A/N: PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, WOULD YOU KINDLY?

Trolls all over the reviews again, even though I just posted this. Kinda hoping they'd stop by now...can't we just have peaceful dialogue?

What would you like to see updated next? Untraveled Road? Partners in Crime? Wolf in Sheep's Clothing? Something else, perhaps? By all means, let us know!

Well, I hope folks like this chapter. It threw me and my team through writing hell.

This chapter had to be rewritten three -COUNT 'EM! THREE!- times because the five of us couldn't agree on anything. Some wanted it focus on Ruby, others demanded Blake, and one bugger wanted an entirely different direction.

In the end, I put my foot down and put things to a vote. So here we be.

Sorry, this is shorter than I'd like it to be. Had to divide the chapter into threes, you see. Because, the world's gone bonkers again. I'm not leaving my house. No sirree!

Sorry for the rhyme, I just...well. I feel like I'm losing my mind, all these riots and the Corona have me going a little batty. Doesn't help that I've got a nasty cough and a fever myself. I swear, I better not have it! In other news, I've been updating other stories besides my RWBY ones, contrary to popular belief. They just happen to require longer chapters at the moment.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...yar, timeskip off the port bow!

We've jumped forward two years by now, meaning Naruto is SEVEN at the time of this chapter. Furthermore, said chapter makes some things readily apparent; because for better or worse, the timeline has changed. Radically so. Allow me to put things into perspective way for you; the moment Salem picked up Naruto? The world began to change. Granted, we haven't been able to see all those changes yet, because thus far the bad guys have been the mouthpieces, alongside Ozpin himself. But now?

Now we get to see just how things have changed. Hope you're ready to smile.

I had a blast writing this chapter; it gave me the chance to write with if only because its one of the few stories were I can cut loose and have fun. Of course there's a plot here, it might be hard to see buried in the humor and the chaos and laughter, but its there. Don't you worry. As to those changes I mentioned...

Quote says it all. Well, you've been warned.

Salem took in a kid and Ozpin reacted accordingly.

Of course that's going to create ripples! How could it bloody not?!

I know some of you are hungry for a Naruto POV; worry not, you'll get it soon...

As ever, I own no references, themes or memes. I only use them to help folks smile here and there. Surprise~!

"Where! Is! Yang?!"

"Sweetie, just calm down. I'm sure she's around-

"NONE OF THAT, TAI! DON'T YOU "SWEETIE" ME! Someone took my baby!"

"Can't you just use a portal? Not to be rude, but you have a bond with her, so she should be-

"I tried that! Someone knocked my ass into the ocean and stole my sword! I had to fly back without it! Now get up! We're going hunting!"

...you're a good mother, Rae."

"MOVE IT BLONDIE!"

~Raven and Tai.

Black and Yellow

Ozpin considered himself a bulwark.

Indeed, he was veritable bastion of stoicism and severity, one who stood fast against any and all evils in this world. His deeds were many, his works spoken in deed and legend. In countless lives he had worked tirelessly for the betterment of mankind. He'd destroyed villains. Laid low criminal organization who would see everything brought to ruin. He had even stepped onto the field of battle himself and laid low entire armies during the Great War to bring peace to Remnant, then established the Huntsman Academies to maintain said peace.

For years now, he'd waged a shadow war -one he was still very much in the middle of waging!- with evil incarnate ensure this tenuous period of calm remained as such. He would do anything to preserve it. No risk was too great, no sacrifice too high; so long as he was the one to make said sacrifice.

Thus armed with a thermos full of coffee and his trusty cane, did Ozpin depart from his craft and venture forth into the heart of darkness once more.

One could never tell time in the Grimmlands by the sky; he still wasn't certain whether it was day or night. Time was tricky here, piloting a bullhead by himself was a meager feat compared to this.

That aside, Salem's tower truly was a marvel of engineering; a great ghastly spire that seemed to challenge the very heavens. A flock of giant Nevermore wheeled high in the sky overhead, and the landing pad afforded Ozpin a closer view of them than he would have liked. He knew she had but to will it and they would tear him limb from limb. He was strong, but not that strong. Not anymore. Not since the Maidens. It was always like this, even after a number of years now, he still expected her to try something at times, and it was only her lack of action that soothed his nerves.

And so the truce remained.

Bracing himself, the aging headmaster ascended the stairs into the archway beyond. His bones protested every step of the way, serving as a sullen reminder of his age. This body had grown old. How many years of life did it have left? Twenty? Ten? Less? He didn't relish the idea of starting over again as an adolescent, much less forcing himself upon a simple soul. Hmm. Thoughts for later, he supposed.

As ever, no one challenged him when he reached the foyer; only Hazel was bold enough to threaten him here and he appeared to be absent today. As were Salem's other...associates.

Thank the gods for small mercies.

Taking a moment to compose himself, the immortal allowed his gaze to rover across the grand space before him.

He couldn't quite call it homey just yet, but it was much improved since last year's visit -would that he could more often!- for he could see Salem had gone to great lengths to renovate in his absence. She'd even dragged in new furniture...quite literally, judging by the haphazard place of mismatched chairs and tables. He could still see the marks in the stone where they'd been hauled about. Hazel's doing no doubt; that brute of a man was many a thing, but subtle he was most assuredly not.

A stray Seer floated by with a toy clutched in one of its many tentacles, giving him pause.

Against his better judgement, Ozpin prodded it with his cane, causing it to round on him as he asked a question. "I'm sorry, but have you seen-

"Aha~!"

His ears pricked up at a distant cry; followed by the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps in the distance. Noise carried here and he heard them long before he saw their owner. It brought a smile to his face. He hadn't even announced himself yet, meaning the boy must have sensed him already.

"You're back~!"

Some called Ozpin cold. Some said he cared for nothing and no one. This was something of a half truth. It had to be him; rather, the world had to believe that he was such. Someone else might have gotten it wrong. Yes, the world thought he held no attachments to anyone or anything. Why to even suggest otherwise was utter nonsense and drivel and...

...all those lies came crumbling down the moment a blond blur barreled into his chest.

It was like being struck by a meteor head on; if said meteor were the size of a seven-year-old boy bearing the momentum of a falling star behind him. Even with his Aura up Ozpin nearly found himself propelled back out the door and into the Grimmlands from whence he'd came. Gods above, the boy was getting strong. Had it been that long already? Without thinking, he reached down with his free arm and held his attacker close.

"Careful now," he chided, "You nearly broke my ribs that time."

"Sorry, I was just excited~!" Bright blue eyes framed by whiskered cheeks beamed up as the boy babbled happily in his embrace. "I mean, its been already been almost a year! Guess what! I can walk on walls now!"

Ozpin's brain rebooted.

...what?"

"Oops. Um...Missed ya, dad?" Realizing his gaffe, Naruto buried his head deeper into Ozpin's chest.

"He's not lying, you know. He gave me quite the fright last week." a heartbreaking familiar voice plucked at Ozpin's heartstrings and he knew who he would find when he looked up. Sure enough, Salem's pale hand graced his shoulder, her lips his cheek, and her hips brushed his cheek in passing. "Still alive, I see. I thought you would've taken a new body by now."

"Mom, ewwww." Naruto groaned. "I'm right here."

"So you are, dear. How would you like a little brother? Or perhaps a sister?"

"Eh?!"

Ozpin tried to meet that retort with one of his own. He failed. Salem had that effect on you.

Instead he focused on the little things. She'd let her hair down today. She still wore that blessed black backless gown of hers, and those angry red veins had receded yet further from her face. Oh, she wasn't fully relaxed, not truly, but it was a far cry from the taut anger he'd seen in his wife eons ago. It still wasn't quite the reception he had been hoping for -and wouldn't be with Naruto in the room- but the fact that she was willing to even touch him at all without immolating his bits proved promising enough. Baby steps. Once again the irony of the situation struck him like a slap in the face.

Ex-wife, he reminded himself with a grimace. Through no fault but his own.

"Dad?" Naruto muttered again, mistaking his silence for something else. "You okay?"

Urk. And there it was, the crux of the matter. A single word laid him low. Ozpin dropped his thermos and toppled backwards with a croak. "I just took critical damage...

Salem strode past and swiped it before it could crash to the floor. "Is that so? Then you won't be needing this, will you~?"

"I never said that!"

Let her have his coffee?! No! Never! Ozpin's cane flicked out to snatch it out of her grasp, heedless of the black look she gave him in return. Salem was dangerous enough on her own, but she was nigh on terrifying when you added caffeine into the equation. Coffee spiked with alcohol? Out of the question. Ozpin had experienced the horror of a drunken Salem once before. Once. Never again.

Naruto plucked it from his hands and tossed it to his mother, who caught it, much to Ozpin's great dismay.

Treachery! By his own flesh and blood! Well, they weren't related, but still!

Salem's eyebrows all but vanished into her hair as she sipped from her stolen prize. Had she read his mind? "Its not treachery if he was loyal to me all along."

Ozpin shot a halfhearted glower at the boy as he leaned against a wall.

"Sorry, not sorry!" came the laugh. "Mom's waaay scarier!"

"Scary am I?" Salem swept in behind him.

"Gah! No! Lemme go!"

Clad in dark fabric to mach his mother -he'd have to get him better clothes- young Naruto still cut a rather dashing figure, even as he squirmed in Salem's now-tickling grasp. Already tall for his age, he'd grown further still since he'd seen him last. Somehow, the thought made Oz's heart hurt.

He didn't see him nearly as much as he would've liked.

Salem meanwhile, draped herself across a nearby couch with a fond smile as their son continued to flail weakly in her arms. She looked almost normal as she lounged on the couch, one arm draped over Naruto as he chatted with her. Softer, less angry, more relaxed than she'd been in an age. Her beautiful red eyes followed Naruto's small form with quiet delight, nothing more. It was the same loving expression he'd seemed aimed at their daughters, once upon a time. Before the fire. Before everything changed.

They'd managed to maintain a fragile peace between them. For now.

Oh they still had their plots and their schemes where Naruto was concerned, they effectively left work at the door. Salem wasn't foolish enough to walk into Vale -and while Team STRQ was beginning to wonder at Ozpin's strange absences- they'd made it work. Somehow.

There were times when he wondered about this; wondered if he had been right to leave all those years ago, to flee like a coward without speaking to her. She'd reacted the only way she knew how. Loudly. Had cooler heads prevailed, their girls might have survived. He wasn't sure what possessed Salem to take in this boy, but neither could he deny the change it had wrought in her. Sometimes subtle, sometimes overt, but change nonetheless. Had the God of Light been wrong after all? If she could take in a child and be a loving mother to him, then surely, surely there was hope for her.

Then the door crashed open and all thoughts of change vanished from Ozpin's mind.

"I have returned, my queen~!"

Tyrian Callows was many things. Trustworthy was not one of them. Ozpin wanted to believe that there was hope for Salem. Naruto had opened his eyes to that. Tyrian? Nope. Lots of nope. Big freaking nope sandwich. He was a madman through and through, a murderer who reveled in pain and the taking of lives. He was uncontrollable and not to be trust. The fact that Salem somehow commanded him? Miraculous. That young Naruto had him wrapped so tightly around his little finger was surely nothing short of unholy.

"Hello, favorite nephew!" he saw Naruto and his face lit up with childlike glee.

"Uncle, " The boy took the opportunity to wriggle free. "I'm your only nephew."

"Aaand that makes you my favorite!" such was the unassailable logic of a madman. You couldn't argue with it. "But enough of that! I brought you a gift, as your mother commanded!"

Father and son exchanged a blank look.

Gift...?

Only then did Ozpin finally notice the strange black sack slung over Tyrian's shoulder. It was moving and something in him twitched at the sight. Naruto noticed as well, and judging by his horrified expression, he'd come to the same conclusion. No. She wouldn't surely not. Oh, who was he kidding. Salem had always been a woman of extremes. Yet somehow, this still came as a surprise to him. He'd heard tell of children disappearing all along the coast, but not this lunacy!

Least of all when the madman plucked out a bound girl from within the heavy bag. Ozpin had time enough to glimpse dark clothes, wide amber eyes and...feline ears? Oh, dear.

"Mom!" Naruto cried, palming his face. "You didn't!"

Mom indeed, Ozpin thought. "And who might that poor girl be?"

"No one to concern yourself with." Salem's sunny smile alarmed him enough. "Just a new friend for our son."

Tyrian's captive snarled furiously behind her gag and the lunatic flashed her a black look. "It is as my goddess says. None of your concern."

Naruto didn't move; he all but dove at Tyrian, leaping up to grab the poor girl from his grasp before pulling her to safety. His noble efforts earned him a vicious headbutt from the girl but he continued on undaunted. Quick as a flash he had both her arms free, followed soon thereafter by her legs; in the next instant he drew her aside with a rushed apology.

...who did you kidnap this time?" Ozpin asked. "Do you even know her name?"

Tyrian shrugged helplessly.

Salem favored him with a frown and he groaned anew. Had she not even considered that much?

"To be honest, I'm not quite sure." her lips pursed as Naruto awkwardly removed the girl's gag. "What's your name, child? Speak up now."

"B-Blake...

"Ah, there you have it." Salem preened, placing both hands in her lap as Naruto muttered something comforting to the new arrival. "Her name's Blake. She'll be staying here for the foreseeable future. Lets hope she works out better than the last one."

Blake squeaked. "L-Last one...?"

"Oh yes, it was quite the disaster." the Mother of All Grimm favored her with a bemused look. "What was his name? Ah. Cardin. That's the one. He tried to bully my boy. We had to get rid of him, you see."

"Hmm." Naruto agreed thoughtlessly. "Didn't end well."

Of course the poor girl misunderstood that remark in its entirety; before the boy could explain himself she foamed at the mouth and went limp. Naruto narrowly managed to catch her and ease her to the floor before she could dash her head against something. In the same instant he kicked out with his right leg and his foot collided with the back of Tyrian's knee, causing the older man to yelp and clutch at his heel.

"Dear nephew?!" he cried out! What was that for?!"

"Lots of things!"

"Oh, dear. It appears she fainted." Salem crooned with false sincerity. "Poor thing. Don't worry, we'll make her comfortable here."

"This." Ozpin groaned. "This is why we can't have nice things. Did you at least inform her parents that you intend to return her like the rest?"

Salem had returned Cardin to his family of course. Even she wasn't so foolish as to steal children and keep them indefinitely. Poor boy; he would be babbling about monsters and madmen for the rest of his life. No one would believe 'd never met the Winchester scion in person, but he'd dimly recalled Naruto having a black eye once. Once. Salem's anger had been legendary that day.

"No...?" His ex-wife turned aside awkwardly under his piercing glare. "N-Nevermind that!" coughing into a fist, she looked away. "Tyrian, I instructed you to return with two, not one. Where is the other one?"

"Other one?!" Naruto squawked. "Mom, no!"

"Mom yes! You need playmates!"

Tyrian however, blinked, and peered back into the bag. "I could have sworn there was another one in here." he frowned fretfully. "Oh dear, she must have slipped off when I wasn't looking...

"Wait." Ozpin paused, suddenly concerned when no immediate cry of condemnation came from Naruto.

"Wait." he looked left. Looked right. "Where did he go...?"

Alas, he had even less time to ponder the boy's absence before a crimson portal opened beside him. Wait. The immortal man rounded on it, eyes wide. Portal, his startled mind balked. Such a portal implied Raven's presence, among other things. Raven meant the rest of Team STRQ wasn't far behind, which meant Salem had likely taken someone important to...oh. Oh, dear. He hadn't simply miscalculated in this. He'd blundered. Badly.

His brain had only just begun to comprehend his peril when the woman herself burst out of said portal and rammed her fist into his nose.

"OZPIIIIIN!"

The man toppled backward like a falling tree.

Salem rich laughter floated through the room as he lost consciousness.

(.0.0.0.)

DYang Xiao-Long was lost in the dark.

Well, cold, dark, and alone, but mostly cold.

Clad in little more than a pair of golden pajamas, she stumbled on through the halls, frightened out of her wits. She didn't even know where she was or how she'd gotten here in the first place; one moment she'd been playing outside with Ruby, the next, a giant Nevermore swooped down on them. Like any good cousin she'd shoved Rubes out of the way; unfortunately that meant the bird snatched her instead. Said bird had given her to some crazy guy, who in turn tossed her into a sack and now...here she was. By some miracle she'd woken alone and managed to get free of her bindings. Heh. She was just awesome like that.

There had been another girl who had been...what was this, kidnapping? It felt like she'd been kidnapped.

In reality, her daring feat left her stranded in a terrible tower with no way out, no recourse but to wander the halls and hope for an exit.

What else could she possibly do?! She wasn't strong enough, she didn't have any weapons, or even a Scroll to call for help. She was only seven years old.

Oh gods.

Nevermind Summer, mom was gonna flip. Raven would go absolutely insane. She almost wished she would be there to see it but something told her she wasn't going to survive the next five minutes.

Bleak red eyes stalked her from the shadows wherever she went, ever watchful and intent. Grimm? She'd never seen one before, but they had to be. Why weren't they attacking her? She knew her lessons; Grimm always attacked when they saw people and these were BIG Grimm indeed. Bigger than her, certainly!

At some unseen command, one of them tensed and lurched out of the darkness ahead of her.

It saw her and sniffed, making a strange panting sound. Yang panicked.

Nope! Nope! NOPE!

Instinct took over and she swatted it on the nose with all the might a child possessed; needless to say the Beowolf took exception to that. A giant paw swiped Yang from her feet and sent her tumbling backward into a wall. Despite her best efforts, she felt angry tears sting at the corners of her eyes. This was it, then. She was going to die here.

I'm sorry, Ruby!

All at once, a harsh whistle burst through the hall.

"No!" a young voice called, carrying with it the weight of command. "Bad Beowolf! She's not for eating!"

Every single Grimm flinched as though they'd been physically struck. Even Yang wasn't immune to the sharp bark of anger.

The greatest of them whined and sketched an awkward step forward, only to to find itself blocked by yet another, smaller blur of black.

"Lucius!" A tan finger swatted its snout and this time, the beast didn't retaliate. "Down! I mean it! You sit right now mister, or you won't get any treats!"

It was like flicking a switch; a single rebuke did more damage than she ever could and caused the creature to crash down onto its hind legs with a dull thud. Just seeing it reminded Yang of her new puppy. Poor Zwei, he couldn't hold a candle to this. As she looked on in disbelief, her rescuer stepped forward and seized the Beowolf by its ear.

"Now go sit in the corner and think on what you've done." he commanded.

Much to Yang's disbelief, the wolf whimpered. Actually whimpered. That settled it. She'd clearly died and gone to the afterlife because this was not happening. Not not not!

"Don't you talk back to me! Shoo!"

Reluctantly, the lead Beowolf slunk off, trailed by the rest of its fellows.

With them effectively dispatched, she finally found herself face to face with a boy barely a head taller than her, clad in fine black silk and combat boots. The contrast of it drew a small, hysteric chuckle from her. He saw it and frowned, blue eyes squinting as his whiskered cheeks dimple in quiet confusion. Huh. He was blond, too. Neat.

"Sorry about that." he smiled sheepishly. "They're a rambunctious bunch. So? I'm guessing Mom had you kidnapped, too?"

Yang blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. Again for good measure. "Bwah?" she managed eloquently.

To his credit, the young boy barely batted an eyelash at her confusion. What the hell was this? He didn't look lost, afraid, or even sane for that matter. Any child should be, but he simply tilted his head at her like a curious fox. Perhaps he was one. He certainly had the whiskered cheeks for it. He made no move to approach her or threaten her in any way, so he couldn't be that bad, right?

Then again, Dad said Mom used to be bad. That was silly of course, Mom was, well, Mom. She wasn't strange like auntie Summer, and Yang had nothing but fond memories of her.

"I'll take that as a yes." Abruptly, his frown shattered into a sunny smile. "Lemme guess, crazy guy with a scorpion tail?"

"Scorpion...? Oh!" Realization dawned and Yang snapped her fingers at him. "That's the one."

Tan hands stabbed into his pockets. "That'd be Uncle Tyrian. Sorry about him."

Yang's head continued to spin. "Uncle...?"

"Eh," just like that, his expression turned sheepish. "Look, I'm really sorry about this n' all, but I think this is a big misunderstanding." as she looked on he looped both arms behind his head. "I think my mom kinda got the idea in her head that I was lonely. That I needed friends, ya know? Said it was important for me "development" or something." he added when her head bobbed in reluctant agreement. "Sooo...that's probably why this happened. Don't worry, I'll make sure she brings you back." he offered her his hand. "Wanna play tag in the meantime?"

"Here?!" Yang balked. "What about the Grimm?!"

"Eh, its fine." he shrugged. "They like me."

"That's not normal!"

"Normal?" Naruto blinked. "Neither am I. Dad keeps saying that. Are you normal?"

To be fair, Naruto had no way of knowing the button he'd just pressed. Even as a child Yang loathed the idea of normality. Normal people were weak. Normal folk couldn't fight back. What was ordinary anyway? She had a pair of kickass parents, ad awesome uncle, and an even more awesome aunt. Her cousin could run at super speed for crying out loud! She never wanted to be normal. Not now, not ever.

"Well...no!" She flailed her arms at him in a fit of pique. "I'm anything but normal, buster! I'm Yang Xiao-Long for crying out loud! I'm awesome and...

Boop.

Lilac eyes widened as Naruto swatted her on the nose. She froze.

...now you're it."

He bolted before she could deny it.

Yang made her decision in an instant. "Come back here!"

A/N: Read this, please!

I did tell you all that there would be changes.

First off, as evidenced by the chapter above this note, Raven never left in this story. She stayed with Tai. As a result, SumerxTai never happened. Ruby is the child of Summer and Qrow in this story, making her and Yang cousins. More changes to come.

No, I haven't forgotten Little!Blake, you'll see her again...

Its easy to see Naruto and Yang tearing things up as kids. They strike me as the type.

I'm trying to put up a brave front here, but its hard. I'm genuinely worried by the state of the world as of late. I think you all know what I mean by that. Between the virus and the riots and a certain election coming up, it feels like everyone's gone mad. There are even riots here. So yeah, I think I'm just gonna hide out until this all blows over. Perhaps that makes me a coward, but I have family to look after. Sorry if I'm rambling, but my health

On the plus side it gives me more time to write. So that's a thing.

T_T

Soooooo in the Immortal Words of Atlas...Review, Would You Kindly?

Next chapter shall be titled Red and White. Gee, wonder what that's about~?

Reviews keeps this sickly man alive. Without them, I'll just vanish into the void. Poof. Gone.

So here, have a preview while I rest and recover. Writing/updating this rapidly really takes a lot out of me...

(Previews)

"What, its just fish. Did you want it that badly?"

Blake all but perked up.

...why have you brought us here?"

"My, my, my! Aren't you two just precious~? Well done, Tyrian."

Little Winter was a credit to the Schnee name; she barely batted an eyelash in the face of this terror. Not so Weiss. The poor girl yelped and dove behind her sister for shelter. Salem restrained a small smile at the sight of her blatant terror. Fear was all well and good, but she hadn't dragged them to the Grimmlands for the sake of terror now, had she? Oh look, the elder Schnee was glaring at her now. Such a temper. Such...defiance. She'd make a fine bride someday for her boy. No! Bad Salem! Now was not the time for such thoughts...tempting though they were.

"Moooom!" Naruto groaned. "Not again!"

"Oooh!" Ruby's head poked over his shoulder. "Who're they?"

She smiled at her Favorite. Such a sweet, sensible girl. So eager to visit. "Why, they're new friends...we'll return them to their home soon. You have my word."

EDIT: Didn't expect that one now, did you? *grins* Yup, that just happened. Only a child-like Ruby could possibly win over Salem. Only our Ruby. Only her.

R&R~!