Naruto

It took a while to realize what was happening to me. I couldn't tell you when it started. Maybe it was in the orphanage when I would often find myself bedridden with fevers, vomiting and hallucinations, only to wake up hours later completely fine. A stomach bug the matron would say. Poison, I realize now. Or maybe it was the time I got cornered by a drunk and woke up again completely fine even though I can clearly remember the feel of my head hitting the pavement and the world going black. It was easy to ignore the blood, the rips in my clothing. It's not like there was any injury on me that it could have come from. And with how clumsy I am, I rip my clothing all the time.

It wasn't until I was chased down by a shinobi one night that it all became terrifyingly real. There was no drunken kicks or punches like usual. Just a cold calculated slice to my neck with a kunai. I collapse to the ground drowning in my own blood, the warmth leaving me with only a bitter cold in its place. I'm dying I realize. It hurts, it's unbearable. Please, I beg someone, anyone, if dying could fix this. If dying could make this stop, then please, please let me die.

My vision starts to blur at the edges, gradually fading to black. I feel my heart gives one last stuttering beat and then stop. And with my last breath, I let go.

After what seems like forever, but was in reality only a short time later, I open my eyes again. Staring blankly at the clear night sky. There's no denying it this time.

'I died.' I whisper to myself, the blood slick on my fingers across my now intact throat. I can hear other people milling around nearby. And that's what probably hurt the most. No one even noticed. No one helped me when I was bleeding out in an alleyway.

No one ever noticed. Not the kind old Jiji who would sometimes visit. Or the folks at the ramen place. No one cared enough about him to noticed that he died. That he's died so, so many times that he's honestly lost count at this point.

The ever-present smile on my face fades and is replaced by a frown. Tears silently flowing down my cheeks making tracts in the partially dried blood. At 8 I realized the hardest thing I could ever do, was live.

It was always the same after that. Like a vicious cycle. They'd chase me, I'd run, they catch me and beat me till I eventually die. Then I'd wake up alone in some ally. The only reminder of what happened last night was my blood-soaked clothes and ground. Nothing ever changed.

Still, no one noticed, and slowly I began to lose my faith in people. The rare few who acted so kind and caring to me. Jiji would come visit me every now and then. And Teuchi and Ayame gave me free ramen occasionally. I'm thankful for that, I really am. But somewhere, deep down, I was hoping that someone cared enough to notice, to save me. But they didn't.

I came to realize that no one cared. That I would die night after night cold and alone and wake up the next day with no one the wiser. No one cared. So, I stopped. I stopped running, stopped fighting, stopped caring. It just doesn't matter anymore. If no one cared, why should I?

One day, when Jiji came to visit he asked if I would like to go to the Academy to become a Shinobi. It wasn't really a choice. When I seemed to hesitate, he started to go on about all the good things about becoming one. How I would be strong, respected. How I would be able to protect the people I care about.

He talked to me like I was ignorant to the reality. Like shinobi didn't hunt me down in the middle of the night and kill me. Like I had any one I cared about, that I wanted to protect. But I agree. There's no choice, and its not like care either way, so what's the point of arguing? He smiles at me. But its strained, it has been the last few times he has visited.

Ah, I suddenly realize. It's getting harder for him to pretend he cares about me. Even if he doesn't care I'll at least keep appearances. So, a wide shit eating grin spreads across my face, no matter how wrong it feels there.

"Don't worry Jiji! I'll definitely do good in the Academy, just you wait, I'll be the strongest!" I exclaim.

"Oh, is that so?" He smiles. "Well I'm looking forward to it. I need to get back to work now. Classes start in 2 weeks, so I'll try to get your materials by tomorrow"

"Ok Jiji, see you tomorrow!" I wave as he leaves my apartment, my smile slipping from my face as the door closes. My hand drops to my side and I just blankly stare at the door for a moment. It's getting harder for me too. Now that I think about it. To keep up this charade. But just like everything else in my life, I don't have a choice.

I have to wonder. Did I ever?

Starting the academy as expected, changed nothing. Well, that's not entirely true. The adults are the same as always. The kids though, in some ways they are worse. They may not be able to hurt me like the grownups can, but their words are cruel. They always hit right where it hurts the most. And I can't stand it. Before, they were perfectly content to ignore my existence, now with the teachers singling me out they've followed their lead.

Dying over and over again. Just to go to class and be told that I'm nothing. That no one cares about me. Like I needed them to tell me that. Like I didn't already know that! The anger and frustration just sits there and festers, just barely under control. So, I begin to skip. Not every day, just when it feels like it's about to overflow, when I'm about to snap. But it's enough that I've been labeled a problem child.

'Naruto, you need to stop skipping class.' Jiji looks at me disapprovingly I pout and kick the ground, putting on the act of a scolded child.

'But Jiji' I whine. 'It's so boring.' It's suffocating me.

'It's important. How are you going to be the strongest if you don't go to class?' I don't answer him. It doesn't matter what he's says. It's not like I even want to be a shinobi, so what if I skip? It's not like I'll die. It's not like I can. Jiji's looks at me with disappointment, but it doesn't have the same effect as it used to. Back when his attention was everything to me. Before I realized no one cared, that no one was coming to save me.

'Naruto?' I refuse to look at him and scratch the front of my neck absentmindedly. It's become a habit, to remind myself that I'm still alive. That this is real. That I'm not dead.

'OK.' I mumble, still refusing to look at him. 'I'll go to class.'

And things just continued on like that. I endured the teacher's scorn. My classmate's careless cruelty. And I would still skip, not nearly as often as I'd like, but it didn't draw Jiji's attention again. Slowly, I started to speak less and less until I rarely spoke to anyone beyond answering questions in the fewest words possible. I still spoke to Jiji, but he's never mentioned it in our brief meetings, so I guess he never noticed that too.

I struggled when chakra was introduced, it just wouldn't listen to what I wanted it to do. My jutsu suffered for it. I could somehow manage the henge and kamiwari, but bushin… no matter how hard or long I practiced it never turned out right. They always came out half formed and never lasted long.

And in every single graduation exam, that was the one jutsu that was always included. The teachers would smirk when the ask me to preform it. Knowing that I couldn't. And I'd fail. How many times could I fail before they'd kick me out? Maybe this time I'd hope. Then I'd remember Jiji's insistence and know that one way or another, I would become a shinobi. It's just a matter of time.

So once again I'm asked to make a bushin. And once again, I fail. Mizuki-sensei smirks in victory just as I expected. But Iruka-sensei…looks sad? Why would he be sad I failed?

'I'm sorry Naruto, but I can't let you pass.' He tells me regret clear in his voice.

'Come on Iruka, surely we can make an exception.' Mizuki-sensei argues. Which doesn't make sense, he was so happy I fail a second ago. What's he playing at?

'No' Iruka shakes his head, 'I can't in good conscious let him pass. I'm sorry Naruto'

Still confused, I just nod and leave the room without a word. I don't understand. I sit on the swing in front of the academy watching detachedly as parents congratulated their children for passing. Why would Iruka-sensei be sad I failed?

'Iruka-sensei isn't trying to be mean.' I startle at Mizuki's voice, I hadn't noticed him come up behind me. 'He probably sees himself in you and wants the best for you. But If you'd like, I could tell you another way to graduate.'

Ah, so that's what this is all about, he wants to use me. It's a trap of course, but I don't think that Iruka -sensei is in on it though, while he's never helped me, he was never as mean as the other teachers.

'OK.' Is my simple answer. He smiles at me, and there's something about it that reminds me of the people who kill me night after night.

'Great! All you have to do is get the forbidden scroll from the Hokage's office and bring it to the cottage in the forest. I'm sure you'll do fine!'

I nod and slip off the swing heading home. Now what to do about this? My best bet is to grab the scroll, there might be something in it that will help me lower my death rate. Just because I don't stay dead doesn't mean I like dying. This is a great opportunity. I can just pin this whole mess on Mizuki after I'm done.

Late at night I sneak into the office with no issue, the scroll was also easy to find. You'd think that a forbidden scroll would have better security. The only snag I hit in the entire thing is when Jiji caught me right when I was about to jump out the window.

'Naruto? What are you doing here so late?'

'Tch, Orike no jutsu!' I transform into a naked woman and blow a kiss at him. Jiji passes out with blood streaming from his nose. I let go of the transformation and just shake my head. Men are such perverts. I don't know what I was thinking when I made that jutsu, but I can't deny its usefulness. I jump out of the window making my way towards the forest before he can recover.

The first jutsu in the scroll is kage bushin. I can't do a normal clone, but maybe a more advanced version would work? I always suspected that I just had too much chakra to make the normal one work, but this one might be perfect for me. It takes a couple tries, but I finally get it down.

'This is so weird.' I mumble to myself, while observing my clone.

'Yea.' They respond back.

I release the clone, still slightly freaked out at looking at another copy of myself. If nothing else this will make a great distraction to get away.

'Naruto!' I turn back towards the voice.

'Iruka-sensei?' I ask in confusion.

'What are you doing! Stealing the scroll, do you know how much trouble you're in!?'

'But Mizuki-sensei said it was an alternative exam?'

'Mizuki? But—' He abruptly cuts off and yanks me out of the way by my collar. Kunai embed themselves into the ground where I had been standing.

'You found him faster than I thought you would.' Mizuki perched on a tree branch sneers down at us.

'What are you doing!?'

'Isn't it obvious? I'm stealing the scroll. And if I can get rid of the demon too well, that's just a bonus.'

'Demon?' I question, my voice low and strained. It's not the first time someone has called me that. Monster, demon. They seem to be the villager's favorite names for me.

'Do you want to know? Why everyone hates you?' He smiles maliciously. I nod, finally I'll get some answers. No one has ever told me why.

'Mizuki no!'

'Its because you are the Kyubii that destroyed the leaf 12 years ago!' he accuses me, pride filling his face.

'You're lying, right Iruka-sensei? He's lying right?' I desperately plead with him, but he just looks away from me in shame.

'Haha—this is stupid.' I weakly laugh, rubbing at my face in frustration. That's why I die over and over again. That's why I'm always alone. Because someone sealed a monster in me.

'Now give me the scroll.' He demands ignoring my shock.

'Naruto run! Don't let him take it!' It's not much of a choice to run. I'll probably die again by the time the night is done, but I don't really want to actively seek it out. If I give it to him there is absolutely nothing stopping him from just killing me then and there. At least with the scroll I have some leverage. I can hear the clash of weapons behind me as I flee the area. I need to find somewhere they can't find me. Desperately I look around, but there is no where that I can hide.

It's too late anyways. Before I can react some one pushes me to the ground from behind. I don't bother to struggle. Struggling always makes it worse. Instead I curl up into a ball and clench my eyes shut waiting for the incoming blows. But they never come. A warm drop of something falls on my cheek. Slowly I crack open my eye, above me is Iruka-sensei blood dripping down his mouth.

'Are you OK Naruto?'

I can't seem to find the words to answer him, so I just dumbly nod. He saved me? That's—an odd warm feeling fills my chest.

'Good.' He sighs relieved. Reaching behind his back he grunts in pain as he yanks a giant shuriken from his back.

'Why did you save that monster!?'

'He's not the demon fox. He's my student, Uzumaki Naruto!' He tries to get up but falls back barely catching himself from falling on top of me.

'Well, I suppose it doesn't matter now. You're both going to die.' Mizuki grabs the other giant shuriken on his back.

Steeling my resolve, I shift myself out from under Iruka-sensei.

'Oh, what's this the little monster is going to fight.' He mocks.

'Naruto get away!' Iruka begs. I shake my head, dying for me is no big deal. I'll just wake up later. But Iruka-sensei, he won't. He saved me. I clench my fists before raising them into a cross in front of me. He's the only person who ever saved me. It doesn't matter if he doesn't really care all that much about me, he noticed. Even now, he's screaming at me to run and leave him there. He's still trying to protect me. But if I leave, he will die. I-I don't want that.

'Tajuu Kagebushin no jutsu!' The entire clearing fills with clones of me. The look of pure shock on Mizuki's face is almost worth it. Without giving him even a moment to recover they all charge at him. It doesn't take long for him to go down. No matter how skilled he is, there is only so much you can do against such over whelming numbers. One of the clones ties him up in ninja wire so he can't escape and then they all dispel. I stagger when a wave of vertigo comes over me as their memories integrate back into mine. That's useful, I'll have to remember to dismiss them in small groups next time though.

'Naruto.' I turn back to him, his face in awe. 'Come here.'

I walk over to where he's managed to prop him self up against the base of a tree and kneel down.

'Close your eyes.' He smiles kindly at me, and I do as he asks. I can hear the rumple of cloth and then a light touch at my forehead, I instinctively flinch back at the touch.

'I won't hurt you, just stay still.'

Willing myself to stay still something is tied around my forehead.

'You can open your eyes now.' Iruka-sensei's not wearing his haite anymore I tentatively reach up. He gave me his.

'Congratulations Naruto.' He smiles at me with pride. 'On becoming a shinobi of Konoha.'

Tears start to well up in my eyes.

'Thank you.' And for the first time in I don't know how long, I actually meant it.