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"Are you… robbing me?"

Huh?

"I just wanna be a normal girl, with normal knees."

Head's pounding…

"Today I get to let my sweetheart do the talking!"

Ugh, voices…

"Mmm, nope!"

Whaddaya mean, 'nope?'

"Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful! It will be DELICIOUS!"

Man, cut it out with the yelling. You're making it worse.

"We're stopping this train!"

What the hell kinda migraine is this?

"Oh, it's so good to see you! Didja miss me? Didja miss me?!"

Black…? No, red? Wait a second, green? The fuck?

"GET AWAY FROM HER!"

And… copper? Bronze? Hold on…

"PYRRHAAAAAAAA!"

When I regained awareness, I was greeted with a soft, comfortable feeling of warmth.

"Nnhuuugh…" 'Mmm… feels nice. Like a blanket.'

Sadly, it didn't really help with how my head felt a little borked. But whatever it was, I had no intentions of leaving it just yet, merely adjusting myself slightly to a better position.

My mind registered that my ears were picking up something that sounded an awful lot like a… news broadcast?

"...have confirmed that the man responsible for the crime was notorious thief Roman Torchwick, likely in an attempt to…"

Having just woken up, I was still suffering from classic morning sloth, and was unable to make a connection to that name. I shifted again, having gotten bored of my old position.

Hey.

The sudden crystal-clear voice that almost seemed to emanate from behind my eardrums jump-started my focus slightly. "Mmnnwhuh?"

C'mon, sleepyhead. Up and at 'em.

My eyes blearily cracked open, lids slowly peeling back before blinking a couple times to try and clear away the blurriness. I tried to move a hand up to rub them, and was briefly impeded by what I guessed to be the blanket that was the source of my comfort. It didn't take much to unwrap myself, thankfully, and my hands got their job done, removing any blockages from my sight.

A black window came into view.

[SYSTEM UPDATE!]

'Eh?'

[Ver. 1.0.1 Changelog:]

-Added HUD pop-up notifications for discovering landmarks

-Fixed an issue that would prevent Gaia chat functionality upon bootup

-Added more customization options for the Skill Ring

-Certain Guide descriptions have been updated

-Some skills have been rebalanced

-Minor bug fixes

-Updated localization files

I parsed through the information with an empty stare and glazed pupils, still not up to one hundred percent yet. It was starting to occur to me that my head was suffering from a routine, dull throbbing, and was also feeling a bit fuzzy - in short, like I said earlier: a little borked. Likely from what had happened before I'd blacked out.

I slowly sat up, absently registering that I was lying on a couch before one of my brain cells gave the main power generator some good old-fashioned percussive maintenance with a monkey wrench, and everything clicked. 'Oh… oh, shit, that's right.'

Conveniently, someone else also happened to be in the room at that moment. "Well, hello there, sleeping beauty. Finally get that true love's kiss of yours?"

My head twisted in the direction of the source, and I was met with a mop of short blond hair and faded lilac eyes, coupled with a strong jaw covered in stubble and a well-built body.

Oh, and who could miss the tag floating over him?

[Taiyang Xiao-Long]

Legendary Draco-Dad

Reaver

Lv. ?

I stared about a full second longer than most people would consider socially acceptable before it hit me that I should probably respond. I blinked, eyes darting around to look at any spot other than him. "Uh… yeah? Eh- no? I don't… think so?"

Well, now I knew how much those extra two points in charm were really worth. 'Smooth, man.'

The guy chuckled. "Nice to see that you can stick your foot in your mouth, at least. You gave us quite the shock when my younger daughter barged inside last night, treating you like a burlap sack." He shook his head, the smile dropping off his face. "Nearly gave me a heart attack on top of that when she said she'd found you going up against an Ursa with nothing but a broken sword and no aura left to save yourself."

I felt the red of shame creeping into my cheeks and averted my gaze. "Yeah… not my best move. Kiting him probably would've been a better idea, but I guess I've got a saboteur loosening screws somewhere in here." I lifted my knuckles up and rapped on my noggin a few times, mimicking a hollow noise as I did so. "Oh, wait, nope, it's just empty. Suppose that explains a lot."

An empathetic expression and a sage nod was his response. "A fellow brainless compatriot, I see. My heart goes out to you in that case. Good plans never were our forte."

I gave a helpless shrug. "Well, usually I can come up with something serviceable on the fly. Or I think I can, at least. That was the, ah, fourth time I'd ever needed to use improvisational battle tactics?" My hand came up to scratch the back of my neck. "Kinda obvious that the first time I had to use 'em was a few hours earlier, huh?"

"...hold on a second," he started after a period of giving me this look, "does that… are you implying that you went up against an Ursa on your first day of having to fight, period?"

Now that he said it out loud, it did seem pretty idiotic, but… "I didn't exactly have much of a choice in the matter." I grunted. "The sun was about to set, the thing was snoring right in the middle of my path, and I had to find a safe zone before the real nasty creepies started crawling out. Unfortunately, my stealth slinking needs work, and the sound of a foot snapping a twig is very effective at waking things up."

The guy folded his arms. "What were you even doing out there in the first place?"

"The only honest answer I can give you is that I have no clue whatsoever." I shook my head. "I woke up yesterday in a forest I didn't recognize with no idea what the hell was going on. I found an old sword in a pond, and decided to start walking in one direction in hopes of eventually finding civilization. Going by everything that happened, uh…" an awkward, somewhat forced smile appeared on my face, paired with a sheepish shrug. "I, guess it worked? I mean, I survived either way, and that's a win in my book."

He snorted. "I'd say your definition of 'win' is a little skewed, but whatever helps you sleep at night, pal." He took a few steps forward and raised his hand. "Taiyang Xiao-Long. People I like call me Tai."

"Zeiss Serven." Actually saying the name myself didn't make it feel any less weirdly foreign. I mused it would probably grow on me at some point as I grasped the offered appendage. "Am I one of those people?"

"Mmm… not yet." He gave me an appraising look. "You'll have to prove this isn't just some elaborate ploy to steal the hearts of my daughters before you can get on my good list."

I had to chuckle at that as I let go. "Do these hands look like they were made for thievery?" I didn't even have a knife or a gun or mask, either. Or a Persona. Would be real neat, though.

"Doesn't matter," he rebuffed. "A guy with hands as big as pineapples can still pick a lock if he's careful enough."

"And the face?" I deadpanned, pointing to my head. "C'mon, man. Do you see this atrocity of a mug? Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have a chance."

Taiyang had an answer for that, too. "If a guy like me can score, then you sure as hell can, too."

I had to hold in a fusion of a laugh and a frustrated groan. "Would it help to know that I avoid committing to any serious relationships like the plague?"

"Nnnnope." And there was the family's signature P pop. "Not one bit."

A palm came up to my face as the groan finally won out and left me. "You're not letting me win this argument no matter what I say, aren't you?"

"Now you're getting it," he grinned.

"Hey, dad?" A new voice called from outside the room, drawing Taiyang's attention. "I think we're out of butter… and chocolate chips."

He glanced off in the direction it was coming from to respond. "Make sure to write those down on the list for tomorrow's shopping run. Is your sister up yet?"

"Doubt it. She was up pretty late last night." A light chuckle wafted in. "Gotta say, I'm seriously impressed with how she managed to bring a guy home before I did! I thought it'd take her years to break out of that shell of hers!"

The big guy next to me laughed. "I guess our little Rose is finally blooming, eh?" He then let out a wistful sigh. "I still remember the days when she'd slip away from the park to go drool all over the windows of the old weapon shop… or the smithy."

"You know she still does that, right? It's just easier 'cause she doesn't have to sneak off anymore." A clattering noise sounded out. "Ah, shi- uhh, crap. Freakin' tiny spoons—"

Taiyang started moving. "Need help in there?"

"Nah, I got it," came the voice again, causing him to stop. "Fork this silverware, am I right?"

The man raised his fist up slightly and shook it. "Oooh-hoo-hoo, you are very lucky you managed to make me laugh with that one, otherwise the swear jar would've gotten a bit fatter! You know it's not very knife to say that, Yang!"

I had to cover up my mouth with a hand to muffle some unholy combination of a snicker and a groan. 'God damn it, why am I laughing at these? They're shit!' Good news was, it meant that my sense of humor was still intact, however terrible it may have been.

I also ended up bending over, causing me to miss the moment when the source of the voice entered the room with a bowl of cereal. "Oh, hey, you're awake! About time."

Exactly as I'd expected, I looked back up at a glorious mane of vibrant yellow, a pair of lighthearted full lilac eyes, and a blazing grin.

[Yang Xiao-Long]

Sunny-D

Journeyman

Lv. 17

I simply lifted a hand up in greetings. "Hi. Sorry for crashing in unannounced."

She shrugged as much as she could with her hands full. "Meh, it's fine. You were out cold, and we didn't really wanna leave you hanging." She then started making her way over to a different couch. "If you've gotta apologize to someone, then do it to Ruby. She's the one who dragged you all the way back here, after all." Carefully sitting down without spilling anything, she dug in. "Not right now, though. Wait 'till she wakes up."

I'd gotten tired of standing around, so I went to sit back down. "How much time until then?"

She hummed through a mouthful of food, then swallowed to speak. "Thirty minutes to an hour, probably. Not that long."

"Huh. Alright, then." I propped my head up on my leg with one arm, rubbing my chin with the attached hand.

That little exchange had all but confirmed it. 'Of all the people to pull my ass out of the fire…' It was either a smaller world than I thought, or something was obscuring my luck stat's actual value. 'It had to be Ruby fucking Rose herself. And not only that, she had to take me back to her place.'

Taiyang broke me out of my thoughts after focusing on what Yang was holding. "Hey, now that I think about it… when was the last time you ate?"

My eyes widened as I considered the question. "Uh… huh. I…" The topic of food brought back both memories of yesterday, and older bits of my last life. Particularly a few clear images of Burgundy Tri-Tip. Real good stuff, that was. And a shame that they probably didn't serve anything like it around Patch… or likely even the greater world of Remnant. But that was neither here nor there.

Thinking on it, I couldn't recall feeling hungry at all when I'd been trekking through the forest. Adding on to that, I also hadn't felt the least bit thirsty, or the need to answer nature's call.

'Seems like I did get a variant of the coveted Gamer's Body skill after all…' I thought, before another detail popped out. 'Actually, I don't think I remember seeing my clothes or skin get ripped or torn at all. Which is weird, because I took a lot of hits to covered areas.' The skin was understandable since the skill was known for stopping the user's body from sustaining any visible wounds and instead deducting HP for suffering attacks, but the clothes, not so much. 'Does that mean it also prevents clothing from taking structural damage? If so, then… well, I think it'd be the first system I've seen that goes out of its way to preserve fashion.'

Then again, now that I had what was basically a full-body force field, that function was kinda rendered moot. Even still, though, it was neat.

"You in there, buddy?" I was once again snapped out of my musings by the man of the house.

I realized I hadn't answered his question. "O-oh, right, sorry. Uh… hm." I obviously couldn't tell him the whole truth since I'd rather avoid giving away anything significant at such an early point in our relationship. But outright lying also wasn't a good choice.

So I just decided to be vague. "I… don't remember eating yesterday. I dunno if it was because I was too focused on getting out of the forest, or because I didn't have anything to eat on me, or something else. But I don't think I ate yesterday."

"Say no more." Taiyang started moving towards where Yang had just emerged from, then stopped halfway, looking back to me. "You want anything in particular, or should I pick for you?"

I replied with the answer I usually gave in these kinds of situations while standing up. "If it's okay with you, I'd rather do that myself."

"Well, I say it's not okay with me," he rebuffed. "If what you've told me is true, then what you really need right now is some R&R. Besides, I'd be a poor excuse of a host if I wasn't the one doing the serving." He smiled. "Now, why don't you sit back down and tell me what you'd like for breakfast?"

There was no continuing the argument after a total shut-down like that, so I chose to do as he asked and returned to my place on the couch with a defeated sigh. "You have any waffles?"

A sorrowful wince appeared on his face. "We ran out yesterday."

My feeble sense of courtesy browbeaten into me by years of experience in Boy Scouts had me holding back a noise of discontent at the news. Instead, I settled with rubbing my eyes with one hand. "Just give me some toast then, please."

"Roger that." And away he went.

I slouched back into my seat, staring up at the ceiling and different aspects of my HUD with half-lidded pupils.

Honestly, Taiyang was right. I definitely needed to take some time to come to terms with everything now that I had the time to take a step back and let it all sink in. I was in the ideal spot to do it, too - inside four rustic walls, sitting on a great cushion and under the protection of a family full of badasses.

However, what I needed and what I wanted didn't always agree with each other. Prime examples of this were my stances on school (a necessary evil), exercise (it might as well be a requirement now), and kale (which can go straight to salad hell). Besides, fully accepting their new circumstances and the fact that they'd have to figure out their role in this new setting under their own power wasn't something most self-inserts didn't achieve until… anywhere between about halfway through the first story arc to around the point of its completion.

Of course, that was a load of bullshit, and I knew that deep down, but finding ways to justify poor decisions had been a hobby of mine since third grade, and I wasn't about to stop now.

In any case, what I wanted at that moment was to find a way to put off the inevitable existential (I think that's the correct term) crisis and subsequent breakdown as much as possible. I found the perfect excuse to do that when my gaze happened to drift back over Yang, or more specifically, her bowl of cereal.

"What brand you got there?"

Her irises briefly flicked down to her food before going back up. "Uh… I don't remember the exact name, but they're just discount Fortune Idols. Y'know, 'hearts, stars and horseshoes,' the one with the marshmallows?"

'Lucky Charms then, obviously.' I nodded. "Yeah, they're pretty good. 'Course, I've only ever had offshoots too, but does that really matter if it tastes the same as the brand stuff?"

She nodded back. "Yup, exactly." Another spoonful was shoved into her mouth, seemingly capping off the end of that conversation.

'Well, that failed.' Served me right for thinking I could get any use whatsoever out of charm. 'Uh, fallback, fallback… wait.'

My vision focused on a specific point in my HUD, drawn not to anything visible, but the noticeable lack of something.

'That one bar… it's gone.'

If my short-term memory wasn't completely faulty, it had appeared right after I'd unlocked my Aura… and right before I'd unleashed that five-slash combo. Exactly how much damage that attack had done was unknown to me as I'd been too busy seeing red (and getting my ass kicked) to pay attention to the numbers flying out of the bear's health bar, but going by how it had reacted, it was definitely a real heavy hitter.

Come to think of it, hadn't the gauge also been shining a rainbow of colors when it was full?

'...did I seriously pull a Limit Break out of my ass?'

I froze there for a moment, before realizing that I should probably check the guide to see if it had anything to say about this. Popping the menu open with a mental call, I scrolled down to the 'Combat' section and immediately singled out one particular tab.

[THE SUPER GAUGE]

Unlocking your Aura has granted you access to the Super gauge.

Upon entrance into a battle, your Super gauge will appear next to the Skill Ring. The gauge can be filled up by performing various actions, though none will do so as fast as taking damage.

Once the gauge is full, you will gain the option to spend some or all of it in exchange for unleashing a Desperation Super. Desperation Supers are extremely powerful moves that can deal very high amounts of damage, inflict various debuffs on the enemy, heal you, or bless you with helpful buffs. Sometimes several, or perhaps even all at once.

Note that once the battle is concluded, the gauge will empty itself completely, so make sure to spend it before you or your enemies are defeated to make the most of it.

You will learn more Desperation Supers at later points as you progress, and you may also end up discovering other ways to spend the gauge. Further information will be provided as needed.

I'd have asked why this tutorial didn't immediately pop up right after I'd gained access to the feature, but something told me that it would have 'broken the pacing.' What exactly that meant I had no clue, but again - I'd survived, so no harm, no foul.

Instead… 'A super meter. The system gave me a god damn super meter.'

I wondered if I should thank my lucky stars that I wouldn't have to deal with pretzel inputs since the guide also indicated that my options for spending the gauge would appear on a list for me to select from.

"Here you go. We're out of butter, so I decided to just go ahead and give you some jam to go with it."

After some deliberation, I reasoned that it wouldn't be out of the question that I'd have to do something resembling pretzel inputs to trigger the moves anyway, and decided not to count my chickens before they hatched.

'Meh, even so, I'll probably be fine as long as I don't get anything resembling Raging Storm or Deadly Rave. I shudder to think of what I'd have to do to pull those off.'

"Remnant to Zeiss? Hello?"

I was once again jolted back into myself when a hand waved itself through the screen in front of my eyes. "Daah-hah! Uh, right, right, toast. Sorry." My food sat in front of me, a regular-sized piece of bread browned by heating coils and given a glop of reddish jelly on top. No butter, but if I could stomach pancakes without syrup, then this was an entry-level sidequest.

Taiyang stepped back and rubbed his neck. "Sheesh. Didn't think you'd be this much of a space cadet."

"In my defense," I replied while lifting the piece of toast up to my mouth, "I've had to deal with a whole lot of stuff I didn't think I'd ever need to." Biting down, I discovered that it was exactly as I'd expected. Practically identical to every other piece of toast I'd had in my life thus far. "I would've been totally comfortable with just living out a run-of-the-mill civilian's life, but I guess whatever gods are out there decided to go 'screw that' and tossed me out here." A second bite disappeared down my throat. "It's just… not all that easy to go from sitting around at home playing video games to staring down a huge Grimm that could kill me without breaking a sweat."

He sighed. "Good point. Still, you should cut back on that. It's not a good habit to have."

"I know, I know," I groused. "It's rude, it leaves you open, all that stuff. I get it." It wasn't the first time I'd heard something along those lines, and I doubted it would be the last.

"Well, good. Recognition's the first step towards rehabilitation." He shrugged, looking away. "Or, something like that, anyways. Brothers know I'm not someone to lecture people on how they should live."

Yang decided to interject. "Oh, come on, dad, what're you talking about? You're a great role model!"

"Sweetie, please, don't." It felt like the room shifted slightly. "You of all people should know why."

It was easy to tell that she wanted to debate that. However, she chose not to, backing off and quietly lowering her eyes back to her cereal. She still managed to get the last word in with a subdued voice, though. "I think you're a good dad…"

Even a blind and deaf man could tell that commenting on this situation would be in poor taste, so I wisely kept my mouth shut and opted to focus on finishing my food.

The murdered mood had no intentions of letting up even after the toast was well on its way through my stomach. I gave a muted "thanks" for the meal and set my plate down on the nearest table, then silently sat back down without another word.

A fair bit of time passed, and I began to get irked, or at least something like irked-adjacent. 'Ugh, these atrocious vibes are killing me. The awkwardness was bad enough, but this level of dour? Bro, I'm straight-up not having a good time.'

The big sister and bigger daddy had already left the room by this point, and the pressure hadn't let up one bit. I would've found it impressive if it weren't so aggravating.

All of a sudden, I heard the sound of someone descending down the stairs paired with a yawn.

'That's gotta be her…' There was no way this wasn't going to get cringeworthy on some level. But by how much was subject to change. 'Do I move to intercept, or hold my position?'

I became so preoccupied with my choice that I completely failed to notice when she actually entered, rendering my efforts moot. But the noises she made after clued me in on the fact that I wasn't the only person in the room anymore.

"Weh-? Oh…"

I would've facepalmed in any other situation. 'I did it again. I fucking did it again.' There was no helping that now, though, so I turned my vision in the direction of the new voice's source and looked up.

Red-tipped short black hair framing a slightly flushed face, shining silver irises pointedly avoiding me, and nervous parted lips were what graced my eyes.

[Ruby Rose]

Shrinking Carmine

Celerian

Lv. 10

The only option I could come up with was to play the fool. "Um… you, wouldn't happen to be Ruby, would you?"

It took her a moment to respond, almost like she was trying to pick and choose her words from a list too vast to be navigated effectively. So much so that she was forced to keep her vocabulary basic out of fear that she might horribly botch something. "...yeah… yeah, that's me. Ruby. Ruby Rose." She finally mustered up the courage to look me in the eye, and managed something that an unabashed optimist would call a tiny smile, coupled with a weak "hi!"

Not entirely sure of what exactly I should do, I simply lifted up my hand and performed an excruciatingly stilted wave. "...hello."

My brain was practically foaming at the mouth. 'Dear lord, this is painful beyond belief! What the hell are you two idiots playing at with this 'hi, hello' bullshit?! Do something productive, at least!'

I decided I might as well take the initiative if only to shut it up. "So, uh, I hear you're the one that got me outta that jam yesterday?"

A slow nod and an "uh-huh" was the answer I got.

"All right…" I mumbled out. "Well, thanks. I don't know how I could've survived that if you hadn't happened to pass by. And, ah..." My gaze slipped away, dropping low. "Sorry for the trouble."

My apology seemed to galvanize her somewhat. "Whoa, whoa-whoa, hey, don't say that! I-It's no skin off my back, really! I was…" She appeared to catch up to herself, and lost her steam. "Happy to help…"

We fell silent, occasionally shifting around for no other reason than to fill the void with some kind of activity. My brain continued to steadily lose it as I tried to restart the conversation on multiple occasions, only to fail each and every time thanks to my own unwillingness to say something that could be considered improper.

'Unbelievable. Un. Fucking. Believable. Look at yourselves! This is the exact opposite of what you should be doing right now! Come on, this isn't rocket science! It's basic human interaction, for god's sake! Just pick something to say, and say it!'

Sadly, the only thing I could offer was a grimace hidden from view by a timely glance in the other direction.

Suddenly… "Soooo, how long are you two lovebirds gonna stare at each other?"

I had to resist blowing out a sigh of relief from Yang's timely arrival. 'Halle-fucking-lujah, someone with actual social skills! Praise be upon thee, mighty dragon, for breaking this accursed stalemate!'

Ruby's reaction, coming from a person who obviously spent more time talking to blueprints and molds than actual people, was so predictable it almost hurt. "Wh-wh-wh-what?! L-lovebi-?!" She was reduced to stuttering out half-formed words and disconnected syllables accompanied by jerky gesticulations for a few more seconds before she managed to regain enough composure to string together an outraged "Yaaaang!"

Despite my efforts to hold it back, I could not stop the snicker that spilled out of my lungs thanks to the bout of sisterly teasing, blending in with Yang's laughter at Ruby's expense. The reaction itself may have been predictable, but that didn't stop it from still being hilarious.

The snicker died instantly when I heard Taiyang's voice innocently pipe back in. "Did I just hear something about lovebirds?"

The statement's innocuous nature made the sudden feeling of intense pants-shitting terror all the more crushing. 'Oh, balls.'

I switched gears to 'damage control' right before the guy stepped into the room again. There was no way in hell I was going out like this. "Would I be correct in assuming that a certain yellow-haired girl has a habit of interpreting situations in specific ways, particularly those that get a rise out of Ruby here?"

He stopped, considered the question, then delivered his answer not unlike one would deliver a fond but tired sigh. "Yeah, that definitely sounds like something she'd do."

I nodded. "Then my answer to your question is 'well, yes, but actually no.'"

"All right…" His tone indicated that he didn't quite believe me, but was willing to overlook this one infraction for the sake of context. I doubted I would get the same courtesy next time, though.

In any case, he elected to move to a new topic. "Well, now that everyone's here…" He turned towards the red and yellow duo, who were currently engaging in everyday sisterly activities. By which I mean that Yang was playfully mussing up Ruby's hair while she flailed around, unsuccessfully trying to stop her. "Ruby? Yang? Why don't we all introduce ourselves, get to know one another?" He gave me a pointed glance. "I'm sure you're both dying to know just who our new guest is, right?"

Yang diverting her attention towards her dad gave Ruby the opening she needed to escape, slipping away while giving the blonde a put-off glare and a pout. She brushed it off with a not-at-all sorry smile and a surrendering gesture before moving to sit down on the couch, responding at the same time. "You know it, dad. I gotta make sure Rubes didn't snag someone who won't fully appreciate her."

"Would you just cut that out?!" Ruby was not at all pleased with the continued insinuations. "He's not my boyfriend, or- whatever! I barely know him! He's just some guy who got his butt kicked and needed me to save him!"

"That hurts, you know," I cut in. "True, yes, but still, ouch."

It was almost impressive how quickly she backpedaled. "O-oh, shoot, sorry! Sorrysorrysorry! I-I didn't mean to- I just- I-I'm sure you're a great fighter and all-"

The somewhat over-the-top apology forced me to do the same. "Hey, hey, no need for that! I know you didn't mean anything by it, I was just ribbing you." I slouched forward a bit in regret. "I know full well how bad I am at the whole combat thing. Really, it's a miracle I survived as long as I did."

Taiyang disagreed. "I doubt it. Miracles are based on luck, and luck is just composed of fifty percent probability and fifty percent skill. Your life may have hinged on Ruby finding you when she did, but making it to that point? That was all you."

That was also true, but you'd never hear me admitting it. "...if you say so."

"Moving right along," the other blonde smoothly segued, "how 'bout we actually get on with the introductions? Here, I'll start." She straightened up slightly, putting one hand on the center of her suddenly puffed-out chest while the other went to her hip. "I'm Yang Xiao-Long. Signal Academy student, older sister to your savior there, and the most likely to knock your teeth out if you ever do anything to hurt her. And I mean anything." She smirked, raising an arm to flex all over me. "These guns aren't just for show, y'know!"

There was hardly any way for me to hide the involuntary gulp at the poorly-veiled threat. "Duly noted."

Taiyang stepped forward, moving to stand next to Yang. "Suppose I'll go next, then." He gave a casual half-arm wave. "Heya. Just to make sure it sinks in, I'm Taiyang Xiao-Long. I'm a teacher at Signal Academy, single father of these two adorable lights of my life, and the best brawler this side of Vale." He glanced down at Yang. "As you can see, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"No kidding," I agreed. "She looks exactly how I'd imagine a younger you. If you were a girl, that is." That glorious mane caught my attention again. "And had longer hair."

The owner was quick to address my staring with a short, concise, and not at all subtle statement. "Touch it and you die."

I found myself shrinking back at the overwhelming pulse of killing intent she'd broadcast. "Wasn't planning to."

"Good!" Yang instantly flipped back to a cheery disposition before looking at her sister, who seemed slightly nonplussed. "Do you want me to do this for you, or…?"

The pseudo-goth jumped at the address, then thought long and hard on the question before coming to a determined decision. "...no, I'll do it. I won't grow if I don't try."

Yang visibly had to resist giving her an outright round of applause, and was forced to settle for an extremely vindicated-looking fist pump instead. "That's my girl! Well, go ahead!"

Said girl took a few steps forward, gathered her courage, then once again looked me in the eye, this time with a much bigger smile. "H-hi! I'm Ruby Rose! Uh, I'm also a student at Signal, and, ah, I really like looking at weapons! Especially Huntsman weapons! Umm…" She was trying, that much was clear, but it was obvious that she was sorely lacking in experience. "I-I like cookies, too! Do you like cookies?"

I was hit with this weird mixture of feelings at this introduction, composed mostly of the urge to cringe and the urge to go 'd'aww'. However, I was given no time to dwell on it, as I had to answer her question.

"Yeah, I'll never say no to a chocolate chip. Or a snickerdoodle. Or any cookie, really." I pondered a bit more. "Heck, I could probably stomach an oatmeal raisin if that was my only option."

Ruby bent over forwards, slapping a hand over her heart and gasping like she'd just been shot. "You heretic! You evil, unforgivable, nasty HERETIC!" She turned away, steadying herself on the nearest object. "I've been betrayed! I-I've been backstabbed!"

I couldn't stop what came out of my mouth. "And quite possibly bamboozled?"

"Shut your mouth, you oatmeal-raisin lover!" One of her arms snapped back, pointing an accusatory finger at me. "This is an act of war between us, and I won't take it lying down! Prepare yourself!"

I shot the other two people in the room a bemused look. Yang responded with averted eyes and a neck-rub along with a slightly embarrassed expression, while Taiyang just wore a helpless not-quite-smile. Both were obviously going to be no help at all.

Suppressing a groan, I looked back at the objecting finger. "Prepare myself for what?"

Ruby fumbled for a moment, before a lightbulb of an idea came to her. "For a conversion! I need to prove that your notions of oatmeal raisin cookies being good are incorrect!"

I blinked. "I… never said they were good, though? I just said that I'd eat them if I didn't have any other choice. They're not exactly tasty, I'll give you that, but they're not terrible, y'know?"

"...eh?" My statement stopped her in her tracks, and her face began to grow even redder as she realized that I hadn't actually said that I outright liked the hated fusion of fruit and sugar. Eventually, she hung her head and covered it with her hands, muttering out a low "idiot!"

For whatever reason, seeing her like that was like being impaled on a needle. Which was unpleasant, and needed to stop. "Hey, don't worry about it. It was an honest mistake, I'm sure. And either way, I can't exactly hold it against you."

A solitary silver eye peeked up. "...really?"

"Yeah," I nodded, plastering on a smile. "No biggie."

It was then that I realized that we weren't the only ones experiencing this moment. Unfortunately, by the time I noticed the shit-eating grin on Yang's face, it was too late. "You sure you're not into each other? That looked pretty romantic from where I'm sitting."

At this point, Ruby seemed about two hundred percent done with her sister. "Yang. For the love of all that is pure in this world, stop."

Taiyang agreed. "You might wanna dial it back a bit there, sunshine. You know how she gets when you push her buttons too much."

"Alright, alright." She wisely backed off. "I'll hold back… for now." Her vision suddenly locked into me. "Okay, buddy. You know all about us. Why don't you tell us about yourself?"

"Roger that," I replied. 'Here we go.'

I cleared my throat, then lifted a hand up and gave a lazy two-fingered salute. "Hello, happy people, my name is Zeiss Serven. I just woke up after hiking through a forest and nearly dying horribly on…" I paused, taking a moment to recount exactly how many times my health bar had come close to hitting or had hit zero. "Four separate occasions. My hobbies include rifle shooting, golf, and wasting my life away staring at a screen." I snapped a fingergun and a wink in the general direction of Yang and Ruby. "Pleased to make your acquaintances, you crazy customers."

All of a sudden, the incomplete objective at the side of my HUD that I'd forgotten about up to this point turned green, at last registering my success.

[MAIN QUEST COMPLETE!]

[Grimm Island]

Rewards Received:

150 EXP

100 Lien

'...huh, about time.'

"Rifle shooting?" I'd clearly caught the interest of the weapons nerd. "What kinds of rifles?"

I shrugged. "Nothing bigger than a .22. And nothing outside of a bolt-action." My thoughts began drifting off again. "Though I've always wanted to try full-auto…"

"Hm…" I wasn't the only one floating off into my own world, it seemed. I could almost see the gears turning inside the designer's head. "Bolt-action… full-auto…"

Yang seemed to already know where this was going. "Getting another one of your insane weapon ideas, sis?"

"Bwuh-?" She caught up with herself. "Oh, uh… maybe?"

Taiyang sighed. "Just make sure not to spend too much time cooped up in your lab, all right? You haven't been getting enough sun this summer. It's not healthy."

"But Daaad!" She pouted. "Summer break is my chance to do everything they won't let us do in first-year Design and Creation! Where else am I supposed to find an outlet for all these ideas the school won't let me use?"

Yang shot her a flat look. "Second-year Design and Creation, duh. C'mon, Ruby, you can wait another month."

"No, I can't!" Clearly, this was a sore subject for the system-repressed geek. "Art waits for no woman, Yang! These ideas need to be made real now, and I'm gonna make 'em if it's the last thing I do!"

The elder sister groaned, likely fed up with doing this song and dance for the umpteenth time. "Fine. Just… at least try to restrain yourself from experimenting too much, okay? That last incident scared me and Dad half to death. Not to mention how you probably made everyone downtown jump six feet in the air from how loud it was."

Ruby folded her arms in displeasure, but acquiesced in the end. "...no promises."

I managed to pick out a surprising amount of information from this exchange. 'Huh, so if I just heard everything correctly… the school year seems to be based off that of America's standard schedule, since we're apparently in the middle of summer break, and Yang implied that Ruby will be able to take a second-year class once the break is over.'

That naturally flowed into another subject. 'That also means that Ruby is going into her second year… which means, assuming that Beacon follows the same schedule… that I have approximately one year before she interrupts Roman's little robbery and nets herself a place in Beacon Academy's last class.'

A year. One singular year to buff up and stock up… wait a moment. 'I… turned sixteen two months ago…'

Why that little piece of information decided to come back to me now after being absent for the past twenty-four-plus hours, I had no idea. But its timing couldn't have been better.

'If I could get myself an application and join their class…' I would gain access to classes with valuable information, a team to call my own, and a great excuse to stick close to the people with the plot armor. Sure, I'd have to deal with Ozpin practically breathing down my neck and the actual action of going to school, but if it got me a one-way ticket to survival, I could deal with it no problem. I could be pretty inconspicuous if I wanted to, anyway (I think).

There was also the matter of possible alterations to canon I might accidentally make, especially in regards to team formations, but I could deal with those thoughts later. But not before I noted to myself that I should try and find a way to mark others on my minimap, as that would essentially allow me to pick my partner.

I took another look at Ruby and Yang's levels. 'Ten and seventeen…' They gave me the impression that the average level for a first-year Beacon student was around level twenty. 'I managed to get to level four in a single day, just from fighting a couple monsters and a tutorial boss. At the rate I'm going, I could be Beacon-level before the month's out.' Of course, that was assuming that the experience curve wouldn't change, or that the system wouldn't somehow restrict me from getting too big for my britches, which were both very likely occurrences. Steamrolling every obstacle in my way didn't exactly make for good entertainment for whoever was behind my screen, after all.

'Well, unless your name's Saitama. Then it's totally fine. But my name is Zeiss, not Saitama, so oh well.'

The system actually seemed to acknowledge this grand plan, going by what happened next.

[MAIN QUEST ALERT!]

[Yellow Brick Road]

You have discovered that you have a year of preparatory time before Team RWBY's first year at Beacon Academy begins. Make the most of it by gathering as many resources, connections, and experience points as you can.

Objective(s):

-Gain entry into Beacon Academy

-Obtain a Personal Weapon

-Reach level 20

Side Objective(s):

1- Achieve a weapon rank of C or better with your Personal Weapon

2- Achieve a support rank of E or better with the 4 members of the future team RWBY

3- Achieve a support rank of E or better with the 4 members of the future team JNPR

4- Achieve a support rank of E or better with other ancillary characters

Reward(s):

-20,000 Lien

Side Objective Reward(s):

1- Arms Scroll

2- Skill "A-Team Assistance"

3- Skill "B-Team Backup"

4- 1,000 Lien per character

'Oooohh, lordy.'

There was a lot to unpack here. The lack of any experience reward was immediately suspicious, giving credence to my hunch that the system was going to limit my EXP gain somehow. There was also the bonus rewards to check, too - thankfully, I was able to get a sneak peek at the item and skill descriptions to see if they were worth it.

Being an avid Fire Emblem fan, I could make an educated guess on what the Arms Scroll did beforehand, and was proven correct when its blurb stated that it was a one-use item that could instantly increase any of my weapon ranks by one level. A very valuable little thing, especially since the guide had stated that with each new weapon rank came either a brand-new weapon skill or a substantial upgrade to an existing one.

The skills were comparatively less impressive, but were no less useful. They both had the same effect, that being a ten percent increase to all stats whenever a member of the skill's respective team was in the party (RWBY for A-Team Assistance and JNPR for B-Team Backup).

On their own they weren't anything too powerful, but percentage increases could become very, very scary once they started stacking. Hell, the Squad Solidarity Skill I'd obtained when I hit level 4 did the exact same thing to everyone in my party if it had two or more members, counting me. That was already a twenty percent boost to all stats, which was frankly ridiculous considering that the trigger conditions were just "have someone from team RWBY/JNPR in your party." Not to mention if I had both skills and one member from both teams in the party, that was a whopping thirty percent increase. You see where this is going, right?

'Oh, god, this is already starting to reach game-breaking levels.' Like the skills themselves, thirty percent wasn't much on paper, but in practice… oh, man. And that was just with three skills I could obtain before the story proper even got going.

However, that was assuming that I could actually meet the requirements needed to unlock them in the first place. I had a golden opportunity to scratch two off the board right in front of me, but those were the easiest ones. The others, well…

'One's the heiress to a multimillion dollar company with a monopoly on all things Dust, another's a literal terrorist, yet another's a celebrity, and two more are completely off the grid. The only other easy mark is Jaune.'

That also wasn't counting that I had no idea whatsoever where half of them even lived. I could only guess that Ren and Nora were constantly on the move, and Pyrrha was somewhere in Mistral - probably Argus, given the statue that would be erected there. Blake could be anywhere in Mistral or Vale, and so could Jaune.

'Actually, wait… Pyrrha should still be attending Sanctum Academy at this point, right? I just need to find the place, do a bit of loitering, and that problem will solve itself. Jaune's family might also be well-known to the point that a quick google search or whatever passes for it here could lead me straight to their front door.'

That was two problems taken care of right off the bat. But that still left the issue of the other four… and that I would need to do a whole lot of traveling. 'Great. I might end up having to infiltrate both the White Fang and the freakin' Schnee Mansion. All for a god damn tiny-ass buff that could potentially turn a bunch of future fights into total jokes.'

I released a mental sigh and minimized the quest window, turning my attention back to the family of three in front of me in preparation for some more uncomfortable socializing.

'Well... in for a Penny, in for a pound, I guess.'

I was forced to suppress the sudden urge to gag. 'Oh, wow. I bet even Yang would've called a groaner foul on that one.'

Save your game?

Please wait…

Game saved.

A/N: Finally… after almost two months, IT IS HERE. Also, holy shit, it's literally 7,000+ words of just four characters in a room talking to each other.

In any case, enter the Rose-Xiao-Long family once again! I've spent a fair bit of time brainstorming how I wanted to interpret them this time around, and I think you'll like what I've got in store. (But I'd still love to hear your opinion on how I've written them so far. Remember, reviews are both our food and our heroin as fic writers, and I need my fix, damn it.)

We've also got another difference from the original version - Zeiss only has a single year of prep time instead of two. I kinda realized a while back that giving him two years was overkill and would end up accomplishing nothing of real value thanks to a few extenuating circumstances, so I've cut it in half to trim the fat and keep things a bit more contained. All the pre-Beacon story arcs I have planned should still fit nicely into this shortened timeframe, anyway.

In all honesty, giving him a long-form quest like that probably wasn't the best idea considering I haven't exactly planned out the scaling that far ahead, but what's done is done, and I can always just fix it in-universe with system updates if it becomes too big of a problem. Besides, most of the real good rewards are locked behind the Initiation quest, and that'll be easy to figure out when I actually get there.

But, anyway, the next chapter or so will be all about Zeiss's adventures in Patch and the sidequests therein, featuring two spunky teens who are all too happy to join the party and a dad who tries his best to keep them all in line. But before I go, I need to give y'all something else.

Chapter 4 - Gag Reel

"Well, hello there, sleeping beauty," Taiyang said. "Finally get that true love's kiss of yours?"

Zeiss turned around with half-lidded eyes and a suave smirk. "No, but maybe you'd be willing to offer?"

Their composure held for about three seconds before they both burst out laughing.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Zeiss grunted. "The sun was about to set, the thing was snoring right in the middle of my path, and I had to find a safe zone before the real nasty creepies started crawling out. Unfortunately, I'm dummy thicc, and the clap of my ass cheeks is very effective at waking things up."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Taiyang smiled. "Now, why don't you sit your ass down on that couch and eat your god damn toast?"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"In my defense," Zeiss replied while lifting the piece of toast up to his mouth, "I've had to deal with a whole lot of stuff I didn't think I'd ever need to." He bit in, and chewed for a few seconds. "Like how you make really crappy toast. Like, seriously, what the hell?"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Taiyang disagreed. "I doubt it. Miracles are ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifteen percent concentrated power of will." Rap music started playing out of nowhere. "Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain and a hundred percent reason to remember the name!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Roger that," Zeiss replied. 'Here we go.'

He then smirked evilly, and pointed to himself with a thumb. "KONO DIO DA!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"But Daaad!" Ruby pouted. "There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation, and school comes along just to end it! So the annual problem for my generation is finding a good way to spend it!"

Zeiss grinned. "Like maybe… building a rocket or fighting a mummy?" And that was as far as he got before he became unable to hold in his laughter.

Aaaaand that's all I could come up with.

As always, feedback is appreciated, and have a great rest of your day!

Sniper OUT!