Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie owns Twilight. The rest is mine.

Title: The Funcle

Author: MrsSpaceCowboy

Beta: Mariah Hajile

Banner: Lizzie Paige

Rating: M

Summary: As Director of Special Events, Bella Swan eats, sleeps, and breathes Crosstown Concourse. The vertical urban village is home and work and the love of her life. She has nothing in common at all with Edward Cullen who has a job or two or three of his own. Except Maggie, the niece they share, who's dubbed him the funcle because he's like a dad – but cooler. It isn't a meet-cute when you've known each other forever, and it turns out Maggie isn't the only Swan girl over the moon for the funcle.

July

"Oh, honey, you can't wear that," Angela says the moment I open the door of my apartment. "It's a million and one degrees outside. You will melt."

"It can't be that bad," I say, walking out and closing the door behind me.

She shakes her head and leads the way to the elevator. "If you say so."

I regret the bell-sleeved peasant blouse and how cute it looked with these shorts and wedges the moment we step foot outside. Ang is right. I am going to die.

"It's not too late to go back up and change," she says.

I glance at the time on my phone and shake my head. "We're already a few minutes late. I don't want to be the last one there."

"What?" she laughs, unlocking the passenger car door with the touch of a button on hers.

"It's my thing, I guess. Day late. Dollar short. My brother's still petty that I missed my niece's homebirth party because I didn't want to be scarred for life."

"They had a birthing party?"

"Hosted by my mother."

"Of course." She smiles, nods, and starts the engine.

"Katie's dad is doctor, so he was there as the doula's back-up. The grandmas-to-be sipped wine and ate cheese like it was an arthouse matinee."

"My god, I love your family."

"It was perfect. For them. Jake wanted to go, but I think he was secretly crushing on Katie more than he wanted to meet Maggie."

"I didn't realize you were with Jake that long ago. How long…"

"Seven years." I look away and make a show of studying the passing houses. "We met during senior year."

"Of high school?" She takes her eyes from the road to stare at me as I nod. "Have you heard from him lately?"

"Just an occasional Facebook message." I pause, swallow, and take a deep breath. "He's engaged."

"Oh."

"It's fine," I say. "It's been five years."

Almost.

And it's not fine. Not really. It hurts a little more than I expected it to.

"What about that guy you went out with a couple of weeks ago? The UPS guy?" she asks, trying to change the subject.

"Eric?" I shake my head. "Zero chemistry."

"Bummer."

"Yeah."

"Shit," she says, after turning onto my brother's street.

Cars line the block and around the corner. "Circle back and park across the street," I say.

Little people and their parents linger inside the open front door and balloons beat against each other in the wind, tied to the mailbox and the porch swing.

I exhale and pause with my hand on the door latch.

"They always have great beer," Ang says. "We got this."

She's right. They do have great beer. They ought to, considering they co-own a microbrewery with their best friends from college. By the holidays, they'll have added restaurateurs to their impressive business card. They've already purchased the lot next to their brewpub in the up and coming Broad District and construction is underway.

That was their next logical step after purchasing this lovely little bungalow in the heart of High Point Memphis.

I open the car door and step out. The scene is even louder than it looked. Laughter and squeals echo from inside the house. The front door is open but blocked by identical twin boys in matching Captain America swim trunks and a small girl in a red bathing suit.

My niece Maggie is flying in the center of the room, balanced in the air by my sister-in-law's younger brother Edward. He's flat on his back, grinning with his knees bent at the waist to support her tiny frame.

She waves with both hands, showing off her missing front tooth with her smile. "Bella! I'm flying!"

"I see," I say. "Happy birthday." I hold her card in the air.

She points to a table in the dining room. Wrapped boxes and gift bags in every shape and size cover every inch of it. "Over there." She giggles and dips, bracing herself for a landing that doesn't come.

Edward shifts on the floor and grins at her delight. I get some of the leftovers as we go by. "Hey, Bella," he says, smiling up at me. His hair looks darker than I remember against my brother's hardwood floors, and longer than normal, too. His jaw is lined with stubble at least a few days old.

His arms are extended, balancing Maggie's legs. The taut lines of muscle disappear in the sleeves of his gray t-shirt. My eyes narrow to take in the word stretched across his chest.

Funcle

And then a definition below it.

Like a dad, only cooler

I shake my head and keep walking. "Hey, Edward," I say over my shoulder. I add my card to Maggie's haul, and Ang takes a small white box with a sparkling bow attached from her purse and balances it at the top of a small stack.

"Earrings," she shrugs.

I nod and point to the pink envelope with my writing on it. "Gift cards to Justice and Claire's." I shrug. "Katie said Maggie's finally interested in shopping, so…"

"Perfect," Ang says.

"Excellent timing," my brother says, blocking the opposite doorway. He grins. "Mom and Dad should be here any minute."

"Great." I meet him halfway across the room for a hug. "What am I in for?"

"Organic CBD gummies. I've got three bottles in my cabinet already."

I shrug. "It's a step up from the activated charcoal phase."

Garrett frowns and shakes his head. "That's not entirely over, so don't bring it up."

"Gotcha." I nod.

Maggie's laughter derails the warning, and we turn to find her on her feet and Edward upright and on his knees pulling quarters and dimes from the ears of the small crowd of little people around him.

"Is he kidding with that shirt?" I ask Garrett, thumbing over my shoulder at Edward.

My brother's smile widens. "It's great, right? It was a birthday gift from Maggie. She thought it was hilarious. He's Funcle Edward, now."

I glance over at my niece and her hairy, hipster toy. "Hilarious," I echo.

"Edward wears it damn near every time he sees her."

"That's so sweet," Ang says. Garrett nods and disappears when the doorbell rings. Her head cocks to the side as she examines Edward. "So what do you think?"

I scoff and turn away. But the sound of Maggie's sweet laughter in the air has me taking a second glance at her and Edward. "Boxer briefs," I say, and then shake my head and take off in the opposite direction in search of booze.

Ang follows, close on my heels. "Okay, spill. Why don't we like the funcle?" she asks.

"I don't dislike him," I say. "I've known him since he was, like, fourteen."

"Was he cute then, too?" She glances back him. "I bet he was."

"Ang, he was a kid."

"So were you," she says.

"Technically, I was already an adult. I was nineteen when Garrett started dating Katie."

She pauses, doing the math in her head. "So that means the funcle is 25 now," she says. "And he's clearly not a kid anymore."

"Depends on how you look at it." I shrug and take two beers from my brother's fridge.

We sip them and stay in the kitchen, away from the madness of the dozen-plus kids on the other side of the house. Eventually, things gravitate to the tiny backyard and the monstrous inflatable waterslide that takes up ninety percent of the grassed area. The smart adults stay in the kitchen and watch the activities from the giant window.

The rest of us bake on the porch.

Maggie is having a blast, though, and that's what matters. Edward is the only adult to strip down to swim trunks and join the little people in the water. He helps the smaller kids up the slippery ladder and makes sure they go down one at a time.

Ang stares nonstop. I catch him looking our way, once or twice, and have to look away when his lips turn up in a grin. Edward has always been a little too cute for his own good. The shadow beard only ups his game.

"He's a baby," I remind her.

She grunts a small laugh. "Luckily we're pretty much half way between the cradle and the grave at this point, so we can swing either way."

"Well, that sounds like fun," my mother says from behind me.

I turn to hug her, still giggling at my bestie's rationalization. "Ang has a crush on Edward," I say.

Mom takes a long sip from the wine glass in her hand and nods, admiring the view. "Don't we all."

I shake my head and down the rest of my beer. "Y'all are so bad," I say. "I'm going inside for another."

I find my dad in the kitchen, pacing with his cell phone glued to the side of his head. "I understand." He spots me and pauses long enough to kiss my temple on his way by. "But I'm at my granddaughter's birthday party, and a reliable source tells me it's almost time for cake, ice cream, and presents. Call them back and tell them I'll meet them first thing Monday morning and I'll stay until every question and concern is handled." He stops, stares out the tiny kitchen window at the melee, and smiles. "Don't worry about it, Chelsea. Enjoy the rest of your day."

"Trouble?" I ask.

"Indecisive new client. Nothing that can't wait. What's new with you?"

"Not a thing."

We hide out together and watch the meltdowns from afar when the children get the news that it's time to come in. Their parents keep them outside a few extra minutes to dry, and Angela comes in with Mom before the crowd. Edward follows in his now damp Funcle shirt, toweling his wet hair and listening to Katie and their mother, Esme, bicker over which should come first – gifts or food.

"Food," Katie ends the debate by pulling two gallons of ice cream from the freezer. "The twins have soccer practice and have to be picked up early. I don't want them to miss out."

The little ones trickle in, a few at a time, until we're huddled shoulder-to-shoulder around the piano in the living room. Maggie settles next to Edward on the bench, and he waits for Katie's cue to start playing "Happy Birthday."

My sweet niece covers her mouth with her hand to stifle her giggles when Edward and my dad sing loudly off key and make a show of it. Her other grandfather, Carlisle, adds the obligatory "and many more" closing. Maggie claps and hugs them each in turn, starting with the funcle, of course.

She blows out six pink candles topping a rainbow-themed unicorn cake. My mom and Esme take over and coordinate who's cutting cake and who's passing out the tiny cups of vanilla or chocolate Blue Bell ice cream. Katie flits around taking plates to groups of kids and moms spread throughout her house.

Angela and I find a corner in the small parlor attached to the dining room. Dad and Edward deliver our cake. Edward has a small stack of the ice cream cups tucked in the crook of his arm. He hands me a chocolate before turning to Ang. "Vanilla or chocolate?" he asks.

"Vanilla, thanks." She takes her cup, and deserts me by striking up a conversation with dad about his private security business.

Edward and I sit in awkward silence a few feet away from them, eating pink and blue cake on a shared couch. He smells like hose water and grass with shower undertones. "What have you been up to?" he finally asks.

I think the last time I saw him was Memorial Day at his parents' house, so I do a mental rundown of how I've spent my summer and frown. "Working," I say. "You?"

"I spent a week in Kitty Hawk, surfing with some friends. Other than that, just working."

"Adulting sucks."

Another swell of little people interrupts his answer. It's birthday present time. Edward excuses himself and walks out the front door before the full invasion hits. The twins' mom shows up and they have a double tantrum over leaving until she suggests that Maggie open their gift before they go.

Maggie is all smiles. She tears away strips of Avenger's wrapping paper until an art set is revealed. The twins wipe their faces and smile when she thanks them. One of them holds the door open for Edward to come back in. His arms are full with an oversized wrapped box topped by a gigantic red bow.

Maggie doesn't notice because she's busy opening a Lily Pond playset from my parents. Once she thanks them and tosses the box to Garrett, Edward lowers his gift to the empty spot on the floor in front of her. She looks up at him and grins before lifting the lid of the box. She falls back onto her legs and feet, covers her mouth with her hands, and starts to cry. A fuzzy yellow head pops out of the box and a puppy stares at Maggie, wagging its tail.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I whisper to Angela. "He got her a puppy. How are any of us supposed to compete with that? Look at her." I nudge her arm and point to Maggie.

My niece pulls the puppy from the box and erupts in a fit of giggles when it licks her face and neck. It's fuzzy and tiny and wiggling all over the place.

I frown. The gift cards seem lame even to me at this point. And I decide then and there, maybe I do dislike the funcle.

This was originally written for the Babies at the Border 2 compilation. Thanks to Jeannie and Consuelo, authors, banner makers, betas, readers, and everyone who contributed to this cause. I'm always amazed at what we can accomplish when we come together.

Thank you to Lizzie Paige for a perfect banner, Iris for fixing my many mistakes, and M and Rhonda for prereading. Each part of the original oneshot will post as a separate chapter, and then we'll pick up with a short continuation. I wish I could give y'all a regular posting schedule, but I'm afraid this will be like some of my past WIPs since I haven't been able to get ahead as much as I'd like. But y'all know me… I always finish what I start. Eventually.

Thanks for reading! It's been a while, I know, so feel free to review and let me know y'all are still out there. See you soon. xo

MSC