*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gainax, Khara, Warner Brothers, or the estate of Joe Leahy.*
Prologue - A (Pinnacle) Chip Off the Old Block
Kensuke Aida was a number of things to the people who knew him. Friend. Obsessive otaku. Shutterbug. Military nut. Over-eager.
And of course, computer whiz. In addition to his usual haunts of the arcade and the hobby shop, another place frequented by the bespectacled junior high student was an electronics shop specializing in different eras of tech. And he'd just gotten quite the score after paying a visit on this particular day.
Whether the shop's owner was aware or just didn't care he didn't debate. What was important to him was the very object he'd just bought. While upon first glance, it looked like an average circuit board, it was what was attached to it that caught Kensuke's eye.
He'd read the stories about it, but never in all his young life did he imagine he'd chance upon getting one in his hands. How for a time it was considered one of the biggest things to hit the world of computer technology, in 1995 that is. Yet there it was, in his bag as he made his way home and up to his room.
"Oh this is gonna be great...!" he beamed as he set his school bag down and immediately got the contents of his shopping bag out. Once the circuit board was on his little work table, he set about, with a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers, removing the object of his musings from its present holder. His task accomplished with utmost care, he took a moment to examine it, awed by what he saw.
Under the glass, held in the prongs of the tweezers, was a Pinnacle chip. A microchip once touted as one of the biggest innovations of US-based Apex Microchips, for a time one of the biggest computer tech companies in the world; in the years since, it somehow was acquired by NERV, the UN-backed agency that acted as humanity's main defense against the otherworldly menaces dubbed the Angels. The chip was only on the market for about a week, until the head of Apex was arrested after his more unscrupulous activities had been discovered. The reasoning for the chip's recall had been well-hidden by the company, and no one had managed to find out in the intervening years.
And now Kensuke had it in his possession. His level of excitement was astronomical compared to whenever anything about NERV's Evangelions was brought up. Diligently and delicately, he placed the extracted chip onto a fresh circuit board from his own computer, partly-disassembled for the very occasion. At last, he'd be possibly the first to see the Pinnacle's processing power in action. Once he reassembled his computer, he cracked his knuckles in anticipation.
"Party time," he said with glee as he booted up his computer. Once it cycled on, Kensuke was greeted with something he didn't expect, given how in pristine a condition the chip was in: an error message.
Only it wasn't like any error message he'd seen before. It was a key sequence, one that proved to be baffling to even him:
" [=g3,8d]\&fbb=-q]/hk"
"Huh. Weird," Kensuke said. "Probably just a fluke." With that, Kensuke hit the delete button on his keyboard, thinking that once the string was gone, he could get down to business and test the capabilities of his console with the brand-new chip. What happened next proved him wrong.
A flash of light flared from the screen, and bolts of static electricity shot out, taking the otaku by surprise.
"What the?!" he wondered in astonishment. Soon, a strange sensation overtook him, as he noticed that he was somehow being pulled towards the console.
"What's happening?! What's going on?!" he said as fear started to overtake him. "Crud, I knew I should've tested this thing at the stooooooorrrreeee!" he lamented as he was somehow sucked into the screen. The moment he was absorbed, the light and static vanished as the screen dimmed, appearing as if the console had turned off in the now-empty room. A couple of minutes passed before the screen lit up again. The light flared back to life and static bolts arced around the console as a figure was deposited back into the center of Kensuke's room. The figure slowly stood up, as his form was revealed.
The figure was taller than Kensuke, and wore what looked like a set of red spandex long johns, along with a pair of white gloves and boots. On his chest was a symbol, made up of a yellow stylized letter 'F' and an exclamation point over a black ovoid shape. The only skin showing was above the collar of the suit, and it was a light blue. The figure's black hair stood up and slicked back, with a white lightning bolt-shaped streak on either side. On his face was a black domino mask, along with a big, wide grin. The figure, now fully standing, then looked directly our way.
"I'm BAAAAAAAAAACCCKKKK!" he bellowed in a sing-song manner. "Did you miss me?" he then asked in an innocent, childlike voice. And then at that moment...his theme song started playing...
Super-teen extraordinaire!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Runs around in underwear!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Saves the city of Tokyo-3...
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
...Unless something better's on TV!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
His brain's overloading!
It's got a chocolate coating!
He's a textbook case for Sigmund Freud!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Check out Kensuke Aida: otaku techie whiz.
While modding his computer, he got zapped for the hero biz.
He turns into the Freakazoid, who's strong and super-quick!
He's driving SEELE crazy, 'cause he's a lunatic!
He's back in biz in the Freak-A-Lair!
Freakazoid, Freak-a-Two!
Will he stand out with his hair?
Freakazoid, Son Goku!
Dustin' off the Freak-mobile!
Freakazoid, free kazoo!
Still lookin' for that movie deal!
Freakazoid, Pikachu!
He's back to save the planet, so evil'd better can it!
If not we'll be orange goo...
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Freakazoid!
END (or BEGINNING...?)
**Author's Note(s)**
How's this for a crossover no one expected? Depending on the reception this gets, I may continue on with what I envision as parody inspired by the Superwomen of EVA series. If that happens, who knows what kind of mayhem will ensue...?