Shinji runs away. By zman123

Chapter 1: Time to leave.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going – Anon.

He shook and shivered as he looked in the mirror to gaze upon the battered visage of the boy who must by now have broken the world record of being the most despised piece of rubbish ever to exist throughout human history.
Everyone he knew and probably everyone he didn't know from the social cues he had witnessed people making when around him or talking about him behind his back, hated him.

To say that the closest thing he had to a girlfriend in the German redhead Asuka Langley Soryu would rather suffer the presence of a million bloodthirsty Angels over his presence would be an understatement.
At least killing the Angels provided her a chance to prove her great EVA piloting skills on the battlefield so that she could boost her already massive ego even more, while all he, Shinji Ikari could provide her with was a unpaid and unappreciated manservant to wait on her hand and foot while she gave him nothing but her damning silence in the few times he beseeched her for the slightest hint of sympathy in the difficult life he led as a complete loner whose tragic life had amounted to little more than one humiliation conga after another.

He cooked her meals, cleaned her room, played the cello till his fingers went numb when he saw she was not feeling happy and sat at her bedside when she was sick knowing full well that the instant she woke up, his only reward would be another punch to the face and another agony inducing shiner.

The bruises made his already tedious job of piloting the most unreliable war machine known to man daily even more difficult.
And when his job became more difficult, his performance could not help but slip in spite of his best efforts of pouring every last ounce of his remaining soul and willpower into a job he despised with every ounce of his being.
And when his performance slipped his purple haired Major Misato, snapped.

"Your stupid recklessness nearly caused another impact; Shinji and you should be ashamed."

"There's no excuse for your incompetence, Shinji."

"I sometimes feel you aren't worth the space you take up on this planet, you spineless coward Shinji"

"But Asuka…" He tried to reason once only to be shut down mid-sentence by Misato, who seemed not to care in the slightest that she was talking over the boy meant to be her adopted son and the most able pilot of NERV in spite of his shortcomings with the longest streak of victories.

"Asuka rushes into her EVA showing no fear or hesitation, which is what you should be doing Shinji. Asuka cheers when there's an Angel attack while you sit there dithering and getting upset. Asuka's strong and confident while all you are Shinji, is a miserable little coward who'll never amount to anything."

And the purple haired woman left the room as Shinji managed to regain enough courage to faintly utter in the last second as the door slammed shut behind her as she went.
"But Asuka hit me. She hit me really hard and you did nothing. You're my Major and you have every right to discipline me as you see fit Misato, but what about her? WHAT ABOUT THE MEAN THINGS SHE'S DONE TO ME!"

He was shouting by the end of his rant knowing full well the entire thing would go unheard, knowing full well that even if Misato was still in the room his pleas would fall on deaf ears.
He would have better chances pleading with an Angel to spare his life even with the simple limitation that it was a homicidal maniac that didn't understand human speech.

At least the Angel might have had the courtesy to eat Asuka first and him second.

"I miss you mom" he whispered as he nursed the bruise on his chin, this one caused when Asuka strode from the bathroom to incidentally end up in the same room he was unlucky enough to be in before proceeding to deliver a devastating high kick as she furiously accused him of being a pervert despite his presence being completely unintentional and him not even looking in her direction.

"You know Shinji. It's your fault my Yui died. And there is nothing I wouldn't do if I could trade your life for hers." He once overheard his father saying while standing outside his office waiting to be called in for a scathing rant on how once again, he was not measuring up and his already tiny salary would be deducted once again.
Shinji could only suppose that effort points didn't count when NERV assessed it's pilots at their pay reviews. Or perhaps they constituted a negative score which gave negative marks and thus a drop rather than a raise in salary.

It would explain why Asuka's effortlessness in many of the battles they had been in together went without so much as a bat of the chief of NERV his father's eyelid, while even when he was the one who had dealt both the first, the last and every blow in between to the Angelic foe they were fighting to end the threat it posed, he got nothing but disapproval.
Not just from NERV's chief and his father but every last member of NERV down to the janitor did nothing but sniff and sneer at him each time he walked through the halls of the world's second most powerful organisation shortly behind SEELE.

And when his meeting with his father was over and he was eventually declared "dismissed", the door behind him was quickly and noisily slammed shut like a strike of thunder.

The entire experience shook him to his very core, and he felt exasperated and helpless each time he went to and left NERV.

When the people of the crime filled Gotham city had a criminal, they called Batman.
When Metropolis was under attack, they called Superman.
When the Leaf village was in trouble, Lord Hokage was there to help. Even Naruto, despised as he was, had his mentors like Itachi and Kakashi to depend on.
Equestria had Princess Twilight Sparkle and her merry band of friends.

But when Shinji Ikari found himself in a problem too serious to be solved by himself…

"You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you" his reflection in the mirror sneered in a thick and raspy tone as it mockingly laughed at his expense.

"I need help" Shinji told himself as he managed with a trembling hand to wipe his tears as his trembling feet led him out of his apartment in the direction of NERV's laboratory.
"I can't take this anymore. I can't take the complete disregard that everyone I care about keeps showing me even when I make every effort to be as nice as possible."
He took a look at his very worn hands whose skin he had nearly torn open doing chores left and right to try and appease the uncaring Misato and Asuka to no avail.

"I need sympathy. I need human contact. I NEED LOVE TOO!"

He had by now somehow through his delirium managed to flag down a cab which had probably been attracted by his loud shouting toward him.
He handed the driver the meagre pile of notes that made up his salary which he still had in his pocket before boarding the vehicle still madly trembling as he closed the door behind him and the car drove off in the direction of NERV at his order, his voice very unsteady when he spoke.

By the time he had arrived at NERV's reception and rushed down a flight of stairs, he was salivating as he frothed at the mouth.
The twisted combination of every intentionally hurtful insult Asuka, Misato, his father and everyone he had risked his life countless times to rescue bombarded his mind as he ran to where he was praying the one person who had the faintest chance of not hating him was still working.

"Doctor Akagi headed to the rooftops for a smoke. Please don't hurt me." a nondescript middle-aged man in a white lab coat shakily told the nearly insane Shinji when he uncharacteristically loudly demanded to know where the chief scientist of NERV was right that instant when he could see her nowhere in the lab. His anger having the effect of making the entire group of scientists quail before him more afraid of him in this moment, than they were of chief Gendo in his worst moments.

This wasn't the kind and loving Shinji they had secretly all grown to love and cherish, if only because he was good for a laugh. The monster who had stormed into their place of research, had gone completely insane from lack of human sympathy and judging by the massive bruise on his forehead, not without very, very good reason.

.The human being who inflicted such an injury, did not deserve the title of human being.

"What kind of cruel, careless, evil person would upset one of Tokyo 3's most gentle and friendly little Angels" one of the younger, female scientists muttered to herself in spite of her fear as the boy stormed out of the room.
A few gentle sobs turned into a full-blown tantrum as she bawled without restraint with her face buried in her hands, unseen by Shinji.
The other scientists all felt as though they could cry too in that moment.

The speed at which Shinji raced up the stairways could be compared to the flash.
Not once did he stop to pause for breath as adrenaline coursed through his veins lending him unimaginable strength.
"Please don't hate me too." He prayed desperately in spite of his rapidly worsening sanity. "Please at least find me tolerable."

The blonde-haired chief scientist of NERV, a very pretty woman who had started her career early in her life and had only just reached her third decade, took a look at the massive distance that now stood between her and the street below which was made of hardened concrete and full of rushing cars.
No one could survive that fall and even if they could, they were certain to be hit by a passing vehicle no problem.

There was no reason for her to live anymore. She had failed everyone she loved and cared for. She had become a mass murderer. A monster even worse than the Angels.
A psychotic psychopath willing to take the innocent life of an innocent child out of pure spite and jealousy over how she attracted the attention of a very evil man not worth anyone's attention anyway.

And since that innocent girl was comprised of none other than the genes of the late Yui Ikari, in a sense she had tried to make Shinji an orphan for a second time, by attempting to kill the one person on planet Earth who had any chance of getting through to that poor, misunderstood boy.

But enough self-reflection. One jump would end it all. She had already nearly finished repairing on the Jet Alone project which NERV nearly destroyed which would allow Shinji and the other children to never need to pilot again and she had already fixed the clones of Rei Ayanami along with a machine that would restore Rei's memories in their entirety.

Soon Shinji could have Rei, the complete Rei and they could be happy together as the best of friends.
That was all that mattered.

"Please speak to me Dr Akagi. Please don't say you hate me as well. Just please. Don't ignore me like everyone else does. I'm begging you." A familiar voice pleadingly begged behind her, bringing her back to her senses almost instantaneously.

And as the door leading to the section of the rooftops she was standing on was opened, Ritsuko quickly backed away from the edge and forced a smile as the incredibly handsome and adorable son of the man she hated most in the world came into view.

He was wiping away his last tears even as he spoke.
"Just please. Speak to me. I'm very lonely."

"Of course, Shinji. We can talk. You know we can always talk." The blonde-haired doctor managed to reply, trying her hardest to sound composed for the sake of the boy who had given her and her friend Maya their reasons for living.

Shinji's mouth seemed to drop open in utter astonishment at these simple words of reassurance made up in the spur of the moment.

"You mean it? You're, you're not going to try and pretend I don't exist? You actually care about me enough?"

"I care about you a lot, Shinji." The words came out somewhat stiff and stuttered. Ritsuko was the chief scientist but not the chief socialist but she was determined to do anything to keep the clearly not all together Shinji calm in his clearly very distressed state. "Of course, you can talk to me."

The ghost of a grin this brought to Shinji's lips warmed her heart so much she felt she might melt into a puddle. If only she had done this much earlier.

So, for the next few minutes the chief scientist and the top EVA pilot of NERV talked about how neither of them was given anywhere close to the credit they deserved for their life-risking sacrifices and above average performance that they had given in service of NERV and the world.

How the world was slowly destroying itself through total lack of the vital emotion known simply as "love".
"Asuka doesn't love me in spite of all I've done for her." Shinji said, tranquil fury lacing every syllable.
"And Gendo didn't love me or my mother in spite of all we tried to do for him." Ritsuko affirmed, glad to have someone to help her get this off her chest.
The rest of the conversation became easier from there.

"But I want you to know Shinji, that even though I've probably done a terrible job showing it. That I love you." A solitary tear slid down the chief scientist's cheeks as she shivered a little in genuine sentimentality. She took a look across the horizon of Tokyo 3, the last crumbling stronghold in a world that came closer to dying every single day.
It was now or never. She turned back to Shinji and completely uncharacteristic of her usual way of addressing people, looked him straight in the eyes.

"Before my grave closes over me, Shinji. I would like to be able to. At least this once to call you my son. And to tell you, that I have always been proud of you. So proud that I was afraid that even if I told you just how proud I was of every amazing thing you've managed to do, that you wouldn't believe me."

Shinji seemed to be short of breath as his mouth moved up and down uncontrollably at this ovation of praise.

"I've always considered you to be like a son to me Shinji. But it was my own stupidity that stopped me from doing what I should have done for you. What I should have done for you and Rei."

Shinji seemed to completely lose all sense of control at the mention of Rei as all colour drained from his cheeks.

"Yes. Rei told me just how much you meant to her and how determined she is to not initiate the next impact because of how nice you were to her. She loves you Shinji. It's the truth."

"That's good." Shinji incredulously replied, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "I'm glad…" At least his efforts on one of his friends were not wasted. At least he had made one person's life better with his actions.

So it surprised him as much as it surprised Ritsuko when his next question erupted from his slowly steadying lips into reality. He at first didn't want to ask it, but if this was the time for confessions then he needed both of them to put all their cards on the table.

"Who is Rei really? I mean, she looks a lot like my mum… But my mum died years ago, and I don't even remember how that happened but she did die. My dad told me so. So, who does that make Rei?"

Ritsuko cocked her head as her expression became serious and taciturn.
It was clear she expected the conversation to head this way eventually and she had been trying to keep it from going here to no avail.

"It might be best you don't know, Shinji. Some things are better left unsaid…"

"Tell me." Shinji requested, his voice firm in spite of his fear. "I need to know. I love Rei too so no matter what the truth is, I won't think any less of her or you whatever it must be. But I need to know the truth, Doctor. And I know you're the only one who can tell me."

"In future Shinji. Please call me Ritsuko." She briefly stated.

Then she took a deep breath as she began a slightly abbreviated but still completely truthful retelling of how Gendo's constant abuse of his loving wife drove her to insanity she could not escape from however hard she tried.
She told Shinji about how his mother wasn't really dead, simply trapped inside EVA unit 1 the very EVA he piloted, granting it great power that only he and he alone had access to as the last person on Earth his mother felt she could trust.

How it was Yui's selflessness and desire to protect the world along with her motherly love for her innocent son that prevented her from committing complete suicide and instead enticed her to enter a prison worse than death.

And how Gendo created Rei from Yui's genes combined with some Angel genes in anticipation for when he initiated the next impact as part of his plan to bring Yui back, killing Rei and the remains of the world in the process.

"Is my mother the only person trapped in an EVA?" Shinji asked, his eyes surprisingly dry in spite of how hard the information was hitting him.

"No. My mother Naoko and Asuka's mother Kyoko are also still stuck in their own Evangelions. Eva unit 0 and 2 respectively."

Evangelion 0 was Rei's Evangelion. And EVA unit 2 was Asuka's.
So that meant…

"Your mother never left you Shinji. She never stopped loving you. And neither did Asuka's. So in a sense, you're both very lucky."
Ritsuko summarized, seeing the confusion on Shinji's face as his mind tried to digest at least some of what he had learned.

"I'm sorry Shinji. Really sorry. I should have been kinder to you and Rei. I sincerely repent.
But for what it's worth right now, I think your dad is a very evil man. And if it has any meaning to you Shinji, I ended my relationship with him long ago."

"It's fine er Ritsuko. Really. I'm not mad." Shinji simply reassured as he smiled lightly.
It felt completely different in a good way to be able to refer to the chief scientist of NERV on a first name basis and it lifted many of the burdens he still carried in effectively communicating with her.
"But I am very proud of you for what you've done."

The conversation became tilted in her direction as Ritsuko took a quick look to check no one was listening before excitedly announcing that Jet alone would soon be finished.

"I only let your dad think that he destroyed the last one, but really I kept it hidden from him and the rest of NERV and I've been working to restore it ever since. It'll probably be finished in 3 weeks and that's exactly when I predict the next Angel attack will be. And once I've demonstrated how effective Jet alone is at stopping the Angels."

"NO MORE PILOTING!" Shinji exclaimed as he punched the air in excitement only for Ritsuko to quickly hush him down.

"But are you sure one Jet Alone is powerful enough?" Shinji's excitement died down a little.

"According to my calculations, with the new features I've put into it, there's no way it shouldn't be at least several times more powerful than even EVA unit 1. The AT field it can generate is at least five times stronger and without the need for a pilot cockpit, it's far more robust and less prone to failures.
It also has a plasma cannon on its back so it can pick the Angels at range."

"Someone's done their homework." Shinji proudly commented with a hint of snark.

"I'm a scientist. It's what I do. And when everyone sees how useful it is, the other countries will make more of them and we won't need the Evangelions anymore."

Shinji nearly shed tears of joy as he announced that he felt much better now, and he thanked the kind doctor for her precious time.

"No Shinji. Thank you for caring enough about me to come and find me. And if you ever feel like you need help again, call me. I'll give you my number. I might not pick up right away every time, but I can try."

She took out a small notepad from one of her lab-coat pockets along with a pen, wrote down a number and handed it to the nervous Shinji who grunted in acknowledgement before placing it into his right jean pocket.

"Would you like to stay at my house tonight? I don't want to see Misato and Asuka being mean to you again."

"No that's fine Ritsuko. I wouldn't want to intrude on your privacy, and they seemed pretty calm today."

A deep sigh. "If you say so."

"There's just one more thing." Shinji blurted out as he was about to turn to leave, seeing the rainclouds begin to gather in the sky.

"What's that, Shinji?"

Shinji paused for a moment. He wasn't sure if this was something that fit into this conversation, heck any conversation. But having gained so much trust in someone, he felt like this was just something he had to ask if only once in his lifetime.

"Why do Asuka and Misato see the urge to treat me so poorly anyway? I've been as kind to them as I possibly can. I never shout at them and I always do everything they ask me to do. Heck I even cook Asuka's food for her when she doesn't ask me to, and even when I'm badly injured from a fight.
I mean, sure, I'm better at piloting than her but surely that's not a crime?"

"It isn't Shinji. And you should be proud to be such an amazing pilot." Ritsuko immediately reassured, butting in without intending to. "You should not be sorry to have talents, especially when you're so modest and nice about it."

"So then. What makes them hate me? What makes it so that when I make even the most tiny error, Misato always jumps on my case and yet when Asuka is kicking me in plain view of Misato, she just laughs and says its funny? Isn't assaulting a fellow pilot considered a serious crime in NERV?
Doesn't it mean that I can't pilot well and if I can't pilot well then I can't save the world?"

"You're absolutely correct Shinji. Yes. And once again. I'm sorry you were put with Misato and not me and for ignoring you for so long."

"So then. What could possibly encourage the two of them to be so mean to me?" Shinji was holding out his arms in wonder as he finished the last sentence, feeling once again a spasm of pain across his skull from one of Asuka's earlier beatings. Ritsuko wasn't a psychologist, but she was the closest thing he would ever have to one.

Ritsuko thought long and hard about this question. She may have been able to solve scientific equations with ease but this question provided a unique sort of challenge that was difficult in a fun sort of way.
She never thought Shinji to be such an intellectual too.
Just one of many wonderful things that NERV was too short sighted to see in their greatest pilot.

"With respect Shinji. Perhaps Asuka is a girl you still don't understand." She eventually replied, taking care to emphasize the respect so as to make clear that she was not being condescending as she had often been to him in the past, and that every word she spoke was intended to help and not hurt him.

She waited to see that she had Shinji's undivided attention before she continued, the first drips of rain beginning to fall.

"A long time ago (when I was admittedly a much more kind and reasonable person) I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. We were trying to secure the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But the stones were being raided in a forest near Rangoon by a bandit. So, we went looking for the stones, but in six months"

She paused briefly for dramatic effect as her story had all but become Shinji's world.

"We never met anyone who traded with him."

Shinji was gawking in bewilderment, clearly very puzzled. Precious stones could have solved all of his problems in this moment and yet this?

"Then one day" Continued Ritsuko, her tone deadly serious. "I saw a child playing with a ruby, the size of a tangerine. The bandit, had been throwing them away."

"So why steal them?" Shinji uncontrollably asked, having so far listened in absolute silence but no longer able to hold his peace.
He was in complete awe as to how such a lucky bandit could be so completely moronic. That ruby could have solved all of the problems he had with having to live under the same roof of a violent abuser and a drunk and uncaring so-called guardian who had done nothing but laugh at his expense.

"Well… Because he thought it was good sport. Because… Some men (and in Asuka's tragic case, some women) aren't looking for anything logical like money. They can't be brought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with."

Ritsuko leaned forward and lowered her voice even more as Shinji clutched his head at such words of wisdom. Truer words really had never been spoken.

"Some men. Just want to watch the world burn."

A long, uncomfortable silence followed as Ritsuko forced back the pain of the past that this story had brought up, and Shinji slowly forced his disbelieving brain to come to terms with just how relevant this tale had to his current situation.

"I' I see" he eventually managed to weakly stutter, choosing his words carefully as a few drops of salty water dripped into his head. "So, did you manage to catch him?"

"We did, eventually." A crash of thunder sounded in the distance as the two of them began to walk back down the stairs through which they came to the rooftop, not wanting to get soaked.

"How?" Shinji never thought he would find himself so curious to know more about the background of any single person, let alone any fellow NERV member.
But this sad, gripping and altogether timeless retelling had captivated him utterly and he had a feeling that the next part would determine the rationale behind every single action he was about to undertake if he were to have any hope of escaping his abusive situation whatsoever.

"It might be best if you don't know Shinji." Ritsuko tried to say, knowing even as she said it that it wouldn't quell Shinji's incurable curiosity. "Some things are better left unsaid."

"Please. Tell me. How?" He simply repeated, his words still respectful but assertive at the same time.
Slowly but surely through simple and friendly human contact, he was beginning to regain his confidence and sanity bit by bit.

They had reached the top floor inside NERV's building with a rooftop now as lightning crashed and the rain outside became ever more intense.

The lights in the room were off now that most of NERV's staff had gone home for the evening, making the blonde scientist's face stand out all the more.

Understandably, she didn't reply right away but when she did, it was in a clipped monotone in which every word seemed to be chewed on before being spat out. It was clear she was only able to bring herself to reply out of the completely real concern and sympathy she had for Shinji.

"Please don't take this the wrong way Shinji… But if you must know. We only did what we did because there was no other choice."

She took a few steps with her back turned to him, only to turn around when she had nearly made it to the next set of stairs leading down.

"We burned the forest down."

And before Shinji could ask more questions, she politely bowed, announced that she had to be going and wished him a pleasant evening before silently making her way down the steps.

Shinji didn't follow her. She had said all she needed to say and he had heard all he needed to hear.
Instead he sat himself down on one of the many chairs in the corridor and closed his eyes in silent contemplation.

He carefully considered every aspect of his life up to this moment like he never had before, this moment a culmination of all his existential crisis's rolled into one.
He thought of all the times Gendo had shouted at him and slapped him in the face before refusing to speak to him.
All the times Misato had stood idly by refusing to do anything as Asuka unleashed a violent torrent of abuse both physical and verbal upon him.
And last of all, how close to completion the good doctor had professed Jet alone to be at this moment.

"The world would be better off without you, you idiotic brat." He heard the combined voices of everyone he had ever met, both those he loved and hated, shouting in unison in his mind.

He took one last look at Ritsuko's story about the Burmese bandit, in particular the last line of how the forest had to be burned down to catch the man who wanted nothing more than to watch the world burn.

And in the blink of an eye, all his doubts, all his panic, all his worries were vanished and for once in his life, he had absolute certainty that his next choice would surely be the best one under the circumstances.

He cracked a smile as he made his way out of the building to find another cab to take him home.
He was about to do what his abusive roommates called "the stupidest thing anyone could possibly do" but what he himself called " a pro gamer move".

He was going to run away.
And he was going to encourage Rei, his sweetheart Rei, to come with him.

They wanted him out of the picture?
He'd give them exactly what they wanted. He would prove to everyone how selfless and nice he really was and this time, they wouldn't even be able to complain about it.

Thank you for reading. You are all awesome people.
See a big problem with the show is that Asuka and Gendo can get away with doing anything bad they like and not get punished or even called out for their misbehaviour whereas even when Shinji is doing everything he's told to do and being the nicest guy he possibly can, he gets insulted and punched in the face.
It therefore stands to reason that the best course of action for Shinji is to leave. This way, he's not being mean to anyone and everyone will be happier and so will he. I'm surprised no one's come up with this idea yet.

The most glaring example is Asuka's introduction in Rebuild 2 where Asuka kicks Shinji in the face because he just happened to be close to her when she came out of the bathroom and Misato stands there laughing.

By this point, Shinji hasn't even caused any impacts yet and already he's being treated like trash.

Any comments are appreciated and see you guys hopefully soon. Keep well.