Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z.

Betaed by: Zim'smostloyalservant, Trackula, & Phillip

Chapter 8

Schemes of a Snake

SPACE!

Snake Way, the mystical road that wove through the cloudy skies above Hell fashioned in the image of a great serpent. From its head at King Enma's palace, one could supposedly run along its back to reach King Kai himself. A perilous journey few would undertake, and fewer still would reach the end of.

Chichi officially hated this place.

She'd thought Roshi's training was hard, but this was worse, so much worse. For one, as much as she could resent the old pervert, he was company, along with the Turtle and Oolong. She hadn't seen or heard a soul since losing sight of Yamcha. There was no day or night seemingly on Snake Way, making the feeling of being alone all the more oppressive. And the scenery, unlike the beautiful scenery of the islands, or even the sky of Korin Tower, here it was just a strange sky, the clouds below, and Snake Way. Snake Way, stretching out of sight both ways, mocking her efforts.

Every time exhaustion forced her to sleep, she carefully laid down, her shoes pointing the way forward. Even then, she kept having moments of paranoia, thinking she had gotten turned around at some point, that she would end up back at Enma's palace. Worse, that someone out of sight was messing with her shoes on purpose, making her cover the same tract of the Way time and again.

What if she'd been doing this for years? Her head stubble wasn't that much, but maybe hair grew slower in the afterlife? Did she need to eat? Had she fallen though the clouds at some point in her sleep and was in Hell now?!

She screamed as she shifted from steady jogging into full out running down the otherworld road, eyes desperately trying to spot an end, wondering if she was already out of her mind.

Meanwhile in Kami's Spaceship:

Bulma Briefs had been through a lot in her life. She'd had her car destroyed out from under her by a dumb boy with a monkey tail. Been nearly eaten more times than she cared to recall. Was once turned into a carrot. Nearly died in a desert. Spent a year being led astray in a workout program by a demon she had not yet been able to seduce. Had to endure both pregnancy and being a single mother while living with her shameful parents. Not to mention enduring the envy of the world for being so rich, talented, and beautiful, that even she sometimes could admit it almost wasn't fair.

In short, she had been through a lot, and felt that had inoculated her a good bit to the troubles of life.

It turned out she was not as prepared for space travel as she had hoped. Namely, that unlike a plane, as you hurtled through the void you were in for the longest haul of your life, being confined to these limited quarters. And you were sharing it with an impertinent beta male and two boys whose ages were in single digits.

How foolish of her to overlook the need for proper tobacco and alcohol stores, she thought, trying to drown the latest tiff out with headphones on. She was not even sure what she was listening to, averting her focus to the controls only to confirm yet again they were on course, and no, time had not wonderfully sped up while she wasn't looking.

"Bulma, shouldn't you do something about…" Krillin said, coming into her line of sight. He trailed off as her eyes landed upon him with all the bloodshot fury of a woman who had not slept for more than three hours straight in the last three days.

Back on Snake Way:

The door was a door. At least, it looked like it was a door. Chichi laid her palm, then a cheek, on it, tapping the wood as her ear was pressed to it.

The first landmark of her trip. A palace, elegant but not overly large or over-decorated, sat upon the clouds abutting this evil, stupid, vile road. Stepping back till only her fingertips were touching the door, she looked it over, half expecting it to vanish, or to wake up.

"I should keep going," Chichi muttered to herself. Her goal was the end, but she might have been getting a little… frazzled, and seeing this had calmed her down a tad. She would walk through fire to reach the end, but it might be that a break was needed, and this was a way-stop. Hadn't Master Roshi driven her to head shaving by telling her to mind her limits?

She wondered if maybe Yamcha was in there. She actually wanted to see one of Goku's friends? Maybe she needed rest more than she realized, she noted. Stepping back, she grabbed an ornate bronze ring knocker and thumped on the door.

The door swung open, and it was definitely not Yamcha on the other side. The beautiful woman beyond the door had greenish-blue skin and long, elegant ears, with short curly orange hair styled upward. Her attire was rich, a white fur boa, a grayish-purple snakeskin qipao, a pair of very beautiful long white gloves, and purple high-heeled pumps. Though Chichi's attention was grabbed by red eyes that seemed to light up at the sight of her, with the woman smiling wide.

"I had hoped you'd get here soon. And here you are, the first to arrive," the woman said.

"Huh?" Chichi said inelegantly.

"You've reached your goal, Chichi. I am King Kai, or rather that's the name they gave you. Come inside," the woman said, stepping aside and beckoning. Confused, Chichi did hesitate a bit, taking in the fancy decor of the entryway. Not seeing the woman give a mischievous smirk as she crossed and bolted the door behind them.

Chichi soon found herself seated at a banquet table piled with grand, exotic, and even downright strange dishes; were those bear hands? She had not gotten hungry since dying, but she felt her stomach churning now. They said the thanks, her and the alleged King Kai, then a plate was placed in front of her. Taking a plate and chopsticks, she started to fill a plate.

"You don't need to stand on manners here. Snake Way is quite the ordeal, not to mention dying. You must be hungrier than you've ever been," the exotic woman said, elegantly filling her own plate.

"Thank you, but the mark of good manners is holding them up under pressure," Chichi answered firmly. The woman smiled and nodded.

"Well, you did better with that than Goku did."

"…So, King Kai?" Chichi inquired warily.

"Ah, just a little deception. Mortals need to prove their worth a bit more than just running down the Way. Besides, it's a title, one made without allowance for gender, really," the hostess answered.

"But isn't it supposed to be at the end of Snake Way?" Chichi asked. Her hostess chuckled, making a dismissive gesture.

"Snake Way doesn't have an end, it loops back on itself in a manner mortals can't see if you go too far. Part of the challenge is not simply blindly obeying instructions and bothering to knock on my door. Your friends may be stronger than you, but they assumed this place was some kind of distraction without bothering to even look. Their single-mindedness has thwarted them while your wisdom has opened the path to you."

Chichi couldn't help but smile as she took her first bite. She should not be happy that the others weren't training to get stronger, but still, she was being praised as actually passing them in something. And she could appreciate that a great martial arts master was a woman. Though, looking around at all these beautiful women, and Goku training here…

"So, Goku trained with you?" Chichi asked. The woman, the um, Kai, blushed a bit and laughed like a lady into the back of her gloved hand.

"I know that tone! I could tell you marriage vows for mortals are strictly till death do you part and your Goku was not only gorgeous and endearing, but a free range man at the time. But it's also true I told him all that but he still felt he needed to honor his promise to you. You are quite fortunate. And I will be pleased to train you," the divine woman said.

"Thank you, King Kai," Chichi said with relief bowing her head.

"Uh, that's more of a working place thing. I prefer to be called Princess in my house," the regal woman said, smiling a bit forcefully.

After a brief rest in a surprisingly comfy bed, Chichi was given a uniform like one of the servants, to her surprise, meeting the Princess in a courtyard.

"This doesn't seem like training apparel," Chichi noted.

"Quite right. You're here to be a warrior, not some sort of exhibition fighter. That means overcoming petty obstacles like clothing that restricts you without breaking it," the Princess said, still in her finery herself.

"Now, dear, your first task is pouring tea."

"That sounds oddly simple," Chichi remarked.

"Prepare to be surprised."

X X X

After hours of trying to balance just right to pour tea from the pot on top of her head into the cup she was holding at chest height, Chichi got a break with a massage supplied for her neck by her sifu, as the Princess titled herself. Thankfully, every time the pot had fallen off and broken, the Princess mended it with a gesture, complete with the spilled tea going back in.

After some fresh tea and the massage, it was time for a new exercise.

"This one is a matter of skill in motion. Bring it out," the Princess called. Two of the servants hauled out a large scroll, and with a toss set it unrolling on the stones.

"Ohhh! Lovely," Chichi said, taking in the lines of calligraphy long as her legs illustrated on the scroll.

"Glad you think so, because…" the Princess said, grabbing Chichi by the shoulders and pulling her back with her. Just then, a second large scroll was tossed down and unrolled to reveal itself as blank.

"-you're going to be copying it until you get it right to my satisfaction," the Princess said, handing Chichi an ink pot and a normal-sized brush.

"…I think I'm going to need more ink."

X X X

There was more to the tasks, of course, such as jogging around a track through the clouds with a stack of iron plates half her height in each hand. Weight lifting. And of course, pushups. Pushups with a hot cauldron propped on her back, with the Princess sitting on top of the lid.

Finally, when it felt like Chichi was going to collapse, and her outfit was dripping with sweat, the Princess doused her with a bucket of ice water and called it a day for training.

"Well, let's get you wound down," Princess declared, passing the wooden pail off to a servant and taking off. She stopped and glanced back at Chichi still standing there, with the cringe posture from the dousing. The servant with the bucket poked Chichi with a gloved finger.

"Uh, is something wrong?" Princess Snake asked.

"Body's cramping everywhere, can't move," Chichi ground out through a locked jaw.

"Oh! Well, guess we found your upper limit, then. No problem, I've got just the thing," the Princess said, picking the dripping Chichi up. Blinking at the dead mortal's body still retaining the same pose as it was lifted off the ground, the blue woman shrugged and carried her off while a mop-wielding servant girl followed, cleaning up the dripping.

X X X

"Ahhh, this was just the thing," Chichi moaned, leaning back in the hot spring. Surrounded by a bamboo deck and fence, the steaming hot water flowed over and pooled amongst gray rocks while cedar trees dotted the area, their branches providing a roof of sorts.

Closing her eyes, Chichi lowered her mouth under the water and blew bubbles. She had had her doubts when her sifu tossed her in here so casually, but her body had loosened up before she was even close to drowned.

"Enjoying the spring I see," the Princess said. Chichi looked up with thanks on her lips, only to redden and shriek, practically flying to the other end of the pool and bouncing off the rocks there.

"Huh?" Princess Snake said, blinking. The other woman was bare as the sky on a cloudless day. The only sort of modesty being the laden tray she was holding partially covering her chest.

"Mo-modesty!" Chichi stammered.

"…Nothing you haven't seen before. Besides, I make it a point to spend time outside working with all my girls," the Princess said. Without fanfare, she slid into the water and set the tray on the surface, where it floated with no seeming problem.

Peeking over her shoulder, Chichi was relieved that the water was covering the other woman up enough for decency. Princess beckoned her over as she cupped water and doused her hair to fall around her shoulders. Chichi ran a hand over the lengthening stubble on her head reminiscently as she moved over. Careful, of course, to keep her chest under water.

Taking a seat on the rock shelf next to the other woman, Chichi watched her pour out a cup of sake and then take a teacup and pour from a twisted gourd with the word Proper Tea written on it.

"This one is for you," the Princess said, giving her the cup of Proper Tea while sipping the sake.

"It smells strange," Chichi noted, sniffing the orange liquid with its blue flecks.

"Rude," Princess Snake said pointedly, giving her a glare.

"Sorry!" Chichi said, stiffening and bowing her head. She gulped the tea down in one drink, and her eyes bugged out.

*GULP* She audibly forced the liquid back down her throat and replaced the cup on the tray.

"Refreshing," Chichi managed in a tiny voice, little tears leaking out of her eyes.

"Impressive. You're the first girl to ever not spit it right back up the first time. This tea is a key part of my training. It's made from a plant that only grows here in lands above the sky of Hell. It has the power to weaken a mortal body's limits and boundaries, letting you grow in strength far quicker than you normally could, so long as you diligently push against those limits. Of course, it's still technically poison and your body wants to reject it. But hey, no pain no gain. You'll be drinking a gourd's worth every day, even on rest days," the Princess explained, refilling the cup.

"…For Gohan," Chichi said, eyeing the all too innocent-looking steaming cup.

"Whatever you need to say, darling. Now, how about we finish off that tension with a just girls hot spring massage?"

*Kerpsalsh*

"Huh, her husband hardly noticed and she notices too much," Princess Snake remarked, pulling Chichi's head out of the water from where she fainted. Her eyes were practically swirling, and her face was redder than the spring could account for. Sitting the dazed woman down, Princess Snake crossed her arms and pouted.

"Ending this marriage won't just be good revenge on Goku, it will be a public service," she declared.

"Waga woo," Chichi moaned in her frazzled state.

"Oh, just drink this," Princess Snake snapped, pouring the Proper Tea down Chichi's throat.

The Princess was smiling again when Chichi awoke, but in taste-based agony turned back to her.

"Time for bed then, I suppose."

X X X

Chichi hardly remembered going to bed. Unlike before, it wasn't her own room, it was a shared room with two of the servants. She apparently slept later than them, with one of the blue-skinned women ringing a handbell, fully dressed, to wake Chichi.

"Awake then, good. Dress and wash for breakfast," the woman who had her hair in a proper bun said before leaving with her friend.

Sitting up in the simple but very comfortable bed, Chichi stretched a bit and scratched herself under the nightgown she had been given.

'Itchy, itchy, I must be allergic to something in the linens. Wait, these aren't linens, these are silk?!' Chichi thought, practically bolting from the bed at the luxury. Well, she knew she wasn't allergic to silk, so it must be something else. She noticed the dresser by her bed, as there was one for the other two. There was no other furniture in the room besides a tea table in the center with three fancy cushions and wall hangings that depicted parts of the palace or grounds.

It was a fine room, Chichi thought, using a washbasin on her face and other trouble spots.

Taking the folded uniform from a dresser drawer, she frowned at it. How long had it been since she used clothes she had not laundered herself? She supposed she'd gotten serious about such things after getting engaged to Goku. She had been determined she'd be a great wife whether he claimed she had in ten years or ten days.

Ah, the golden rosy days of youth!

Breakfast was a group affair, to her surprise. The fare was simpler, with far fewer choices, but the banquet table was larger, with what seemed the whole staff minus the kitchen and servers elegantly demolishing the dishes while passing the servings around smoothly or handing off stacks to the servers. The Princess herself sat at the head of the table, also indulging but somehow being even more subtly elegant in the doing.

Chichi felt clumsy and slow trying to keep the pace, and stared around her from her own spot.

'Where did they get all this food? Were there farms hidden somewhere, magic?'

Soon enough it was done, and Chichi got up as the plates were cleared and made her way to follow the servers clearing the table.

"Where are you going?" the Princess asked, suddenly next to Chichi.

"I should help with the dishes," Chichi said.

"Why?" her sifu asked looking confused.

"Well, it'd be rude not to, with all you are doing for me," Chichi explained.

"No. As my student, you have your duties just as they have theirs. If anything, you'd insult them by all but saying you feel they can't do their job right, and as a result you can't commit to your own duty. Now come on, after the warmup you have something new to attend to."

X X X

"You wanted to help? Well, you get a chance," the Princess remarked as Chichi crouched on wobbling legs.

A bowl of water, enough for a modest swimming pool, was pressing down on her shoulders, the water sloshing slightly but still having enough motion and weight to dig into her, pressing her further down into the sand she was standing on. Her left hand was steadying the bowl. The other one was holding a blue flame-baring torch to the bowl.

Chichi was already sweating from the weight and the heat from the fire, and it hadn't even been a minute since she got settled into the posture for this.

"Your task is to boil this water for lunch, without spilling any of it. Right now, you have some wiggle room, but that will vanish. As the water starts to boil, it must be even level to avoid loss. The torch is magic and won't go out or be consumed, so that is no worry. But in addition to the torch's heat, as the bowl heats up you will be feeling the burn. Well then, let's get to it!" the Princess declared dramatically, fist raised. And sat down hard on a deck chair, picking up a mixed drink adorned with fruit from a tray as a servant started to fan her.

Chichi lasted only an hour before an attempt to adjust her footing in the sand led to some spillage, at which point the Princess smacked the bowl from her shoulders, declaring it a failure.

So it was back to yesterday's routine.

And the Proper Tea still tasted terrible.

Meanwhile on Kami's Space Ship:

Bulma looked over what she supposed was a crew, seated on the blanket she had laid out on the ship's floor, frowning as she considered how to proceed. Gohan looked a bit bashful but had annoyance in his eyes, looking to Boxer. And Boxer was clearly in one of his "I'm right and you're stupid" moods.

Krllin… well, he wasn't the problem, so he was only here because there was nowhere else for her to put him.

"Right then, everyone and Krillin, you know why we are here," Bulma said, sitting down.

"Why do you single me out?" Krillin asked.

"Do you want to be lumped in with the children?" Bulma asked.

"Oh! So, it's a compliment. Thank you, Bulma," he said, with Bulma ignoring him and looking between the two boys. She smacked her hands together in front of her chin, holding them there.

"Okay then. Way I see it… Boxer, you've been training as best you can in here. Gohan, you've been doing some training but also some homeschool work and some young adult novels. Though you aren't a young adult. What was Ox King thinking?!" Bulma shouted suddenly.

"Uhh, Mom?"

"And Boxer is getting bored with limited training, especially with Gohan not doing duo training much. And Gohan, you want to be left in peace and train at your pace. And Krillin, I am not sure what you have been doing here this whole time."

"Well, actually-"

"Right then, as your captain, I have a solution to your bickering," Bulma announced.

"Who made you captain?" Krillin asked.

"Me. Now. Whenever you start to bicker, just go to opposite ends of the ship. And meanwhile, I'll construct a more practical solution. Meeting adjourned, you can go."

"…Go where?"

Back with Chichi:

When training with Roshi, time blurred, but the oncoming menace of the Saiyans anchored it. As did chores like grocery shopping.

For six days a week, Chichi trained. The seventh day was rest day, in which she got additional sleep and was practically pampered by the servants. She wanted to refuse the desserts, massages, manicures and such, but the women were insistent, and the housewife was frankly too exhausted to put up much resistance.

And it was hardly enough to recover for more training. No sooner did she get even passable with her giant calligraphy than it was time to do it quicker. More iron plates added to her load. And the next day, after successfully boiling water, she sat foot in the kitchen for the first time, having to hold the bowl steady as a cook used it to make strew. With the Princess even turning the ground into sand under her feet with the ultimatum of figuring out how to not sink into the sand as their weight pressed down on her.

And she had yet to throw a punch in this training, too!

At least the tea was getting better, Chichi thought, scratching at the hair on her back as she settled in for another night with the servants. It was so hard to get clean, she wondered how she managed before having other girls to scrub it for her.

The reward for fulfilling a task, was another task. Sometimes it just meant a greater burden, like more weight. Other times, it meant adding a new level of complexity, like drawing the calligraphy with her feet holding the brushes.

Chichi couldn't help but feel overwhelmed some days, as her goal seemed to draw no closer. The Princess gave no indication on her progress, how far up the metaphorical mountain she had come. Ever patient, watchful and elegant, any word of critique or praise had to be weighed and cherished as a precious clue from the enlightened to the ignorant.

The biggest clue yet in her lifetime of training came when the Princess commandeered the heating torch and instead spent the day showing her how to heat her body with ki. Once mastered, she would use this technique to heat the soup. Unlike the torch, she would have to steady the heat and as well withstand it.

At the very least, her ki already was sufficient to avoid sinking into the sand.

X X X

Princess Snake smiled as she waved away the fumes of the freshly made pot of Proper Tea. She was not in the kitchen, but a lab of sorts with jars of spices lining shelves and herbs and dehydrated creatures hanging from the ceiling by twine, with a tiny stone stove tucked in the corner away from a mixing table.

It was truly a powerful potion she had been making here, and with many of those capable of making it considering it unethical, a true rarity. A potion that let the barriers of one's being bend under pressure, letting a person be reshaped to a degree by their will, or to a greater degree by an outsider with a more sober mind.

This had served her well over the centuries since her marriage with Enma ended. She had grown accustomed to being treated as royalty, and abandoning her royal husband was not gong to have her abandon the good life.

At first, she had only been fishing for another man to serve her needs or a woman to add to her palace. But Chichi, she had recognized immediately from the mirror. The mortal woman who, apparently despite being parted from Son Goku by death, still kept him from her. Rejection had never been something she had been pleased with. Enma prioritized that desk of his over his Queen, so he lost her. And her initial answer to Goku's unreasoning choice was to try and turn him into a tenant of her septic tank.

But this was going to be a much better revenge. The Heavens had granted her a chance to take Goku's wife and his pride. Remade into her devoted bodyguard and paramour. She had for ages sought men and would continue to do so, but this woman both intrigued her, and she also yearned to humiliate her ex-husband and Goku with such a thing.

She laughed a high lady's laugh as she shrugged off her robe and made her way to the hot spring with the tea.

"Ah, it's so liberating to be an outlaw," she sighed.

X X X

Chichi had done it, she had copied all the text using only her feet. And as she watched, the last sand fell though the large hourglass placed on the stones. The attendant gave her applause and a smile.

"Very impressive, Princess Snake will be most pleased," the servant said. She tilted her head as Chichi frowned rather than join her in happiness at the achievement.

"What is wrong?" the attendant asked, stepping over while grabbing a cup and water pitcher.

"It's just… were my toes always this long?" Chichi asked. The attendant looked at the other woman's feet. Personally, she though they looked more like fingers than toes, but it would be rude to say that to a fellow servant.

"Well, you could hardly have done that task so well, if they were as short as mine. So it's better that they are a bit long, isn't it?" the attendant said.

"Well, well, well, am I to assume our admirable student finally did it?" Princess Snake said, suddenly walking up, startling the two women.

"She has, with at least fifteen seconds to spare."

"Princess, have my feet always been like this?" Chichi asked, lifting a foot as she stood up. Sure enough, her feet resembled hands more than human feet, though the thickening dark body hair crowning them was also a deviation. As was the similar darkness adorning her neck and visible arms.

"Would I ask you to do something if you couldn't?"

"Wha? No, but-"

"You can be so insecure, my student. But I suppose that is why you are here."

"Why I am here? My feet-"

"You wanted to be worthy, but knew you weren't. There's no need to worry, I accepted you as a student because I knew you could achieve what you set out to do. You only required instruction," Princess Snake insisted, tilting Chichi's face to look her in the eye. The student couldn't help but marvel at how the eyes were practically aglow.

"You need instruction to prevent these doubts from distracting you, weakening you. So as your beloved sifu, I will not let you be distracted."

"…Thank you. You're right, I need to be looking forward, nowhere else," Chichi agreed, putting her foot down as the fur finished growing in and her face shifted slightly. Princess Snake smiled and patted her on the head.

"Your hair is finally reaching an appropriate length. We'll have to style it soon. But for now, I think you have earned a reward, as recognition for having come so far."

"Oh, is it extra spa time with you?!" Chichi asked, glowing.

"Mm, I kinda miss the prudishness. The teasing is no fun like this," Princess Snake grumbled under her breath.

"Princess?" Chichi said, leaning in.

"I said, it's a tradition! Yes, for my school it's a tradition that the sensei grant you a warrior's name, showing your rebirth by dedicating yourself to a goal."

"Ohhh!" the attendant and Chichi said together, eye sparkling.

"Like when I got a new name when I became a full-fledged attendant?"

"Exactly. And for you, I pick the name, Saruyu."

"Oh? Any particular reason? Is it because my son was born with a tail?"

"You have a son?" The attendant asked. Chichi's eyes lost that sparkle as she frowned.

"Well of course, haven't I-"

"Enough dilly-dallying, it's time to tackle the next hurdle in the road to power," Princess Snake proclaimed, clapping her hands for their attention.

Back on the Ship:

"There we go, finished, thanks for holding the toolbox, Krillin," Bulma said, wiping sawdust off her brow with the back of her hand. Stepping back, she looked over her handiwork and pulled the cloth covering her afro off.

"So, what is it?" Krillin asked. Bulma had hammered, screwed, and pounded together wooden walls and a sliding door to section off a part of the ship's interior.

"This, Krillin, is an isolation chamber. To separate someone from this forced togetherness we have been enduring."

Krillin looked over to where Boxer and Gohan were almost for real fighting, with Boxer actually using one of Gohan's books as a bludgeon.

"So which one of them are you putting in there?"

"Whaddya mean? I built it, this is mine! Don't disturb me for at least six hours," Bulma declared, stepping inside and slamming the door.

"…How much longer to Namek?" Krillin asked the ship. It did not answer.

Princess Snake's Palace:

Chichi lay on the massage table, eyes closed, letting the sensation of the massage wash over her. The attendant doing the task was a favorite of hers; the others let the fur on her back throw them off, but she seemed to barely address its presence while still soothing the muscles.

"Your back is stiffer than usual. Have you been pushing too hard, Saruyu?" Callini asked.

"I don't think so, but I'm always at the brink. It's the only way to grow stronger, after all. It's just been hard to get my back in the right place, you know?"

"Not really," Callini answered.

"Yeah, I guess it sounds odd. I want to straighten up my posture, but it doesn't seem to want to. Did I throw it out?"

"You clearly never threw out your back if you are asking that."

"Callini… Do you ever feel like maybe you aren't quite the person you were yesterday?"

"No. Now stop talking, it throws things off, and the Princess will soon be by with your tea."

Chichi nodded and stayed quiet. The tea always seemed to help with this anxiety.

X X X

The sound of her scream was enough to almost startle Chichi out of being freaked out.

That wasn't what her scream sounded like. Was it? No, right, yes?

Her roommates were on their feet, one rubbing her head and shedding pain tears from having somehow hit the ceiling.

"Saruyu?"

"What's with the bellow?! I nearly split my head open."

"Th-th-th… THIS!" Chichi said, holding the horror in her left hand. It was a tail, a monkey tail, with black fur matching her hair and the fur visible where her night gown showed. Worst of all, it was attached to her.

She had a tail!

"That's new," her intact roommate said, stepping up, eyes wide.

"I need the apothecary," the other one said, ducking out.

"So do I. Or a knife or a saw…" Chichi said, staring at and feeling the tail. She could feel her grip on it, "How?! This can't be real! People don't just grow tails."

"I'll take your word for it. Though it does seem to fit you, I guess," the attendant said, stepping back, chin on a fist.

"Fit?" Chichi muttered. How could this thing fit her. Did it fit her hair styled into an elegant tail? Her adorable yet impractical uniform? Her well-trained hands and feet? Her lustrous, well-groomed fur? Her smart yet cute simian face?

But, wait. It might? But it shouldn't!

"It's not supposed to fit!" Chichi screamed, baring fangs and the scream giving way to a hoot that made her companion jump backwards onto a bed and crack her head on the ceiling.

"OW!"

"What's going on?!" Princess Snake demanded, throwing the door open, clad in her own nightgown.

"I have a tail!" Chichi shrieked, brandishing the appendage.

"…And?" Princess Snake asked.

"Well, I do, see?" Chichi said.

"Saruyu, I have been seeing that since you started training here. Did you really think you could somehow hide it all this time?" the Princess sighed irritably, hands on her hips as she walked up to Chichi.

"What? But, no, it's new. Isn't it?"

"You think it just suddenly sprouted? It suits you, and it always has. You are so determined to be worthy, but the greatest barrier to feeling that way is you. You may be different from us, but that doesn't factor into better or worse."

"Umm, thank you... but are you sure?"

"Do you doubt your sifu?" Princess Snake demanded.

"…No, thank you. You have helped me so much," Saruyu said, smiling, eyes alight. Princess Snake gave a kindly laugh, her hand raised over her mouth to cover the smile there.

'Well, that's it then. Another week to be sure, then I'll claim her totally,' she thought, as she saw the monkey woman to bed and escorted her injured servant to get a potion for head injuries.

X X X

"Saruyu, that was a good day's work for you," Princess Snake said, as she reclined in the spring next to the monkey woman.

With the change and the new hairstyle, she bore little resemblance to the shaved, hard-eyed woman that came exhausted to her door. Yes, the eyes were the same adoration the goddess of Snake Way saw in her servants. It lacked the usual satisfaction, but still a job well done.

"Thank you, I only hope to grow stronger to be worthy," Saruyu said with a smile, showing off fangs among the teeth.

Yes, it was an unexpected turn of events, the form here, but the Princess was not put off by it. She was nothing if not experienced in her long life.

"You have grown stronger. In fact, it's time you received your rewards. First, we will get rid of this," Princess Snake said, pointing to the halo over her brainwashed student's head, "Then you will become one of my subjects in truth, no mere servant, but my bodyguard ready to protect and serve me, in all ways."

"Really?! That's all I could have hoped for! A new life!"

"Truly?" the Princess asked, leaning over to look into those eyes. They didn't waver as she nodded. No hesitation. No thoughts of a son or husband, father, or a home. It seemed she had truly defeated Chichi, like so many women before.

It should be more satisfying, but she was not the type to simply back down from claiming a prize.

X X X

Saruyu peered through the fog, hand over her eyes.

"Where is this?" she muttered, trying to see something beyond the grass-covered ground under her feet.

A bit of fog cleared, revealing a mountain nearby. Strangely, it looked like a scoop had been taken from the top.

"What could do that?" she asked with curiosity. As it was, the fog seemed to be thinning; she could see shapes looming around her that seemed to be broken, ruined buildings. Had there been a battle? Running a hand over a dusty gash in a stone wall, she concluded that if there had been, it was long over.

Still, why was she here? She belonged in the Palace.

A child crying snapped her attention to the present. The child, a girl wearing strange armor and a stranger helmet approached her, bawling, hand to her eyes. The helmet... there was a large blade sticking out of it, it looked sharp, not merely decorative.

"What's wrong," the student of the Princess asked, uncertain how to react to a crying child.

"I DON'T WANNA DISAPPEAR!" The girl yelled, pulling hands from her face, revealing a face that gave Saruyu pause. Then the brat stabbed her in the thigh with her fingers, twisting them.

"Agh!" Saruyu yelled, catapulting up in bed. She blinked, looking around her nice single room. She was without roommates until further notice due to the head injuries.

And why was her leg hurting?

With a horrid popping noise, she pulled her fingers out of her thigh.

"…AAAAAA!" she screamed, jumping out of bed as the wound squirted blood.

X X X

"A strange wound. Four punctures and a gouge," the nurse remarked, tying off the bandages as Saruyu sat on the paper-covered doctor table.

"Will I be good for the ceremony?"

"Sure, just don't go jumping around."

She accepted some herbs to boil and drink later and agreed to be back tomorrow, then walked off with a slight limp. Not seeing a pattern start to form against the bandages from her own blood.

Later:

The only ones who hadn't gathered for the ceremony were those hard at work preparing the banquet. Seeing the throne room spruced up to its full regal glory, with the staff assembled in a pair of rows by the walls impeccably uniformed, and the Princess seated on her throne, it was overwhelming. All this to both welcome her into the palace's people in full, and commemorate her training being completed. To have earned not just a place here, but one of honor. For a moment it occurred to her it felt a bit like a wedding, but she had never been to one had she?

Then the ornate double door closed behind Saruyu and that was the signal to approach the throne.

The gong sounded the first time, and Saruyu went to one knee before the throne. At the second gong, the Princess rose from her seat of authority in acknowledgement of her.

Princess Snake started speaking her part, but the words flew over the aspirant bodyguard's head. Her eyes were locked on the sight revealed by the skirt parting in that kneeling posture — the wound had bled through the layers of binding. It was hardly crisp, but unmistakably a pattern. A circle with four dots in it.

The world seemed to darken and sound faded as she stared at the symbol.

The circle contracted, growing firm before her eyes, filling in with orange. And the red dots connected into stars. Four orange stars in a lighter circle of orange.

A boy was laughing as she watched the circle rise off her body and with a flip turn into a sphere, no, a ball floating in the air. A fancy hat grew from the base of the ball, and in the blink of an eye an adorable dark-haired boy was wearing the hat.

"You…" the woman said, voice barely audible. She reached for the boy with a trembling hand, only for him to rise into the air. She gasped in startlement, before realizing he was being held in strong arms.

He stood there, holding the boy as if he'd been there all along. A handsome man with spiky black hair wearing an orange gi. He looked so strong yet somehow his posture announced gentleness. And with soft eyes, he looked at her with a smile that said everything would be alright.

"You… I know you," Chichi said.

X X X

"Saruyu, kiss the ring to seal your allegiance," Princess Snake said, her hand resting in her new subordinate's. A steel vice clamped down on her fingers.

"GAAH!" Princess Snake cried out, trying to jerk her hand out, only to fall on her butt as her hand didn't even budge.

"Saruyu? You're mistaken, that's not my name," Chichi said, lifting her head as her face shifted before the trickster's eyes back to its human features and her back popped audibly while straightening.

"How?" Princess Snake gasped, as Chichi stood up, still holding her hand hostage.

"I'll be asking the questions, thank you. Ladies, why don't you go to your party? I won't be joining you, but you may as well not let your work go to waste while I have words with this Princess," Chichi said to the stunned blue women across the room.

They looked to the orange-haired woman on the floor, who gritted her teeth, only to let out a breath then laugh.

"This is grand! Yes, do go on, girls. The adults need to talk."

X X X

"You'll forgive me if I don't take a cup," Chichi said, hands on her hips. She stood, glaring down at Princess Snake, who was seated at a tea table, pouring a cup of steaming black liquid.

They had adjourned to a room Chihi had never seen. The walls were lined with books, and a portrait of Princess Snake — naked save for Snake Way coiled around her in a modesty-preserving style — over the fireplace. Chichi had remained silent as the orange-haired woman fixed tea at a small kitchenette in the corner, opposite of where a writing desk sat. Now they were around the tea table in the center off the room, with the host sitting on a cushion.

"It's not that kind of tea. That was Proper Tea."

"Hardly seems proper to me," Chichi fumed.

"No, get it, Proper Tea, property. It's a pun if you're using the right language. Haha, because it makes women my servants," Princess Snake laughed nobly, back of her hand to her mouth.

"…"

"Tough crowd. But I'm not complaining," Princess Snake said, looking Chichi over. The physical changes had not come all undone, by any means. Oh, her face was back to normal and her posture and such was all human again. But the tail still trailed behind her, fur was evident where her clothes allowed, and if those specially designed shoes were fitting so well, her feet were as useful as ever still.

"So, I'm sure you want answers?" Princess Snake asked. Chichi nodded not taking her narrowed eyes off the Princess.

"First of all, why do all this?"

"Well, luring pretty women to serve me or fine men to love me is a hobby. Since I left my husband, I've taken to the wild lifestyle to fill the void. But if you mean you in particular, I admit it was personal. Men have slipped my grasp before, but never without being led astray for a time. And usually with some outside help. But your Son Goku, I couldn't tempt him even for a minute! As a woman, surely you understand my pride could not just forgive him for such a rejection?"

"Don't put your deviancy on me," Chichi snapped.

"Hmph, you're trying to be nasty, but I am liking it. Anyway, I saw you and your son through my magic mirror, and recognized you on my doorstep as his wife. If I couldn't have him neither could you, and I would leave him bereft and humiliated with your utter devotion to me," Princess Snake explained calmly.

"So you're just a horrible person, I get it. But why turn me into a monkey?!" Chichi demanded.

Princess Snake shrugged, and Chichi almost tripped over in outrage.

"That part wasn't exactly me. Proper Tea is excellent training and limited transformation, providing the subject accepts it willingly, and best of all in ignorance of the changes they go through. Typically I train my girls to be proper ladies of service in my Palace, and they take after me as the most ideal woman here."

Chichi rolled her eyes.

"So, training you as a warrior like the old days of my wild years was a change from the start. As for why the monkey? I can only guess that for some reason that says power to your innermost self, and that's what you were hoping to grow like," the Princess shrugged.

Chichi looked down with a blush. She thought of Goku, and how she had for years gone over and over in her head about the monkey boy that stole her heart with a pat to her crotch.

"Not that I minded, my range is very broad and it made for a change of pace, as much as I like the classic flavor."

"So, how long until the rest wears off?" Chichi said, gesturing to herself.

"Well, you already broke the spell, it's all or nothing with that stuff. So that's probably all the reversion you get. No one's ever gone that far and broken out. I can't really regret that you did. You're much more interesting with your own mind and will."

"Well! If there's nothing you can offer, I have a stupid road to run down!"

"Wait, wait, there is something I can do. You won't change back on your own, but I can use other magic to get you there."

"Really, and why would I trust you casting any spell on me?"

"Hey, I treated you well under the geass, didn't I? Besides, I'd like to make this up to you, so that when you die again you'll be willing to consider a place up here."

"…What?"

"Wedding vows are very clear, till death do you part. I get you're aiming to go renew those ties right now. Bu in forty or fifty years or so, you'll probably be ready to try something else, and I will be as beautiful as ever and ready to zap you back to your prime. No brainwashing, of course; as I said, that drive of yours is more appealing than- Wait, wait!"

Chchi stopped at the door to glare.

"Okay, fine, right to the chase. I'm not comfortable cutting the tail off, and who knows what about the feet. But my Eternal Shave technique not only will solve your fur problem but give you such a smooth, satisfying shave that it will be like a gift from a goddess. You know, because it is? I am a literal goddess, you know?

"…"

"Okay, okay. Now for this to work, I'll need you to get bare and lift your arms. No need to blush — at this point I've seen more of your body than you, I think."

"Why do I keep ending up trained by perverts?" Chichi growled.

Princess Snake shrugged off her dress, revealing a red tank top and bicycle shorts somehow below, and started to stretch.

"You are not allowed to enjoy this," Chichi ordered as she stripped.

"Sure, sure. But do think on my offer. Two women can have no greater revenge on their man than getting married to each other."

"Don't project your unhappy home life and opportunism onto others. Even if I wanted to get back at Goku for something, I wouldn't be so petty as to jump through hoops for it. Well, get on with it," Chichi demanded, finished, and raising her arms.

"Come now, this is serious business," the Princess said, assuming a wide-footed stance. Breathing deep, she gathered ki, a greenish aura coiling around her. Eyes flashing red, the aura surged to her hands, forming into spikes on her knuckles.

"Secret Goddess Technique of Beauty! Eternal Shave, LEVEL 10!" she shouted, before springing at Chichi in a blur.

"URURAURAURAURURA!" she shouted, fists flying. To Chichi, it just felt like an usually warm wind was ripping around her.

Then it was over, and it seemed like the lights had dimmed, only to flare back up as the Princess slumped, wiping sweat from her brow.

"Man, guess I should train more, after all. That took a bit out of me," Princess Snake said. Chichi for her part was distracted. Distracted by her pristine skin, along her arms, legs, and stomach. It practically sparkled, over her well-toned and trained body.

"And so smooth! You may be a lying, treacherous snake that I hate, but you know your stuff," Chichi complimented.

Then from somewhere, somehow, Chichi felt a cool breeze over her head. Specifically, her scalp.

*Pat. Pat Pat. Patpatpatpat*

"…You shaved my head?!"

"Yeah, better than a razor, right?" Princess Snake said, giving double pointy gestures and a triumphant wink. Chichi naturally sent her flying into a bookshelf with a punch.

"Why?!" Chichi roared.

"What do you mean, why? It was clear you were shaving it when you got here. I thought you wanted your old look back?!" the confused woman said, nursing a swelling cheek.

"Not by choice. I had to shave my head because I was living with an old pervert!" Chichi yelled.

"…part of me thinks I don't want to know. But the other part wants all the juicy details!"

Frowning Chichi swing her tail into sight and glared at the fact it was still covered in black fur. Princess snake glanced at it and gave a huff.

"Well naturally I didn't shave that. A hairless monkey tail would look weird."

"Shut up! Just fix this," Chichi growled, pointing at her head with both hands.

"Fix it? It's 'eternal' shave, not 'until you decide differently' shave."

"Well, don't you have some magical hair spell technique thing?!"

"Yeeesss, but the level of Beauty Magic only goes up to ten, there is no eleven on the dial. Even if I used Magic Hair Growth level ten on you, since Eternal Shave ten got there first, it would repulse it. But don't hit me, I mean, don't despair! There could yet be a way to restore your hair. It will be an epic journey wrought with peril, long distances traveled, and quite possibly personal development and revelations-"

"Oh forget it, I'll just buy a wig or something! I really need to get to King Kai's so I can protect Gohan. Goodbye!" Chichi said, stomping out of the room. Princess Snake winced as she slammed the door shut and audibly stomped down the hallway. Shrugging, she poured herself another cup of tea.

"Meh, it's probably for the best. After all this time, Dragon Balls probably aren't a thing anymore, anyway. But I'll move the palace to the end of Snake Way for now to make things a bit easier on her," Princess Snake said, snapping her fingers. Finishing her tea, she passed by the gate, opening it to see Chichi nowhere in sight and the end of Snake Way nearby, with King Kai's planet floating in the air.

"That was fun. See you later, Chichi," she said, waving her hand before closing the gate, the palace fading from sight.

Back on the Ship:

The boys were quiet, too quiet. Bulma tapped her foot, watching Gohan furiously read a book on agriculture, of all things, while Boxer silently did pushups. They were aggressively ignoring each other. It could not stand.

"Krillin, it's time to take action."

"How about you let one of them have some privacy instead of hoarding that privacy booth you built?"

"Krillin, don't be a jerk. I'm a parent, I know what I'm doing."

"Didn't you always have your parents, a staff, and Piccolo before to help?"

"…Shut up. And watch me be awesome."

Five Minutes Later:

"Get along now or ELSE!" Bulma yelled, holding the boys up by their collars and shaking them as she bared her teeth. Boxer bared them back at her while Gohan looked torn between confusion and tears.

"NO!" Boxer shouted back in her face.

"It's official, space madness has won the day. Looks like I have to be the one to save us all. Time to shine and show why you are on this trip, Krillin," Krillin said, punching his palm. Then he spotted a green light blinking on the control panel.

"Hey Bulma, is that a good or bad blinking light?" Krillin asked. Bulma glanced over and dropped the boys, her jaw dropping with them.

"…Namek, we've reached Namek," Bulma smiled and rushed over to the panel, "Yes, we made it. Ha, so much for the final frontier. We kicked space's butt without an issue."

"Yeah," Boxer and Gohan said, high-fiving.

"And now they're okay? No, this can't be healthy," Krillin grumbled, looking at the trio of weirdos.

Well, it would have to wait, he supposed. With their luck, they'd have quite the Dragon Ball hunt in front of them.

Author's Note:

If you can't help but read Princess Snake's lines in the TFS voice, that's okay.

This Chichi heavy chapter I was happy to write as the action will shift to the world of the living for Namek. While Chichi has arrived late to King Kai's don't worry her training on Snake Way was not for nothing.

Her transformation and brainwashing was inspired by tales of the fey. Also being tricked by playing to her desire to outshine the Z warriors along with being able to rescue herself I saw as a way to grow her character.

Before you ask she is not a Saiyan, and she never will be in this story. At this point she's just a human with magical alterations. On the plus side the Dragon Ball Earth is such a strange place Chichi probably wouldn't stand out too much with those.

Okay to get real for a moment in the midst of the ongoing upheaval and the pandemic I urge you to take care of yourselves and one another.

now then, no idea how long the next chapter will take and I continue to also work on other stories. I hope this strange tale continues to entertain you.

Long days and pleasant nights to you all.