Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls

Chapter 25: Glynda, or: Hot For Teacher

Jaune hadn't seen his family for awhile, but he was always careful to keep their wisdom in mind, particularly when it came to matters of the fairer sex. One might think that his father would be a good source of knowledge on that subject, but as it turned out, it was his mother and his older sister who ended up being the real wealths of knowledge on that matter. It made sense, to a certain degree – one had raised seven girls, and the other was actually successful with girls. Of course they knew what to give him tips on. Unfortunately for them, the one tip they had made sure to emphasize to him was also the one he had ended up ignoring.

"Remember, Jaune – it's good if she's a virgin, but if she's older and a virgin, there might be a problem."

And he was just now beginning to understand why that was.

"You want me to do what?"

Glynda stood across from him in a set of black lingerie, looking somewhat surprised that he was reacting with dismay at what she had requested. "Jaune, it's really nothing major."

"It's a collar, Glynda."

"Well, obviously. I'm into femdom."

Funny, because he thought that was something that more men were into than women. "No, I get that."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Well, it's our first time."

"So?"

"So… um, I thought you'd want to, you know, take it slow."

"Take it slow? Why would I do that? I finally have another person to do all this with. I want to get freaky."

And suddenly it made sense why nobody had slept with her, despite her being a bombshell: because she was super kinky and super eager to try all of it out. She must have scared away any suitors once it came to matters of the bedroom.

He was tempted to ask her exactly how much porn she consumed in her private time (because she had to have been a real coomer to end up like this), but somehow he knew that'd end badly, so he bit his tongue.

"Look," he ventured, "can we just… I don't know, take it easy? I'd rather go for something somewhat normal before we start getting freaky."

"...Are you saying I'm not normal?"

"...Well, femdom is kind of niche-"

"Because most people have bad taste. But if it bothers you so much, then fine, I suppose we can start off regular."

To his relief, she tossed the collar away… only to then use her semblance to push him onto the bed. She climbed on top of him, looking down on him with a lecherous grin on her face.

For the first time since the secret of his transcripts got out, Jaune felt real fear.

"I'm on top this time," she declared proudly.

He wasn't about to argue that point, because he had seen what she could do when she got mad, and it wasn't pretty. They were still repairing that Nora-shaped indent in the wall of her classroom.

"Be gentle," he asked softly.

She only laughed in response, and his fear intensified.

Jaune limped over to the breakfast table, doing his best to stifle a yawn as he went. Last night had been satisfying – painful, too, but also satisfying – but unfortunately it didn't get him out of class the next day, no matter how much he begged.

Granted, that was probably because he now knew Glynda liked to hear him beg, so he probably should have been more assertive and outright demanded it. But give him a break, that woman was fucking scary. He would rather stare down an angry Ursa than an irritated Glynda, and that was saying a lot considering that they were currently banging.

He finally reached the table, taking a seat at it. It took him a moment to realize that everyone else was staring at him in a mixture of morbid curiosity and awe. He raised an eyebrow before looking back at them.

"What?"

They didn't say anything… but someone in the cafeteria did start the slow clap, which quickly turned into a very fast clap. Jaune, meanwhile, was bewildered.

"Did I do something?"

"More like someone," Yang said. "You actually did it, you absolute madman! You fucked Goodwitch!"

"Uh, yeah? We're kind of dating."

Never mind that there were probably all kinds of regulations about a teacher dating a student. Everyone was smart enough to know bringing them up around Glynda was a losing proposition. Besides, they were both legal adults, so it wasn't like it was predatory or anything. He just thought she was hot and asked her out, and she was so stunned that she couldn't help but say yes. That gradually grew into something more, and after a few more dates, they ended up sleeping with each other. It seemed perfectly natural to him, hence why he didn't quite get that everyone else was so impressed.

"Honestly, I don't get what the big deal is," Jaune stated, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "People tend to have sex when they're boyfriend and girlfriend. It's not news."

Everyone else at the table exchanged a look before turning back to him, suddenly seeming very concerned.

"You mean you haven't heard?" Ren asked.

"Heard what?"

"Oh, Gods..." Nora said, horrified. "He doesn't know, the poor soul. Ren, why didn't you tell him?!"

"Why didn't you tell him?! I didn't know it was my job to tell him, I thought one of you would! Pyrrha, this is all your fault!"

"My fault? How is it my fault?! I thought we all agreed that Ruby was going to tell him, since she lost the coin toss!"

Everyone looked over to Ruby, who shrank under their gaze. She fidgeted in her seat before giving them a sheepish grin.

"Uh… heh… see, I was going to tell him… but I forgot. Oopsie!"

"You forgot?" Yang echoed. "Ruby, how could you forget?! Don't you understand what lies at stake here?"

"Well, someone should tell me, because I don't know what you're talking about," Jaune said.

Yang slammed her hands on the table, then turned to him, looking very determined. "Jaune," she began, "I have to know: did she try anything?"

"I'm not gonna tell you what it was like! That's private!"

"You don't understand, Jaune," Blake implored. "We need to know. Tell him, Weiss."

"Normally I wouldn't partake in these shenanigans, but Blake is right this time," Weiss said, taking him by surprise. "Just tell us, so we can help you."

"Help me with what?" Everyone was silent, and he sighed. "Alright, fine. She came on to me. We fucked. I got my man mayonnaise into her jelly roll. There, is that good enough for you?"

They all relaxed at that, which only made things even more confusing for him. "Great," Weiss said, "it's not too late."

"Too late for what?"

"Too late to save you," Yang said. "You don't understand – the reason why Goodwitch is perpetually single is simple: Because she's too hot to handle. For everyone. Like, she's had boyfriends before, and she's scared every single one of them off because she's just too much."

"Is that what this is about?"

"We're here to save you," Ren replied. "Jaune, my main man, my brother from another mother, my homeboy, trust me when I say that for your own good, you need to take your ball and go home. End it before it gets too spicy."

"That's ridiculous," Jaune flatly declared. "Look, I'll admit that Glynda was somewhat aggressive last night, to the point where I think my pelvis might be ever-so-slightly dislocated, but honestly, you guys act like she tried some real degenerate shit on me. Well, she didn't. I don't get what the big deal is. Now, if you don't mind, I have to get to class."

"Wait, Jaune!" Pyrrha called. "Jaune, please listen! You have no idea what you're risking!"

Thar's true, he didn't… and he didn't care. They were being purposely obtuse about this whole thing, and he didn't get it at all. If it was that bad, they'd just come out and say it. The fact that they weren't doing that meant they were likely just fucking with him. Well, he wasn't falling for it – he finally had a good thing going and a girl who liked him for him, and he wasn't about to let that go so easily.

Combat Class that day was… well, it was different.

"Settle down, class!" Glynda cheerfully said as she strolled into the classroom, a wide smile on her face.

Everyone instantly stopped what they were doing in favor of staring at her, open-mouthed. Nobody could believe what they were seeing. Normally when Professor Goodwitch came into class and told them to quiet down, it was said differently – something more along the lines of 'The next person who talks without me asking for it gets detention for a week' or if she was feeling particularly mean that day, 'Miss Xiao Long, if you don't put your scroll away this instant, I will make you wish your deadbeat mother had swallowed you instead.'

Now, she was… well, even Jaune didn't quite get it.

Sweet merciful Gods, her virginity must have really been bothering her.

Normally he would have written that off as a stupid inference to make, but it made sense. Also, from the way everyone else was looking at him, he could tell they were all thinking it, too.

"Now, then," Glynda said, her tone equally as cheery and her smile just as bright. "Who wants to go first? Any volunteers?"

And she was asking for volunteers now, too? Normally she just had a randomizer pick them, or if she was feeling particularly nasty that day, she would point to someone in the crowd and say 'Are you going to get in the ring or is it going to be your surviving family members?'

Let it be known that Professor Goodwitch was nothing if not very persuasive.

Tentatively, Yang rose her hand. "Um, I guess I'll give it a shot, Miss G."

Jaune actually winced. Yang of all people should have known better than to call her that. Now Glynda was absolutely going to go on a rampage.

...Or so he thought.

"Oh, wonderful!" Glynda said. "And Miss Xiao Long, there is no need for formalities – you may simply call me Glynda, or G, or even Glyndy if you'd like, I won't judge!"

Jaune was flabbergasted. Who could have possibly thought that getting this woman some dick would result in such a drastic change? If he had known that all he had to do to pull the stick out of her ass was replace it with his dick, he would have slipped her the ol' Valean Sausage months ago. This was so nice it was outrageous.

"Anyone else?" Glynda – or G, or Glyndy, or whatever she wanted to be called now – asked. She turned towards him. "Jauney? Do you feel up to it, darling?"

A snicker went up throughout the crowd, and Jaune felt himself flush red… right before Glynda's gaze turned downright murderous.

"What was that?" she asked, her tone somehow darkening despite the fact that it was still scarily jovial. "For a moment there, I could have sworn I heard some of you laughing at my boyfriend. But I know that isn't true, because then I would have to use my semblance to skin you all alive and rub your exposed muscles down with salt. And we wouldn't want that – your parents would surely complain, and I might lose my tenure. Might."

The muted laughter died completely at that. Glynda turned back to Jaune, looking a bit too satisfied with herself.

"How about it, Jaune? Still up for it?"

"O-of course," Jaune said, rising from his seat.

"Ah, excellent! Do your best, both of you!"

Him and Yang rose from their seats, Yang creeping up beside him to whisper in his ear.

"Dude, Miss Goodwitch is even scarier than usual. What the hell did you do to her?"

"I have no idea," Jaune honestly replied.

Yang thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, whatever the case may be, let's make this a good fight. I want to see how much you've improved."

Jaune just sighed at that. He knew how this fight was going to go already – Yang was one of the best fighters in their year, and he… well, to put it simply, he once accidentally shot himself despite not even using a gun as his main weapon. He still wasn't sure how that happened in the first place.

"Combatants ready?" Glynda asked as they both took up positions across from each other.

"Ready," they both replied, though only Yang seemed to have any kind of enthusiasm for it. It made sense to him, at least – nobody was ever enthusiastic to get their ass kicked.

"Begin!" Glynda called.

Jaune immediately brought his shield up, bracing for the impact of Yang launching herself towards him… only to be confused when it never came. Instead, he heard a crash. Chancing a look, he found that Yang was on the floor, looking very pissed… with her shoelaces tied together.

"What the hell?!" Yang called out.

"Oh my, what a shame," Glynda said. Her tone of voice made it clear that she didn't actually think it was a shame. "It would seem Miss Xiao Long has forgotten the golden rule of combat: be aware of your surroundings. Also, wear laceless boots."

Another snicker went up through the class, and Jaune just stared at Glynda in shock. He could already see where this was going… and honestly, he wasn't tempted to do anything about it in the slightest.

Sure, he liked Yang, but her constantly calling him Vomit Boy got old quick. Oh, and he also didn't want to risk pissing off his girlfriend, both because his father had warned him to never piss off a woman with a hair-trigger temper, and because his pelvis still hadn't fully recovered from last time, and that was a very dangerous mix. So instead he was content to simply sit back and watch as Yang got a taste of her own medicine.

Speaking of which, the blonde brawler finally succeeded in untangling her shoelaces and rose to her feet, her eyes flashing red. She raised one of her gauntlets to fire a shot off at him… and got a click rather than a bang. She stared at her weapons in dismay.

"Lesson number two, class," Glynda said absentmindedly as she checked her fingernails. "Always be sure to pack good ammunition."

Yang let out a growl of frustration. "So, it's gonna be like that, huh? Well, I don't need my weapons to beat him!"

She began to angrily stomp towards Jaune, who once again brought his shield up to guard himself… which she promptly ripped out of his hands and threw away. Jaune couldn't help but let out a small yelp.

Oh yeah, she's mad.

Well, so much for having her take it easy on him. Yang cocked her fist back, and he winced, drawing back as he closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. He heard her arm come whistling through the air directly towards his face, and-

"Weekend detention, Miss Xiao Long."

Immediately, Yang froze, turning to stare at Glynda in surprise. "What?! What'd I do?!"

"Oh, come now, don't act like you don't know," Glynda chastised, her tone remaining as cheery as it had been all class. "Or did you think I wouldn't find out about you texting in class?"

"Come on! You can't be serious!"

"I'm very serious. I will see you this Saturday at nine o' clock sharp."

Yang growled once more, but again turned back towards Jaune, bringing her fist back. This was it, then – this was how he died. Yang was going to take all her anger out on him. His face was going to look like a pancake, and Nora was probably going to try and eat it, and then he would truly be dead, because that girl had a black hole for a stomach.

"Another weekend detention, Miss Xiao Long."

Yang again looked back to Glynda in dismay, but Glynda was barely even paying attention. Yang's eyes narrowed, and she sighed in defeat. Lowering her fists, she turned to Jaune.

"...Fine, I'll play this game. Jaune, hit me."

Jaune was taken aback. "What?"

"Hit me!" Yang demanded. "She's going to keep doing this until you do, so just-"

That was all he needed to hear. Jaune raised his sword and swung it, bashing her against the side of the head with it. To his surprise, Yang went flying, soaring out of the ring and into a nearby wall, where she left a huge crater before slipping off and landing on the floor with a groan. Jaune stared at his sword in amazement as the buzzer sounded.

"The winner is Jaune Arc," Glynda said, almost absentmindedly. "Class dismissed."

"W-what?" Weiss asked tentatively. "But we still have-"

"Class. Dismissed."

They all knew better than to try and argue with her. Everyone scrambled to quickly pack their things and leave, with Team RWBY pausing only to pick up Yang and go. Jaune went to follow after them, only for Glynda to stop him.

He felt nothing but fear.

"And where do you think you're going?" she questioned, her tone still not having lost its cheer.

"U-umm..." Jaune said. "...Going after my-"

"Are you, now? You're not even going to stay for your reward?"

"R-reward?"

"Of course. I'd say your first victory in combat class deserves one, wouldn't you?" She grinned at him. It had far too many teeth for his liking. "But don't worry – I'll be gentle this time."

She was not gentle this time.

They were all talking, but he didn't care – it was too much of a struggle to even stay awake at this point, let alone try to listen to them as well. Jaune let out a wide yawn before lowering his head down onto the table and closing his eyes, intending to get a bit of sleep.

"Jaune?"

He groaned when he heard Pyrrha's voice. "Yes, Pyrrha?"

"Are you… feeling okay?"

Now, Jaune liked Pyrrha. Really, he did. But that was one of the dumbest things he had ever heard anyone say, and he had overheard Weiss and Blake's arguments about the White Fang. Cracking one eye open, he turned towards her, and she flinched back when she saw the black rings under his eyes.

"Geez," Nora observed. "She's really got you on a tight leash, huh? Man, I didn't think Professor Good-"

"Sssh!" Jaune said, darting forward and clamping his hand over her mouth. "Don't say her name! You'll summon her!"

"Is this really a sign of a working relationship?" Weiss questioned. "I mean, you're hiding from your girlfriend. Seems to me like you two should break up."

Jaune laughed darkly at that. "Oh, Weiss, you have no idea how dumb that is. No, I know better than that, for two reasons. Number one: if I break up with Glynda, she'll go on a rampage. Do you know what I've had to talk her out of trying in the bedroom? My ass would no longer be safe."

"That's disgusting."

"You're telling me. Anyway, number two: if I break up with her, there goes all the good times."

"But she's running you ragged," Blake observed. "I mean, sure, incredibly kinky sex seems like a great time, but is it really worth the rest of this?"

"You wouldn't understand, Blake," he replied, shaking his head.

"Try me. I think you all know what I'm into."

"No, you wouldn't understand because you've never had good kinky sex. Unless you want to tell me that Adam Taurus is a master of being sensual and sexy?"

"...Okay, fine, you've got me," Blake conceded. "Also, I'd appreciate it if you didn't bring up my psycho ex."

"And I'd appreciate it if you all let me get some shut-eye before my next inevitable round of dick destruction with my girlfriend, in… uh, how long before Combat Class?"

"Like five minutes," Yang replied.

Jaune groaned. Great, this called for drastic measures. Reaching into his pocket, Jaune pulled out a bottle of pills, uncapped it, and took two. Everyone gave him a confused look.

"Jaune, I know you're stressed, but drugs are no way to cope!" Ruby shouted.

"They're not drugs," Jaune said. "Unless you count Viagra as a drug."

Ren cocked an eyebrow. "Isn't that stuff really bad for you if you don't need it?"

"Yeah, so it's a good thing I need it." Jaune stood up, and everyone recoiled, with Yang even covering Ruby's eyes.

"Dude, put that thing away!" Yang shouted. "Nobody wants to see your boner!"

"My girlfriend does."

"Well, Glyn-"

"Uh, She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Lest-She-Be-Summoned, please."

"...She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Lest-She-Be-Summoned isn't here right now, and trust me, nobody else wants to see your bulge in your pants!"

"Speak for yourself," Pyrrha muttered, tugging at her collar.

Unfortunately for her, Jaune was tired, so he wasn't paying attention. Truly, being Pyrrha is nothing but suffering. Moment of silence for our girl.

Anyway, Jaune merely waved Yang off. "Trust me, this is something I have to do if I want to survive and also get some."

"You know, there's an easy solution here," Ren said. "Just take a break from-"

Jaune actually laughed, shaking his head. "Oh, Ren. Ren, Ren, Ren. Spoken like a true virgin."

"I'm sorry?"

"No, there's nothing to be sorry for – you can't blame yourself for not getting any. But once you do, you'll understand."

"Don't act like you're on a higher level of understanding than the rest of us just because you can get your dick wet."

"Oh, but I am. I see the world through different eyes now. Specifically, through my one eye. Everything looks much pinker than I thought. Moist, too. Maybe a bit of blonde hair."

"What are you even saying right now?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know, I'm so sleep-deprived that all of my sentences are coming out like word soup. Also, since when was there two of you?"

"Okay, buddy," Nora said, stepping forward. "I think that's enough pussy for you for about a month. C'mon, let's get you to the nurse's office."

"What for? Sleeping pills?"

"Probably. First we're probably going to have to deal with what's going on in your pants. Nice one, by the way."

"Thanks, I grew it myself. Anyway, you're probably right – I'm starting to feel lightheaded. I think the Viagra has caused all the blood to rush into my dick. And despite what you all may think, it is not based, it is cringe. So just tell Glynda I give her my regards, but I'm taking a break."

He immediately paused, eyes widening at what he had just done. He turned back to his friends, who were giving him a horrified look.

"...Shit," he muttered.

That was all he got before Glynda came bursting through the wall, panting wildly. She looked all around the room, searching for him. Jaune stayed completely still. It was a little-known fact, but he had figured out that horny!Glynda's vision was based almost entirely on movement, probably because she liked the thrill of the chase a bit too much.

"Stay calm," Nora whispered, "or we're all dead, and you're literally fucked."

Jaune said and did nothing, instead remaining stock still. Glynda sniffed the air, searching for him, then let out an irritated grunt. For a moment, it all seemed okay.

And then, from the back of the room, Cardin spoke.

"Oh, fuck this! I'm out!"

He tried to run, but Glynda was on him in an instant, pinning him up against the wall with her semblance. He began to loudly whimper in fear as she stomped over to him, her aura radiating pure death.

"Boyfriend," she stated, her voice low. "Where. Is. My. Boyfriend?"

Cardin tried to resist, he really did. But nobody could stand up to Glynda's mixture of horniness and malice. It only took a few seconds before he broke.

"He's over by the door! He just took a Viagra – focus on the pulsating heartbeat within his throbbing erection and you'll find him!"

Glynda did exactly that, standing upright and focusing. And then, to Jaune's horror, she turned towards him, her gaze narrowing.

Nora sighed then shrugged. "Well, it was worth a shot. Run, boy!"

Jaune didn't need to be told anymore. He instantly took off running, convinced that Glynda would be right behind him… only to find that an obstacle had gotten in his way.

"Pyrrha, what are you doing?!"

"Saving you!" she replied, holding Glynda at bay with her shield. "Run, Jaune!"

"Pyrrha, this is no time to be a simp!" Ren shouted. "Glynda will kill you!"

"Better dead than having my feelings ignored! I won't let this Nondescript Winter Holiday Cake steal my rightful man anymore!"

Glynda growled at that, but Pyrrha was unperturbed. "Well?! Bring it on, you boomer!"

That was the cue for all hell to break loose. Glynda redoubled her efforts, using her semblance to launch Pyrrha through a nearby wall as she chased after her. Jaune watched in a combination of awe and fear as his girlfriend and his partner commenced a running battle through Beacon's halls, causing untold destruction with every passing moment. Jaune quickly took off after them… though he had to pause when he passed by Ozpin, who was walking as if nothing had happened.

After a quick double-take, Jaune jogged back over to Ozpin. "Uh, Ozpin, sir?"

"Yes, Mister Arc?" the headmaster asked, sipping on his cocoa.

"...Aren't you going to do something about this?"

Ozpin actually seemed offended. "Why, Mister Arc, I wasn't aware that you wanted me to die today."

"What? But I don't-"

"Please. I have no intentions of getting in Glynda's ways, not when she's in one of her moods. I daresay that this is even worse than the time General Ironwood broke up with her, and we're still redoing the Dust chemistry lab from when that happened."

Well, that was something Jaune didn't need to hear. His disappointment must have shown on his face, because Ozpin just waved him off.

"Run along now."

"So, that's it?" Jaune asked. "You're not even going to try?"

"No."

"But she'll kill Pyrrha!"

"Better her than me. I'm sure you understand."

Jaune let out a frustrated growl, then gave his headmaster a furious look before taking off running after his girlfriend and Pyrrha. It wasn't hard to find them, he just followed the trail of destruction. And what a trail of destruction it was – the entire school looked as if it had been inverted and then inverted again. All throughout the halls, the wallpaper had been stripped off, fixtures had been ripped off the walls, the floors and ceilings were marred by deep gouges, and any students who had been unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire were boasting thousand-yard stares, along with having most of their clothing shredded like this was some kind of shitty cartoon.

Pushing the image of a naked Team CRDL out of his head, Jaune continued chasing after the two of them, finally arriving at the epicenter of the chaos: the Combat Class classroom.

Of course a creature as territorial as Glynda would naturally fall back to her own habitat.

The room, to put it simply, was a disaster. It looked like a bomb had gone off inside a hurricane, and that hurricane had gone off inside a tornado, and that tornado had been burped out by Nora after she ate an entire case of Lightning Dust. It was, to put it simply, sheer pandemonium – it was barely recognizable as a classroom. The desks were all little more than splinters, the walls were barely standing, and the ceiling was completely gone.

And in the center of the arena, two titans clashed.

"Stay aware from my man!" Glynda screamed as she launched herself at Pyrrha.

"Okay, boomer!" Pyrrha replied in a sing-song voice, blocking the incoming strike.

"He's mine, not yours!"

"Whatever you say, boomer!"

"And stop singing that stupid song!"

"Oki doki, boomer!"

Glynda let out an irritated shout as she once more flew towards Pyrrha, apparently so enraged that she had decided that using her semblance wasn't satisfying enough, instead opting to go hands-on. To her credit, it was taking everything Pyrrha had simply to avoid being pasted anyway, and Jaune could tell that she wasn't going to last much longer.

"Just give up, Pyrrha," Glynda sneered, their weapons once more locked together. "You can't win."

Pyrrha simply glared at her, and in a voice full of as much venom as she could muster, gave her response.

"10-4, dinosaur!"

That seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back, as Glynda stopped holding back. Her face contorted in rage, and her semblance sprang to life once more. Pyrrha's weapons were surrounded in a purple glow before they were sent flying through one of the many holes in the room (narrowly missing a very-traumatized Velvet in the process), leaving Pyrrha defenseless. Glynda wasn't done, though – she raised her riding crop, and-

"Glynda, stop or else!" Jaune shouted.

For the first time, Glynda took notice of him. Her eyes widened in confusion, though her face lit up in excitement only a moment later.

"Jauney!" she said happily. "You're just in time for me to kill this boyfriend-stealing harlot!"

Pyrrha spat in her face, earning her a glare once more. Again, Glynda raised her crop. This wasn't good – Jaune was going to have to use the nuclear option.

"Glynda, if you don't let her go right now, we're over!"

That had the desired effect. Glynda instantly let Pyrrha go, unceremoniously dropping her to the ground in a heap. She looked over at Jaune, stunned.

"W-what…?" Glynda asked. "Jaune, what did you-"

"I mean it," Jaune said, glaring at her. "I'm… I'm so tired of it all, Glynda. The rough sex, the territorial behavior, the assplay, the trying to kill my partner… but mostly the assplay."

She simply stared at him, much like a puppy that had been kicked. Slowly, she shrank in on herself, looking down to the floor.

"I… I had no idea..." she muttered. Her lip began to quiver. "I'm… sorry, Jaune."

Jaune nodded in understanding, then rushed over to Pyrrha, who was shakily rising to her feet. Pyrrha let out a groan, clutching at her head. Jaune got there quickly, checking her over for injuries.

"Are you okay, Pyrrha? She didn't hurt you too bad, did she?"

Pyrrha shook her head. "N-no… Gods, I didn't think it would be that bad..."

Jaune let out a breath at that, then turned back to his girlfriend. "Glynda, are you-"

To his surprise, she wasn't standing there silently anymore. Rather, her head was lowered, and she was silently crying. Immediately, he frowned, knowing he had fucked up.

"Glynda?" Jaune asked, stretching a hand out towards her. "Are you-"

That was as far as he got before she took off running. Glynda was gone in an instant, leaving behind a small trail of tears behind her. He watched her go, then brought a hand up to his face and cursed to himself.

Gods damn it…

It had been a few days since Glynda had run off crying, and to say Jaune felt like a piece of shit about it would be an understatement. Truthfully, he felt like a complete asshole – like he had not only stolen a small child's candy, but also kicked their puppy right in front of them. He felt almost as bad as that time when he accidentally ate Ruby's last cinnamon-strawberry cookie and she had actually started crying over it.

Why do I have an uncanny ability to make girls cry?

Honestly, this was just one of those things that made him feel like the universe's chew toy. It was almost as if there was some third-party entity making all of this happening for their own amusement, and he truly was a cosmic plaything.

I don't know who you are, but I just want you to know that one day I will find you, and I will kill you, and there's nothing you'll be able to do about it because you're probably a worthless drunk.

He had no idea how right he actually was, but that was neither here nor there.

Also, good fucking luck, you little blonde bitch. I literally have a FAL right next to me at this exact moment. You ain't got nothing, you sword-using shitbird.

Anyway, the point was that he felt like absolute garbage at the moment, and it must have showed because everyone else was giving him a sympathetic look.

Well, except for Pyrrha, who wouldn't stop giving him bedroom eyes. And while he might have been all over that at one point, now his heart belonged to another, no matter how much she seemed to want the D.

"You alright, man?" Nora asked.

Jaune sighed. "No, I'm not. I'm really not, Nora."

"Really? I mean, I figured that since your psycho girlfriend is gone-"

"See, that's what none of you get – yes, she was psycho. Yes, she could be very demanding in bed. Yes, she had certain unorthodox tastes-"

"I'll say," Yang interjected. "How sore is your ass, by the way? I mean, since you were dumb enough to ignore our warnings."

And he was going to ignore that, too… but honestly, it was still pretty sore. They definitely weren't going to be doing that again, no matter how much she begged or pleaded or offered blowjobs in return for it.

Of course, that was assuming they were even still a thing, which he was pretty certain wasn't the case anymore. But then again, much like distracting Blake with a laser pointer until the batteries died, all good things must inevitably come to an end.

"...Well, all that aside," Jaune continued, "she's still my girlfriend, and I love her. And I'd appreciate it if you all didn't act like this is some big win, because it's really not."

"Yes, it is," Weiss pointed out. "You can get with Pyrrha now, and something tells me she doesn't have an interest in putting foreign objects into orifices where they don't belong."

"That's right, I definitely don't," Pyrrha said vehemently, before pausing. "...I mean, unless you want me to, Jaune. Because then, oh yeah, I'd totally do it."

Jaune frowned. "Okay, Pyrrha."

"Like, you have no idea. You want assplay? I'll give you assplay – with a reach-around, too. I'm talking full-on, prostate-smashing anal."

"Yes, I know."

"Like, you wouldn't believe it. I'd be topping you so fucking hard, Jaune. It'd be amazing. You have no idea."

"Well, thanks for the offer, but I'm not into you like that, and I'm really not into being on the receiving end of what you're offering."

"Seriously, all you have to do is ask, and I'd pound your ass into oblivion. You wouldn't be able to walk straight for a week. I'd ride you like a rodeo bull – uh, no offense, Blake."

"None taken," Blake commented. "Honestly, Adam could probably use something stuck up there. Maybe it'd mellow him out."

"Look, can we please stop talking about assplay?" Jaune begged.

"Well, alright," Pyrrha conceded. "But I just want you to know-"

"Yes, I get it, Pyrrha. But honestly, I'm not into it at all… and for that matter, I'm not into you at all, since I already have a girlfriend."

"You sure about that?" Ruby asked. "I mean, you did make her run off crying. Generally that's the end of the relationship. I mean, just ask Yang's mom."

"He can't, because she ran off crying," Yang pointed out. "Because she's a huge bitch who pussied out of raising her own kid."

"Look," Jaune stated, "not that I don't appreciate the weird tangents you're all going on-"

"Like, who does that? How could someone just leave her kid behind while she goes off to live with bandits? That's bullshit."

"Can we please stay on topic-"

"That's almost as bad as those parents who get their kids involved in child beauty pageants."

"Guys-"

"Don't forget about streaming service original movies," Ren interjected.

"Okay, now you're all just hopping on trends and memes that aren't even funny anymore-"

"Oh, you just had to bring that shit up, Ren." Yang rolled her eyes. "Talk about bad taste. I can't believe-"

"Shut up!" Jaune shouted, having gotten fed up with everything going on around him. Seriously, there's only so much talk about random bullshit and assplay that you can take before you lose your cool.

Everyone stared at him in surprise while he sat there, seething. After several seconds, he calmed down, taking a deep breath before looking back at all of them.

"Now then," he began. "Perhaps you all could stop trying to distract me and instead focus on what's important?"

"We are," Weiss replied. "Jaune, we're trying to keep you from making a huge mistake. Think about it – you're dating Goodwitch. She has all the fetishes, as you're no doubt already aware. We're trying to save you from making things worse."

"Like I said, her tastes are unorthodox – very unorthodox – but I can deal if it means keeping her happy. Plus, she's careful to offer something in return, so it's not like I'm just letting her experiment for free. And even I have my limits."

"...Wait a second," Nora said. "If you have your limits, doesn't that mean that you could have stopped her from trying out ass-"

"As I was saying," Jaune hurriedly said, "this is an arrangement that I'm actually pretty okay with, and I'd like to keep it going."

"But why?" Yang asked. "Think about it, Jaune – Pyrrha is right there. She's Pyrrha Nikos, and she's horny for you."

"Gods know I am," Pyrrha said, nodding. "I'm just sopping wet down there for you, Jaune. I want your dick in me. Just, you know, stick it in there and knock me up. Go ahead and just paint my insides white with your spunk, until an ivory river flows from between my thighs. Breed me all you want – I will gladly be your broodmare if it means I get to hop on that Arc dick. We'll make lots of beautiful Arkos babies together, I just know it."

Jaune couldn't help but shudder. It was just unnatural, being chased like that. Now he knew how girls felt whenever some creep dropped a nasty-ass pickup line on them.

"...Wait, hold on," he began, eyes widening. "Have you all been playing wingman… for Pyrrha?"

"Duh," Ruby said. "Jaune, come on. Just go with Pyrrha. We're trying to do you both a favor."

"...Okay, I don't know if you've all thought this through."

"What do you mean?" Blake asked.

"Well, think about it – if this relationship ends, I'll have broken up with Glynda. As in, Glynda the psycho teacher. Glynda, the one who's in charge of setting up fights. Glynda, the one who's already scary. I mean, as of now, we're not officially broken up. If we ever did break up, well… I mean, you've all heard the stories of what happened when her and Ironwood split up, and it wasn't pretty. Now factor in that she's a lot closer to me than she was to Ironwood, and… well..."

He trailed off, but that was enough. Around the table, he watched as everyone's eyes widened in surprise. They seemed to have realized what they were doing, and just how bad it would go for them if they actually went through with it. They all exchanged a glance, and then slowly turned back to him.

"...Jaune," Ren began, "My homie. My bro. My main man. We need you to do us a big favor."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"Go get back together with Glynda, or we're all dead."

"Ren!" Pyrrha protested. "You're supposed to be helping me get some!"

"Yeah, fuck that. I've got my own ass to watch out for right now, and so does everyone else. Anyway, Jaune, you know what to do."

"...Uh, no I don't," Jaune pointed out. "Otherwise I'd be doing it."

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'll give it to you straight: go up to her, admit you fucked up, say you're sorry, and ask her if she wants you back. Then do whatever it takes to repair the relationship."

"Is it really that simple?"

"Jaune, she's close to being an old maid. The only woman I've ever met who rivals her in thirst is my own mother, and she's trapped in a loveless marriage with the world's worst husband, so she at least has an excuse. You're literally the only person in the world who can put up with Professor Goodwitch. I think she'll be able to find it in her heart to forgive you."

Well, that was certainly a confidence boost. Letting out a sigh, Jaune rose from his seat at the lunch table.

"Alright, I'm going. Wish me luck, guys."

They all did except Pyrrha, but that was okay because Jaune was probably going to get a restraining order on her later today.

Seriously, that girl is fucking creepy.

Jaune stood outside of Glynda's office/room, not really knowing how to proceed. Sure, it made sense in his head – just knock on the door and admit he fucked up and he should be good… but he knew that it was going to take more than that. A lot more than that.

Still, it would be a good start, I suppose.

That, and he really didn't want to risk Glynda going on a rampage once the initial wave of sadness wore off. So, steeling himself, Jaune raised a hand and gently knocked on the door. A muffled 'go away' greeted him from the other side, and he frowned.

"Glynda, it's Jaune. Could you open up, please? I want to talk to you."

At first, he wasn't sure that she would actually do it, and he wouldn't even blame her if she didn't, considering how badly he had fucked up. Thankfully, that proved not to be the case – from the other side of the door, he heard her moving around before the lock was undone and the door opened, revealing her in all her glory.

She looked… well, not good. Obviously, she had been crying, and she hadn't really been taking care of herself otherwise, either. Again, he didn't blame her – it was her first real breakup since Ironwood, so obviously it was going to hit her hard. That just deepened his resolve to make things right with her.

Taking a breath, Jaune glanced back at her, determination filling him. He was going to set things straight if it was the last thing he did, he owed her that much at least.

"Glynda, I'm sorry," he began. "I shouldn't have blown up at you. It was wrong of me, and-"

"Was it?" she asked, taking him by surprise. She looked away, ashamed. "I… I didn't realize you didn't actually like what I was doing to you. I thought you were just playing hard to get. If I had known..."

"No!" Jaune quickly replied. "Glynda, I like you. I really, really do. Sure, sometimes you take it a little far, but I'd have let you know if it was anything I was really uncomfortable with."

She perked up at that. "...So, all that time, you really were playing hard to get?"

"...Well, I wouldn't go that far, but trust me when I say that if I didn't want it, I would have made that perfectly clear."

Man, now he felt like an asshole. And to think that some people actually liked it when others played hard to get. Since when was a lack of communication in a relationship a good thing?

Anyway, Glynda seemed to at least be a bit cheerier after that. If nothing else, she was now much less glum than she had been. She sniffled softly before placing her hands on her hips.

"Well, okay," she said. "But I'm still upset. You were far more concerned about Pyrrha than you were about me."

"Because I know you, and I know that Pyrrha didn't stand a chance," Jaune said. "You are the baddest bitch in Vale, Glynda. Nobody holds a candle to you. Why, I'll bet that if the White Fang were to attack the school, you could hold them all of on your own. I mean, look at what your semblance is capable of – it's ridiculous."

Again, she perked up at that. "...Well, I suppose I am stronger than just about anyone else in school..." she muttered.

"Anyway, the point is, I know you don't need me to keep an eye out for you – you're stronger than that. But I understand why you're upset that I didn't, and I'm sorry. So I'm going to make it up to you."

"You are? Might I ask how?"

Oh, he was glad she asked. It was time to put those dancing skills to good work, along with the fact that she couldn't get enough of him. It was time for the nuclear option – the one thing that he was sure was going to get her so riled up that she had no other choice but to fall into his arms like a horny schoolgirl.

It was time for the sexy striptease.

Jaune didn't say anything, instead smirking slightly as he began to tug at the collar of his school uniform, loosening it. Glynda raised an eyebrow, but he just held up a hand, stopping her.

"You'll know when you can touch," he said, causing her to back down.

With that established, he moved on. The blazer came off, and as it did, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his scroll, searching for the one song he knew would get her. It was crude, crass, unashamedly lewd, and the repertoire he had picked out actually went completely against the song's actual message, but he knew that combined with his visuals, she wouldn't be able to resist. If she was a lioness, then he was now the juicy T-bone.

He tapped play on his scroll and set it down, and as the song's electronic bass drum started up, Jaune went to work. He began to sway his hips in time with the music, reaching for his belt at the same time. Glynda's eyes widened as she realized what was happening, and Jaune's smirk widened.

That's right, girl – keep your eyes on the prize and your mind off of gutting my friends with your semblance.

The belt came off, dropped to the ground as the first verse came in. Jaune continued to dance along with it, though now he moved on to his shirt, undoing a new button with every passing bar. Once it got to the oh-so-famous chorus, the shirt was off entirely, and while he had first moved to undo his pants, he instead decided to forgo it instead of approaching Glynda, taking her hands in his as he mouthed along to the lyrics.

"I wanna fuck you like an animal," he whispered, making her eyes go wide. "I wanna feel you from the inside."

She stared at him, seemingly unsure of what to think… but only for a moment. After that, it was like a switch had gone off in her head, and someone had turned on the faucet in her underwear. She was all over him in an instant, and Jaune couldn't help but feel smug.

It died when she leaned in to whisper into his ear.

"The safety word is 'Ozpin's coffee.'"

It was going to be a long night.

It was, in fact, a long night. Glynda hadn't given him a break at all, not that he had requested one. Yes, he was a degenerate, fucking sue him.

Anyway, things were now back to normal… well, relatively so. As normal as they could probably be, given the situation.

Which is to say that Glynda had decided that she couldn't risk losing him ever again, and so she was going to follow him everywhere except the bathroom, and even then only because he had specifically – very specifically – requested that she not do it, and she had agreed due to reasons of common decency.

Good to know that even she had her limits.

All that aside, they were currently in the cafeteria, eating breakfast before class… and Glynda was there with them, sitting next to him with her hand in his, and her head leaned against his shoulder. And it was awkward for everyone.

"So," Jaune began, "anyone catch the new Spruce Willis movie yet?"

Nobody said anything, likely because they were worried of offending him and calling down Glynda's wrath upon themselves. Unfortunately, that was the wrong move.

"Someone should probably answer Jaune's question," Glynda said, her voice coming out slightly dreamily. "Unless I need to start-"

That was as far as she got before they all started to frantically answer. She sighed in contentment, while Jaune also sighed, though his was out of exasperation.

This was his life now, apparently – the boytoy to the scariest woman in the world, who would move heaven and earth to make him happy and also keep him to herself. Woe betide anyone who try to claim him, for he was now basically connected to Glynda at the hip, and not just in the figurative sense.

As if on cue, Pyrrha tried to sneak her hand over to his, though she didn't get far before Glynda cracked one eye open and actually growled at her, bared teeth and all. Pyrrha recoiled, pulling her hand back; Glynda immediately calmed down, her angry expression disappearing as she closed her eyes and sighed contentedly yet again. Pyrrha, thinking it was clear, tried again, only for Glynda to once again open one eye and growl at her, forcing her to pull back. Seeing it, Jaune couldn't help but sigh tiredly.

At least Glynda made him happy.

RIP EVH.

About fucking time I get to Glynda, good God. You people have been asking about her for God knows how long and I'm just now getting around to her.

Anyway, Glynda is fun to work with. I think it was pretty clear how this chapter was going to go, but I had a good time with her all the same.

I'm thinking that we're about overdue for a sequel chapter, wouldn't you agree? I'll try to push one of those out soon. I know I said I'd do one for Yang, one for Raven/Vernal, and a prequel for Weiss, plus a rewrite of Ruby's chapter. That makes four that I have to do, so I'll see if I can't get one of them out next time. It's also been a hot minute since we've seen an R63 character, so I'll see see what I can do there as well. I've certainly got some ideas for a few of those that seem like they'll be a lot of fun, so I'm excited to work with them again.

Aside from that, I apologize in advance if it takes me longer than usual to respond to your reviews this time. I'm moving into a new place this weekend, so most of my time will be spent getting set up there. I'm looking forward to it – my old apartment kind of sucked ass, and while this new place is more out-of-the-way than I'm used to, it makes up for it by being nicer, bigger, and cheaper. I'll also have a roommate once again, which is great because living alone was starting to get old, especially when bills started to come due. If nothing else, I'll at least be able to have some fun playing with his pet cat.

Next update: Saturday, October 31. Huh. Maybe I should do something to commemorate the occasion, that could be fun.