Shadow: Hi all. Still reading?
Hawk: Of course they are. This is pure insanity. It's good reading.

Shadow: Okie dokie then. Like she said, I'm here to help with the remaining Misadventures.

Hawk: You just had to change your pen name, didn't you?

Shadow: I didn't want to have a number. If I had stayed Lady of Imladris, they would have made me have a number. You changed too.

Hawk: I put a 'The' on it. No biggie. Anyway, there's much insanity to be had. I caution those who decide to read on.

Shadow: Don't! It'll be fun to see Haldir and Legolas at work!

Hawk: Well, there goes the plot…just read okay? Thanks.

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A New Adventure:

Chapter One: And So the Insanity Begins…Again (Oi veh)

"GOOOOD MORNING!!" Hawk happily shook Legolas awake.

"AHHHHH!!!" He screamed bloody murder as he flew out of bed. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?"

"A lot. You know that." She grinned. "But there's no time for that. You can't be late for work."

"Work? What?" Legolas rubbed his eyes. "I never should have started sleeping like a human…"

"Probably not…" Haldir was already dressed in his new work uniform. "Hurry up."

Shadow happily sat on Haldir's bed, drooling over the elf in uniform.

Hawk waved her hand in front of Shadow's face. "Earth to Shadow! Please come out of the zone!"

"Dun wanna…" She murmured stupidly.

Haldir arched an eyebrow. "Perhaps I should leave the room for a moment…"

"Couldn't hurt…" Legolas muttered.

"I'll just drag her out with the promise of her boots."

"BOOTS!!!!" Shadow flew at the other girl.

"ACK!" Hawk ran from the room before Shadow could kill her.

Legolas and Haldir watched in fear as the girls disappeared from the room.

"Well…I'll just go get dressed…" Legolas shook his head and went to find his uniform. Haldir smirked at himself as he tied his golden hair back into a loose ponytail and secured it with his uniform hat. He admired himself in the mirror, turning slightly.

"I hate to sound vain…"

"Then don't," Legolas put in cheekily. Haldir glared at him.

"But…damn, I look good."

"Yes, he does!" Shadow exclaimed from the other room.

Frantic bangings and scrapings could be heard and every now and then a sudden tinkling of breaking glass. Legolas looked over at Haldir despairingly.

"Should we help them?"

"And get in the middle of it again? NO!" Haldir said firmly.

Hawk raced back into the room, two leather black boots in hand with Shadow on her heels. The two elves ducked behind the bed.

"Give me back my boots!"

"NEVER!"

"FINE! Now, I'm going to steal Jack Sparrow's boots!"

Hawk rolled her eyes and sighed. "GAH!" She dove on to Shadow. "And that's Captain Jack Sparrow! You of all people should know that! You worship Mr. Jingles!"

"Stop calling him Mr. Jingles! And I do not worship him! Haldir's still first!"

"Coulda fooled me!"

"What about breakfast?" Legolas asked softly. That brought Hawk and Shadow to a full stop, poised in midair, grappling with each other. Shadow looked down at Hawk, whom she held in a headlock.

"Yeah. What is for breakfast?" Hawk disentangled herself from the mass of arms and legs and hurried into the kitchen.

"Food," she answered shortly from the other room. Shadow threw up her hands in despair. Hawk was the most indecisive person she'd ever had the pleasure of being friends with. Shadow walked into the kitchen in the wake of Hawk and rummaged through the fridge.

Hawk already had a pizza out on the kitchen counter. Shadow raised an eyebrow, picked up the pizza and whacked it hard on the table.

"It's frozen," she said. Hawk grinned and spread her hands wide.

"It's not frozen! It's cold pizza! The breakfast of champions!" For the second time that day, Shadow threw up her hands in despair.

"And…with the flailing…again…" Haldir said softly, unsurprised. "Do we get weapons of some kind?" Haldir inquired. Hawk looked at him and whacked him upside the head.

"NO killing people! Geez! Shadow, can't you control your bloodthirsty elf?" she yelled. The woman in question threw her arms around her said elf's neck. "We could end up with a lawsuit if he kills someone!"

"Dun wanna!" she exclaimed proudly.

"Well, I guess we have to drive them." Shadow nodded and tossed Hawk the keys to her car, which, to all's present surprise, she caught. Shadow blinked at her for a moment in shock.

"Wow. World Series worthy!" she exclaimed.

Hawk made an elegant bow. "Thank you! Thank you!"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Personally I thought that was a dig…"

"It was. I've just learned to take it from her." Hawk sighed and shoved a slice of pizza in her mouth. "Where's the cola?"

"The what?" Haldir blinked.

"Soda, you moron. Haven't you been living here long enough?" Hawk swallowed the mouthful.

"I resent that!"

"Um…you're supposed to…" Shadow poked Haldir.

The taller elf made an indignant face and left the room.

"You made my elf mad!" Shadow thwaped Hawk in the head.

"Owwie! Hey what do I care? He's your elf, not mine. I have mine." Hawk jumped into Legolas' arms. He grinned.

"Oh! You two are…Gah! I don't know anymore!" Shadow threw her hands up again and left the room.

Hawk giggled. "Someone's mad. Like she usually is with me."

Suddenly Legolas' ears twitched. "Dammit! Not again!"

"Eh…what?"

"Haldir and Shadow are…busy…" he trailed off meaningfully.

"Again?!?!" Hawk went into the living room. Haldir and Shadow were, once again tangled up in each other's arms kissing. "I'm going to kill them…" She went back into the kitchen and filled up the biggest glass she could with ice water.

"Umm…you sure that's a good idea?" Legolas raised an eyebrow.

"Nope. I'm never sure of anything!" She grinned and went into the living room.

Legolas cringed when he heard the water splash and curses fly in both English and Elvish. "Oww…my ears…" He looked into the living room. Haldir and Shadow were chasing Hawk around the room. Shadow was wearing Haldir's hat.

"Haldir woulda heard me coming if he wasn't so…enthralled with you!"

"I'm still gonna kill you!" Shadow flew after Hawk even faster than Haldir.

"And then how will you get the stupid boots back?" Hawk ran into her room and locked the door.

Shadow made a face. "I hate you! Gimme back my boots! And where's your blow drier? My hair's all wet."

"It's in the bathroom. Is your precious elf's hair in tact?"

"Thankfully yes. You mostly got me, vile wench."

"And proud of it," came Hawk's muffled voice from behind the door in her room.

"I have more weaponry than you…" Shadow threatened, grinning maniacally.

"I've given strict orders to my people to destroy your boots should anything happen to me!"

"No! You…you…I don't know what you are!"

"Your best evil friend."

Haldir glared at Legolas while he shook out his hat. "Couldn't you have stopped her?"

"While I'm at it, would you like me to do anything else, like say kill a Balrog on my own?" Legolas rolled his eyes. "Stop Hawk…yeah right…"

"Shut up," Haldir muttered. "My hat's soaked now."

"Look on the bright side. It's just the hat. Be glad she didn't soak you. We gotta go to work."

"I guess you're right." Haldir sighed. "I should stop Shadow before she breaks that door…"

"And then you can go take on an army of 10,000 Uruk-Hai by yourself." Legolas muttered under his breath.

"I heard that."

"No, really?"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

"Probably." Legolas grinned. Haldir rolled his eyes in despair.

"You know, I believe her insanity is rubbing off on you." Legolas grinned all the wider.

"Probably."

"Ai!" Haldir threw up his hands. Legolas pointed his finger at the elder elf.

"Ha! Shadow's rubbing off on you too!" Haldir's face paled ever so slightly as he realized what he'd done.

"Valar help us all! Can we please go to work now? If I'm lucky I can be on the other side of the mall." Haldir headed into the living room.

"Hey!" Legolas frowned. "That hurt. Besides, you'll never remember all the human rules on your own. You blew two of them last time."

"So did you."

"I did not."

"Uh…yeah you did." Hawk said timidly. "You threatened to kill that guy if he touched your hair. And you made fun of that robber dude's clothes."

"Robber…dude?" Haldir blinked.

"Shut up."

"Okay, okay…" Haldir placed his still-slightly-damp hat on his head and straightened it with a flourish as Shadow came out of the bathroom.

"I'm ready. I hope you're happy." She grumbled as she walked past Hawk.

"Very." She grinned.

Shadow glared at her. "Why you…" She picked up a pillow from the couch and heaved it at Hawk.

"Eep!" She ducked and watched as the offending pillow flew into Legolas' face.

Shadow winced. "Aw…crap…"

Hawk laughed. "Crap indeed. You're dead now."

Legolas said nothing as he put the pillow down. "Can we please go now? I'd like to get out of the house before Shadow decides to throw something dangerous."

"Oops! Sorry!" Shadow hid behind Haldir. "Don't hurt me!"

"Maybe we should go…" Hawk grabbed Legolas' arm. "Come on…it's just a pillow…no need to go all crazy ass psycho elf on her…"

"Fine…" Legolas flipped his hair back and headed for the door.

Hawk drooled. "I love that hair…"

"Will you shut up?" Shadow muttered.

"Nope!" Hawk ran out after Legolas.

Shadow looked at Haldir. "Ready for work?"

"No. But let's go anyway." He sighed and opened the door for her.

"Okay. Try not to blow anymore rules."

"I don't think I remember all of them."

"They were on the chart…" Shadow muttered not wanting to relive Haldir's temporary chart obsession a few days earlier.

"Chart? Where?" His ears perked up.

"Did you say chart again?" Hawk came running back up.

"Yeah…"

"You fool…" Hawk muttered.

Legolas let out a deep sigh. "It's going to be a long ride to the mall…"

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Shadow: "Crazy ass psycho elf." That's mine! Except I wrote that in my Tale of Two Cities book about Madame Defarge.

Hawk: Argh! I believe you used a more colorful word than elf. It started with a 'b' and ended with an 'itch'. * clears throat * Anyway… another wonderful dose of insanity. You like?

Shadow: Have we completely lost it?

Hawk: Not until we take Haldir and Legolas to the Renaissance Fair!

Haldir & Legolas: WHAT?!?!?!

Shadow: Aw…you spoiled it for the readers…

Hawk: They'll find out eventually. We've got all sorts of adventures to send them on.

Haldir: You mean, all sorts of ways to torture us?

Shadow: Adventures, torture… What's the difference?

Legolas: We're doomed.

Hawk: They do have to fight the giant centipede first…

Legolas: Isn't that a bug?

Shadow: You bet! Just wait and see!

Haldir: I really don't like the sound of this… Someone help us! In the name of all that is good, help us!

The Shadow Hawk & The Lady of Light