AN - edit: Changed. Thank you anon. Fixed.

Eric had walked into my lair just like I had wanted him to. He had gotten himself into a mess. I had waited a long time for me to torture him once again.

After the chili con carnival, I had spent a lot of my time in the mental institution because of him. My mom and dad were dead! All because I didn't give that fat kid his money back. I didn't think it would go that far, but now we've all learned one thing: Don't fuck with Eric Cartman.

My Chili Con Carnival was pretty great. Revenge was a dish best served, but there could always be more than one dish of revenge. I would always remember the day Eric Cartman killed my parents and fed them to me. I would also remember the days in the mental institution. Some kid asked if I was in the mental institution simply for being ginger.

While I was there, I had time to learn all about him. I wanted to take him down again. I wanted to surprise him. I had even learned the name of his father before he even knew himself. How did I not know Eric was my half-brother? He had been lied to by everyone, even his own mother. My own father had never even told me Eric was my half-brother.

I couldn't torture him with his father's identity anymore, since he already knew. It was all so shocking. While they thought they were protecting Eric, their lies are what got my parents killed.

"Your mother is such a slut, Eric." I said to him. "Maybe if they hadn't covered it up, your dad would still be alive by now! But all they cared about was protecting the Bronco name. Of course, a good year can only last so long."

"I'm sorry about our dad, Scott." He said to me.

Maybe he was sorry. After all, all he wanted to know was who his father was. If he had known, maybe this whole thing wouldn't have happened.

Had my father really not introduced me to Eric at all until I did myself?

"Yes, well, because of you we can't ever meet him." I said. "How is it that our dad never told us about each other? That you never knew your dad was a Denver bronco?"

"My mom never told me." He said.

"I know, Eric. The only reason you're here is because my dad got a little bored one week and had sex with your slut mom! An affair! The lies from your mom are what killed my dad! So...Eric, I suppose you can't be completely to blame."

"Gee, thanks, Scott." He said.

At least he knew who his father was now, even if he was dead. Jack Tenorman. I couldn't believe my dad had hidden my brother from me. Half-brother, but he was still my brother.

"How does it feel to kill your own father and feed him to your half-brother?" I asked.

"Horrible." He said. "Scott, I'm seriously. I've never had a brother or sister, and now that I know that I have one...Well, maybe I wouldn't have done that."

"Fed me my parents, Eric?" I asked.

"Yes." He said. "I realized that when Shelly baby sat me. Stan's sister. I told her that people who have a brother and sister don't realize how lucky they are. This whole thing would never have happened if I knew, Scott. I swear. If my mom just told me. But don't go after my mom, Scott. Please." He begged. "Sure, we fight a lot now because of what happened, but there's always someone there. If your parents aren't there anymore, maybe we can be there for each other." He reasoned.

My face softened from what he had said. "Well, maybe I can watch over you now, Eric, since I'm your big brother. But only for one day."

"Really?" He asked as his eyes lightened up.

"Yeah." I said.

"Hooray!" He said. "So, what do you want to do while my mother is away?"

"Well, I'm supposed to be babysitting you, Eric. Especially since your mom thought we should get along even though you killed my parents, but she feels bad for not telling you the truth and especially since I'm back in South Park."

"Yeah. You just kind of flew away and never came back. I thought you were gone forever, but I guess I thought Trent Boyett was gone forever, too, until ten years passed." He said.

Who was Trent Boyett?

"Eric, who's Trent Boyett?" I asked him.

"Oh, just some kid I fucked with when I was in preschool. Then he came back. Kind of like you, except I didn't fuck with you in preschool."

"Oh." I said. "Well, I suppose I should learn all about you now, Eric. I'll go make us some dinner."

"Hey. How do I know you're not gonna make me eat someone like I did?" He asked. "I don't trust you."

"Fine, Eric. I'll order pizza." I said.

"Alright!" He said cheerfully.

Yes, I would learn everything about Eric, my half-brother. But at the right time, I was going to get him back.