Don't own Type-Moon, nor do I profit off this work.

Reality always had a way of disappointing me, didn't it?

I glanced at Sella's expectant gaze and then back down to the perpetrator of my shattered fantasies, a plate of sausages, I held back the urge to sigh in disappointment.

The source of my negativity wasn't from some arbitrary creed such as being a vegetarian or vegan, it was not even a dislike of sausages in general, I was just simply tired of German cuisine.

Day in, day out the same dishes again and again and again for years on end. I suppose I should have expected this considering that this was all I ate, but I really wanted to enjoy the spice of life. In other words I wanted to experience some variety in my diet.

I was a bit spoiled when it came to food, but I suppose that's what happens when you cook for yourself with a decent enough skill and a plethora of recipes and ingredients to choose from.

Still I was starving and this beat foraging the woods for sustenance by a landslide. So I started to systematically shovel the food into my mouth, studiously trying to ignore my tongue in favor something else.

My traitorous mind instantly latched onto the topic close at hand, my maid's cooking skills. It wasn't that I hated Sella and Leysritt's cooking, I just needed to introduce them to new dishes and broaden their horizons.

It wouldn't even be hard, I just had to print out some recipes from the Internet…

Hm?

Wait a second, wasn't it 2004 right now? The internet was barely out of its infancy and sites to share cooking recipes probably weren't very big yet, if they even existed at all. Not to mention the fact we didn't even have a computer nor internet at the Einzbern manor.

Well, It wasn't the end of the world as I could still remember how to make some of my favorite dishes. I should totally teach my maids how to make some Boilermaker Tailgate Chili as it was easy to start with and then move on to my favorite lasagna recipe afterwards once they managed to nail the chili.

Unfortunately, there was just one teensy tiny problem though.

Wouldn't cooking for the first time in my life and pulling strange new culinary creations out of the blue set off some alarms?

Leysritt probably wouldn't care with her stunted emotional range, but Sella would either be extremely suspicious at my sudden ability to cook or start crying her eyes out, bawling out something that I could imagine sounded like 'My food was so bad lady Illyasviel learned to cook for herself, I'm a failure as a maid, waaah!'

I began to laugh at the silly mental image of the straight laced and serious Sella making such a childish scene, only to start hacking as I nearly choke on the food that was in my mouth.

Quickly I began pounding my chest to alleviate my problem, fortunately it seemed to work, but I noticed something odd, namely a pair of hands wrapped around my stomach. I looked back only to see Sella and Leysritt behind me, the both of them seemed ready to perform the Heimlich Maneuver at a moment's notice.

"Are you alright Lady Illyasviel?" Sella asked me, her tone full of worry.

"Yes." I didn't trust myself to speak so I merely gave a short answer and a nod in response.

My reply was terse as I couldn't help but feel horribly embarrassed. I mean I was thankful that they were there to help, but at the same time I had witnesses to my epic fail.

I guess this should teach me not to eat on autopilot. I would never live it down if I actually did manage to choke on some Bratwurst.

"If you say so…" Leysritt trailed off in her typical monotone, what wasn't typical was that she looked the faintest bit concerned. It might not seem like much, but this was very same maid whose emotive range was so weak that she could be outdone by a toaster nearly every day of the week.

It was at this point that I just wanted to sink into the ground, but since that was not in the cards, I could only hope that my face didn't look like a fire hydrant due to shame.

My appetite thoroughly ruined by my mood, I began to remove myself from the situation as fast as I possibly could, only sparing one last look back at the pair of maids who were currently cleaning up the small mess I had coughed up, a sight that only served to worsen my mood as my already injured pride as an adult took major damage.

It was at this point I stormed out of the room before I could make an even bigger fool of myself.

Stupid, stupid, Stupid!

Making a scene here was something I should be avoiding at all costs considering Jubstacheit's eyes were everywhere here! This was the complete opposite of what I should be doing right now.

This was such a petty incident, but I was flustered beyond belief. What I needed to do is calm down!

I took a deep breath to calm myself, slowly trying to unwind the hot mess that was my emotions.

"Illyasviel." I startled, heart racing as Sella's stern voice called out from behind me.

I mechanically looked back towards my maid, stomach churning at the expected scolding of a lifetime.

"Where, do you think you're going in that?" Sella's finger pointed at my chest.

I looked down completely confused, only to see a white blouse completely stained with splatters of dried blood.

Oh that.

"It's unacceptable for a young lady of the Einzbern to be walking about in such a deplorable state, you should know better than trying to run away from a bath by now." Sella lectured while her stern eyes glared into mine, causing me to wilt under the attention.

Torn between angrily yelling that I wasn't a child and collapsing from embarrassment, all I could do was absentmindedly mumble, "I'm sorry."

Fortunately the half-hearted apology was enough to satisfy Sella as she nodded in approval before her hand forcefully took mine and I was once again dragged off, only this time it was towards the baths.

It was barely a minute since my prompt capture by maid and I was already firmly situated in soapy warm water while being meticulously cleaned by Sella.

I could wash myself damnit!

Still being pampered wasn't so bad, was it?

I couldn't decide whether I liked being bathed or absolutely despised it. So I settled for blowing some bubbles under the water to vent my frustration.

This brought up a point that was becoming more and more apparent, I seemed to be constantly in two minds about nearly everything, as if I viewed the world through two different lenses. It made sense I suppose considering what I am, but I could not help but wonder if the stark differences would mellow out eventually and whether that was a good thing or not.

Still this wasn't something I could really do much about at the moment, so it only served as a distraction from what my mind was trying to avoid.

How the hell was I supposed to get through the coming War?

Even in the best case scenario where I defeat Gilgamesh and all the other Servants and came out on top, I would cease functioning as a sentient individual. It happened to Mama and it would happen to me as well.

How did that work? Well it was simple, I was the Lesser Grail. I collected the Servant's souls within me when they fell in battle, but I could only handle four Servants at most before I lost all function as a human being and become nothing more than a mindless doll.

It was death in all but name.

A deep grimace graced my face at this fact, I was honestly at a loss. Even if I did everything in my ability to avoid functioning as the Lesser Grail the servants would simply go to Sakura and create a doomsday scenario not just for me, but the whole planet.

So I either had to somehow make sure at least half the Servants survived through the Holy Grail War or replace my heart, which was the Lesser Grail, before five Servants died. Removing the Grail wasn't something I could do lightly as if I did replace my heart, I would also lose my Sorcery Trait Wish-Granting due to the fact I only had it as a result of being the lesser grail, still not too hard right?

That was until you factored in that ever-accursed Goldy into the mix, Gilgamesh is noted to be worth at the very least three servants by himself and no, I don't mean in combat power. The ever so illustrious King of Heroes has a soul with energy equivalent to hundreds of thousands of human souls which apparently was equivalent to the amount of energy three ordinary Servants would have.

Meaning even if I only killed Gilgamesh the Lesser Grail would nearly be full with him alone and I could only handle one or two more servants before I lost my mind and sadly that was the best-case scenario.

The worst was well…

Instantly dying the moment Gilgamesh kicked the bucket, as long I possessed the Lesser Grail for a heart.

This game was rigged, the deck stacked against me from the outset and the more I thought about it the more I realized just how deeply screwed I was.

The only option seemed to be to replace my heart during the Holy Grail War, since Wish-Granting as powerful as it could be, was simply not worth certain death. I could certainly preform a heart transplant without much trouble as I was well versed in healing Magecraft and with Sella and Leysritt supporting me I would definitely succeed.

Haha, No.

If only it were so simple, my heart was no ordinary organ, but my entire being. I wasn't a regular homunculus, instead I was technically the Lesser Grail given human shape and consciousness. When my whole being was centered upon the Lesser Grail separating myself from my heart would almost certainly have catastrophic ramifications.

There was a reason I was trying to avoid even thinking about this, but if I was going to survive, I had to confront the harsh reality that my chances of getting through the Grail War in one piece were slim.

Thankfully I had a few ways around this limitation, two to be exact. The first was obviously Avalon which would function as a decent stopgap measure and the second…

The Dress Of Heaven.

It was detestable to even contemplate, but if I only had that dress my chances of making it through this farce of a war increased exponentially. It would allow me to move souls, to shape them to my will!

While it fell short of being a magician of the Third True Magic it was the closest a Magus like me could ever get. I couldn't become a soul made manifest, but I could certainly move the souls that would build up within the Lesser Grail. In other words it would easily negate having to worry about turning into a vegetable through victory!

To top it all off that was the least the Dress of Heaven could do especially if I used it in conjunction with my Wish-Granting trait. I could bring the impossible well within the realms of possibility and all it took was the small cost of a single sacrifice.

Was I really going to commit to this course of action?

The Dress of Heaven seemed like a beacon of light in a sea of darkness, but the only way to obtain it was through Leysritt's death. While the person in question probably wouldn't have a single problem with dying for my sake, as it was the whole reason she even existed, I did.

Leysritt was Illyasviel's… No, my friend, one of the very few people I cared about. The original Illyasviel had already accepted that Leysritt would sacrifice herself for the dress, it was her purpose after all, but I, I…

I didn't want to order my friend to die.

A/N: Okay so I hit a bit of a block halfway through the third chapter, but after a few months I decided to cut it in half and throw the latter away.

About half of what you see is what I finished a few days after the second chapter. Anyways I'll start on the next chapter from scratch and hopefully this will be the thing I need to get the story running again.

I plan to stay in the Einzbern manor for at least one more chapter before I move on to Fuyuki which is when the pace of the story will ramp up and be less monologue focused and more action driven where I actually have a lot planned.

To be honest half the reason I think I'm struggling right now is my muse wants to go to Fuyuki immediately, but can't since I don't want to rush the pacing.

A/N 2: Made some minor grammatical edits so the chapter hopefully reads better. A/N 3: More minor edits.