I was on my side, holding on to my stomach. I was tired and achy and had been very quiet for the past few days. Things were going to change. They were going to change for the worst. Which is why I had to do what I had to do. I could hear familiar footsteps coming up the stairs and I closed my eyes upon hearing the door open. I didn't look at Bill, not even as he stood in the doorway, apron covered in blood, a bloody cleaver in his hand. He opened another butcher shop in The Five Points. It's the biggest and gets all the business. No one would dare open up another shop in his territory. Above his shop was our home.

"Just what in sam hill is wrong with you?" he snapped sharply. I closed my eyes, his threatening tone not enough to face me. He had noticed my silence as of late, noticed when I did not want to be touched, noticed the inner conflict I was having with myself. "ANGENI!" I knew I could not ignore him, but I also did not want to fight. I slowly sat up and raised my body, so I was sitting up completely. I finally looked at up at him. It's hot out and his hair stuck to the sides of his face. He looked completely livid from what I could see from out of the corner of my eyes. He stepped closer to me and he just looked down at me some. I could hear his angry breathing starting to calm.

"You dyin'?" he asked.

"No." I responded.

"You sick then?" he asked right after.

"No." I answered. There were a few seconds of silence now and I glanced down at his muddy boots.

"You want to leave me?" he asked lower now, with more emotion. I shook my head.

"Speak." he demanded.

"No!" I snapped finally looking up at him and he just stared down at me now, eyes roaming my face as if he did not know what else to do.

"Someone threaten you?" he asked and I just stared up at him for a moment before my eyes started to water and I looked away.

"I- I have to go away for a while, Bill." I said and he frowned suddenly, grabbing my shoulders and raised me from the bed.

"Who hurt you? I'll rip his stomach open, dig my bare hands into him, and drop his guts where he stands and let the pigs eat them in front of him!" he snapped. Tears fell down my cheeks as I shook my head, gripping his apron collar.

"Oh Bill I can't! I can't." I sobbed.

"What? Can't what, speak sense woman!" he said shaking my shoulders a bit, his voice hinting worry. I looked at him now trying to hold myself together.

"I'm… pregnant!" I said, and his body stiffened now as he looked me over.

"Pregnant?" he asked, and I nodded looking down and crying as I leaned forward and rest my forehead into his chest, my body shaking some. Bill did not like mulatto people and there were numerous of them due to slave owners raping and lying with their slave women. Even though he enjoyed taking pleasure in lying with me, he did not care for the babies that came from the actions of white men lying with black women. Because there was no way a negro man would dare touch a white woman and he not find out about it. That's the power of white men. They can do what they want and not have to accept the consequences of their actions. I finally nodded.

"Yes… a doctor confirmed it. I show symptoms. I am going to go to family I have in Indiana for my pregnancy." I replied finally leaning back and looking at him. He'd frown then it'd vanish, then he'd look away and frown some more as if having an inner battle with himself.

"You can't keep it." he finally said looking back at me. His words stung, even though I fully expected it. I nodded slowly.

"I know." I replied, and he looked me over some more worried.

"But you're going to come back, though right?" he asked. I nodded.

"Of course." I replied. He nodded letting his free hand come up and his thumb wiped my tears away.

"Then we'll do what's gotta be done." he said firmly, his tone finalizing our conversation. I nodded looking down at the ground. He took a step back turning from me bit.

"Is it gonna stay with your family?" he asked. I looked up at him.

"Yes." I replied quietly.

"You gonna go see it sometimes?" he asked, his back to me. I was unsure of why we were still talking about this. Bill still controls our relationship. I expected him to tell me to just have the baby and give it to the orphanage, or even a black couple who may have lost a child or couldn't get pregnant. To allow me to actually leave to have the baby was a surprise.

"Am I allowed to?" I asked. He didn't say anything for I could see his head lifting as he walked to the door.

"Do what you want," he stated opening the door and pausing in the doorway, "if it pleases you." He closed the door behind himself. I was absolutely stunned. I just stood there for a moment wondering how he was really feeling. He was not afraid to tell me his thoughts no matter how offensive. But I concluded that he didn't care. I was handling it, no one was going to know, obviously, so why dwell on it further?

A week later, a carriage was waiting outside the shop. Bill had paid the stagecoach driver handsomely to see me safely to my family. As he placed my bags inside, I just stood there watching, Bill beside me in his usual nice suit, his hat tipped to the side some. Once all was ready, I turned to him.

"Once I am able to travel, I will be back." I replied and he nodded.

"Very good then." he said collectively. I nodded and moved to step aboard, when his hand grabbed my forearm. He pulled me back to face him and he leaned in and kissed me passionately. His scent washed over me and I leaned up into his embrace. It would be months until I could feel safe in his hold again, smell his scent. There will be strange bodies to keep his bed warm, where I will only have myself and that of my grandmother and aunts. I slowly pulled back looking back at him with longing before turning and getting into the carriage.

The driver closed the door and I looked at him through the window before placing my hand on the glass. His eyes were warm, and kind and I knew they would turn brutal and ruthless once I leave. The carriage began to move, and I looked back watching as his form grew smaller and smaller…

10 months later

I stared down into his crib watching him for the longest moment. A little boy whose skin is that of my own, but his eyes are like Bills. He came deep into the night and I spent the next morning pushing. He is beautiful. His eyes are curious as they wonder the room. His hair is soft and straight. He was worth all the vomiting and strange eating habits.

My grandmother, Mary, took me in with open arms. She made skin products for many blacks and white that protected their skin during the heat and from other skin like diseases. She had her own fields and land. She is my mother's mom. I helped her out in any way that I could until I was heavy with him. She entered my room with a warm smile and stood beside me. We stared down at him together.

"It has been a month and you haven't named him yet." she said. I smiled some.

"What name is good enough for a perfect child?" I asked. Deep down though, I saw no point in naming him. I would hold him for a few more days before retuning to New York. He would he would be safe here. He will grow up in a house of powerful women who will teach him how to think with his own mind. I slowly leaned in and wrapped him in his blanket and raised him up so he could feel my skin for as long as he could.

"Are you sure you do not wish to stay here, Angeni. Here you could thrive and watch your son grow." she said. I looked at her warm, elderly eyes before slowly looking down at my son. In New York, he wouldn't stand a chance. Who knows if he stood a chance here, but here in Vigo County, he would have me. There was a soft knock on the door as we both looked up and saw one of grandmother's butlers.

"Ma'am, there's a white man here. Says he from New York, wishes to see Miss. Angeni." he said. My body expanded as it came to life as I knew who it was. I walked around the crib holding my son to me as I moved into the hall. Why was he here? Why did he come. As I reached the door, another maid opened it and I stepped out meeting the cloudy sky and warm air. Standing close to the field was the familiar carriage and driver from months ago and I just stared at the man who stood in front of it. Bill.

His eyes roamed the home he stood in front of, the field he stood in front of. I slowly walked towards him, my chest tight, my eyes worried. His eyes locked on me finally as we moved closer to each other.

"Bill, what are you doing here?" I asked as he stepped closer.

"Nine months was too long, I wasn't waiting another second." he replied as he embraced me, letting his lips capture me swiftly. His chest did not push into mine thankfully. With one free hand I wrapped my arm around his shoulder responding immediately. How I missed the smoothness of his lips and the taste. We pulled back. I did not think he'd actually make a trip here to bring me back.

"There are countless women who could have kept you company while I was away." I replied.

"Yeah but they ain't you." he stated before finally looking down, bringing his attention to the child in my arms. Now I was nervous, waiting for him to glare in disgust at him. Bill's head tilted now as he leaned in and slowly raised his hands to cup the baby's body. Why would he want to hold him? He gently raised the baby some so he could look into his face. I stared at the two now as the baby looked at him. Bill looked like was examining him, taking in every aspect of him. I had no earthy idea what he would say.

"He looks like you." he said nodding now as he looked up at me, still nodding. "Looks like me too." That did not relieve or worry me. I nodded.

"He does." I replied as he looked at the baby some more.

"He got a name?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No. What would be the point if I am leaving him here?" I replied and he just looked at the baby some more not really showing any sign of response to my words. His eyes were new to me. They were soft and kind and he nodded again.

"He'll be a warrior… a warrior needs a good name. Vallon." he said, and my head jerked up some to look at him as he looked down at me. "Vallon Cutting." I was completely stunned, and my face didn't hide it at all. That name was outlawed, the Dead Rabbits were still outlawed. Why would he put that name next to his own? It wasn't a Christian name that much is for sure.

"I…" I was beyond stunned that this was what he wanted. Even though Priest was long gone, I knew he and Bill still held respect for each other on the battlefield Bill looked at me with light eyes smiling, his mustache curling.

"He's my son." he said lightly bouncing the baby before looking at him. "My son." My eyes watered some and I looked away wiping a tear away at the fact he's verbally accepting our mulatto baby as his own.

"You came back to bring us both home?" I asked, and he looked at me, the brightness in his eyes finally fading.

"I came here… to tell you both will stay here." he said. My body tightened now at his words and I stepped closer as he reached out to place Vallon in my hands.

"What?" I asked. He nodded.

"Things are getting rough back home. Another war is coming, I can feel it. I know it. I can't have you there. So you will stay here with your family and raise our son to be a good man." he said. I looked down feeling torn now.

"But, you have had wars before." I replied and he nodded.

"But this one is different. There's talk of the Dead Rabbits returning. I can't have you on my mind or else it'll weaken me. They may come for you and hurt you and I will burn all of New York down, the Five Points included before I let that happen." he said lowly. Vallon cooed in my arms and I looked down at him before looking up at him. This meant he would be putting his life in danger again, more danger than when he wasn't going to war. If the Dead Rabbits have returned, then maybe that means Amsterdam is going against him.

"Is this what you want?" I asked softly. At this moment the world around us did not matter. It was just us two- three now. He looked down at the ground for a moment before looking back up at me.

"I love you Angeni Cutting." he said, and I winced feeling as if this was a final good bye. I raised my right hand and gently placed it against his cheek, and he leaned in to the warmth of my touch.

"And I love you, Butcher Cutting." I said softly and he leaned in once more to kiss me. It was a sorrowful yet hard kiss of which we both reveled in. He pulled back slowly, our heads pressed against each other, eyes closed for a second before opening them to gaze into each other's faces.

"When this is over, I'll send for you both." he said. Both? That would mean having to claim him as his son. Even if he didn't verbally say it to anyone else, it would already be known that Vallon was Bill's son. I looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

"Promise?" I asked. He nuzzled my forehead.

"Promise." he replied. We both smiled lovingly at each other and he slowly began to step back, his hand holding on to mine as he stepped away. In seconds his hand slid from my own. My arm remained in its place as if still reaching out for him. He got into the carriage and looked at me, placing his hand against the window glass. The carriage began to move and I watched as it moved on the dirt road. Vallon cooed and I held him closer to him and I smiled at the thought of Bill retuning for us, even though deep down in my heart, I knew this would be the last time I ever saw my husband again…