FOREWORD

I've heard that before you die, you can see your life flash before your eyes. I never used to believe in that sort of thing, though. My world was a simple one, full of gadgets, devices, monitors, and machines. And bombs, of course. I suppose it's ironic that those same things brought me out here to the Sector 7 pillar and the end of my life.

Just how did I end up here, leaning heavily against the metal railing of the landing and bleeding from more holes than I can count? Tifa tried to help me, to heal my injuries, but magic like that can only do so much. I should be dead already, but the potions and spells are keeping me alive for just a little bit longer. Every breath is an agony, every little movement is an exercise in torture. Pain is my whole world. It's all that I know now besides these last scattered thoughts and the rapid slideshow of memories flowing through my mind one after another.

So it really is true…

Do I regret the choices that led me to this? I honestly don't know. I'm sure that, if I had the chance, there are at least a few things I'd have done differently. That's true of everyone, I think. But along with the bad things are also the good ones. Both kinds of memories fill me now as I wait hereon the landing for the rest of the Shinra troops to catch up to me. It won't be long now, and I've got a little surprise for them when they get here. At least I'll die on my own terms. The detonator's in my hand, ready for the moment when it finally comes. But in the meantime, all the memories of my life race through my mind one after another in a tumbling cascade of thoughts and feelings, sights and sounds.

Glimpses of my childhood, of growing up within my father's estate in Sector 5's executive district. Yes, that's right. I wasa spoiled little rich girl once. Whatever I wanted, I usually got. My father saw to that. I loved to tinker even then. I was always taking apart my toys and seeing if I could put them back together again. And usually I did. But I didn't understand about the slums and how people had to struggle to survive down there. I used to believe all the rumors saying they ate rats down there, and worse things, and I never wanted to go anywhere near there.

Funny how it was in that place that I truly found myself.

More memories now, this time of being sixteen and going to work for Shinra. My father's company. The soulless, bloodsucking corporation I've spent the last year fighting against in every way I know how. I was one of them once. I did things there I'm not proud of, created powerful weapons and allowed them to be twisted and used to hurt and destroy. I might not have known that would be the outcome, but I should have. Those close to me had warned me, but I didn't listen. And because of my gullibility and shortsightedness, a lot of people died.

I saw my growing disillusionment with Shinra as I started to dig into the circumstances surrounding Mom's death and began to understand at last just how terrible the company really was. And then after I had found out what really happened, how alone and vulnerable I had felt and that I had known that I couldn't stay there any longer. Not only was it not safe, I just didn't want to be a part of it anymore.

And then I left both home and Shinra with the help of a dear friend. Reeve got me out of there and provided me with a cover—a place where I could hide from my father and start over. That's how I got my start as an actress. I changed my looks and how I dressed until I looked nothing like how I used to. The shy, geeky office girl was gone, and a new woman rose in her place. I even started going by a different name, since using my last name was too risky, and my mom's maiden name wasn't any safer for me to go by. Jessica Heidegger became Jessie Jae.

Yes, that Jessie Jae. The one and only. I never set out to be famous. It came as a bit of a surprise, actually. The play's been around since before I was born, but people seemed to really like my portrayal of the heroine for some reason. It was the biggest role I'd ever landed, almost fell in my lap, you might say. People still talk about it today even though another girl is there in my place now. The cast always changes, but the play is the same. My sudden disappearance was probably another reason I stood out. And even though I'm gone, my picture is still the one the theater uses. I'm part of the play's lore now, I guess. How I just vanished one night and haven't been seen since. There are lots of theories about it, but the truth isn't like what anyone thinks. My father had somehow found out where I was, so I had to leave everything behind again.

More memories flash by. Fleeing all the way down to the slums to get as far from my father as I could. It was so much different from the world I had once known. I saw those first difficult days, how lonely and afraid I was. I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. But things got better over time. I found a way to support myself and help others as well. It was so fulfilling, so wonderful to be able to use my skills to make people's lives a little easier, and I started to feel good about myself again. But I still felt like there was more I could do to atone for my past mistakes. And then I met them. My new friends, the best I've ever had.

They took me in with open arms, all four of them. Barret, so big and gruff but with a more tender heart than he'd like people to think. All you have to do is see how he looks at Marlene to spot it. Tifa, who became the sister I'd never had. She taught me how to fight, and I taught her to hack. She's more comfortable behind the bar than behind a screen, though. But we got to be very close, just the same. Biggs, who was both annoying and charming at the same time. Just the way a brother should be. He loved to tease me, but he was always looking out for me, too. And then there was Wedge. Dear, sweet, quiet Wedge. So shy, but braver than he thinks he is. And with a heart as big as his belly.

Bits and pieces of my life flit through my mind one after another as I lean here and wait for the end. But that hasn't come yet. And then there's another memory. The day I first met him. My heart flutters just thinking about him even as it aches to see the pain in his eyes as he gazes down at me from the next landing. Cloud. He really should go, but I know that he won't. He can't. Not while I'm still alive. But… that won't be much longer. I can feel myself starting to get lighter, but I can't let go yet. I have to hold on, have to stay in the world a little longer. Just enough to give him what he needs. To make sure that he can't be followed, that he and Tifa can get to Barret in one piece and save Sector 7.

As my fingers grasp the detonator, the memories keep racing through my mind. Memories of him, of Cloud. Meeting him for the first time, two months before that fateful mission to take out Reactor 1. The day he first came to the slums. The day my life changed again. And those eight weeks were some of the happiest I had ever known. Then the reactor bombings. And now, Shinra's terrible attempt at retribution.

I only hope Cloud and the others can stop it. He had come back to us after we had thought he was lost forever, and after he and I had reunited in the pillar, he nearly was. But I couldn't let that happen, not after all he had done for me. Cloud had saved me so many times, protected me. Now it was my turn to save him. When the chopper found us, I made sure the bullets tore into my body instead of his.

And so the curtain began to close on my life.

I'll die, of course, but he'll live, and that's a trade I'm happy to make. I know he cares for me, I saw it in his eyes when he held me so close after I was shot. I think that'll make it a little easier, knowing he feels for me at least something of what I feel for him. Just knowing he's here is enough. A part of me will go on in him, within the place that I've found in his heart. Even if it is just a little one. It's all I need, all I want.

I can see the images of my life swirling through my mind like a river. How do I unpack them to understand how I came here, to the end of the line, the last stop on this train ride and the final act of this play? I guess I should start at the beginning. Not that beginning, of course. Starting with my birth is a bit too far. But the path that eventually led me here, to this moment, began when I started working for Shinra.

It was a job that changed the course of my whole life.

– Jessie Jae Rasberry