; everything was dictated by the power of time.

In the beginning, Rayla remembered a time where all she knew was hatred and loathing for humankind. They were greedy, back stabbers, barbaric; all that nasty stuff. She was fed those stories like they were candy; forced to feel disdain for a race she barely had any contact with. Much like how she was trained to kill others without ever knowing who they are or why they had to die.

When it came down to it, Rayla never managed to take the final plunge into assassin-hood. She just couldn't end a life no matter how hard she tried. Callum was forever grateful for this fact.

Unfortunately right now, the young prince was worried sharp pointy things would be thrown at him at any second.

"UGGGH! Stupid, soddin', aggravatin', pain in the arse! Is it too much to ask for a bloody break? I never thought I'd say this but Mother Nature can be a pain at times!"

Rayla's aggravated scream was followed by a violent hurling of one of her blades. The gleaming blade shot like an arrow at a barrel; jutting out of its center and spilling its liquid contents.

"Well that looked very…therapeutic!" Callsum said enthusiastically; forcing a smile. The Moonshadow elf had been raging ever since she found out they couldn't sail yet due to stormy weather. No other captain would take an elf on board so they have no choice but to wait. "Now that you've got your barrel murdering out of your system, how about we take a breather and just cool it down, okay?"

"But we don't have time to just 'cool it down'" she said with air quotes. The white haired girl stomped over and yanked her blade out of the barrel. "Have ya not listened to a thin' I've said? We've got to get Zym back to Xadia as soon as possible. Gettin' boat blocked by a soddin' storm just mucks our plans up somethin' fierce." She slumped on her teal suited rump, leaning back against the alleyway wall.

The tiny thunder dragon happily chirped in response. It must be nice to be so blissfully happy all the time, the elf thought.

"I want to get moving too but we can't go blindly sailing into a storm, it's the truth; our blind captain said so and he's clearly seen it all," Callum joked. The prince extended his arms, broadening his smile in a desperate attempt to see one on Rayla's face.

She stared deadpanned at the boy's dead-on-arrival attempts at humor.

"I'm gonna knock yer block off if ya ever say somethin' like that again," she said dryly. While she usually found the prince's unique band of humor oddly endearing, at this very moment, it was downright headache-inducing.

"Yeah, he has that effect on pretty much every girl I've seen him talk to," Ezran said smugly.

Callum's face morphed into a slight frown. The fact Rayla half smirked at that comment only added to his irritation. He quickly pulled out his sketchbook and flipped to a very "special" drawing.

"And on a completely unrelated note, take a look at the best sketch I've ever done of Ezran" he gleamed proudly.

"What the-"

Much to the elf and younger prince's shock (and disgust), Callum had drawn a spectacularly beautifully drawn sketch of a younger Ezran removing a booger from his nostril and feeding it to Bait as if it were a treat.

"Cal how could you?! You swore you'd never tell anyone," the dark skinned prince barked.

"And I didn't. I didn't tell anyone…buuuuut you never said anything about showing anyone," he wryly replied. The impish smile on the older prince's face reeked of mischief and twisted glee.

"Why did you even WANT to sketch something like that in the first place?"

"Because we must never forget, brother dear…never forget."

Ezran groaned angrily, followed by a few loud grumblings from their lizard friend; Bait. Zym just smiled and panted with his tongue lazily hanging out. Callum looked to Rayla; hoping to see if his art was met with the appropriate criticism from its most important critic.

Rayla didn't know what to say or make of this. Callum just showed her a beautifully hand drawn picture of something utterly stupid and disgusting. This only further added to her confusion at how humans function. They baffled her, they weirded her out even!

"Ye….ye just….all of ye are just so…"

Suddenly, the white haired beauty burst into a roaring sea of laughter. She couldn't help it! She couldn't even remember why she was mad anymore, it didn't matter. Perhaps it was the absurdity of Callum's smug smirk, or Ezran's huffy pouting over such a silly picture, or maybe it was the fact Callum showed her something so bizarre. Whatever it was, it washed away all of her anger and frustrations and left her with warmth and laughter.

Most importantly, it left Rayla with a smile. Callum didn't know much about elves outside what he knew and heard from Rayla. He didn't like their culture's xenophobic views towards humans (even if they did have some valid arguments), and he knew he definitely didn't like the fact they sent killers to end his father's life…but he did like their smiles.

That was worth it, all just to see that smile. She's way less fun and way more punchy when she's upset. Granted, she's always been punchy but not as kicky? Is that even a word? Am I making sense? Why is Rayla smiling making my brain go crisscross? Is there a point here? This is getting really weird. I should stop talking to myself…but I'm not actually talking to myself. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN?

"Are ya daft, Callum? I said SNAP OUT OF IT" Rayla shouted.

Callum was jarred out of his weird brain-fart-inner-dialog-thing by a loud female elf's voice and a violent tug on his ear. He winced and rubbed his ear tenderly. Apparently according to the irritated white haired elf in front of him, he'd been spacing out there for like 6 minutes.

"Heh sorry about that, got kind of lost thinking about something." He laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Oh ya?" she asked; violet eyes twinkling with shades of curiosity. "Well don't keep me waitin, out with it. What was it?" she inched closer, her light pink skin and moon-berry sweet scent having a strange reaction on the boy's complexion.

"Oh uh n-n-nothing much, nothing that made sense anyway," he said with an uneasy chuckle. Callum tugged on his scarf.

"Does it have anythin' to do with yer weird pink-thing finger in yer sketchbook?" She looked down; noticing the boy's pinky finger wedged between the book's contents.

Callum didn't realize she was referring to his pinky finger cause duh, humans; weird 5 fingers and all, until she pointed at his sketchbook. He would have laughed if he hadn't realized who those sketches were of that he had bookmarked his finger with.

Why the Heck did I stop there?! She can't see those!

He immediately retracted his finger, closed the book and tucked it behind his back. Rayla's face quickly morphed into a sour frown. This really befuddled her. Callum was always eager to show her his works of art, and that's what they were; legitimate art! His talent was beyond beautiful and she felt excited every time he scribbled something new. He always showed her his work. Now he's got some secret section he didn't want her to see? Now she had to see what was inside!

Her trained hands moved quickly, but surprisingly, Callum's were quicker and managed to move the book out of her reach every time she reached for it.

"Come on, let me see!" She dove forward but Callum side stepped out of the way; narrowly dodging her each time. "Ye always let me see yer stuff before, why are these so different? Come, just a peek, eh?" She flashed a puppy-dog smile to Callum.

"Yeah-no sorry I just I just can't. They are um….bad…yeah-YEAH like really, childish quality bad!" he nodded fervently.

"Callum, ya never drew a bad sketch in yer life, ya told me that yerself," she said dryly. The elf crossed her arms over her teal suited chest. She stared flatly at the babbling boy. "What's the big deal, don't ya trust me?"

"I trust you, of course I do, I mean obviously, but-but this it's just, these are REALLY bad and-"

"Ugh just forget it!" she groaned in frustrated and stomped off; pouting more than she'd like to admit. Not being able to look at his sketches shouldn't have irked her this much, but for some odd reason it did. "Ya know if you ye keep actin' this way, no girl is gonna bother yakkin' with ya much less date ya. It's like yer tryin' to drive every lass away from ya."

Callum flinched suddenly. His hands clutched his sketchbook a little tighter than normal; his posture slouched as he sighed heavily. Ezran and Zym looked worriedly at the sullen prince. While the young dragon could sense Callum was sad about something, only Ezran knew the actual reason why.

The Moonshadow elf was too absorbed in her own irritations to notice how unsettled Callum had become by her wounding words.

"Looks like we better find an inn for a few days or somethin', til ya know, weather clears up for sailin'. We got to stay focused and-"

"Yeah-yeah, how about I go take care of that now?" the shaken prince said a little too eagerly. Rayla was about to suggest they stay together but he was already instructing Ez and Zym to hide with Rayla until he gets back. "I'll find us a place, just stay out of trouble and-and sight and yeah…we'll all be good…good-good," he said; trailing off.

The young prince raised his hand to Callum's shoulder; hoping to calm him down to at least talk about what he was feeling. Callum was rattled, rocked to a core Rayla never knew he had; though she was quickly seeing that firsthand.

"Callum, it's okay to talk about this, you don't gotta head off," Ezran said comfortingly.

"Jeez Ez, I'm just finding us a place to stay for a few days. Not much to talk about." Callum stepped away from the group and moved rather briskly deeper into town. Rayla's comforting hand reached out to stop Callum but he moved well past her reach. "No need to thank me Rayla, happy to do it, bye!"

An awkward silence settled among the elf, young prince and his animal companions.

"Well…that was…a wee bit on the strange side," Rayla said; scratching her ivory locks in confusion.

"Yeah, he gets like that whenever he talks about girls or has people talk to him about girls, or you know," Ezran nudged towards Rayla; his poofy hair bouncing wildly, "has a girl talk to him about talking about girls."

"Wait wha-what? Are ya sayin' this is MY fault?" she asked incredulously.

Zym and Bait chirped in chorus. Ezran shrugged, followed by a quick little nod.

"Hold it, just hold it" Rayla pressed her fingers against her temple. This sudden realization she had shamed Callum just now wasn't processing properly. She felt like she just stepped on some sort of bomb everyone knew about but her. She wasn't THAT clueless! "I know Claudia was like his 'big crush' and all but I didn't think he was this raw about it. That can't be what this is all about."

"The thing is Claudia wasn't just his biggest crush…she was his only crush." Zym chirped impatiently in Ezran's arms. The dragon prince spotted a cricket and was eager to chase it around. Ezran set him down and let him scamper around and play. Bait rolled his eyes at the dragon's juvenile behavior and stayed by Ez.

"Callum was always viewed as the weird one by others, especially girls. Anyone who didn't really take the time to get to know him thought some of his drawings were invasive and pervy, like, he was doing something bad or without permission. Plus there's the things Soren said about him being a 'step-prince' and always making him feel like he wasn't a real prince," Ezran explained.

"Wow…I uh…had no idea," Rayla exhaled softly.

Guess that really was what this was all about. Guess she really WAS that clueless.

"He doesn't like to talk about it. Cal is really smart and funny and usually always knows what to say, but when it comes to this stuff it's kind of scary to him. I'm the only one he's told all this to, that's how I knew what he was freaking out over," he replied; munching on a piece of sun bread.

The elf's words flashed back in her mind like a lightning bolt. She remembered the last thing she said before Callum got all squirrely, it was her fault! Of course that would set him off!

"Ah bloody Hell; I've got to go to fix this. Not fair to leave Callum like that." She scratched her chin idly before looking to the younger prince dropping chunks of bread into Bait's bulldog-like maw. "Any ideas on how to do that by chance?" she asked.

"Nah this is grown up gross stuff. Never saw what the big deal about girls was," Ezran said bluntly.

"Gee thanks," Rayla said with a low grumble.

She wasn't really miffed at Ez. He was still a kid; this stuff is over his head…over hers too. What was she going to do? Talking about girls and feelings with a boy is dangerously out of her comfort zone, not to mention her realm of expertise. She barely spoke about anything personal with anyone, except maybe Runaan and it was certainly wasn't about anything like this.

I don't know what to do. Everythin' I know goes back to the mission: takin' Zym back to Xadia, protectin' Callum and Ez, battling soldiers; easy stuff! But this…this is just makin' my head get all blurry.

Perhaps she was thinking about this all wrong. She knows Callum, and he knows her; this should be easy! She remembered when he offered to take the long way to Xadia and forgo the boat altogether. The thought brought a smile to her face. He knew all too well how she felt about water. He could have easily teased her about it some more or pushed they go by boat, but he didn't. He took time to think about her feelings and what would make her more comfortable.

That's just the kind of guy Callum is.

"I've…put them through a lot…haven't I?" she asked herself aloud.

She had uprooted the boys from their home on the night their father was killed, a murder she played a part in. Though not intentionally, she had become the pivotal figure in taking them away from their lives. Their parents were gone, the kingdom was in chaos, their friends turned on them and now…the one girl Callum had a crush on was his enemy.

WHAM!

Rayla's fist suddenly smashed into a stone wall, she winced slightly. She felt pain coursing through her knuckles, but also, an inexplicable sense of satisfaction. The Moonshadow elf imagined it was Claudia's face on that wall.

Yes, Claudia, stupid, lying, emo, crappy purple-highlights-in-my-tacky-looking-hair, Claudia.

"She owes Callum a boat load of apologies for all the hurt she's put em through," she growled coldly. The more she thought of Callum, the more hatred she felt brewing towards that two-faced witch! "Least I can do is get help him get that soddin' snake off his mind."

Ezran blinked curiously. Rayla's sudden wall punch and silent murmurings distracted him from Zym and Bait's shenanigans.

"Did you say something Rayla?" the prince unconsciously tilted his head to the side; just like Zym. He barely noticed he was mimicking some of the animals' mannerisms.

Rayla turned around with a sudden whoosh of her cloak. She wrapped it around her shoulders and posed dramatically, much to Zym, Bait and Ezran's amusement.

"Hello human fellows, fellow humans! I'm going to invite a fellow human on an overly priced and overly sappy dinner. We shall enjoy awkward conversations and complain about annoyin' weather changes and other things we can't do anythin' about," Rayla said boomingly.

"That's hilarious! Great idea Rayla, Callum could use a comedy act to cheer him up," Ezran clapped eagerly. He had always been a fan of Rayla's exaggerated 'human impression.'

The elf's stance wilted slightly. She drooped down her cloak; looking disappointed.

"Comedy act? Umm I'm being serious Ezran. That's me actin' under cover. You know, blendin' in with humans in public?" she said assuredly.

Ezran slowly processed her words. He didn't want to believe it at first. Rayla couldn't have seriously been serious when she was calling that a realistic impression of a human…was she?

"Oh….no….no-no…yeah…no," he said; dumbfounded.

"Sigh fine! Then what would ye suggest?" she irritably inquired.

Ezran looked to his council of advisors for suggestions: namely the baby dragon and grumpy lizard that had only been half-listening to Rayla's question. Zym chirped a few loud yaps followed by Bait grumbling lowly.

"That sounds like a great idea guys, let's give it a try," Ezran cheered brightly.

"This is going to be much worse than I think it is, isn't it?" she rubbed the side of her arm anxiously. She didn't like where this was going.

Callum sighed brokenly. Everything about today just seemed to be dreary, one sad, gloomy, dreary day and nothing could pull him out of it. He tapped his pencil idly at the blank sketch page. Drawing usually cheered him up. He could bury himself into a vivid sketch and lose track of time scribbling away, but not today. Today he just couldn't find his muse. He closed his book up and packed away his drawing tools.

"What am I doing here? I'm not even that hungry," he tapped his fingers idly on the wooden surface of the outdoor café table. The prince's eyes lazily surveyed his surroundings; finding nothing but other people eating lunch and looking a million times happier than him. It was starting to get irritating. "This better not be Ez's idea of a prank to get back at me for showing that booger drawing."

None of this made sense. Soon as Callum got back securing the cheapest inn they could stay at until their blind captain decreed it was safe sailing weather, Ezran wouldn't tell him where Rayla was. He and the animals had some kind of all knowing-inside-joke-thing going on. The only thing his brother said was that Rayla was going to meet him at this specific café, at this specific table, at this specific time and that he needed to 'look dapper.'

"I don't know what he's got planned but I'm not in the mood for it. Think I'll go back to the inn and meet up with Ez; find out what all this nonsense is about," he said gloomily. Callum gathered up his things and was about to leave.

"Is this seat taken?"

"I know that voice," he said; eyes widening slowly in disbelief.

He'd recognize that Moonshadow elf's accent anywhere. Rayla. The young mage slowly looked up at his female friend, only instead of her usual cloak and teal bodysuit; Rayla was wearing something definitely more…human?

She was wearing a white, short sleeved blouse with puffy sleeves; ending at the elbow with cream colored ruffled cuffs. The blouse was covered by a brick red vest with cross stitching with black thread over the front and a purple train with faint yellow zig zag lines. Her ears and horns were covered by a flat-looking, frumpy red bonnet with similar designs and colors as the vest. Her pale, creamy beautiful skin exposed along her arms and just below her knees. The skirt was longer than most skirts; dark purple in color and covered by a white apron like cover. The same purple train on the bonnet and vest hung lowly from the skirt. A simple pair of black, ordinary looking shoes adorned her feet.

"Hello there fellow human, fine day for a bite; don't ya think?" she asked cheerily. In fact, her smile was so wide and gleaming; it looked like it was hurting her cheeks.

Callm's jaw dropped almost immediately. His pencil and sketchbook clattered to the ground, his hands becoming too stunned to maintain his grip.

He didn't have the slightest clue what was going on or what to say.

Rayla sighed and tugged on the bonnet; causing a strand of white hair to fall in front of her face. She blew it away with a huff. "It's the hat, right? The hat's too much."

To be continued…