And here's the next chapter!
A warning: Some sensitive material may be present in this one. Lots of feelings of guilt, a mental breakdown, and some very dark thoughts concerning harming children.
Giving birth is a very lifechanging and emotional event, let alone when you have a baby you didn't even know you were expecting, find your home suddenly under attack, and make some very disturbing realizations.
Constructive criticism is appreciated!
Enjoy!
Guest Reviewer: I really liked your suggestion of what I should call Tiny, but Tiny's name has already been decided for months already. But I do love it very, very much. Tiny being the hope in Hiccup's and his Dragon Riders' lives will be something that will be brought up later in the fic. 3
Unexpected To Say The Least: Chapter 5 - A Name
It was night and Hiccup sat at the table in the clubhouse. He didn't know what he was doing, he was just sitting there. He could've sworn he was needed somewhere, but he couldn't remember where.
The other Dragon Riders weren't present and Toothless was nowhere to be found either. It was just Hiccup.
Hiccup got up from his stool. Something was going on outside, there was a large flickering light coming from the entrance that suddenly drew his attention and he wanted to check it out.
Leaving the clubhouse, he turned to face the source and saw that his hut was engulfed in flames. A startling sight, Hiccup stumbled back and gasped. He was confused. How could this have happened?
"Oh no. Bud? Guys?!" He called for his friends, for anyone that would be able to help or saw what was the cause of this fire, but nobody was responding. He was all alone here on the Edge.
Nothing else seemed to be on fire either, just his home.
Hiccup would've searched for his friends, for a way to put out the fire, for any dragons who could help him carry the large basin of water made specifically for situations such as this, but a newly familiar sound kept him from doing so.
It was the heartbreaking wailing of a baby. A sound that was always kinda unpleasant before, it bore a hole in his chest this time. Like a knife stabbed his heart and twisted.
Quickly facing his burning hut with growing horror, Hiccup knew that only one person on the Edge could be making that noise and he was stuck in that fire, barely heard over those roaring flames.
"I'm coming!" He found himself shouting as he ran over the wooden pathways that connected each of the huts. But he was stopped in his tracks by two men standing in his way. He knew them and they were not meant to be here.
It were the masked man and Viggo grimborn. They were silent, but smug.
"Let me through!" He shouted, but they stayed both quiet and unmoving. The wailing continued inside his hut and Hiccup's desperation grew as he gaze rapidly shot from the men to the hut and back. He needed to get past these two somehow, his son needed him.
Out of the blue, there was a weight and warmth in his hand. Looking down, he noticed the Inferno in a steady grip. Its fire burned calmly, unlike the fury that raged inside his home.
This would have to do, he wasn't about to let these two keep him from saving his child.
"Out of my way!" Looking back up and getting ready to swing, Hiccup shouted at the two men, except there was a third in front of him.
Ryker Grimborn stared down at him with equally cruel and amused eyes. There was a smirk as Hiccup stepped back.
The older Grimborn brother struck harder with his fist than Hiccup ever could with a weapon. The hit landed on his gut and he folded in on himself, falling to the floor. The air was knocked out of him and for a moment he felt like he couldn't breathe.
His abdomen started to hurt. It cramped and contracted and it took Hiccup everything to simply breathe. This wasn't pain caused by being punched, this was something he'd only very recently become familiar with.
"No, my baby." He felt so heavy as he sat on his hands and knees, holding his middle. Gazing back up at his current obstacles, he noticed that Ryker was in the back and the stranger, wearing his cape, stood in front of him instead.
"Do you have what it takes?" He asked and Hiccup wasn't sure what he meant. Not that he cared either, he just wanted to reach his hut. Why did they have to stand in his way? Why couldn't they just let him save his son?
With the Inferno still in a tight grip, Hiccup tried to get back up on his feet, but something pulled him back down.
It was something made of metal, something wrapped so tightly around his throat that it nearly choked him.
The metal chain was back around his neck. This discovery caused a panic to erupt and as the wailing from the flames grew louder, Hiccup began to pull and pull until he pulled at the chain links like a madman. The stranger held a tight grip on it, standing behind him instead of in front of him. Hiccup's struggles didn't make him budge at all.
Shouting for help, trying with all his might to break free, Hiccup even begged Viggo to be let go.
But nothing worked and no one listened, the sounds were deafening in his ears.
And then the crying suddenly stopped.
The realization of this made him freeze up, he felt his heart shatter and it was a feeling so visceral it was as if the organ was truly torn to pieces inside his chest.
"No... No!" He called a name, but he couldn't hear what it was that he shouted.
"No, please! Let me go!" He kept on yelling and he kept on pulling. But the chain wouldn't budge and his former and current foes weren't willing to help out. Instead, they stared at his misery.
The flames ate away at his hut and the roof caved in.
"No! Please! Not him! Don't- Anybody but him!"
The chain disappeared and Hiccup fell forward. He leaned on his elbows and knees, his hands in his hair. Viggo, Ryker, and the stranger were gone as well. It was just him now.
Just him and the horrible realization that his firstborn child had died a terrible death and there was nothing he could've done to stop it.
Hiccup curled up and cried.
In a cold sweat, Hiccup woke up in the middle of the night.
He wasn't in his own bed, he wasn't even on Dragon's Edge. It took him a little while to remember, but he was on Caldera Cay. Safe with the Defenders of the Wing and sleeping in one of their guest houses. And contrary to what his terrifying dream was trying to make him believe, he wasn't alone.
He was completely entangled with the furs. Once untangled, he sat up with a hurry and noticed Toothless still taking up space on the only other bed in the room. The Night Fury was curled, his tail hanging off the side. He was awake and crooned at Hiccup as he eyed him.
He'd noticed his Rider's growing restlessness as he tossed and turned in his sleep and briefly thought of waking him up, but then Hiccup beat him to it.
Hiccup stared at the dragon, panting while his heart continued to race. Throwing the covers off, he rushed to Toothless' front on only one leg, his prosthetic on the floor.
Knowing exactly what the other was searching for, Toothless moved his forelegs aside to reveal a small baby wrapped snuggly in his blanket. Tiny was still fast asleep.
Upon seeing this, Hiccup simply looked at the child. At his sleeping face, his small nose, his smacking lips. He was okay, he was fine.
Hiccup fell to his knees, as if all his strength left his body, and Toothless warbled worryingly.
"Just a bad dream, Bud. Just a terrible dream." Hiccup muttered and let his forehead rest on the furs of the bed. One hand rested on Toothless' foreleg, the other gently on the top of the baby's fluffy red hair.
His son was still safe and sound.
Toothless watched the human as he sat there, silently.
When Mala had given them this temporary home to recover in, Toothless had promptly taken the baby in bed with him. His Rider needed to rest and with their individual wooden and furry nests so close, it would take him only seconds to come over should Tiny need him again.
In the meantime, Toothless wanted nothing to disturb Hiccup's sleep and that also meant he wasn't about to spend his first night sleeping and worrying with a baby next to him. Toothless was already used to sleeping with tiny humans snuggled up against him, he knew to be careful and slept lightly.
Toothless watched Hiccup as he stayed in that same position for several minutes. He'd figured out that this dream hadn't been "just terrible", like he claimed. Hiccup had those often ever since the Red Death, he knew what a terrible dream looked like with him and this was something else entirely. A different kind of nightmare Hiccup hadn't experienced before and Toothless wasn't sure what to do about it yet.
So he waited. If Hiccup wanted comfort, then he would ask for it.
"Hey Bud, that man leading the Flyers was familiar to you too, wasn't he?" After another little while, Hiccup finally lifted his head to look up to the dragon. Toothless warbled something that Hiccup understood as a yes.
He put his head back down, this time with his cheek pressed against the fur.
That man was one of the bounty hunters who'd made Hiccup's life miserable in his mission to get the high price on his head. He was also the same person who tried to buy Toothless off Viggo's hands during a dragon auction.
"Seeing him made me think of a lot of bad memories I thought I'd left behind after Viggo's death." Toothless purred comfortingly in response and placed his head down near Hiccup's. Their eyes met, Toothless was listening.
Letting go of his foreleg, Hiccup instead placed that hand on his lower abdomen again.
"It made me realize somethings as well. Some very bad things. I've carried him for nine months without even realizing it and..." Hiccup stopped there, his relaxed hand turning into a fist as he grabbed a handful of the tunic he wore. He didn't want to think about it anymore. It wasn't even the right time for it, he should be worrying about other things besides his own personal problems.
Such as what the masked man's plan was, how they were going to retake the Edge, and how to parent a newborn infant. Those were the thoughts that should be on his mind, not the terrible dream and what it alluded to.
But lifting his head so he could look at his peaceful babe, he nearly became sick to his stomach.
Guilt sprouted.
Pushing himself up, Hiccup gently gathered the child in his arms and climbed up on the bed with them. Toothless, who'd already figured out what the human intended to do, made room. Hiccup settled against his neck with his legs crossed and one of Toothless' forelegs wrapped around him.
"I'll do better from now on. I won't let anything bad happen to him ever again." He spoke, moving Tiny to lay on his chest. Toothless rumbled a reassurance, as if to say "of course, you won't", and lied his head down.
He trusted his Rider. If anyone could do right by this baby, he believed it to be him.
Hiccup was still tired. So even though he was troubled, it, fortunately, didn't take him too long to doze off with the baby safely cuddled up to him. Toothless took a quick peek and once he was sure Hiccup was back in a light slumber, he followed him there.
Queen Mala made sure to take care of her visitors as much as she was able.
Astrid and Fishlegs had given her the full account of everything that had transpired over a fulfilling meal the evening of their arrival. From Hiccup's sickness turning out to be a surprise pregnancy nobody but the dragons knew about to the seemingly random attack on the Edge that sent them running to their closest allies.
It was a disturbing event for them all. The Dragon Riders weren't to be trifled with, so to have a force willing and plentiful enough to attack a group as experienced as them in what seemed like such a random way, it was worrisome.
Once Hiccup was a little more well-rested, Mala intended on discussing the matter with him. The Flyers, they knew who they were attacking.
The Queen of the Defenders assigned them all places to stay for however long they needed them, though Hiccup promised her it wouldn't be for too long.
She gave them food, a chance to recuperate, and a way to take their minds off the defeat to lift their spirits again.
As a new dawn began, Hiccup dressed himself with a fresh outfit presented to him by Mala and her people.
The undertunic was a white one made out of a comfortable material. The tunic he wore above it was made out of warm wool and it was dyed in a nice blue color with golden decorations on the hem and the sleeves. Both tunics possessed a more low-cut collar to help him with certain parental tasks.
He missed his old red one, but if anything, it could serve as the "more appropriate clothing" that Astrid had mentioned he might need the day before.
It was easy to remove one shoulder and give Tiny access to a breast should he need one again and newborn babies got hungry quite often.
Besides, it was nice to wear clean clothes. The pants he wore were a pair he'd been given as well. It fit him surprisingly well, though they were slightly baggy for his taste.
It was late in the morning and Toothless was already gone while Hiccup was still getting dressed. He pulled on the strings keeping the collar up as taut as he could get them, grumbling under his breath.
Stupid Snotlout. Hiccup couldn't get his stupid words about his stupid chest out of his stupid head.
He hadn't minded his breasts before, but that was before they apparently grew enough for the Riders to notice and leaked whenever he heard a baby cry. It didn't even need to be Tiny! While trying to eat his first meal in two days, a baby of one of the Defenders howled and that was all it took for his old tunic to get soaked. Again.
Astrid and Fishlegs trying to tell him that it was simply nature's way didn't help quite as well as they intended either.
On second thought, this nice blue tunic really wasn't so bad.
Sighing deeply and accepting that he just couldn't close it up any more than it already was, his gaze went back to the baby still lying on the bed near him.
Tiny was properly wrapped in a fur now. He was warm and cozy, exactly as he should be.
"Sleeping again, huh? Not that I can blame you. At your age, I probably slept just as much." Hiccup spoke to him. Tiny was so silent as he slept, but he looked content and that was what mattered.
Yes, that was what mattered. That he was safe and healthy.
After the Dragon Riders' arrival on Caldera Cay, besides a good heartening meal and a place to stay, Queen Mala had also provided them with a healer.
Hiccup and Tiny both needed one. Fishlegs was a good medic, but he, too, felt better if someone more experienced than him could provide with a second opinion.
The healer, an older woman that was both similar and so very different from Gothi, had examined both father and child. She confirmed Fishlegs' initial diagnosis that they were both healthy and well so far.
Tiny was healthy. Healthy and so very lucky.
That's what the elderly healer had told him. After hearing how Hiccup had experienced his pregnancy, or hadn't experienced, she told him he was lucky Tiny hadn't been stillborn or miscarried long ago. It was nothing short of a miracle that he'd made it this far.
Besides the obvious, that Hiccup hadn't known about a whole new human being growing inside his own body, he didn't ask her why she thought so. There was the feeling he knew exactly what she was talking about. It wasn't necessarily because he stayed so scrawny throughout his pregnancy either, though that certainly hadn't helped.
It was everything he'd been through the past couple of months, the bad memories the masked man made him relive, the nightmare that rubbed all of his new fears in his face.
He didn't want to think about them and yet here he was again. He tried and tried to push them away, to think about certain problems more pressing, but no matter how much he drowned them out, they kept coming back. And each time they did, a new memory popped up to add to the already large pile he couldn't swallow.
The awful revelation he had upon his reunion with the masked bounty hunter was that Hiccup not knowing that he was expectant meant that Tiny had been in danger ever since the eve of his conception.
The times he and Toothless had crashlanded came to mind, at least now Hiccup understood why the Night Fury had panicked more than usual, even insisting that his Rider stay down until help arrived.
Each day Dagur, Ryker, or Viggo and their men had abducted or hurt him. Every close encounter Hiccup had with water in the past couple of months, the few moments he spent without drawing breath after the Submaripper pulled him out of the Straits of Baldur. And he certainly didn't forget all the beatings he'd endured the past nine months.
Every single time Hiccup had been in danger, Tiny had been endangered as well. It was a miracle his son was still alive because he'd needed to fight to live since day one.
Hiccup allowed himself to think about it for just a moment too long and his guilt overwhelmed him until it became nearly impossible for him to breathe. He clutched his chest.
Toothless wasn't here to comfort or distract him either, his mind was free to torture itself.
Because of the nightmare, he remembered the way Ryker had punched him on that dreadful day on Sleipnir Island, when the bounty hunter had delivered him to the older Grimborn brother.
When his dad and the Dragon Riders came to save him, Ryker landed a hit so hard in his gut his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he passed out. In his gut! He carried a bruise the size of Ryker's fist for more than a week! In that one moment Hiccup should've miscarried, let alone every single other incident that came before or after it.
The more he thought about it, the more it hurt. And before he found the strength to breathe, he grew emotional. As if he hadn't been crying enough the past couple of days.
It was almost impossible to keep control over himself.
With a shaky breath, Hiccup stroked his slumbering son's cheek with his fingers. This was his peaceful, carefree child. Tiny stirred a little within the furs and held his fists up to his temples, but otherwise didn't move much.
A faint chuckle left Hiccup as he still stared in wonder and disbelieve. Even though he had absolutely no idea of this boy's existence not even a few days prior, there was so much love in his heart for this baby boy.
But despite the more positive emotions coursing through him every time he saw or heard the newborn, there was no feeling behind his chuckles. They were empty.
Because as he looked down upon Tiny, looked at this small, defenseless little being, there was also an anger brewing inside of Hiccup that was aimed at nobody but himself.
How, in the name of Freya, did he not realize he was carrying? Toothless had certainly tried several times to tell him! He was so upset with himself. He wouldn't have willingly faced danger around every turn if he'd known, he would've avoided it as much as was possible.
He was mad, angry, enraged! There was even a bit of loathing. He choked up before an utmost dark thought decided to pop up uninvitedly.
It whispered that it almost felt like...
Like he'd been trying to kill his own child.
Hiccup thought he was sitting on the bed, he didn't know when he'd hit the wooden floor of the guesthouse and started bawling. He wasn't even sure where all of this sobbing was coming from.
The sensible part of his mind argued against that terrible thought. He knew he would never knowingly hurt a child, let alone his infant offspring, and thinking so was completely ludicrous. But even so, it was the only thing running on repeat inside his mind.
Kneeling on the floor, he began to cry out loud and even covered his ears as if it would cease the voices inside telling him that every misfortune the past year had been entirely his fault, that he alone was responsible for endangering his three-day-old.
He needed Toothless. He needed his partners, Astrid, Fishlegs, Snotlout, Ruff or Tuff, he needed someone to remove these awful thoughts from his head.
He nearly completely curled up on the floor as he whined through his tears. He'd never felt a pain this horrid before or a guilt so suffocating it was choking the very life out of him. It even overshadowed the guilt he still felt whenever he thought about Toothless' tailfin. He grabbed handfuls of his hair.
"Hiccup Haddock, are you alright?" A voice drew him out of his mental breakdown.
Removing his hands and straightening a little, he hesitantly looked over his shoulder to find Mala standing by the bed. For how long had she been standing there? He didn't remember hearing anybody enter.
Mala was gazing down at him, a look of worry clear on her face. She held a hand up, as if she'd been about to say something else.
Apparently deciding against that, she turned her attention to Tiny.
Who was fussy and near tears himself after hearing his dad have a mental break right next to him.
"Tiny," Despite his reluctance to use that nickname, Hiccup called it and used the edge of the bed to push himself up to his feet, though his legs felt weak. He was trembling all over and he felt warm and sweaty.
Hiccup picked Tiny up and soothed him. It wasn't difficult, the boy was comforted by his hold and he quieted down. He'd gotten to him in just the nick of time before he started wailing himself. Hiccup allowed himself to smile at him, sniffing, and Mala approached.
She was usually one not so easily read, but she wore a soft expression of concern, her head slightly cocked to one side.
"I'm fine." That is what he tried to tell her, but she could still tell that it couldn't be farther from the truth.
And yet, Mala knew she wasn't the right person Hiccup needed to address his troubles with.
It wasn't that she was unwilling, she simply felt there were people closer to Hiccup that he needed to have this conversation with. His loves came to mind, his father, too. From the one time that they have met in the past, Mala considered Stoick a reasonable man, a father who loved his son dearly.
Hiccup telling her he was "fine" when that clearly wasn't true said enough, too. He didn't want to talk.
But perhaps, she could at least lighten his spirits a little.
"Does he have a name?" Mala asked, coming to stand next to Hiccup to gaze down at the child in affection, Hiccup followed her example.
When the Riders told her about Tiny's birth, Mala hadn't been taken off guard. She'd known about Hiccup all along, her observant eyes had noticed the very first time they met. She never spoke up about it or asked him because it simply hadn't mattered at the time. It still didn't and neither was it any of her business, but at the very least, she wasn't surprised the young man with her could bear a child.
"He doesn't have one yet. I haven't been able to think of one." Hiccup answered. He hadn't had the time and he wasn't planning on taking it either. He supposed he wanted Tiny to meet his grandfather first. Tiny wasn't even officially a Haddock yet.
"The Riders have been calling him Tiny, but that's not the kind of name I want for him. They don't understand, but I know exactly what it's like to walk around with a name like that." He added, a sorrowful frown on his face.
In the end, he never did manage to convince them to stop using that nickname. Fishlegs was a little bit more hesitant, at least, but he still used it often enough.
"They're right, though. He's so small." Hiccup spoke up again after a brief pause, after a moment of contemplation. He gingerly held a fist of his.
Mala watched him closely. As he stared at Tiny, she stared at Hiccup. She could see the trouble brewing again, could see the darkness. But she could also see the immense care he held for his son.
"If I may be so bold," Mala started, she wasn't expecting anything, but she hoped to get his mind in a better place.
"I know of one name that may be fitting, Vigi. I've heard it means-"
"Fighter. Vigi is someone who fights." Hiccup interrupted her, Mala let it go and nodded with a smile.
"He does deserve a name like that. After everything he's been through, all that's been done to him... That I've done to him... He's still here. He was so determined to be born, he fought to be here." Hiccup looked back up to Mala and his frown disappeared to make way for a smile. His eyes were still red and his cheeks stained, but he felt at least a little bit better.
"Thank you, Mala. I think Vigi will suit him just fine."