The long awaited story is now here. I hope you all enjoy as this is going to be an emotional rough, but necessary and even fun ride. Please read and review!

Breaking Point ch.1

Usagi POV

I looked up at the sun through my curtains and wished I felt as brightly as the sun shone down on me. I really wished I did. It brightened up my covers on the bed as I sighed in wishful thinking upon it. To feel as bright as it was almost seemed like a far off dream right now. I almost felt like I was in that similar despair that I was in when Mamoru had been taken by the enemy when Beryl was a threat to us.

However, there was no current threat to us from the outside forces. No evil had entered into our atmosphere recently. It was actually a small change from the constant fight for the weekly battles we endured. It was actually nice. To not have the constant fight to maintain our normal lives and keep those around us in the dark to protect them even if it meant losing their friendships a bit in the process. Everything we did was for the safety of others.

Even if it was only in the small thing's we did…like keep others from knowing how desolate we were feeling…even if it meant keeping it from the others. The ones we knew we should be able to talk to but held a shred of doubt that despite everything they might not understand what you were feeling now. This was what I was going through and HAD been going through. To the untrained eyes I had so many great things going on, what could I possibly have to complain about or feel 'whiney' over.

I had a boyfriend, good friends, decent grades…a good family. Yet it didn't stop me from feeling as I did. In the beginning I wanted to take it as mental toll from stress. Yeah it was stressful to help save the world a few times over. Stopping an evil, homicidal, near sociopathic, vindictive, petty, jealous dark Queen hell bent on ruling over earth simply because she loved someone who DIDN'T love her and chose another.

Or saving those that had at one point been influenced by her evil. Or the threat that came after her that brought Chibi Usa into our lives. The dark moon clan that unfortunately we couldn't save despite wanting to be able to. At least we were able to protect the child that they chased into the past. That pink haired, stubborn, sometimes scared yet all around pain in the ass little girl that turned out to be from the future…our future.

We of course saved her, depending on how you look at that, and she aided us in defeating the enemy. Now she's staying here. At first, we sent her back home to be with her parents. She had wanted to do so the entire time she was here, I didn't blame her since she missed her parents badly and just wanted to go home and have her normalcy again so I knew or felt we wouldn't see her again…at least not for a long time and frankly as much as I did miss her when she left it also felt relieved that things would go back to semi normal.

Not because I didn't like her, but because even though I had a younger brother to act out and pull pranks on me with he didn't do it to the level she did things to. So to have her 'act' as my younger sister, or cousin if you will when she was here was beyond irritating. Especially with what she got away with and with what I had to deal with. Especially running after her when she took off cause she was having childish mood swings on stuff that she wanted to yell at me for but I had no control over.

It was beyond frustrating when she was here and had me at certain points at the end of my teether. So when she left I felt that normalcy return a bit. I felt relief flood me a bit as much as I felt the missing her part, but it was back to normal. That is until less than a month later, more like barely three weeks later she returned when we were at the temple for a study session. That had been a not so fun day.

Said it was for training purposes from her mother. She even had a note from her to stating it. So once more it had been back to placing my family under a spell to accept her in our lives and to give her the attic as a bedroom to make as her own, papa even insulated it for her comfort. It was fine for the first few days then it felt like things were falling back into a routine that felt suspiciously like it was something I had been irritated by. One that had me doing extra choirs and feeling run ragged from it all.

I signed as I felt the sun heat up my hand that was using the bed as support as I leaned against it. I had gotten lost in thought again. Thinking on that child tended to make me do that. I loved her, mind you, I didn't even have her yet as a child to raise and I already loved her as my child. I loved her as mine before I knew she was. I didn't recognize the feeling, but I knew. Mamoru knew it to, we just didn't know why at the time. I moved my hand away from the building heat as it was getting too intense.

Yes, I had a lot going for me, but I dealt with a lot more in relation to it. There's never going to be something positive without a catalyst to come with it. Lately, I felt like I had fallen into a funk of sorts and couldn't at first sort through my reasons why. I tried to research it and even tried to do different things like yoga or even meditation to help me out. Yoga just granted me better balance in the field which was good, but meditation was rendered impossible when you lived at home with a pink haired child that loved to barge in.

Everything seemed like it was going well, but then the funk slowly started to creep up. While at first, I couldn't sort through the emotions I was feeling, I started to pay much more attention to my surroundings and those within them. Slowly the funk I fell into made sense and I realized that while yes some of it was my fault for letting it happen, not all of it was. I was draining myself to avoid confronting the truth about matters.

By keeping up this charade of being happy with everything going on when I truthfully wasn't. I should be happy, right? I had friends, family, and a boyfriend. I sighed once more as I had to accept that while yes, I did have all of this I also had the crap that fell into it. I loved my friends, all of them so much, I did. Everything I've done over the last few years should definitely prove what they meant to me.

However there were times these past few months that had me questioning what they thought of me. Not just as a senshi, not as the princess they were to protect from evil, but as me, Usagi. The first person they met and the one that became their friend and not because they were destined to be senshi, but because I wanted us all to be friends. Yet I felt that perhaps how they viewed me wasn't as I viewed them and made me question who they actually saw me as. Did they just see a senshi and their princess or did they see me Usagi to?

Even my own boyfriend wasn't being helpful. I looked at the light as it light up my bed sheets and wished once more I could feel as bright and as warm as it made my sheets feel. Like a warm hug I wanted to wrap the covers around me just to feel that sensation. The thought made a tear slip silently down my face. I was so desolate for that strength I usually got from Mamoru, to feel that warmth of his embrace that I wanted the blanket to heat up just a little bit more so I could wrap myself up in it.

I looked away from it. Feelings of weakness and being pathetic surfaced and made me feel worse that I even thought about it. It also didn't stop the emotions from creeping up on me as they had been doing for the past few months now. At first, they were chaotic and all over then they began to make themselves known. It was at that point that I just couldn't keep up with it anymore. It got worse the moment I realized the link from Mamoru was weakened and dare I say it…or rather admit it…fractured.

Another tear slipped aimlessly from my eye as I didn't even bother to wipe it away. It dried before it hit halfway how my face. I think I had already cried myself out so much that I had drained myself of the tears I had left. I guess when you realize things about yourself and others it can cause you to either cry more or cry less. Knowing that he didn't even bother to use the link to the point it was where it hurt and bothered me. We couldn't even communicate like we used to.

We used to be able to sense our emotions when we were at our respective homes. Now, I could only sense him when we were close together. It shouldn't have gotten that bad. We used to be able to nearly read each-others thoughts. We were that connected. Month after month of lacking to use it on his end left it faded and even useless unless we were close by. We shouldn't have to be within close proximity for him to feel it or for me to feel it. That had been the point of us having one.

If either of us was in trouble, we could sense the other and be there for the other. Even if it was emotional distress we could still be there for the other cause we could feel it. It was that strong, we were that strong. That's how close we were…and there was that word again…were. It should still be not we 'were'. It was troubling and the more I looked into it the more it hit me on why we were a 'were'.

Especially since shocking here, we hadn't been out on a date in over three months. This only added to the turbulent emotions I was feeling. I gripped the comforter to avoid giving in and wrapping myself up in it. Refusing to give in to the pathetic feelings swimming around in me. I now knew the meaning of 'you are your worst enemy' cause I felt my own thoughts were turning against me.

Truth was I knew that it wasn't my own thoughts but the truth lurking beneath the depths of my mind, the parts I tried so hard to ignore in favor of bliss filled ignorance. It just hurt that much. I, of course, ignored it at first as I knew his job as a hospital intern could get to have some long hours. After visiting him a few times on his lunch breaks, I could see that it gets incredibly busy and at a very fast paced.

The few times I went there for him just to spend some times with him months back was enough to leave me feeling spun. I had even volunteered to be a candy stripper to help out one day it got so busy. Plus it gave me a chance to try to try to spent some time with him. Once that had happened, I made sure to express my understanding of his job there to him so he wouldn't feel guilty in rescheduling a few dates here and there.

It was when he started to not reschedule them but started to break them to the point that had me concerned about where I was on his priority list. He felt that seeing me with the girls was enough to make amends for the dates he broke. The first two or three yes maybe…depending on your average understand girlfriend without past history, but to go from breaking them to not even bothering to keep the future ones that we both agreed upon made my mind travel down new paths of doubt and concern regarding us as a couple.

Especially as it made me wonder what I meant to him. We had gone through so much together I couldn't fathom him NOT loving me. I couldn't fathom him losing faith in us. I couldn't fathom so MUCH before these last few months happened. I tried so hard to put it to our relationship being like any other and being put through tests that were meant to say how strong you were. I mean look at our past! We went through so much to be together and were still going through hurdles but these new hurdles felt way close.

Almost as if because these hurdles were being caused by an evil force that they were that much worse than anything. It was natural for the most part. Which made it all the more scarier cause it made them more real. The monsters that we fought were real. The near broken bones and deaths we had gone through were real but this…it was a new level of real that I don't think the girls had ever experiences before.

Not that they spoke of. This was a new reality that Mamoru and I might not be…and it scared the living shit out of me. I shook physically from the terrifying thought of it because I loved him so much. I didn't want to conceive a notion that in this life things wouldn't work out. That what I was feeling was right. That these past few months were a preview of what was to come. It was something I didn't want to conceive. This was worse that thinking we had to go through the hard times to get to the good ones we saw in the future.

I mean I had to ask myself, was it really a relationship when one party didn't do hardly ANY work in it and left it all to the other party to constantly do the work? Fight for both sides and feel that that was okay? Alone in the struggle. Cause I'm sorry but if I'm not mistaken it takes two to makes a relationship works and it takes developing as a couple intimately ALONE on actual dates to progressively work.

He was even avoiding being too physical with me in front of our friends. At first, it was just not too deep of a kiss which I had to let go of since the girls did say it was a bit much especially in a public setting, such as the arcade, and because it may have been unfair to put such a display out when they were still single. Besides that I didn't want to get another cat call in the arcade, or hurt my friend's feelings, so I relented on that one.

Then it became the little pecks that Rei would make fun of, or that Chibi Usa would make gagging noises at making him NOT even want to kiss me in front of anyone anymore. It only got worse from there when Chibi Usa decided to join in EVERY chance she had when she wasn't at school, and INSIST on sitting next to 'HER Mamo – chan'. It also effectively ended any kissing that could have happened. I argued it once and one time only.

That was all it took for me to feel that this was ridiculous. I shouldn't have to fight with a child like that to sit next to my boyfriend. The looks from the other patrons in there made me feel foolish that I had even actively engaged in such a display and suddenly during that time I began to feel those chaotic feelings become more focused. I started to feel more centered on the root of my issues. I found that the more I avoided the fights the less I did get yelled at yes, but also I noticed the more her actions were getting her what she wanted.

I remembered pursing my lips and deciding that if I was going to get yelled at or cut off or ignored why bother trying to express myself or fight it. I simply lost my will to fight with her on it or even defend myself to my own friends on it. The arguments she would make up to drag me into were as if she were looking for a fight. And it was only me she wanted to fight with. That was something definitely noticed.

I was her trigger focal point for something. That much I figured out. I just didn't know what or why and without being able to get serious with her and help from my friends I couldn't even broach the subject with her. Trying to talk to her one on one resulted in her beginning to cry which lead to anyone in the vicinity of hearing her vocals to come to her aid and I was the bad guy…again.

I knew this little girl was mine and Mamoru's child in the future. The way she looked was a clear sign of being my daughter. Her actions could be haughty and even snooty. Something I think she got from Mamoru but he didn't do it consciously. At least not like that. His arrogance came from years of educating himself properly and actually having a brain since he was alone so much. It became a defense mechanism.

His attitude while it wasn't 'snooty' per say it could come off like that if he was being anti-social and avoiding people or confrontation in general which is something I remember him telling me came from his childhood. He didn't like it but he had to adapt to that particular lifestyle since no one wanted to adopt him. He was either too old as a kid to be adopted or he was to anti-social which parents didn't want. He just couldn't help it.

Being in an orphanage as a young child with no memory of your parents or past is not easy especially from the few things he did tell me about it. He only found out about them later on in life when a lawyer found him and let him know about the trust fund left for him. He only had partial access to it right now but would gain full access at 21. Not that it mattered to him. He busted his butt to get where he wanted to in life and I respected, loved and admired him for it, I just wanted to make sure that I was in the planned future he had.

Plus if anything though it only made me love him more for rising past the expectations and making something way better of himself than what he was given credit for. Her on the other hand, I truly didn't know what her excuse was. She wasn't an orphan and while she did exhibit signs of having his personality I was pretty sure arrogance was something you were taught or learned through social interaction.

Like a transferrable personality trait you actually have to see or be in proximity of first hand to 'get it' in a sense not something genetic. Same thing with the snooty side of her, yet she had both. I wracked my brain trying to think of any point during this time that she could have picked up on it, but Mamoru hadn't been like that in over a year. I counted back the days and couldn't find one instance where he had been in any of our group settings acting like that in any sense of the meanings.

Once the dark kingdom first struck and tried to make this world theirs, failing thankfully in the process, we ALL changed in who we were and how we acted. We came together, we matured, we got smarter. Our new friendships formed, and we all changed for the better. For the most part. So I couldn't figure out where she picked it up unless it had been in the future and she was just starting to now choose to act this way and exhibit these traits.

Either that or she had been all along but now that the threat was over with her actions were becoming more pronounced…and unfortunately, I was the only one who was noticing this change in her behavior or rather noticing that her behavior was becoming disrespectful and frankly even rude at times. Don't get me wrong I love my future daughter…so much. I had always wanted to have kids with him so to know she was ours when we found out made me feel grateful that I was going to get to be a mom in the future.

It was awkward when we first found out and I blushed knowing how she would come to be. I know even he was beat red as we were both basically told 'hey you guys are definitely gonna have sex' and at that time we had just started. No one knew and to find that out had made our still new relationship tingle with embarrassment. I recalled Rei NOT helping by asking all sorts of questions that SHE didn't need to know.

I still wonder about that from time to time. Don't get me wrong I loved our little pink haired child very much. I would die for her. I probably have at some point in the future but we don't know that yet and I'm not about to venture into that train of thought. Yet her treatment of me and the fact that the majority of everyone, including my boyfriend, her future father, was letting it go was beginning to bother me greatly. I had to see this treatment, this shift in everyone as it built for quite some time for me to see how things really were.

I even ignored things with her at first just like with Mamoru. I mean how can I get upset with her? She's alone here in the past…right? That's when I realized a while ago that she wasn't that alone. She had friends here. Not just the ones she made in school either. She had my friend's too, she had my family…everyone was in some form or another under her thumb but me. She had everything that was mine.

I wasn't jealous of it though, I thought I was at first. Everyone thought I was. It's why I didn't have the heart to deny it cause I believed it to. Then I realized after much deep thought and pondering especially after Mamoru and I made love for the first time, I wasn't jealous of her, I was upset that what she did, how she acted and treated me was becoming an obvious sign of blatant disrespect and all of it was directed at me.

No one else saw that thought and I had to avoid talking about it to make them believe I wasn't jealous. Which in truth I wasn't. However, I had to convince my own friends of it. That had been a sad fact to handle once I came to this self-discovery. I became disappointed not just in them but in myself as well. I should have sensed something sooner. She's my future daughter I should have known something.

However for them it was a bit different. They believed a rendered truth she presented them but not me. That's I think what began to hurt the most after everything came to past these last few months. I mean when your child comes back from the future to stay with you and somehow she gets away with nearly everything she does it really makes you start to think about everything going on in your life that you previously ignored or didn't think to heavily on not just prior to but after she arrived.

Like why she felt the need to intrude on the few dates Mamoru and I had had BEFORE he started to reschedule them. I think it was one of the reasons why he stopped being so physical with me too and it hurt. It mentally, emotionally and physically HURT me and our relationship to be away from the other for so long. You missed them. You yearn for them and want to be close even if all you can get is a few morsels of acknowledgement before you are granted the prize at the end of the rainbow.

But with him there was no prize. It was as if he didn't feel the hurt I felt. To be so far in those regards from your loved one for this long and for them to not only NOT feel it but not even acknowledge your feelings on the matter…it was soul crushing. I felt my spirit was sinking somehow. Like I was the frog in the pan. Slowly the heat was rising and if I didn't jump out in time I would get royally burned. Right now I could only see one way to get out.

That thought once more made me close my eyes in wish filled ignorance that would never come or take me back into its depths. I had found my way out and figured it out but sometimes you just find that the truth sucks balls. I sometimes wished that I hadn't made the realizations I did. Wish that I could go back to being ignorant, but I couldn't and truthfully no matter how much I wished it I was glad I knew.

My relationships were falling apart, slowly, but they were. Or at least the healthy sides that helped keep them constructed were. You need both the bad and the good to keep the balance going in relationships. All types to. However, you need to recognize when the bad becomes destructive and when the good is being pushed to the side and I hadn't even realize I had let it get to this point. That would be ending soon. I didn't want to seek that alternative but I had a strong feeling I was going to have too.

I feverishly wished that I wouldn't have too. That my friends would be able to give me solid advice on what I was thinking and feeling. I wiped the tears from my eyes as just thinking about all of this made me cry without control. That's how strongly I felt about this. I moved away from the bed and told myself to get up and go to the temple. I knew the girls would be in a study session so I could go over there and talk.

Imagine now the scene before you. I've been sitting on the side of my bed for the last hour thinking to myself on this on a Saturday no less, early in the am cause I couldn't sleep with all that I've had on my mind. Luna had left out earlier to do a round of patrols and I feigned sleep to avoid her trying to get me to join her. I needed the me time. I knew she'd be coming back in soon and it would be about the time I 'normally' got up on a weekend.

If she only knew what troubled me, or rather if she only listened to me I MIGHT be able to talk to her. Her best ability seemed to be in giving orders and lectures only. Truthfully, she was starting to sound like a drone only through the body of a cat. I sighed once more as I forged through that thought process and got myself back on topic. Between thinking on both Chibi Usa and Mamoru then my friends I felt drained.

It felt like I had been through so much these past couple of years that asking for just some time with my boyfriend just too simply have a stupid date without ANYONE else there seemed like pulling teeth for me. It shouldn't be that bad. I shouldn't be crying to wish to have a simple date with the man I know I love beyond a shadow of a doubt and yet it was causing there to be doubt in his love and reasons for being with me.

So when Luna came into the room seconds later I wiped the dried tear stains away, wiping the weakness away and hiding it from her. It's not as if she would see it as true pain anyways. I cried so many times before she learned to dismiss the real ones too without even realizing it. I wished to be able to go into depth with her on it, but it wasn't that easy. This might actually be easier to deal with.

So instead I asked my feline companion, "I have a date set up with Mamoru again…you think he'll keep it this time?" I must have sounded whiney to her ears instead of the dull ache that I was feeling deep inside as she replied with a roll of her eyes, something that bothered me sometimes, "You shouldn't be thinking about dates as a priority." She scolded instead, twitching her tail as if I annoyed her.

"Especially since that one that Chibi Usa came in on." She shivered in disgust and I couldn't help but agree and cringe myself, but for a completely different reasoning that made me resent the child to a degree for her interruption on us that day. I still remember it so vividly it was like it was yesterday and NOT over three months ago, nearly to the date to as I looked at the calendar on my phone.

It had been our last date out together just over three months ago, we had gotten back to his place after spending the day together. It hadn't been the first time we had engaged in love making. We had been together several times in fact. I loved when he made love to my body. He made me feel special, loved…warm…comfortable to be me and not care about how the world saw me or us it was just us.

We hadn't realized that she decided to come over on her own and NOT tell anyone where she was going. We didn't know that she had found the spare hidden key along the door jam and had used Luna – P to retrieve it for access since she was so short. We hadn't realized that she let herself in without thought or care to what the occupants were doing. I recalled telling her he and I were going to be busy all day that day, hoping to throw her off the scent of where we'd be so she wouldn't try to tag along…again.

I recalled later on telling Minako about the date ending at his place with a surprise I had for him. I hadn't known she was listening in and planned to come by around that time. Obviously to ruin the surprise I had planned. We were deeply in the moment and busy as hell after he found my surprise, a new pair of lacy panties that he tore off the moment he got the chance to. It made me feel so wanted and needed in those moments. I remembered feeling so damned aroused I had opened my legs wide for him.

I remember feeling how hot and hard he was too. Neither of us heard her sneak into his place as the door shut quietly behind her. She clearly had had a plan that day. Her shoes discarded by the door. We were so into our moment. Our little time just for us as a couple. As two people in love. He had been toying with my breasts as I was clenching around him. He was balls deep inside of me as we were reaching that point of no return.

I was under him as he was jerking himself inside of me. I felt myself on the edge, coiled and ready to go over and just as I was about to fall over it, feeling him swell inside of me as he was about to come inside of me too. Our shared orgasms were literally so close I knew we could taste them…metaphorically speaking. Then she burst into the room yelling 'Mamo – chan!'. She was so happy and delight in her stature as if she were the greatest surprise there could be. That he would be delighted in seeing her on OUR date.

Boy I will tell you there's no greater bucket of ice water filled with actual cubes of ice that can fall as hard enough or as quickly enough onto a couple in the midst of sex, than their child, present or future, bursting into the room yelling for her future daddy. He jumped off of me so fast I felt like a cowboy or cow girl being kicked off a bucking bronco. I had trouble figuring out where she even was at that point.

He wrapped the sheets around him as I shouted to her 'go to the living room!' she stuck her tongue out at me and left out. He shut the door as he face planted into his palms. He was dead at that point in the cock department. Nothing like a kid to kill an erection while I was still a little bit shaken from it all. I remembered merely looking at him to see if MAYBE since she was in the next room to give it a finish off.

However Chibi Usa's words killed off the mood for good 'I can still hear you!' we had even said anything and she somehow KNEW what I was suggesting. He shook his head 'are you crazy NO!' and that had been the last time we had had anything physical happen between us. I had even tried to dub her to my friends as 'chibus cockus blockus' for that little stunt. That just earned me 'oh don't be so hard on her, she saw something that can be traumatizing to kids in their youth'.

Even though I honestly DOUBT she saw anything that could be traumatizing, we had the sheets on us and once she enter Mamoru was off of me in mere seconds. If anything her coming in unannounced traumatized HIM from ever wanting sex with me again. Ami's words however were met with agreements all around and over three months later I was still using my hidden vibrator to take care of things since he was practically at this point refusing to meet our needs as a couple.

"Homework in my current classes are done." I told her. Recalling what she wanted me to really prioritize on. She may not have said it but it's what she meant. It's what she always meant. I had to be either studying or training or even patrolling to do something that Luna agreed with me doing. Even taking Chibi Usa out with her to tag along was something she preferred me to do. I sometimes felt she thought my future daughter was a great form of teen pregnancy. I got to see my own child AND know that I wasn't ready to have her yet.

Which she was right I wasn't. I wasn't about to deny that. It's why I was on birth control to begin with. Mamoru and I decided that until we were ready to begin a family, as in be married first or else face the wrath of both my parents, the cats and the senshi, something neither of us were keen on, that I would be on the pill and he would use condoms as an extra form of protection to use.

So we were covered either way for a little while to come. AND yet, with her here as she was I had to take up the mantling responsibilities of BEING a mother to her. That little balancing beam of what to do was confusing and a bit in my defense unfair to place on me. I did however marvel at how convenient for them that was. I had to act like the adult in this little weird family function yet, kami – sama forbid I punish her for smarting off or acting out.

I had tried to explain this before to Luna but at that point I didn't have a lot of my feelings together and it may have sounded more like a whiney vent rather than a serious self-reflection on what was going on with me at the time. I do now but I don't think anyone will listen. And that only reminded me of what I was currently feeling. Neglect and abandonment. Not in the traditional sense but in the sense that I don't have any support from my friends on issues nor from my boyfriend on anything really.

We haven't had an enemy in at least four months and while I've been grateful to not have any attacks I felt like I needed to vent out this building anger within me. Like I wanted to hit something. I had even been talking to my parents about going to a martial arts class a few times a week, maybe join Makoto at her classes, but they couldn't afford it and papa even said that I didn't need it.

I went to a good school in a good neighborhood. Saying 'if you want exercise go for a run in the park'. I tried to train with the girls on our powers but we didn't do it often enough to get this out of me. Plus the reason I truly didn't fight on it was because in the end I really just needed to talk to my friends and Mamoru about it…not simply try to beat up a monster to vent. I needed to verbalize myself not smash something.

I knew I needed to but I needed the right words to express myself and to be given a chance NOT to be interrupted. "Then do as Ami – chan is doing and get ahead of your classes. Something you could use a bit of." There was a mock to her tone that wasn't needed. My grades had been improving over the past year. I was doing better than she implied. Sometimes I think they forgot that I was getting much better.

My few C's and D's and F's were picking up into C's and B's and a few A's. Ami was proud of me and so was I. It was why I had a date with Mamoru this evening. I had three A's in a row and texted him a picture of them for proof. This was something I felt so proud of. He used to be so proud of me when I got good grades. Knowing how hard it was for me to study and focus considering all the sleepless nights fighting monsters and failing to keep my eyes open during classes and lastly trying to find a study habit that stuck.

Ami was helpful yes and I appreciated her so much but there were just certain things that Mamoru explained to me differently on than she did and one thing I got from him versus the girls was a slight confidence boost. Sure Minako tried and so did Ami and Makoto but jabs from Rei usually resulted in a tongue war that ended with lost time. When I studied with Mamoru the one on one session made me feel less stressed and more at ease.

My grades improved and I held onto those study methods when he got too busy with work to study with me these last few months. "I don't know what the extra credit assignments are." I told her, "Besides it's the weekend and the teachers don't work weekends other than for Saturday detention. They don't even stay at the school unless PAID to be there." I emphasized. Luna's next remark though was a bit cutting.

"Of course you'd know when they have detention." I bite my lip and looked away getting tired of her remarks to. Hiding my slight pain from it I once again ignored the burning feeling of pain I received as she stated instead, "Just go do some work around the house. Be constructive." I looked around and found NOTHING in my room that needed to be cleaned. That's when I also noticed something new about my room.

The very thing that Luna hadn't even realized. The lack of fluffy stuffed animals other than what was won for me by Mamoru. Things definitely looked less childlike and more adultish than before. "With what? My room is clean, Chibi Usa's room is her responsibility and mother didn't request anything extra for me." I swore it was as if Luna looked for things to do for me that way I didn't have time to think for myself.

Which is probably why it was taking me so long to come to these conclusions I have. The girls had previously dismissed it but thinking on it now I didn't have everything sorted out. I should have but I hadn't. Which is probably why it was dismissed light heartedly. How could anything be sensed if even I didn't have it fully figured out yet? I knew then and there I had to talk to the girls again. See with everything I felt now how it translated and how I could approach them on the matter I was feeling.

I just wanted to make sure that everything that I felt was real and that I was being justified in what I knew and felt. I was so positive in it all but I needed to hear their responses to see how my newly formed thoughts were responded by. I needed my friends and I needed to vent but not just vent to not just be heard but be listened to. Apparently there was a difference and I hadn't known this myself. It made me more determined to go see them today so that I could unload this mess of feelings that I could now put into words.

Plus it didn't help that the last time we did talk when I mentioned Mamoru's lack of around me I was actually scolded for being intimate with him already. Both Rei and Ami condemned me for my actions to sleep with him and Minako and Makoto just blushed. I had a feeling they had been intimate as I had been before but hearing me receive such attitude for it and then to be told I shouldn't be focused on it had them in those moments looking away in shame for themselves. I wished I'd had support but on these matters I understood it was hard.

Especially regarding sex while you were technically under the age of 18 which in most countries was considered illegal. To the girls in the room though it was more than just a legal reasoning. I knew both Rei and Ami's parents were pretty strict with the girls in their upbringing so sex as a teenager was 'bad juju'. Mamoru and myself giving in was pretty taboo for them, which also might be a reason for his lacking in the physicality department. He didn't want their judgmental eyes on him. It made me now wonder if they had spoken to him on it.

I'd only find out when I asked them but at the same time I can't see Ami as the type to actually get the nerve to talk to him on it unless it wasn't consensual. Rei on the other hand would possible blow up on him but I honestly don't see her working the nerve up to confront him about it herself. Like I said the subject was taboo to that degree. It just wasn't to me and the others as one Minako was the goddess of love, Makoto was the oldest and had experience that she didn't go into excessive detail about.

Then there was me…the supposed prude that was going to be innocent till her wedding day. I still don't know to this day what gave any of them that idea but it was there. So naturally they felt the need to scold me. Oh how I still regret to this day telling them about our first time. If I'd been able to foresee the claw back I never would have bothered. I got up at this point and grabbed some school stuff just to bring with me. "I'm going to the temple. Have Ami look at my homework." I mutter and leave off.

I had to get out of there. Take a long walk to the temple. Use the time to think about what I want to say and how to say it. I didn't want to sound like I was verbally attacking anyone, but just to get my point across and see where they stood on the matters. A gentle breeze went by and my mind once more went to Mamoru and how I missed his warm touch. He'd have his arm around me if he was here…or how I wished he would if he were.

I wanted so much to believe he loved me as I did him. The unfortunate side is when actions both physical and verbal speak louder than the dull silence and static I was receiving on my end. He makes me truly wonder where on his list of priorities I actually am. I closed my eyes in the hopes that I'm not merely an 'oven' to him for a way for him to have kids. That he's only with me cause he saw were going to have a daughter.

The thought struck me so hard as I waited for the light to turn so I could walk across the street. I hated when some of these revelation type of thoughts hit me. It was so inconvenient and I had to resist the urge to hold myself closer. I already looked pretty dull as it was I didn't need to appear worse and garner looks from other pedestrians. It was however an unfortunate possibility. If he was only with me to get kids then what did he see in me?

This was something I pondered often when we first got together. Rei and Chibi Usa's teasing's definitely didn't help with the confidence that he truly loved me but again I ignored it as jabs. I remember in our past lives he couldn't wait to see me. Even busy with his duties as a prince he made the time to see me. He made the effort. With him here in this time it was like he'd given up. Stopped trying. I hated feeling as I did but I was unable to stop it.

I told myself to not believe that about him. That he did love me. To ignore the simmering anger and pain in my gut till we talked it out. I needed to listen to him but he needed to listen to me to, we needed to have this conversation as well. It was why I was so glad we were going on this date, we needed it. I just hoped she wouldn't show up. I was well aware that they had a special father daughter bond that I had never been able to get on board with. I had been shut out by her and told to let it go, not in so many words, by him.

This was something I knew I needed to talk to the girls about too. I just needed to present it well since they were his friends too. I wanted to bond with Chibi Usa I did. It's just hard to do that when your only seen as a living breathing wallet to her every whim or seen as a verbal punching bag to her. I'm going to have to just talk to them about it or else I might not ever get answers to my questions.