Gray Territory

Chapter 1: Mom is not going to like it

Is nighttime. Actually I don't know what time it is, but is dark and a little bit cold. I walk among trees, aimlessly. I think I'm lost, I stopped knowing where I was and where I was going a while ago. But I don't care. I think I should be scared, but I don't have the strength to be afraid. Mom should be worried, but my house is the last place I want to be now. I don't want to see her sad face, I don't want her pity. I don't want her to see me defeated. So I keep walking. My body moves by inertia, truth is I don't know what pushes me to keep going, but I guess is better than stay still. So I keep walking, without seeing, without hearing. My head spins. Too many memories, too many sensations. I can't deal with everything. I would like to cry, but it doesn't seem enough. I would like to shout, but I don't find my voice. Is not worthy. Nothing is worthy.

It never mattered what I want. Today I realized that. I wished so bad, so bad, to be a hero like All Might. I wanted to accomplish something important with my life. But it never mattered. Without a quirk it was obvious. But not even that seems important now. Simply, I'm too weak. I've never been able to defend myself, I've never been able to answer Kacchan's insults. Today I couldn't even protect him from that attack. I humiliated myself in front of him, in front of All Might, in front of everyone. And I wanted to be like All Might? Impossible. Kacchan knew it before I did. I'm a fool, and I have been my whole life.

"...And maybe you will born with a quirk your next life". Maybe Kacchan is right. There is no point, I'm tired, I can't anymore. I don't want to go on. I don't want to go back home to face mom. I don't want to go to school to face Kacchan. Mom is not going to like it, but now that I can't be a hero, I don't have to be one, nor for her, nor for anyone. If I want to, I can give up, quit, forget them all and be selfish. Yes, that sounds good. More than good. Come on. Quick. There must be a place somewhere. Here. No, there. If I go down road I will surely find the river. The river in which we used to play when children.

I seep up, my chest drums. I stumble several times, I see close to nothing in this darkness, but I don't stop. I have a purpose, even if its a miserable one. Then, I start hearing it. The water. I'm close. Just I little more. Yes, here it is. Now I just have to follow the river. I remember there was a bridge over there. Is not a roof, but it will do. I walk a good stretch. Just a little more. I can see the bridge. The rebuilt it. Now it has a railing to make it safer. Whatever. I get closer. I walk it half way and I climb the railing. I stand in the border, holding myself with my hads. I look down. Is not too high, but there's a good water torrent. I have a good chance of making it.

—Are you going to jump? —says a voice at my back. I startle and look behind. This is the last place I expected to find someone. He looks older than me. He is wearing a black sweater, with the hood raised. Half of his face is hidden behind clear locks. The other half looks haggard, but this person can't be older than twenty—. Today there's a lot of water running. If you jump now surely you'll die.

—Are you going to tell me not to jump?

—Do as you wish, is your decision. I'm just curious, how bad is your life for you to want to commit suicide? —he asks. His answer puzzles me, but it also puts me at ease. If he is not going to stop me, I don't lose anything answering his question.

—I wanted to be a hero like All Might, but I have no quirk, so its impossible. He told me so. —The guy stays impassive. After some seconds, he bursts into laughter.

—You're not messing with me, right? —When he sees my reaction, or lack thereof, he calms a little—. Poor creature, even the great All Might has forsaken you and now you have no purpose to live. How funny. What would you do if a told you I went through the same?

—What?

—Don't misunderstand, I do have a quirk. But lets say that even in this hero society there's left over trash. Trash not even All Might cares about. I'm one of them, and it seems you're like me. Don't feel bad, there are many like us, usually they know us as villains. —That last word makes me react. I'm scared. I lose the grip of my hands and I know I'm going to fall. I close my eyes. Here I end.

But instead of falling, I'm hanging. I'm hanging? I open my eyes and I see the guy holding onto my arm with both hands. Then, a scorching feeling starts to burn my arm, just where the guy is holding me. It becomes a scorching pain. A pain that corrodes me. I shout. I almost don't realize I'm being pulled until I fall on solid ground. I look at my arm. Where the guy's hands were, now I have no skin.

—Sorry. That's my quirk, basically I destroy everything I touch —the guy comments casually. The pain is horrible. But I'm still alive—. Listen, I understand if you want to end everything here, but if you want to do something more with your miserable life, come with me. I'm the head of a group of idiots called League of villains. We're not kind, but all of us have been rejected by the system. No one there will judge you for not having a quirk. Who knows? Maybe you will discover you have talent for this.

No. Of course not. How could I? It goes against everything I have always believed in. A couple of hours ago my biggest ambition was to be a hero, and now I'm being recruited by a villain? Of course not. But… What if…? No, bad idea. But if I could…? It can't be that bad of an idea. Maybe if… But mom is not going to like it. But that doesn't matter anymore. I could… Why not? I would have to quit to… But I wasn't going to come back anyway. Right, I'm not going back… The other option I have is the river. But if I could… wouldn't it be worth it? I don't have to be a hero, I can give up, forget them all. Yes, I like how that sounds. Now I can be someone else, someone different. Yes, I like that…

—Deal—I say with gritted teeth. A grimace appears in the guy's face, and I think is a smile.

The idiot Deku had stopped coming to class. And I couldn't care less. Surely he'd been too scared after the slime villain that he didn't dare to go out of his house. Maybe he finally had realized that he couldn't be a hero with how useless he was, least one like All might. Good! I've hoped I could see his face when he came back. But the days went by, Deku was still not coming back. And there were rumors. That because of the scare he would've lost his mind or something. Bullshit.

I knew Deku had disappeared when the police came to my home to ask if we knew something. They interrogated me, I told them the last time I saw him, the idiot was going back home. There were no more questions. Then, the "wanted" signs appeared in the neighbor walls. At school they stopped asking for his name at the attendance. No adult mentioned something about his disappearance. After some time, the empty chair seemed to bother no one. After some more time there wasn't rumors left.

Two months went by. Suddenly, I was graduating from school. I had no mind for anything that wasn't the admission test of U.A. As expected, I got the best results in the practical test. The night my acceptance letter arrived, the announcement came out in television. The had stopped looking for Deku.

—You know what this means, Katsuki? —my mother said—. It means they decided he wasn't important. They're not going to tell it on television, but probably they left him for death. His mother must be heartbroken.

I didn't react at that moment. I didn't process my mother's words. I didn't understand them, they had no meaning to me.

Today is the funeral. Is a symbolic ceremony, there's nothing to bury. But there's a gravestone with Deku's name. His mother cries in silence. My mother stays by her side. My father says nothing. Nobody else came. And there's a gravestone with Deku's name.

I suddenly realize that I won't see his pathetic crying face ever again. That nobody will ever call me Kacchan again. That he won't bother me when he thinks I need help ever again. Suddenly, I realize he won't be there. Ever again.

And I don't like it.