It Never Ends

-NobleWriterofWho

Author's Note: This is a one shot written because I just watched season 12's final and am feeling too much, gah. Anyway enjoy!

Summary: The Doctor was the Last of the Time Lords again. But this time it wasn't her fault...not that that made it any easier. Will she let her fam help her or suffer in silence?

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who

…...

You know it's funny, the one time she wished the Master had been lying he wasn't. Gallifrey was in ruins. Everyone was dead. Again. Except this time the planet wasn't gone. The Doctor could visit whenever she liked. Not that she had the strength to do that-to see it again. But she could if she wanted to which hadn't been a possibility the last time. She shuddered. It had all been for nothing. She's saved Gallifrey only for the Master to burn it. He hadn't spared anyone. All those children-

She pulled herself out of her troubled thoughts and back to the present. Her fam would be waking up and entering the console room any minute now. They were quite predictable. Humans and their routines. They always got up around the same time stumbling in here wide eyes and ready for an adventure. First Yaz then Ryan and finally Graham. Not that she blamed him for taking his time. He was older for a human and needed his rest. But then again he was a child compared to her. They all were. She was so old now.

"Doctor."

She blinked quickly plastering a grin on her face and spinning around to face Yaz. She was right on time.

"Yes?" she said racing around the controls.

She didn't bother looking at her friend fearing if she stopped even for a moment she would see. See right inside of her. See the very hearts of her.

"You just seemed lost in thought. It's not like you," Yaz said slowly.

The Doctor took it in her stride quite literally striding over to her. "Well, of course I was. There's so much to think about and do. These brains don't slow down you know!"

"Brains?" came Ryan's voice from the corridor as he entered the room.

"Yup," the Doctor replied fiddling with a dial.

She kept herself in motion as she launched into a speech, well a ramble, about Gleker 5 and how beautiful the sunsets their were. As the blue sun set the sky would turn all sorts of lovely shades of purple and green. It was magnificent to watch, and the colors were very far from anything close to orange or red. She'd find herself quite happy if she never saw another orange sky or pair of twins sun's in the sky of any planet again. They listened kindly to her ramblings but did little to hide the worried looks they kept giving each other. Her voice was just a bit too manic. Her gestures too enthusiastic. And her eyes held a look that was more crazed than wild.

"...so what do you think? Do you want to go?" the Doctor asked still beaming.

They looked at each other frowning.

"Let's wait for Graham," Yaz finally said.

"Course," the Doctor muttered shuffling her feet impatiently.

She was always impatient, but this was different. She was different. Something was wrong. Why wouldn't she look them in the eyes? The tension in the air was palpable, but the Doctor pretended not to notice. She continued on in a way that only she could.

Graham finally stumbled in looking half awake but content and ready for a new adventure. Even in his groggy state he realized immediately something was wrong.

"Graham, you're here finally now..." the Doctor went on at an impossibly fast pace but he got the gist. Something about Gleker 5 and a sunset.

"Slow down Doc, don't you think we should deal with the elephant in the room?" he said.

The Doctor paused only for a moment before resuming her activities which appeared to be endless fiddling with the controls.

"Now that's a phrase I've never understood because there's never an elephant in the room unless you're on-"

"Doctor."

This time the Doctor didn't just pause she stopped. Her back was turned as they felt a shift in her mood even without being able to see her face. She said one word.

"Don't."

The Doctor could be terrifying when she wanted to be. When someone crossed the line she could be downright cruel. Except this behavior was always directed at aliens who were hurting people never them. All of them pretended they didn't feel a sliver of fear make it's way down their backs at the time of her voice.

"Doctor-" whatever Graham had been about to say was silenced by the Doctor's now booming voice.

"I said don't." She whirled around to face him unbridled fury taking hold of her face. She took a step toward him. Yaz and Ryan were at his side but her intense gaze made him feel completely alone in the room. At his hurt and confused face she faltered for a second. She lowered her gaze but didn't turn away. "I'm fine," she insisted.

They didn't know what to do. She clearly wasn't fine but seemed adament against discussing what was wrong with them. Which didn't make sense they were her friends. She knew that.

"Doctor," Yaz said softly trying to catch her eyes. "We just want to help."

The Doctor's face softened. She knew that they just had her best interest at heart. They wanted to fix whatever was wrong with their broken doctor. But they couldn't fix this; no one could. History was repeating itself. It never ended, and the Doctor was caught up in the middle of it. The least she could do was shelter them from it and keep them safe. If she was selfish enough to keep companions the least she could do was look after them. Which meant not burdening them with her past or things like this. But how could she make them understand that.

"I know," she finally said. "I know you just want to help."

They didn't say anything or move to comfort her so she continued.

"So, can we please just go to Gleker 5 and watch the sunset today? Tomorrow you can pick I promise."

She could see the confusion in their eyes. What was so special about Gleker 5? The truth was nothing: it was just another distraction to occupy her thoughts and keep them from anything near Gallifrey and the Master. What she really needed to do was run faster than she had ever run before. Run until she left all the pain behind. Maybe that was impossible, maybe she couldn't do that but she could try. Try she would. Her eyes begged them to understand that she needed to do this. This was the only way she knew how to cope. The Doctor ran. That who she really was beneath it all.

She didn't think they understood, but they were nodding.

"Of course, Doc," Graham was saying and they were off.

She plugged in the coordinates and with a manic grin sent them hurtling towards their destination. Silently she thanked them as she flung the TARDIS doors open stepping out and into the bright light of a sun about to set. They were right behind her, and she realized that she may be the Last of the Time Lords once more but she was not alone.