A/N: Hello! Gweneth here. This is my fic for the Kingdom of Covid five-day Frozen Angst Challenge by vuelie on tumblr. Enjoy! And please leave a review to let me know what you think :)

Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide.

Here she was.

The view from the balcony was still magnificent, and as she looked about the castle, it was still more beautiful than she had ever thought her powers capable of creating. The sun still rose in the morning. It still set in the evening.

The only things that were different were her appearance and the fact that she was now alone in a way that she had never been before.

When she'd created the ice castle, it had been a moment of freedom. She had thrown away her gloves and crown. Dressed how she wanted to. Let her bun down. She had made a sanctuary of her very own – somewhere she could be who she was without risk of hurting anyone.

Now, however… Three days later, with no contact with any people or living thing, it felt more like another prison. Another cage. Just like that cursed room that she'd lived the last thirteen years of her life in. The palace was a bit bigger than her room, yes, but that only made her feel smaller. More insignificant.

Queen Elsa of Arendelle.

She scoffed and shook her head, curled up against a wall. She wasn't even a queen for a full day, and she let her people down. How could she possibly have thought she'd be able to do it? Especially when she clearly couldn't do anything else?

Her father's voice rang in her ears. You must understand, Elsa, that you are my heir. Magic or not, you will have to rise up before your people one day. When that day comes, you will not have gloves on. You will not have a door to hide behind. You will only have yourself and everything that I can manage to teach you in this lifetime. That day may be very far, indeed, but it will come. You must prepare yourself for it. You must learn to control it, or fear will be your enemy. Don't you forget that, my darling. Now, come and repeat our mantra again. Conceal, don't feel. Don't let it show.

The presence of his voice in memory only made her feel more alone. "I'm sorry, Papa…" she whispered, turning her gaze heavenward as if he were up there and could hear her measly words. "I failed you. I'm sorry…"

She imagined him looking down upon her with that same expression of hidden disappointment that he and his wife always wore. That look always pained Elsa, always made her feel even smaller than she had ever felt before. She pushed her parents away and refused to let them touch her when really, all she had ever wanted or needed was a hug. She wanted someone to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay when it wouldn't.

Unfortunately, that was the thing about monsters. Anyone they got close to got hurt. She was a monster. That's all there was to it, she supposed. She, however, happened to have the decency to keep those she loved away from her so that they'd be safe. If they were safe, then that made the pressure on her chest lift, just a little.

Part of her expected her sister to come barging into her castle and demanding her return to the throne, to the people that she simply couldn't protect. Part of her even hoped for it, if only so she could see another living being again.

It had been three days, though, and at this point, Anna was probably preparing for her wedding to that prince, out there in the sunlight. She would be so happy on her wedding day. So alone, too, but that didn't matter, because she wouldn't be alone any longer afterwards. She could start a family and, when she was twenty-one, be crowned as queen.

Many people doubted that Anna would make a good queen. Elsa always knew she would.

Anna could be a little aloof and a little clumsy at the best of times, she would be the first to concede, but there was more to her than that.

Elsa heard it in the rhythmic knock on her door. She saw it in the drawings and gifts that Anna would slip under her door, even after they'd hardly seen each other in years. She heard it in the way Anna would sit outside her door and recount every single aspect of her day to her shut-in sister.

That voice was one that Elsa had always wished she could forget, if only because it would be easier. But now, with the loneliness pressing in on her, she wished she would always remember it.

Anna would not make a bad queen. She was smarter and more cunning than people gave her credit for, and she wasn't afraid of failure. She wasn't afraid of much, in fact. She was forgiving, too, which was a desired quality in a leader. More than that, she cared.

Also, and Elsa knew this from firsthand experience, Anna had a determination that was admirable, at least. She never gave up. That's one thing that convinced Elsa that her sister would be a better ruler than she any day.

She sighed and stood up, gliding over the floor and onto the balcony. It never felt like the sun really reached the North Mountain, not like it did Arendelle. Not like the way it would stream through that arching window in her room and remind her of everything she couldn't have.

That would be a good thing, she would think. She never expected that being without the sun would mean that she'd only have the isolating cold.

Her stomach let out a loud rumble, causing her to wince. She hadn't thought about food on the North Mountain. She had been eating ice for the past few days, but it wasn't sustenance or nutrition in any form.

She supposed she could put on a disguise and go down to Arendelle to purchase some rations… Except for the fact that she had no money on her. What about her crown? Could she pawn it?

…No, people would surely recognize her, then, and take her to the chopping block without another moment's hesitation.

She wondered if that would be better. She was starving and cold and alone, and that wasn't much of a life. Would it be better for everyone if she were gone?

Her arms drew tighter around herself, and she screwed her eyes shut, trying to block out everything. Her sister and her dead parents and her responsibilities and her failure and her fear. It was always the fear.

Up on the North Mountain, as the storm inside her stirred and roiled with rage, the wind blew just a little bit colder.