The Emperor's Secrets

Summary: Vader overhears something he shouldn't have and has to pretend that he doesn't know what his master does in his spare time. Needless to say, it's nothing he wanted to know and unfortunately can't forget very easily. One-shot: Post-ESB! Spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker! (Sort of AU)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Star Wars.

Vader was kneeling before the holoplatform, that projected the Emperor, with a calm exterior but on the inside was seething with rage. Ever since his failed attempt to recruit his son, he'd been ruthless towards his men, well more so than usual. Now while hot on the trail of the rebellion, the Emperor saw fit to summon him, demanding an update on the whereabouts of the elusive rebels. Every moment spent in the old man's presence was another second wasted for the pursuit. The room was silent for a moment as the shriveled man looked down his nose at his servant, demanding without having to speak a word.

"What is thy bidding my master?", began Vader with a seemingly casual drawl. It was ritual to begin their conversations like pompous old scholars, but for some reason it irked the Sith to no end on this particular day.

"I've received word that Skywalker and his friends evaded you yet again near Dandoran."

"Yes, my master.", replied Vader with a listless voice.

"I would hope the Executor is adequate for finding such insignificant scum.", spoke the Emperor, venom in his voice. Vader could feel the hatred coming off of the Sith in waves.

"It is no fault of the fleet but my own, but I assure you, our next meeting will end in their demise."

The Emperor merely stared at him, eyes cold and calculating before continuing.

"I should hope so Lord Vader, my trust in you is— "

A shrill beeping was sounding, definitely not emanating from Vader's ship, but the Emperor looked accusingly at him regardless. Vader resisted the urge to shrug, something his younger self might've done, and allowed his masked face to stare blankly back at the older Sith. Palpatine, upon realizing that the sound came from his side turned around to view something that Vader himself couldn't see.

"I have urgent business to attend to Lord Vader, but I will be revisiting your failure at Dandoran.", threatened the Emperor with disdain in his voice.

"Yes, my master.", intoned Vader automatically. He continued kneeling, as was custom to do until the Emperor closed the connection. The hum of the holoprojector continued on for a decidedly long time, but Vader continued kneeling, head down, as Palpatine probably wanted to torture him with prolonged staring. Vader inwardly snorted at the prospect. The Emperor's tactics reminded him of something a disapproving parent might do to their child. His mind drifted to Obi Wan without meaning to and without prompting began to remember that his old master tried the same tactics on his younger self. Anakin Skywalker was a terrible liar, so this often worked, but Vader liked to believe that he'd gotten better at concealing his true intent.

The humming continued and Vader started feeling slightly perplexed. The Emperor with his yellow eyes under a hooded cloak was something that would cause the bravest of men to shudder at, but he should know that Vader was immune to it by now. Nevertheless, he kept his gaze on the floor, growing more confused by the minute before another sound broke in. Once again, the source being from the Emperor's side.

"Good evening Emperor Palpatine.", spoke the offscreen voice of a woman.

Vader didn't start at first, as the Emperor had advisors that constantly served at his side, but none had ever been suicidal enough to interrupt a conversation between the galaxy's leader and his most loyal servant. His first thought upon hearing this other voice was that there must be an urgent matter to attend to, as the Emperor had stated. Disputes in the core worlds were common and Palpatine constantly attended to them. Vader, wondering why the connection was still open, glanced up to see that the holoprojector was off but the audio was still active, the humming noise still continuing.

Ah, he did it again, thought Vader with an amused inner voice. For all his wealth, power and fame, the Emperor sometimes showed his age by forgetting to close an active holocall. Vader stood and approached the control panel to switch off all connection but froze upon hearing the Emperor's response to this advisor.

"Welcome my dear, I've been expecting you.", came a voice that could cause the paint on a tie fighter to peel. This voice was the Emperor's own, but not one that Vader ever felt he wanted to hear or ever hear again. Something in it didn't sit right with Vader, almost as if the Force was telling him he should feel sick. Knowing it'd be disastrous to regurgitate his very processed food source while wearing a respirator, he moved his hand up to flip the off switch with the force. The switch didn't budge. "And it's My Lord or simply Emperor for the duration of your visit."

"Yes, my lord.", purred the voice of the woman. Instead of using the force Vader simply raced to the control panel and flipped the switch with haste. He sighed with relief when the switch was changed but that relief was short lived when he continued to hear the voices.

"Excellent my dear. I have foreseen what's to come, and it's… most exquisite.", spoke the Emperor as Vader continued to furiously work the control panel. Upon hearing his master's words, he ripped open the box, searching for the malfunctioning wire with growing fear. There were few times that Lord Vader ever felt frantic. One time had been when his son dropped into the black chasm at Bespin, another time it had been while the Executor almost became marooned on a lifeless planet, but nothing could compare to the utter terror of hearing the details of the Emperor's sex life.

There were sounds that Vader could've described only as dying Banthas by the time he found the elusive wire. He ripped it out with a quick motion and the room mercifully went silent. The Sith felt his shoulders sag in relief before he dropped the troublesome wire on the ground. He'd speak with Piett about replacing the control panel later. He left the room in a hurry, eager to command his men to continue on their trail. As he marched down the hallways, stormtroopers cleared the way not at all surprised by their leader's hasty stomping.

The next time the Emperor called him, Vader did not need to remind himself to gaze upon the floor with false humility. The control panel in the corner was brand new, having been inspected for any faulty wiring before this call from the Emperor came forth. Piett had been most confused by the extensive testing that was ordered for the device but chose not to comment on it. Now before the Emperor, Vader himself put his mental shields up, hoping that the Emperor would not question how fierce the walls were today. Thankfully the Emperor took no notice and began his usual drawl about being disappointed with how the pursuit for the Rebellion was commencing. As he droned, Vader's mind couldn't help but be reminded of the disturbing sounds he'd heard from his own master's lips.

"Have you been listening Lord Vader?", broke in the harsh voice of the Emperor, his gaze now critical.

"Yes, my master.", replied Vader, though he winced at the hitch he'd heard in his own voice modulator.

"Something's on your mind Lord Vader. I can feel your disgust, though not hatred.", spoke the Emperor with a sneer. Vader had let his emotions leak through and hoped that the Emperor couldn't see his true intent. "Hate is more powerful. Use it."

There was a pause, as Vader anticipated more, but the Emperor it seemed, had nothing to add.

"Yes, my master.", Vader stated once again.

The meeting continued without incident and Vader silently thanked the Force for its small mercies. The conversation came to end as Palpatine once again dismissed him. The humming continued again, and Vader felt something akin to dread growing inside him. Finally caving, Vader glanced up to see Palpatine turned away from the projector, his attention diverted to something that the younger Sith couldn't see.

For Force's sake, Vader groaned inwardly. If it'd been any of his men, he'd berate or possibly kill the imbecile who was stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. In fact, any intelligence officer dumb enough to leave their communications open could be executed under Imperial law. This was due to the possible security breaches and damage that could be done to the Empire. As this was the Emperor, he could neither berate nor punish such actions. He made a terse stand and walked towards the new panel in defeat. His hand was almost on the off switch when he heard a male voice fill the room.

"Father, I've had enough of this imprisonment!", broke the voice of a young man, close to Luke's own age, probably older. Vader could see his face appear in the view of the holoprojector. "All the luxuries of the galaxy couldn't buy my loyalty."

"It could your mother.", spoke the cold voice of the Emperor. Vader stood frozen for the second time that week.

The Emperor had a son?!

And not just any son, but one older than his own and apparently as secret as his own had once been. The man was probably almost thirty, definitely older than his son, but not by much. Vader's mind did its own bidding and shuddered at the mental calculations of when the Emperor's child began. Vader decided that the circumstances surrounding this event was slightly better due to Palpatine not being a horribly disfigured creature at the time, but not by much. During the age of the Republic he was still… quite old.

Vader tried to rationalize that this may in fact be a clone hybrid of some sort but dismissed it quickly. The Emperor was far too egotistical to have gone that route to creating an heir, and besides the heir of the Emperor couldn't be a clone or descended from one. It would be pointless and frankly stupid.

"You can't forbid me from seeing her!", came the dramatic cry of the Emperor's heir and the boy turned with a flourish, his cape fluttering behind him. Well, Vader thought wryly, he's certainly his father's son. "She's my ray of light, my beacon in this darkness."

"You're a sentimental fool.", croaked the Emperor. "Someday it'll get you destroyed."

"My love for her is more important than your threats.", replied the boy obstinately, pointing his index finger at the Emperor. Vader rolled his eyes but continued to listen to the conversation with morbid fascination. The kid was most certainly asking for a death wish. "Besides, if Vader's heir is known, why can't I be? Why should my existence be kept a secret?"

"You were a mistake, the son of a whore,", responded the Emperor without a beat "But you could be useful if Vader dies or Skywalker can't be turned."

"Wait, so I'm THIRD in line?!", came the undignified whine of the son. "This is because I don't have space magic isn't it?"

"Calling it space magic is precisely the reason you're not fit to be seen.", replied the Emperor with acid in his tone. "That and you're an embarrassment to the Empire."

Even Vader could admit that was cold.

"I bet even Vader doesn't treat his own son this way.", cried the heir, crossing his arms.

"Well he did cut off Skywalker's hand, so consider your remaining limbs my as a gift to you.", sneered the Emperor.

"I hear even he's recruiting the boy to overthrow you. I hope he wins.", sniffed the boy petulantly and Vader felt surprised by this boldness.

"Those are treasonous words boy.", replied the Emperor acidly, making to stand.

"I won't be loyal to the likes of you.", sneered the boy, pure hatred in his voice. There was a moment of silence where the two figures on the holoscreen stared each other down, and as if on cue, the Emperor made his decision known.

"Then you will die!", roared the Emperor before the room was filled with the sight and sounds of his powerful Sith lightning. Vader only seen this display of pure power a couple times in his life and witnessing it now could only mean death for the opponent of the Galactic ruler. The force lightning must've been powerful enough to destroy the equipment in the Emperor's environment, for the holoprojection ended with a snap-hiss.

Vader mechanically turned off the control panel and left the room in silence. Stormtroopers moved away but could only watch perplexed as Vader shuffled in a daze towards the bridge. Even as he felt the confusion coming off his men, Vader made no motion to correct his normal stomping pace. He made an appearance at the bridge to see if any progress had been made on catching Skywalker. Piett indicated that spies had seen the boy near Dantooine. He ordered scouts toward that destination and retired to his hyperbaric chamber for the duration of the lightspeed trip.

Just before he was to have his helmet taken off, he noticed a rapid flashing of an incoming message. Vader tilted his head but pushed it down to accept the caller. Very few had access to his private holoprojector and even fewer were brave enough to use it.

"What is it?" he bit out quickly.

"Hello Lord Vader. You don't know me, but I know you.", came the familiar voice over his intercom.

"How did you get this line?", gasped Vader angrily.

"My father managed to leave the last caller's credentials open.", responded the voice plainly. "He's rather bad at managing his holocalls."

"I know, but why are you calling me?", demanded Vader, most definitely not afraid of this simpleton, but definitely not willing to risk the Emperor's wrath.

"Wait, you know who I am?", asked the Emperor's son curiously.

"Unfortunately. So, I ask again, why are you speaking to me?", retorted Vader.

"My father just attempted to kill me, and I only just managed to escape through an air duct.", began the boy stiffly. "I'm not very good at shielding my mind for long and I was hoping you'd help me."

"Why would I do that?", ground out Vader.

"Because I can reveal much about the Emperor's secrets that would bring an end to him.", rushed out the boy. Vader could sense that there was no lie in that statement.

"Just because you're third in line?", replied Vader without thinking. The boy's eyebrows shot up.

"So, you did hear that conversation!", replied the boy with relief in his expression. "I've been doing that on purpose you know. Though sorry about last week's issue. Nobody should have to hear that."

"You've been sabotaging the Emperor? That's impressive.", Vader stated, wanting to quickly change the subject.

"What I don't have in Force abilities, I make up for in technical ones. But nobody ever praises a hero mechanic. Usually pilots or space wizards get all the glory."

"That is a most insulting name for Force users.", Vader stated with little emotion. The heir seemed uncomfortable and cleared his throat.

"Anyway, I need passage off this ship, but only sanctioned ships can leave the bay."

"I can't interfere while the Emperor is onboard.", Vader responded without preamble.

"I know that!", scoffed the boy almost hysterically. The heir looked from his left to his right, clearly making sure his hiding spot wasn't compromised. "I just need a moment to stow away on a sanctioned vessel while you speak to the Emperor."

"You really are as dumb as you look.", Vader replied with little remorse. "Nobody calls the Emperor, not even me."

"Then do something that'll distract him.", responded the boy hastily.

"How do I even know that you have secrets worthy of this risk?", began Vader with a great deal of apathy. "Perhaps I should just let you die for your treason to the Empire."

"Do that and my lover will reveal that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker, as well as the identity of his heir.", came the automatic response of the younger man. Vader froze.

"How do you even know that?"

"My old man also forgets to clear his holocalls.", replied the boy nonchalantly. Maybe he wasn't as dumb as he looked, mused Vader.

"No wonder he knows so many secrets", Vader muttered darkly before speaking clearly to the younger man. "Forget about stowing away, that's too obvious. This is what you'll do…"

It took but a few minutes to plan but Vader and the boy managed to scheme an escape through the medical ward's many body chutes. It was a little-known fact that these capsules were completely airtight, but with a limited air supply. Vader had to assure the boy several times that he wouldn't be left for dead before snapping and telling the idiot that there weren't really any more options. Finally, with the coordinates calculated and the beginning phase of plan in motion, Vader was left to wait for his special agents to retrieve the boy and return discreetly. The navigational charts would be cleared of any coordinates that the retrieval had ever taken place. The agents themselves knew nothing and were smart enough not to ask questions. He also had no fear of them reporting to the Emperor as the leader of the galaxy no doubt kept this boy secret for a reason.

By the time the shuttle landed in Vader's private hanger, it had already been several hours after the call had taken place. Vader stood over the capsule and watched the man inside eye him silently. Before long, the man was transported to a secure wing of the Executer where no troopers were patrolling for the time being. The heir was shoved roughly into a chair.

"What do you know?", demanded Vader with a growl.

"I don't even get Caf before this interrogation begins?", joked the heir before he noticed the silence of the Sith. The smile dropped from his face. "Oh, well I guess it is an interrogation."

"Most certainly.", intoned Vader, knowing that holding this prisoner was by far the most treasonous thing he could do. His thoughts then flashed to him imploring his son to join him. Well, maybe not the most treasonous.

"My name's Irek by the way.", began the heir quietly. The man held out an item in his hand. "I'm not much of a spy or a great orator, so I'll just give you the datachip with all the incriminating conversations I have on file."

Vader snatched it from his hands immediately. The heir shuffled in his seat and muttered to himself quietly. Something in his words caught Vader's attention.

"What did you say?"

"I said that the datachip is heavily encrypted and I'll give it to you once I'm free.", spoke of Irek with more boldness.

"You're in no position to make demands of me.", stated Vader with enough anger to cause the man to recoil slightly.

"Well—I suppose that's true.", conceded Irek, but he continued on. "Once you have your information, what do you plan to do with me?"

"I will decide."

"You mean you'll kill me.", spoke of the heir, who stood on his feet. "Which won't happen! Remember that my associate has dirt on you Vader!"

"I thought you said she was your lover?", queried Vader, looking down at the datachip.

"Yes, well she's my associate and my lover! Quite a beautiful person—"

"Spare me the details.", demanded Vader with disgust. He'd already discovered more about the Palpatine's love life than he ever wished to in the past week. "You will be given passage to the outer rim as soon as you reveal the secrets."

"Thank you, Lord Vader—"

"And you will be accompanied by my agents to ensure your continued silence.", interrupted Vader who stalked towards the boy menacingly. "Make no mistake. The moment my agents hear of your disloyalty is when you feel the cold blade of death. Both you and your mate. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Lord Vader.", replied the man solemnly. "Though what reason would you keep my alive? Not that I'm complaining."

"I may have use for you yet.", responded Vader vaguely but offered no other explanation.

The next several hours passed as Vader examined the contents of the data chip before deeming that it did indeed have worthy secrets, such as the location of a Darth Sidious cult. Vader knew his master had many secret places, though he'd neglected to tell him about Exegol or his obsessed followers. He'd charted the path from the Emperor's conversations and took the information to his most interesting prisoner, asking him if he was familiar with making Sith holocrons.

"Well actually you'd want a Sith wayfinder.", began Irek, an air of haughtiness that only seemed to grow with each passing hour that he remained alive.

"What's the difference?", asked Vader with an annoyed huff.

"While holocrons are great for only allowing Force users to access them, wayfinders make it way easier for anyone to access it.", stated the man without a hint of irony in his voice.

"Why would I want that?", demanded Vader to the heir, who only blinked in surprise.

"Well, I thought wayfinders are more interesting, given their unique ability to connect to a ship and help coordinate its movements."

"The Force is a strong ally with such things. I don't need to rely on faulty navigational maps."

"Very well.", sighed Irek with a dramatic sigh. "Though wayfinders are way cooler."

Vader chose to ignore that last comment.

"I've no use for you now. You will go to a rendezvous point with my agents and hide at the outer rim planet of your choosing."

"Thank you, Lord Vader.", replied the man gratefully. "I hear Jakku is nice."

Vader made no comment but winced inwardly at the choice. Jakku was a desert planet full of scavengers, ruffians, and so much sand. Either way, he wouldn't be there, so it mattered little to him. The Sith simply nodded and escorted the prisoner back to his private hanger. This was the last time he'd see the true heir to the Emperor though he cared very little. The boy was quite obnoxious the less afraid he became, so Vader was glad to free of him the moment his own threats became meaningless to the spoiled heir.

"I guess this is goodbye Vader.", began Irek, taking an over the top bow. "If you're ever in the outer rim, be sure to stop by my manor, or wherever it is I'll be living in."

On second thought, maybe Jakku was good for him. A few years of a harsh desert life would humble him. Vader nodded once again to the heir, watching the pompous nerfherder be followed inside by his agents. The ship rose out of the hanger and broke free of the Executor without ceremony. Vader watched the shuttle blink out as it shifted to lightspeed and shook his head. The revelations of the past week were much to take in but if anything was to be garnered from it all, it was clear why the Emperor never chose to procreate a second time.

A moment later, his communicator beeped.

"Yes, Admiral Piett?"

"Lord Vader, Skywalker has been spotted on the surface of Dantooine.", came the crisp voice.

"Prepare a landing party.", was all Vader said before getting inside his own personal ship, the heir of the Emperor quite forgotten.

A/N: Well this story spiraled out of control into something I didn't intend on making. Even I don't know where this is going or how it could affect the future events of The Return of the Jedi or Episodes 7, 8, and 9. Honestly don't know if I'll continue this, given the fact that I'm making this up as I go, but if people like it, or have any interesting ideas on where they'd like it to go, I'm all ears! For now, it's just an AU one-shot. Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! :)