Youth is a lie.

A statement that told far too common a story. A student mistreated, a mindset twisted, and ultimately, a youth rejected. If I were a betting man, I'd bet a year's supply of MAX coffee that every classroom had at least one such student.

Because these sort of sob stories were so commonplace, to the point where they were a freakin' character archetype, no student who went through an experience that could be classified under 'bullying' was special. It irks me therefore, to admit I once thought myself as such, special in the sense that I believed myself superior to my peers because of my middle school experience.

In retrospect, those years were pure cringe. In fact, the more I think about the past, the more I feel like stuffing my face into a pillow and screaming my lungs out whilst flailing about like a dying fish. Nontheless, I'm grateful for the young Hachiman's mistakes, though I would definitely punch him if we ever met. Through him, I've learnt a great deal of things, so even though I still have much to learn, I can confidently say that I am better, like a video game constantly being patched.

That's not to say that life has become a breeze though. With the freedom of choice comes the inevitable price of responsibility- that was the truth few acknowledged. A choice meant sacrificing one for another, and you who made the choice would have to bear the consequences, good or bad.

Basically, I've had my share of ups and downs.

Despite the trials and tribulations, I was happy... I am happy.

"Hachiman, you really shouldn't be monologuing when you have work soon."

The scolding tone snaps me out of my thoughts. Yukino stands before me with her arms crossed and a wry smile adorning her ageless countenance.

"I'm just exercising my mind, Yukino."

"Ah yes, heaven forbid your poor excuse of a mind cramps up mid-day. Your students will think you defied the laws of evolution and devolved from a neanderthal to a unicellular organism in a matter of seconds."

"Way to boost my confidence."

"You'll be fine, Hachiman."

Closing the distance between us, Yukino tiptoes to plant a chaste kiss on my cheek. I draw a deep, shuddering breath, the scent of her lavender shampoo relaxing my tense muscles.

"Just try your best, and that'll be enough."

"Thanks. I'll see you tonight."

I lean forward to return her kiss. She hummed as I pulled away.

"Yes, I'll see you tonight." she says while adjusting the strap of her purse.

Cliché as it is, I stayed at the door until she left my line of sight. I took another deep breath of Chiba Air(TM) before closing the door. Today was to be my first day at work, and although I had a lot of doubts, as Yukino said, as long as I tried my best, that was enough. With that in mind, I roll my neck a few times until my bones popped. I felt ready to take on the day.

Brace yourself Sobu, for Hikigaya Hachiman has returned!

... just one more can of MAX first.

0: Thus, Hikigaya-Sensei Makes His Debut

The classroom walls reveberated with the voices of my classmates, some whispering, some muttering, and some shouting at the top of their lungs; altogether a rowdy bunch. I watched as the cliques that had formed chattered about anything and everything from their likes and dislikes, to the rumour going around that our homeroom teacher was supposedly an ex-delinquent.

"Ne, Mii-chan, what do you think?"

My line of thought was brought to a halt by Keika jumping in front of me and slamming her hands on my table. The twin-tailed girl immediately lifted my mood with her bright smile and adorable eyes. Did anyone ever tell you your cuteness was a lethal weapon? Seriously, tone it down! I might just take you to bed if you don't. As a cuddle pillow that is, not a partner in Yuri. I don't swing that way you know?

"What do I think of what?"

"Our homeroom teacher! Whaddya think?"

"I mean, there's no way a prestigious school like Sobu would ever hire a delinquent, not without good reason at least. I think we'll be fine."

Now that she was in my face, I noticed that Keika's violet eyes shined mischieviously, as if she knew something nobody else did.

"Please. If the new guy does turn out to be a jerk, I'll just kick him where it hurts the most." Emiko said with a scowl I knew was fake. After all, Emiko isn't gullible enough to blindly believe rumours. "What about you Keika? What do you think?"

"Hmm... I think we'll be in for a surprise!"

The way she put her finger to her chin and hummed only made me more suspicious of her. Keika was the most genuine and innocent human being I'd ever met, that much was certain, but she was also extremely playful, kinda like a puppy. Actually, her boundless energy resembled a puppy too. Are you actually a puppy in human form, Keika? I can't believe you didn't tell me when we've known each other for years!

Out of curiosity, I glance in Emiko's direction. She too must have suspected Keika was hiding something as her inquisitive gaze met my own.

As I attempted to guess what dastardly secrets the cinnamon roll could be hiding, a knock came from the classroom's door. Then another. Then a third. My peers were silenced in an instant by the knocks that belonged in a scene of a horror movie. Seriously, the look on some of their faces made it pretty obvious a few of them bought the whole 'delinquent' thing. Me? I'm just wondering what sort of teacher knocks. Seriously, they never knocked unless they weren't meant to be there, like a clubroom or a class they were interrupting.

The door slides open to reveal a man with a prominent ahoge that sat atop a mess of short, black hair which framed his face despite obviously being untended. Aside from the typical working adult attire of dress shirt with pants, he also had on a black vest. Combined with sharp eyes that were barely softened by rectangular glasses, I almost thought he was well in his thirties. However, the lack of any wrinkles and the fact that he has his sleeves rolled up and his collar unbottoned without a tie told me he was younger, probably around early-to-mid twenties.

Those eyes lazily roamed the classroom as he made his way to the front. For a moment, I thought I saw them widen when we made eye contact, but I couldn't be sure. He unceremoniously drops the stack of papers in one hand on the teacher's table, then proceeds to chug the can of Georgia MAX coffee in the other with such speed I worried he would choke. After placing the empty can on top of the papers (seriously, wasn't that going to be our assignments for today?) he begins to write his name on the blackboard.

Hikigaya Hachiman.

Were your parents that fond of the God of War?

"Yo." I cringe at his lazy greeting. "My name is Hikigaya Hachiman, though most of you will probably call me Hikigaya-Sensei, or just Sensei if I'm too forgettable a face. I'm new to this whole teaching thing, unless you count my experience tutoring airheads. Actually, just a singular airhead."

My classmates voice their amusement in varying degrees, save for Keika who seemed to be struggling to keep herself from exploding. Is she that excited for the first day of our second year? I wish I had even half of her enthusiasm.

"In any case, I will be your homeroom teacher as well as your Japanese literature teacher for this year. I'm also a guidance counsellor, which is just a nice way of saying I'm a busybody who advises the troublesome, the lost, and anyone in between. I hope we get along, because I'm too lazy to change your mind if you hate me, which means you'll have to waste energy hating a teacher for the rest of the year."

My classmates began to whisper amongst themselves again, but with more positivity than apprehension. This guy managed to put those rumours of him to rest with a snarky introduction? I had a feeling literature classes wouln't be so boring this year.

His eyes subtly scanned the classroom, gauging the reactions he managed to elicit. This time, I was certain his gaze lingered when he was looking in my direction. Something about either Keika, Emiko, or myself attracted his eyes. Those sharp, grey orbs... what about them was causing this nagging feeling? Oh wait, maybe it's my instincts warning me of a potential pervert. Senseu nods to himself after a few seconds before speaking up again.

"Alright class, settle down." He pauses as the noise begins to settle. "I'm going to mark your attendance, and I expect you to respond when I call your name. If you don't, I'm just going to mark you as absent. Got it?"

I tuned out at that. Whilst I knew it was important to learn your classmates' name, I also knew it was impossible for me to remember them with just one roll call. Besides, I have Keika to act as my intermediary. She is the mythical human-puppy creature everyone liked after all, so I can rely on her to appease anyone who might be annoyed by my less than adequate social skills. Say for example, tsundere fire queens.

"Kawasaki Keika?"

"Here, Haa-chan!"

...

What?

Wait.

"WHAT?"

Emiko pretty much voiced the confusion of the whole class.

A/N: So this is pretty much a pilot chapter. Whilst this is a concept I am very interested in, there's a few major issues that prevent me from going all out. Firstly, my polytechnic vacation only lasts a month. After that, who knows how much my lazy bum can write in between projects. Second, I am by no means informed when it comes to the job of a teacher, nor am I very good at planning. Like seriously, my draft for this pilot was "Post canon, Hikigaya takes after Hiratsuka and teaches at Sobu. Rumi, Keika, and Third character are his students. It's time for another highschool student's life SNAFU."

As such, I'd like to make a request. (Hilarious, amirite)

Tell me with a review if you'd be willing to put up with a story chalk full of delays that would make WW-san blush, mistakes abound, and no promise of a substantial plot. I'm serious. Short of me giving up on the excuse that "I don't want to ask for a beta-reader if I can't be sure I'll give my 110%" (or a beta-reader being crazy enough to offerme their services), this is how I expect the story to go. If enough of you are masochi- I mean, okay with it, I'll update whenever. If not, this remains another one of my private "in the head" fics.

That's all for now. I look forward to your thoughts.

(small sidenote, I'm under the impression both Keika and Rumi were in elementary in the canon timeline, so forgive me if they're not actually the same age and the premise of this story just got yeeted out the window.)

Edit 1/3/2020: Grammatical errors, spelling, this is now Chapter 0.

Edit 9/3/2020: Small changes to tense and and structure of some sentences.

More tense correction... this will be a trend, won't it, future me?