I'm staring blankly out of the car window. I see the cars zooming by, but I can't really process them. Even something as simple as their colors.

"Lia."

My boyfriend's firm voice jerks me out of my blank state. I turn my head slightly when I feel one of his hands encompass mine, which I have placed on my thigh. He grips my fingers gently, his eyes never leaving the road ahead.

"Lia," he repeats again, this time a little gently.

I finally manage to mumble out, "yeah."

"Talk to me," he almost pleads. I can hear the slight crack in his voice. He's worried for me and about me.

I just stay silent, suddenly disappearing into the depths of my mind where I've stored away the one very painful memory of the last words I had spoken to my older brother.

"How could you hide it from me? ME, your little sister," I yell with hurt in my eyes and voice.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose, Lia. It just happened."

I roll my eyes, scoffing. "Yeah right. I believe that bullshit."

My brother, having been calm throughout this fight, finally explodes. "I didn't realize I had to answer to you."

I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to calm myself, but am unable to do so successfully. "I thought we were close. I thought you knew, no matter what, I'd always be there for you. But I guess you'd rather push away those you love. Because you're too damn stubborn to admit you need help. That you're struggling. That-that you're a damn opioid addict."

I see what looks like hurt, and shame, flash through his eyes. He clenches his jaw but remains silent, not even denying what I'd just spouted out in anger.

And that hurts. That he won't even deny that we're not close. Not anymore. He's been so distant and even cold for a few years and now I know why. He's been struggling with himself, his addiction...and he never once came to me or Dad to talk about it. Never once opened up to us.

I bite on my lower lip to stop the quivering. I force back the tears I know are fighting to run down my cheeks.

"It looks like you're content just hurting us, T.K. But forget about us. You seem content hurting yourself most of all. And I can't - I won't – stand by and watch you drown in your addiction. Because one day, one day, it might actually kill you. And if I have to watch that happen, it would kill me too. So, I hope you're happy. You win...I'm done caring."

And I know I'm lying. Even though it tastes like filth in my mouth. But T.K believes me. He believes I don't care about him anymore. And for now, I'll live with that.

I feel my boyfriend's hand squeeze mine again, and I find myself looking into his gorgeous green eyes.

"Lia," his voice is soft. "You're not okay. Please let me help."

"How can you help me?" My tone is harsher than I intend it to be.

I only realize how mean and harsh I sound when I see hurt flash in Jay's eyes. I'm about to apologize but he doesn't let me. He gets out of the car and I open my door too. It's then that I become aware of the fact that we've reached the airport.

I find Jay shutting the trunk of the car. In his other hand he's holding my duffel bag. Everything from the sombre expression on his handsome face to his stiff body posture tells me I've hurt him, even if I didn't mean to. It wasn't intentional.

But I can't – I have no energy to think about that now. Not when I know there's a possibility I could lose my brother. My only concern right now is getting to Austin, Texas. I need to see my older brother and I need to be there for my father.

Jay walks towards me, and even as I open my mouth to say I can take it from here, he just walks past me, leading the way into the airport as he locks the car.

I tag behind him in silence, unsure of what to say. It's only when it's finally time for me to leave him and head to the gate that I start to say something. But somehow, it isn't an apology.

"Thank you, for dropping me off," I say almost quietly.

Jay gives me a small nod. And I want to – I so desperately want to apologize but I can't and I can't seem to understand why.

"I should go," I add, hoping he gives some reaction. Maybe even say something that will hurt me. But that doesn't come. Never. He'd never hurt me even if I hurt him.

So instead, he steps towards me, one hand grabbing my chin gently. Kindly.

"Call me when you land," he reminds me, his eyes soft. Gentle. Loving.

Guilt clogs my throat. I know I don't deserve someone as selfless, caring, heroic, loving, honest and brave like Jay Halstead. But he's mine. And that, even when I hurt him, he doesn't want to hurt me back. That, even when I hurt him, his first concern will still always be me and my well-being. My happiness over his. My life over his.

"Jay, I-."

"Dear passengers, flight 321 is now boarding at gate number 2."

I sigh and Jay presses a kiss to my forehead. "You should go," he whispers gently.

"I –yeah, yeah okay," I agree deciding to let it go for now. Even as I see the hurt and pain never leaving his eyes.

I swallow and step out of Jay's warm embrace. I let go of his hand and head over to my gate, deciding I shouldn't look back, lest I break.

But, I realize, I'm already broken. I have been since the first time I found out my brother is an opioid addict. Since he almost died the first time.

I'm not just broken, I'm shattered.