"That very nearly went horribly wrong," somebody murmured, followed by several unintelligible sentences.

Roused abruptly from a restless dream, Sakura tried to tilt her head to hear better, but something held it in a strong grip. Something blocking her eyes, ears, nose, mouth, making breathing harder than it should be.

"That's why I don't like men," somebody else whispered. "Reckless fools, all of them."

"Let's just acknowledge we sometimes need them - but can very often do without," the first voice chuckled.

Why were these people whispering?

Sakura tried to move again, struggling harder against what held her down. There was a whisper of pain in her head… until she tried to lift her hands to move whatever tied her down away. Red-hot pain laced up both her arms with such intensity, she sharply cried out.

"She's awake! Finally!"

A person moved closer, Sakura could feel the warmth of a body and could smell… no, impossible. Only one person she knew smelled of jasmine and Sake like this. A person who was far away.

"Shishou? Shishou, is that you?" Confusion made her head spin. Was she… was she perhaps still dreaming?

"Shhh," Tsunade said and put a hand on her arm, "don't move, Sakura. It'll only hurt."

"Where… what…-" She tried not to panic, but that was hard. It felt like she was under water, unable to draw enough air into her lungs, doomed to suffocate, finding herself in the wrong time, the wrong space...

"You're at the hospital. You were very badly hurt, but don't worry, you're on the mend now. Your face should be as good as new in a few weeks."

Her face… now she remembered with a chill that took hold of all her limbs.

The cuts. She had been sliced open by a thousand cuts, like a vicious animal had mauled her. As if Rin had wanted to destroy what made her her. Erase her face, her identity. Of course, the thing keeping her head still was a tower of bandages. That's why she couldn't hear properly. That's why the world was grey-white, muffled and dimmed.

Sakura discovered with a flash of agony that everything about her hurt and that the rest of her was covered in bandages too. Fine? She wasn't fine. Tsunade was lying, trying to spare her. She knew her face wasn't going to be as good as new, not after the slicing it had received. And her eyes… hadn't her eyes failed her?

Sakura tried to lift her hands again to touch the bandages and assess the damage but it couldn't be done, her limbs were heavy like lead. She recognized the effects of a strong painkiller. Gritting her teeth, she tried to calm her breathing. So what if her face was destroyed. Wasn't being alive more important? And if she was blind… breathe, Sakura, breathe. Wasn't it… okay… no. Not okay, it's not okay, what will I do? I cannot be blind, I cannot be blind, I canno...

"Everyone is fine," Tsunade assured her again, which brought back more memories of the fight, the fear, the pain. And…

"Sarada!" Sakura gasped, "they were after Sarada!"

"She's safe. Kaeru and Iruka hid her underground," Tsunade said. "Apparently, Kakashi told them to. He put the village defenses on high alert before he left. It was a close call, but the enemy forces were chased away."

Kakashi…

"Is Sasuke here…?" Sakura pressed out, thinking she would like to see him, feel him near for comfort.

"Sasuke?"

Why did Tsunade sound so surprised?

"Has something happened to him?" Sakura blurted out in panic, feeling a lump growing in her throat. She was going to cry soon, she felt overwhelmed by everything. She remembered worrying about him. She remembered… Karin holding his arm. She felt acute jealousy mingle with her worry. Karin had no right to hold his arm like it belonged to her. She had no right to offer him her toxic skin.

"He was out of the hospital quickly," Tsunade said, "don't worry."

Thanks to Karin and her damn toxin of course. Which had to be the solution to the serum problem, Sakura was quite certain. The serum was holding the Uchiha illness but weakened him and the substance from her skin set it right. Meaning that Sasuke would be fine if he took Karin with him everywhere and bit her whenever he felt faint. Marvelous.

"How long have I…?"

"You've been out for five days."

Sakura's head reeled. That long! No wonder she felt so… strange for lack of a better word. Strange, weak and empty, like something was missing.

"If we only knew where Kakashi went," the second person in the room said, sounding extremely annoyed. "I have no time to wait around for him."

Sakura recognized the voice and tensed. The Mizukage. What was the leader of another village doing here? Ah… Sakura remembered that too now that she concentrated hard enough. The Mizukage had recuperated here, at the hospital, due to an ugly wound.

Why were her memories so sluggish, like she had to pluck one after the other from a part of her brain that was no better than mush?

She must have voiced this question aloud because Tsunade answered her with a calm, soothing voice. She knew that voice. It was the same she also used on skittish patients.

"You were under a Genjutsu," her teacher explained, "we're not quite sure what the effects were but it took us a while to convince you you weren't dying. Once that problem was off the table, everything looked much brighter."

A genjutsu! How amateurish of her to get caught in it. The effects? It had to have something to do with her memories, that much was obvious from the way she had to basically go collect them. It was… invisible fingers plucking at memories, ripping them out, scattering them. Sakura shuddered. That memory made her feel awful. Like she had been defiled.

"Listen, Sakura," Tsunade said gently. "There is something else."

"Have you taken over my duties here at the hospital?" Sakura interrupted her, afraid to hear more. If Tsunade told her she'd be blind for life… what would she do? She was a doctor. She couldn't be a blind doctor. It would be the end of her.

"Yes," Tsunade put her hand on Sakura's arm again. "I have. Nothing for you to worry about. You can focus on getting well and getting your strength back."

That was a relief. And definitely a sacrifice from someone like Tsunade who was always so busy as the Hokage… no… that wasn't right. She wasn't the Hokage. Strangely though, Sakura couldn't remember who the Hokage was at the moment.

I'm not well, she had to admit to herself. Not well at all. Can I be sure the Genjutsu is no longer active?

No way of telling though without the use of her arms to form hand seals.

"Has he told you anything more about his plan?" the Mizukage urged her, stepping closer. Sakura attempted to turn her head, succeeding this time with an effort - but the bandages around her eyes didn't let her see anything more than a grey haze anyway. Frustrated, she swiveled her head back into the initial position.

A horrible despair gripped her.

"Nobody has told me anything," she said. They had expected the attack on the village? She had not been told, but she had walked right into the trap. Had she been used? "Did you recover Mrs. Nohara's body?"

"Yes," Tsunade answered, "she is in an intensive care unit, in a coma. But her brain is so genjutsu-addled, I fear we might never get her back. Only someone with a Sharingan can come out of a genjutsu this strong by themselves. And people like you, who have extreme chakra control and a talent for counter-genjutsu."

Sakura acknowledged this information and the hidden praise with a short nod. It was all she could muster. She may have talent, but this conversation was draining her completely. Five days was nothing to heal from a strong genjutsu. She knew she had to be patient, but that was easier said than done.

Should she ask for Sasuke to come sit with her? It seemed like providing her some company was a thing a good boyfriend should do.

Then again, Uchiha Sasuke was about the opposite of a good boyfriend. Her lips curled into a rueful smile

And faltered. Something… was not right. Whenever I think of Sasuke it feels like I should know something about us, something bad. What are they not telling me?

"Sakura," Tsunade addressed her again in her gentlest patient-please-don't-freak-out-voice. "What I wanted to ask you… did you know about your pregnancy?"

What?!

"You didn't," Tsunade guessed correctly from Sakura's gasp. "No wonder, it is very early, a few weeks at the most. I was able to save the fetus, though barely, truth be told. You should prepare for the worst, if you can. The punches you received…"

"A baby?" Sakura whispered. A few weeks?

"You need plenty of rest," Tsunade said. "I'm not telling you there is no hope. I'm just telling you that your body is badly battered - very badly. And that we cannot be sure whether it has the strength to heal and provide a home for a new life at the same time. I'm sorry, Sakura."

A baby.

Sasuke had wanted a baby, hadn't he? She thought she remembered that. He'd be happy. Well… no. Sasuke didn't know how to be happy. Did she? She felt an urge to touch her stomach, to try and feel the new life inside of her, but moving her arms was still too much of an ordeal.

"I can't stay here for much longer," the Mizukage said gruffly, leaving Sakura to her muddled thoughts. "I need to move in two, three days maximum. Even without Kakashi."

"Move where?" Tsunade asked.

"Against those freaks!" Keiki growled. "It's simply not possible that we cannot find that secret hideout!"

"The Anbu tells me they have been searching the mountains for months, to no avail," Tsunade said sharply. "We already know they're able to wield powerful genjutsu. Hiding the entrance to some caves is not that hard."

"I rather think it's because your Anbu is useless," the Mizukage said with a voice full of disdain. "Kakashi I can tolerate, but he is only one man in a sea of worthless Leaf Shinobi."

"Think what you want," Tsunade said cooly. "If your soldiers are that much better I wonder why Konoha has always been the strongest of the Shinobi villages?"

"That's a thing of the past," Keiki answered gruffly. "Without Kakashi…"

"After Kaeru's return from the capital, I tried to contact Kakashi through Ino, but it didn't work. Not a trace of him. She thinks the pregnancy and now motherhood has messed with her powers."

"I never understood the urge to breed," the Mizukage scoffed. "It makes us women weak and dependent."

"I've been asked to take command in his absence," Tsunade said, "it's an emergency. But I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"Good," Keiki concurred. "You are capable. But we must accept that the risk Kakashi took could have been too high. I don't think I would want to gamble with my own life like this."

Keiki's words echoed strangely in Sakura's muddled head. Kakashi… Kakashi…

She knew without a doubt that she should know who that was. But where there should have been an image, where there should have been that knowledge... there was only a black hole with ragged edges. Who was Kakashi? And why did the sound of his name make her heart contract so painfully?

The lump in her throat ruptured and Sakura burst into tears. So much pain. Why did it feel like she had lost everything?

###

It seemed there was a limit to happiness. You could live in the place of your dreams, with no duties, no pressure, no urgencies whatsoever and still feel… like something fundamental was missing from your life.

With a sigh, Kakashi pushed himself into an upright position. The sun was drawing lazy patterns on the floor and the light breeze that came in through the open windows smelled of pine trees and a cacophony of flowers in bloom.

Only someone as damaged as him would be stupid enough not to feel content here.

Maybe he was just missing something good to read, he concluded and put his book away. He knew all of the Icha Icha novels by heart, they actually made him kind of restless. As if his favorite stories didn't quite fit his state of mind anymore, as if he'd outgrown them in some treacherous way when he hadn't paid attention. Instead of evoking excitement and happiness, they now made him feel regret.

Kakashi stood, stretched… and decided to walk to the door.

He had no idea why walking to the door seemed like one of the more exciting things he had done in a long while but he definitely felt thrilled at the prospect. He was such a weirdo.

He reached for the door handle and… paused. There were voices coming from somewhere beyond it. He cocked his head. Which made him extremely dizzy.

"It's not working," a female voice said. "He's resisting with all he's got."

"I told you it wouldn't work!" another replied, angry. "We've waited too long!"

Kakashi moved his ear to the door and closed his eyes, but the dizziness only increased. What was wrong with him? He gripped the door frame, determined not to make a fool of himself and yet feeling like a little boy who eavesdropped a terrible secret.

"You said he would immediately cease all resistance and…"

"He would have if you had followed my lead. You messed it up."

"He injected me with poison! Of course I couldn't…"

"It's not poison," a male voice interrupted. Should he know these people? Kakashi thought he should, but for the life of him, he couldn't concentrate on naming them. "It's a serum and it acts against the Uchiha blood. It neutralizes it."

"Well, it certainly felt like poison."

"It weakened you, yes. Hopefully only a temporary effect. We will probably need the Uzumaki substance to balance your powers, they had the intended effect on Sasuke."

"You're really useless," the first voice scolded, "you should never have allowed her to bring back that serum!"

"You're mistaken," the man said, "we need it desperately. You'll die without it."

"Bullcrap! We only need the girl! Once we know how her blood works, we're fine."

"Yes, but you messed that up," the other female gloated. "You shouldn't have taken over Mother's mind. She would have helped!"

"It had nothing to do with it. They were prepared. I tried to at the very least kill that annoying doctor, but I don't think I succeeded."

"I don't know how she made that serum," the man interjected, "you can't kill her, especially now that the foreigner is gone."

"As said, you're useless!"

"This is our last chance," the other female interjected. Their voices sounded almost exactly alike. "If we don't manage to take it, we will have to wait for more than a decade again."

"You erased too much last time. You messed up his mind completely and now it cannot be controlled anymore!"

"Bullcrap. You're as useless as he is. Let me try this time."

"No! I don't trust you around him, who knows when you'll go soft again. We agreed that I should be the one near him."

There was some laughter. "Soft? I am soft? I'd love to kill him more often than not, that's how soft I am."

"You're so messed up."

Back and forth they continued with the insults. It was hard to pay any attention though, Kakashi felt like the floor was bucking under him and then, the entire world tilted to the side and he was lying on the floor. No. Not the floor. It was… it was… cold and...

"Wait… is he waking up?"

"That's impossible."

The voices moved closer and Kakashi tried to open his eyes that must have fallen shut at one stage - when? - but it was like his eyelids were glued closed. Was he perhaps sick? He remembered being in the hospital often, always in agony, a part of him always wishing everything would stop. Rough fingers touched his face. They lifted an eyelid. Kakashi flinched at the sudden invasion of bright, artificial light.

"Careful! They're not quite healed yet."

"They look fully okay to me, he's always healed fast even without your meddling," Rin peered into his open eye from close up, he could smell her, all metallic with a hint of pepper, once a welcome scent, now nothing but alarming.

"He's been taking the serum for quite a while, the Uchiha blood is almost useless. I cannot reverse the effect, he's truly beyond your control. You should just kill him."

Kabuto. That's who the man was, Kabuto! The snake.

A bolt of something sinister hit him when Rin activated her Sharingan.

Her Sharingan? Rin had no Sharingan.

Actually… it was a Mangekyo Sharingan. What the fuck. Kakashi wanted to press his eyes shut against the Genjutsu he felt building in his head but she mercilessly held his eye open and he was completely defenseless. He hated nothing more.

"Kill him? Not likely," Rin grinned. "You're just jealous we chose him and not you. Fancy yourself a replacement because of your own silver hair? Haha, like you could ever be compared to the likes of him."

"It's beyond anyone why someone as broken as him would be suitable to your plans"

The bastard.

"Shut up!" the second Rin hissed, "we don't need to explain ourselves to you. It's because he is broken that he is of so much use."

Oh shit. He was in trouble, Kakashi managed to think, finding an echo of the exact same thought in his head like a deja-vu. He wasn't inside a lovely house in the forest. He was tied to a cold, hard examination table inside what looked like a cave.

And he had no clue how he had gotten here. Nor where here was. Or why.

He just knew… he could not lose himself. He had to remember… remember...

###

"Sasuke! I'm so glad you're here," Sakura sobbed, grabbing for the hand she could barely make out through the bandages still covering her eyes. He would bring her solace, wouldn't he? She wanted that nagging, horrible fear to stop plaguing her.

"Er… why?" he grumbled, taking a seat.

She was crying again, being such a silly wuss. Her tears were soking her blindfolds, then dripping down her chin.

"Not that I had time to come," he added. "But Tsunade insisted. She's scarier than ever."

He didn't love her.

The realization was so matter-of-fact that Sakura couldn't even muster any emotions to follow. He had never loved her. She had always tried so hard to make him, had poured her feelings into him so she could receive a fraction of it back when it finally overflowed. It was all she had ever wanted, to be loved by him, to see him struggle with the same emotions that made her half-sick with yearning most of the time.

What a waste of time. Her whole youth… sacrificed for this incomplete sham of marriage?

That realization got to her and she cried even more, violent sobs shaking her whole body, hurting her everywhere.

"So… I guess you're finally feeling sorry?" he ventured cooly.

Sorry? Why should she be feeling sorry? She was furious. Mainly at herself.

"Tsunade mentioned you were under a strong genjutsu," he observed. "Probably like a Tsukuyomi, no wonder you're confused. I am glad I decided against bringing Sarada, she might have gotten a fright from seeing you like this."

Sakura didn't know what to reply to that.

"She's very important to me," Sasuke continued gruffly. "I won't let you take her away from me. I will sign the papers, but only if you promise not to try and get full custody."

"What… what are you even saying?" Sakura sniffled, the pressure in her head mounting steadily. She should tell him to leave, his visit didn't have the effect he had hoped it would have.

"Do you have... amnesia?" Sasuke asked, sounding strangely intrigued.

Amnesia… was that it? No, she remembered everything… though always with an effort. No, scratch hat. Not everything.

"She was inside my mind," Sakura confirmed. Her voice was shaking and she felt defiled again, violated, and incomplete.

"I never understood Kakashi," Sasuke shrugged, "but now that he's run away with her it's quite clear he was in love with her all this time. Why else would he allowed her to live among us? What an idiot."

Kakashi.

Everybody always talked about Kakashi. About Kakashi's plan, Kakashi's warnings, Kakashi's blablabla, it was like the world was full of Kakashi to everyone except for her.

And then she got it.

"Him," she gasped.

"Yeah, you really shouldn't have thrown yourself at your Sensei. It was quite embarrassing."

"Sasuke, she took my memories of him!" Sakura yelled.

"Oh," Sasuke said. And then, very slowly: "Interesting."

###

"Hey!"

Rin entered swiftly, her sudden appearance giving him quite the fright. He lowered his book and stared at her, his heart pounding. Why was she dressed up? It was a very low cut dress, hugging her curves in the most advantageous way.

"You know what day today is?" she asked.

"Er… no?" he answered warily.

Seeing her dressed like this set off every alarm in his head. Would claiming to have a headache help again? He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but… he just couldn't give her what she wanted.

"Our anniversary!"

It was? Kakashi scratched his head in confusion. He wouldn't forget something like this, wouldn't he?

"I cooked something lovely," she said.

She cooked? Kakashi scratched his head some more.

"I can think of only one thing when you look at me like that," she drawled and Kakashi recoiled a little because her eyes turned hungry, no greedy, like she wanted to devour him whole the very next moment.

"I have a strong headache," he blurted out.

A useless excuse, he saw it in her eyes. She was ready to use violence on him. Was he ready to hurt her in turn?

"I'm sick of this," she growled furiously, "don't you remember how much into me you were? You couldn't keep your hands off me!"

No. That couldn't be true… or could it?

"I should have put you in unbreakable chains," she ranted, "I should have realized how empty your promises were. You goddamn liar! How dare you run away from me, how dare you leave and fall in love with someone else!"

Someone else…

Yes. Kakashi knew with sudden clarity that it was someone else he had to remember, wanted to remember, a someone else who meant the world to him. He blinked and turned his head, suddenly frantic for a clue he knew he must have left.

Rin moved swiftly, jumping on the bed.

"Don't touch me," he warned her.

"You loved me," Rin yelled at him, her hand hovering in the air in front of him, "you told me you loved me!"

"If I did, I can't remember," he yelled back, "you probably forced me into it with your Genjutsu, thinking you could manipulate me? Like hell you can. Do you think I will bed you just because you flaunt your female assets in front of me like this? It's pathetic! I don't desire you and that won't change, do you understand! Release me!"

"You bastard," she growled. "You won't get out of this Genjutsu. No way. You no longer have your Sharingan, we took it away from you. Nobody escapes me. Nobody."

He hoped he was able to hide the shock that laced through him at her words. No more Sharingan? He was useless without those eyes.

"Is that a challenge?" he pressed out despite his terror. "Watch me."

He jumped up and walked to the door. It took a huge effort to open it, it was so heavy it felt like his arms would be ripped from his body but he would not give up.

"Watch me," he repeated viciously and stomped into the forest, making sure it didn't look like he was afraid yet fast enough to get away, away, away.

Strangely, she didn't follow and he breathed a huge sigh of relief when he had walked for what seemed half an eternity. He was also completely lost. Great.

"Here you are!" a voice said and a small hand grabbed his, tugging at him.

Kakashi looked down. It was the wild boy with silver hair who hid in the forest. This boy… it was him.

"Shit," Kakashi said to no one in particular, "I'm still in trouble it seems. Tell me you know a way out of here?"

"No," the boy said, his eyes growing larger, "but I think you do?"

"Glad to hear someone has faith in me," Kakashi murmured. "Alright, come on. We will find a way out of here together."

There was no doubt all of a sudden in which direction they must head. Towards the smell of cherry blossoms. There must be a whole orchard somewhere near them - and the mere thought made him smile.