Chapter One: New World, New Job

Anko opened her eyes.

The curvaceous, violet haired ninja was cold. Very cold actually, like she'd been sleeping for a hundred years with the heat off. But last night, well, it hadn't been very eventful. She hardly remembered it, like she'd been asleep all her life. Gradually memories came to her, and she realized why she was back in the Leaf.

Wait, she'd never left, had she?

Actually, she'd been drinking a lot since the war. But she couldn't really piece together the details. Which was strange, she couldn't get drunk. "Uh, how long was I asleep? Geeze, I feel like I just got out of a cocoon, or shed my skin. What did I drink last night?" Her vision cleared. "I was... watching the moon?"

Anko stood up and began to take a shower, letting the hot waterfall over her. The sensation of it soaking her helped warm her. Well, wherever Anko had been, she was here now and needed to make her mark on all this.

Quickly she got dressed in her usual nets and long coat before tying her hair up. Then she checked the calendar for her schedule. "Ah, great. I've got a meeting with the brat today."

Picking up the necessary paperwork, Anko made her way to the Hokage's office.

Naruto looked like he was enjoying being in the seat. He'd better after all the boasting he'd done. Swiveling it around, he smiled widely and sat up. "Anko-sensei, I'm glad you've finally recovered from things. And..." He trailed off.

"What?" said Anko.

"Well, um, somehow I feel like you'd gained weight or something," said Naruto.

An image of herself as an obese mockery flashed before her eyes, and Anko's knife came out instantly. How did it end up by Naruto's throat? Oh well, it belonged there. Anko smiled. "You want to repeat that?"

"Hold on, hold on, I'm just kidding!" said Naruto, leaning back. "You know if you kill me, it'd be treason, right?!"

Anko took the point and removed hers. It had been a long time since she'd been here. Hang on, what was she thinking? The war had ended months ago. The chaos of reorganizing things and burying the dead had overtaken everything. So why did it feel all new to her?

Anko almost felt like the war never ended.

"So um, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" asked Naruto.

Anko drew out a folder and put it on his desk. "Read this, Hokage."

Naruto picked it up warily. "What's this?"

"It's a record of Orochimaru's experiments I pulled from the Sound Village after I was freed," said Anko. Was she freed? Freed from what?

God, whatever she'd drunk last night, she needed to get more of it.

Naruto read it. He blinked and winced as he did so. "Oh.

"Wow, um, uh, this is..."

"Men, women, and children, suffering horrifically slow and tortured deaths," said Anko. "Kabuto helped you know. He was responsible for making sure they lasted as long as possible so Orochimaru could have his fun."

"Well, um, this is uh... pretty bad," said Naruto, putting the documents on the opposite side of the table.

"And your friend Sasuke? The one you redeemed?" asked Anko. "He helped foil prisoner escapes and rounded up new experimental subjects for Orochimaru.

"Remember those Sound Ninja you fought with?"

"Um, they were Dosu, Kin, and Zaku, right?" asked Naruto.

"Yep," said Anko, smiling cheerfully. "They're all dead. Orochimaru sacrificed them as part of a dark ritual. One by which he could draw the souls of Hashirama and Tobirama from their rightful afterlife. He then used them to kill the Third Hokage, the guy who was like a grandfather to you."

"Well, um..." Naruto shifted nervously.

"And the only way the Third could stop them was by dragging their souls into oblivion," noted Anko.

"Okay, so Orochimaru has done some pretty bad things," said Naruto. "But I mean, he saw the error of his ways, and he's good now."

Did... did Naruto seriously believe his own hype? Anko stared at him, unable to comprehend how anyone could be so detached from reality. But what was reality? No, not the point.

The point was...

Anko was at a loss for words. "Good now?! I... how could you..." The mere association of the words 'Orochimaru' and 'good' seemed wrong.

"Well, he helped us against Madara," said Naruto as though that made it all better.

"To save the world!" said Anko. "The one he lived in! He doesn't actually regret anything he's done! He hasn't even apologized for any of it!

"All he did was decide not to fight you after you got so powerful he couldn't possibly beat him!"

"Huh? What do you mean?" asked Naruto,

Okay, time to stop calling Naruto Hokage. "Okay, Naruto, I realize you like to think the best of people, so I'm going to break this down for you. Orochimaru wants to be able to do his experiments without interference. No matter how utterly depraved and monstrous, those experiments are.

"Right now, Orochimaru has a lab, free reign to do as he wishes, and a completely blank slate. He does not regret anything he has done. If he regrets anything, it's that he lost. So, what do you think Orochimaru is going to do as soon as nobody is looking."

"So, um... you're saying that Orochimaru might slip back into the darkness as Sasuke did?" asked Naruto.

"In a manner of speaking," said Anko. In Sarutobi's day, she could have just murdered the fucker, and that would be the end of it. "Now, if that happens, he will probably go right back to horrific experiments."

"So... we should do something to make sure that doesn't happen," said Naruto.

"Good," said Anko. "So, you are the Hokage. What are we going to do about this unrepentant, utterly monstrous individual? Who, by the way, has completely outlived his usefulness?" Just agree, send out the ANBU, and put a Rasengan through his skull, problem solved.

"I'm assigning you to him as a parole officer," said Naruto.

"Great," said Anko, "do you want a clean kill, or do you- wait what?!"

"Yeah, I mean, you were his student, right?" said Naruto, giving that same innocent expression. "So, I'm sure you'll be able to keep him from slipping back into the darkness."

Was he real? Maybe Anko should move on to the next item on the agenda. "Yeah, okay.

"So, what are you doing about Kabuto?"

"Well, he was planning to found an orphanage-" began Naruto.

No. Just no. That was too much. "AN ORPHANAGE?!" screamed Anko at the top of her lungs. "ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!"

Naruto blinked. "What's wrong with that? He wants to make up for what he's done."

Anko gasped for air as she tried to comprehend the idea of Kabuto taking care of kids. "I... he... he's fucking Kabuto! His primary responsibility was manipulating young children into giving their bodies to Orochimaru! Either literally, or as sacrifices for his sick necromantic jutsu!

"AND YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM EASY ACCESS TO A LIMITLESS SUPPLY OF EASILY MANIPULATED WAR ORPHANS!"

Naruto paused, thought about it, then nodded. "...Yeah, you're right. That's a terrible idea.

"I think uh... I'd better put Orochimaru and Kabuto under house arrest."

Anko stared at him, open-mouthed. What was there to say to this? She could call it naivety, but Naruto had basically conquered the world. So did that make her the naive one? No, no, that couldn't be. "Wow. What decisive leadership."

"Okay, so what's your problem with Sasuke?" asked Naruto.

"He committed treason and abandoned the Leaf in its darkest hour to join their primary enemy." Said Anko. "He betrayed every single faction he worked with at least once. And he abandoned two sets of friends to die so he could pursue personal vendettas.

"Oh, and there was a small thing, no biggie, might want to read up on this. HE PLANNED TO MURDER EVERYONE WHO DISAGREED WITH HIM SO HE COULD RULE THE PLANET!"

"Well, yeah, but he said he was sorry. So that's all even," said Naruto simply.

Anko stared. Her vision was going blurry, and she felt something wet coming down her face from her eyes. No words, there were no words. "I... but uh..."

"Are you okay?" asked Naruto.

"I... I think I'm having an aneurysm," said Anko.

"Right, I'll call Sakura. I got pretty excited when Sasuke came back to us, too," said Naruto.

Anko's scream could be heard for miles. Her vision blurred, and she fell back into that blissful dream world. A place where things actually made sense.

Reality had changed.

For one thing, the Leaf Village was built over a huge crater. For another, Orochimaru and Kabuto were now model citizens again. Having done... nothing to warrant it.

Kabuto was astounded that Naruto wasn't dead yet.

Even so, he and Orochimaru entered the office. Lord Orochimaru took the lead. "So, Naruto, I believe you wanted to speak with us."

Kabuto decided to take the lead in this. Once he set up an orphanage, Lord Orochimaru would have access to a ready supply of subjects. There were now millions of homeless orphans thanks to the war. Nobody would miss a few dozen. And Naruto was no Sarutobi.

Even if he found out, they could probably talk their way into a pardon. "Yes. I was hoping to start my orphanage soon-"

Naruto laughed hysterically, before halting and looking at him, dead serious. "No.

"I'm not giving you an orphanage. I mean, you guys are pretty much the creepiest people I know. And you're not exactly good with kids."

"I am-" began Orochimaru.

"Using people as disposable pawns does not count as 'good.'" said Naruto.

"From that point of view, I suppose I am somewhat inexperienced," admitted Orochimaru.

Obviously, Naruto had some competent advisors. Perhaps Kabuto would have to be somewhat less blatant. He was still amazed that anyone had bought that story of him, realizing he was secretly a good person all along. Sasuke, at least, should have called him on it. Then again, Sasuke probably didn't care.

"Anyway, I've decided both of you, being totally unrepentant-" began Naruto.

"My only regret is that I did not destroy the Leaf, gain the Sharingan and become a god," said Orochimaru with a smile.

Only in the Leaf. The sooner they destroyed this place, again, the better.

"-yes, that, I've decided you're close to falling back into darkness," said Naruto with a smile. "So I've decided to put you under house arrest for the next three weeks, so you can think about what you've done. After that, we'll talk about the orphanage."

"That sounds reasonable enough," said Kabuto.

"And Anko is going to be your parole officer," said Naruto.

Kabuto's smile faded. So did Lord Orochimaru's. "...What?"

"Yeah, she was your old student, right?" said Naruto.

"That much is true; however, I am unsure her temperament-" began Orochimaru.

"No way, I'm sure you guys will get on great," said Naruto.

"Hold a moment, Naruto," said Kabuto. "Anko is well-documented for her anger issues and hatred for us."

"Well, I'm sure you'll move past that after a bit of bonding," said Naruto.

"Bonding?" asked Kabuto. "She has a homicidal grudge against us, ever since Orochimaru experimented on her and-"

"Have you tried saying sorry?" asked Naruto.

Kabuto blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Have you tried saying sorry?" repeated Naruto.

Oh yes, saying sorry would make up for genocide, torture, and crimes against nature. Anko would just forget all that. What world did Naruto live in?

"...No, no, that has not occurred to me as an option," said Kabuto.

"Well try it, I'm sure it'll all work out," said Naruto, before handing them an address. "Here's the place you'll be staying at. You'll head there right away."

The house where they were supposed to be staying was a large one, two stories. Recent construction, since it hadn't been made by Yamato. It had a nice porch and a lawn of nothing but grass.

As they approached, Kabuto shook his head. "I can't decide whether Naruto is really that stupid. Or if he's only pretending to be."

Orochimaru reached the door and opened. "It is one more mystery for the ages. No matter, Anko is far inferior to us in terms of power. And she wouldn't dare-"

And then kunai came down from above, plunging into Orochimaru's arms and legs and pinning him to the floor. Kabuto looked up in time to see Anko descending with a massive steel rod. Before he could move, she plunged through his chest. Agonizing, blinding pain shot through Kabuto as he was pinned to the ground.

"Got you, you bastard!" snarled Anko, surging forward at Orochimaru and pulling a muzzle over his mouth. "No, Orochimaru, you aren't going to get out of this by shedding your skin. I bought this muzzle, especially for you."

Kabuto tried to pull the spike out, but Anko came at him, pulling his hand down and impaling it into the floor. Kabuto heard himself scream as the same thing was done to his hands and feet. Then Anko stretched with a psychotic smile. He walked over to grab some oil, which she began pouring over them.

Around them, all around them, were hundreds of explosive tags.

"Now, let's see, oil, check. Explosive tags, check," said Anko, kneeling by them. "Everything we have to burn you two to death. Any last words?"

Kabuto forced his medical jutsu to dull his pain and tried to think. It was agonizing, and he was burning all over as oil dripped over his face. "Um... sorry?"

Anko suddenly hesitated, looking touched and contemplative. "Oh, well, now that you've said you're sorry that instantly makes up for it all. Genocide, crimes against humanity, and brutalizing and betraying me? Water under the bridge now."

"Really?" asked Kabuto.

The contemplation disappeared as Anko laughed hysterically. Then she drew out a match and lighting it on her headband. There was a very wide smile on her face, just like Naruto's. "No."

"Now hold on, you're our parole officer!" said Kabuto, looking to where Orochimaru was struggling and back. "What do you think Naruto will do when-"

"I'll say I'm sorry," said Anko, smile looking like it might split her face in half.

Kabuto blinked. "...That'll do it."

Anko dropped the match.

There were a few minutes of agonizing fiery pain, and then the house exploded.

Anko was practically in tears as she confessed to Naruto.

Granted, they were tears of happiness, but he didn't have to know that. "...And so, I... I was overcome with what happened to me, all those hours lying and watching the other children die. I got really angry, and before I knew what I was doing, I pinned them to the ground with kunai.

"And I... I knew it was wrong, but I poured oil all over them. Then set explosive tags all over the house and blew the whole place to smithereens. I was reckless and horrible, and...

"Actually it was some of my best work, neither one of the bastards saw it coming. I remember Kabuto was screaming at the top of his lungs when the whole house fell down on top of him. It was hilarious!" Anko realized she had stood up straight and was smiling again. "And the worst part is, even now, when I think of it, I enjoy the memory! I'm a monster!

"But um, I feel terrible. I'm sorry. Really, really, really, sorry."

Naruto looked close to tears and clasped her hand reassuringly. "You're not a monster, Anko. I realize what happened to you was horrible. We just have to live on in..."

The door opened, and Orochimaru and Kabuto walked into the room. Their clothes were burned and damaged, and they were covered in minor burns. But at present, they were disappearing.

They did look really pissed off, though.

"Orochimaru, Kabuto, you're both alive!" said Naruto happily.

"What?" said Anko. "Impossible! I... am..." Get back in character and smile. She forced a smile. "I am relieved to see you both alive. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes. Indeed," said Orochimaru, forcing a similar smile. "And... of course... we can.

"Super regeneration is such a wonderful thing, is it not?"

Anko nodded, reminding herself that knifing out Orochimaru's eyes would break the masquerade. "Y-yep, yep, it sure is, Orochimaru-sensei." She felt like throwing up.

"See, everything is fine now," said Naruto. "Anyway, I kind of need you guys to rebuild the house."

"What?" said Kabuto.

"Yeah, it's sort of a D rank thing," said Naruto. "Pretty expensive. Anko, you're in charge of construction."

Good, there would be plenty of chances to murder them there. Make it look like an accident. "I... yes, yes I am. I... look forward to... making friends with you both. Very, very, slowly." And painfully.

"Believe me, Anko," said Orochimaru, voice almost a hissing snarl. "The feeling is entirely mutual."

"Naturally, of course, it must be done in a way that does not impose on the Hokage's tender sensibilities." Said Kabuto, looking to Naruto.

"Of course," said Anko. She'd make them wish they'd died in the fire before she was done.

"Oh, you guys don't have to stand on ceremony around me, this is just a day job really," said Naruto.

"Of course it is," said Orochimaru.

"Man, a world of forgiveness and love sure is-" began Naruto.

Everyone turned on him in unison. "SHUT UP!"

Author's Note:

This is what I choose to believe happened with Anko, Orochimaru, and Kabuto after the events of the series. Honestly, having Anko act as a parole officer for the two of them would be the best possible conclusion for her. It gives some kind of closure to her character while opening avenues for shippers.