A/N: The idea for this story came from reading storybookknight's excellent My Hero School Adventure is All Wrong, As Expected. Thus inspired, there are certain to be some similarities especially in later chapters but I have honestly made every attempt to avoid copying his writing. The first few chapters of mine will be light on characters from the MHA/BNHA universe but rest assured they will be showing up in the future.

"Hikigaya," my Heroic Studies teacher began evenly. "Do you enjoy writing essays so much that you wish to do all of them twice? In the future you may write as many practice essays as you wish, you can just turn in your best work to be graded." Sensei sounded a little frustrated at the end of her questioning.

Sitting across from Shizuka Hiratsuka in the teacher's lounge, I considered her question even though I could tell she wasn't being serious. She also wasn't being humorous, although I think that was her intent. I actually didn't like writing essays at all. Well I didn't mind writing them compared to doing math or science homework but overall I preferred no homework. Homework cut into the time I could spend in more productive pursuits, like reading my light novels or playing my video games. My beloved PS Vita already wept at how little time I got to spend with it these days.

"No, I don't like re-writing my essays," I answered honestly. I left out the reasoning behind my conclusion, relatively certain that she wasn't interested in my perfect logic. Other people rarely were, even though this is my superhero origin story.

"Then why do you insist on turning in garbage like this? Reading this drivel is a waste of my time!" As she finished her statement, she waved around the paper she was holding for emphasis. The motion did interesting things to certain parts of her anatomy covered by her lab coat and bodysuit. I blame hormones for this distraction as I looked aside.

"I'm sorry, I'll get better at composition," I apologized. I did mean it too. I was a bit embarrassed by my writing on that essay, it really was bad. I consider myself to be competent at the language arts, but clearly I still had plenty of room for improvement. The diction suffered because I tried to use too many big words and it ended up somewhat awkward, also I suppose I chose poor examples as evidence to support my statements. Plus-

"That isn't the issue, Hikigaya." Sensei ruined my train of thought. She was also mumbling something under her breath about a Gahama, I wondered what that was. I waited patiently for her to return to her original thought like the responsible student I was.

"Sensei, you are a bit too young to be losing your mind, can you please get back to your point." Ok, maybe I wasn't exactly as patient as I could be. But I had things I needed to do, and sitting in this teacher's lounge was not one of those things.

Sensei was not pleased that I pointed out she was wasting time, and she showed her displeasure by slamming a fist into my stomach. Shizuka Hiratsuka, the Professional Hero known by the alias Stretch Boxer, could throw quite the punch. It was in her name afterall. I let out a manly grunt to show that I could handle her sudden assault with dignity and courage but otherwise remained silent, hoping to avoid any further wrath. Sensei carefully studied my face, probably making sure she hadn't done too much damage, before tossing her hair behind her head with an irritated shake of her head.

"The issue isn't with the level of your writing, although you are certainly no Tomino." Sensei actually shuddered as it appeared she would regress back into whatever thoughts had sidetracked her before she continued. "The issue is the argument you chose. Basically, I'm wondering if you even want to be a professional hero. You aren't required to stay in the hero course, you know."

"It was so bad you lost all hope in me as your student?" Man, I was a bit crushed by that. Ms. Hiratsuka taught the sole Hero track class for my year at Soubu High School in wonderful Chiba. Soubu was known more for academics, so the heroics program here was smaller and frankly not exactly filled with top hero prospects. Being transferred out of her class would mean either leaving the hero program or leaving the school entirely.

"Chin up, I'm not kicking you out of the program." Ms. Hiratsuka had never looked lovelier than she did at that moment. I wondered if I should get her flowers, or possibly some chocolates. She wore a gentle smile upon seeing the look of pure relief on my face. "I do want to know what you were thinking when you wrote this essay though."

"Well the essay prompt was to explain why we were looking forward to being heroes, right? I would think that saving people was certainly a good enough reason."

"Sure. It's one of the most popular responses to this essay every year, along with 'serving the side of justice' and 'becoming a role model for society.' And I can understand why you would want to protect your younger sister. Although it was a bit creepy how detailed you got while you listed her positive attributes, and underlining 'cutest' several times was both improper grammar and has set off alarm bells in my brain."

It occurred to me then that Ms Hiratsuka probably was an only child, because she had no idea of the pure love between siblings. My sister Komachi was the best younger sister in the world, and I was the greatest older brother. Our bond was stronger than any power in the universe, and it would never be broken. Even if my sister could be annoying most of the time.

"Ignoring the siscon issue for now, your gaming consoles can't be precious people to you because despite your anthropomorphic justification in the essay, they still aren't people. I don't know why someone as intelligent as you would think that I would allow you to claim that." I'm not a siscon.

Sensei laughed for a second, crossing her arms under her chest. "Really though, do you enjoy playing Monster Hunter with your friends that much? Why didn't you include them in your essay?"

I felt like I had just carted to end the hunt, although that might have been due to the fact I'm pretty sure Sensei noticed me noticing her breasts. "Actually, I don't play with anyone. Well, unless you count my palico." Which I do. Palicoes were totally viable partners to hunt with. Stop looking at me with your sad eyes Sensei.

"I see. Do you have any friends at all? Real friends your age, who are actually alive."

"Define friends for me." Depending on her definition, I might have one friend. But I really hoped that I didn't.

"Ok, moving on." Ms. Hiratsuka totally ignored my request and just assumed that I didn't have any friends. This was an outrage, even though it was true, it was still really harsh of her to accept I was friendless so easily. "Hmm. Same issue with your light novel collection. Next, you list your cat and then your parents. Strange order but really not that important considering what follows is 'These are the only people in my chosen area to protect so it shouldn't be that difficult to save them all.' Do you mind explaining that?"

"Well, I do have a decent amount of books but still I think I could move everyone on my list to safety in a short amount of time." It would probably only take one or two trips to carry everything away, depending on whether or not I could convince Komachi to help carry my stuff instead of her useless crap. Hero training was definitely hard work physically, but the benefits to my strength and stamina were substantial. It would have been nicer to have a hyperbolic time chamber so I still had free time but it was necessary either way so I made do.

Ms. Hiratsuka swatted at my head with the essay. The blow fell short as she didn't bother to stretch her arms, but I did fall silent and focus my attention back on her which was probably her goal. "Are you this dense on purpose? I'm asking why you said those were the only things you would have to rescue?"

Ah, so her issue was with the lack of additional civilians to save. There was an easy explanation that was sure to satisfy her. "Ah. Well actually it's very simple. You know how some heroes have a very wide area they patrol and protect? Take All Might for example, he has an agency in Roppongi but he battles villains and makes rescues all over Tokyo and even the entirety of Japan. You never know when and where All Might will show up."

Sensei nodded her head and gestured for me to continue. "I discovered a problem with that philosophy. Although it has a positive effect that villains elsewhere will have to worry about All Might appearing out of the blue, the citizens in Roppongi can't be certain that All Might will be there to save them if they are attacked. Therefore, I intend to be a hero that rarely leaves his chosen territory so I can always be there to protect the civilians who dwell in it. The citizens will have the peace of mind knowing I am always available to help them. Also, any time and energy All Might spends traveling to a different area is time and energy that isn't spent performing heroic deeds. So my system is more efficient."

"I see. And just what territory do you intend to patrol so vigorously?" Hiratsuka questioned me with a resigned look on her face. I don't know what her problem was, I really felt like I was about to revolutionize the field of heroics.

"Although I was blessed to be born here and my dream once was to be the protector of all of Chiba, I have since refined my goal." I still felt a bit of guilt that I would not be able to protect the entirety of Chiba prefecture. I consoled myself with the knowledge that there would certainly be other Chiba-natives willing to defend her with their lives, and that I would still be able to protect the most important part of Chiba. Chiba will prevail. "I am introducing a new concept: the Home-based Hero. Basically I stay at home and protect my house. Mostly I conserve my energy until I'm needed but I would also do some patrols on the route to local stores and restaurants."

"Heh, you really want the government to pay you to laze around your own house? You do know that the money for paying heroes comes from the citizens they protect?" Ms. Hiratsuka actually had the nerve to laugh at my dream. I thought teachers were supposed to be supportive. But I suppose at least she had never sent her students out to find her a man. I'm seriously quitting if it comes to that, someone please date this woman before then.

"Ah? Well, my sister is a very important resident of Chiba, surely the government would want her protected."

"You're seriously going to attempt to defend this?" Sensei sighed and slouched back into her chair. She produced a cigarette pack and lighter from her coat pocket, lighting one with practiced ease. "Hikigaya, may I be blunt for a moment?"

Wow, this whole time Sensei was acting considerately and I still barely avoided tears? Scary! She apparently took my stunned silence as acceptance.

"The life of a pro Hero is hard. Sure it seems glamorous, and to tell the truth there are times that it is. You appear on TV and in the papers, you get recognition from people on the streets and in restaurants, award ceremonies, money, free drinks, and everything else that comes with fame." Ms. Hiratsuka paused to take a puff of her cigarette as I stared at her confusedly. It sure didn't sound too bad to be a pro Hero from that description Sensei.

Ms. Hiratsuka noticed my expression and waved off my implied question. "That's just what outsiders see on the surface though. It takes years of honing your skills in school and getting your hero license upon graduation to even become a glorified personal assistant as a sidekick or unknown hero. It can take more years of fetching coffee and unpaid publicity work to build your reputation up to make a decent living as a pro hero."

"And even after you have reached that point, you still have the daily grind of training to stay at peak level, long hours of boredom on patrol and then hours more filling out piles of paperwork, the danger of villain fights and dealing with injuries and stress, the guilt you feel from civilians or other heroes getting hurt or worse on your watch."

"Then you have new heroes debuting every year and attempting to cut into your territory. Using their youthful good looks to take all of the spotlight from you while dumb sluts are stealing your useless cheating boyfriend from you. Before you know it, you've been guilted into teaching Heroics at your old high school while young punks make fun of your age and the fact you're still single."

She finally trailed off, a bit embarrassed with her rant at the end that went both personal and pathetic really fast. Still, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Ms. Hiratsuka though. Someone please date her! I would if only I was a bit older and not her student. She was a beautiful, earnest woman who deserves love and happiness. As things stood, I respected her enough that I barely noticed the fact her chest was heaving a bit since she had neglected to breathe during her little spiel.

"Sorry, lost my train of thought for a moment," she said, a small blush on her cheeks. Good, it looked like she wasn't reading my mind, or noticed where I had been looking for that matter. Sensei could be presciently perceptive at the worst times.

"Anyway, my point is that the path to becoming a pro hero isn't an easy one. A strong quirk is one thing, aspiring heroes need to have a sufficient motivating force to keep pressing forward through the long slog that the path to becoming a hero is in reality."

Yeah, being a hero doesn't sound anywhere near as fun as it did when I was a kid. Why did I want to do this again? Oh right, Komachi. "Sensei, I think you underestimate how much I love my little sister."

"Once again, creepy. I'm going to have to look into your living arrangements at home after this meeting is over." Ms. Hiratsuka sighed into her hand. Hah, that wouldn't be a problem at all for me. My father was way more obsessed with Komachi than I was. Wait, that doesn't sound good either. "Hikigaya you barely pay attention in class, and even though you are bright enough you sabotage your grades by airing your rotten viewpoint whenever it is remotely relevant, and sometimes when it isn't." Was that a compliment or an insult?

"You only do the bare minimum required in the physical portions of the classwork I assign. I never see you interact with any of your classmates, or the other students here in school."

"I train outside of class with another pro hero, and it's really intensive so I don't have much energy left to socialize." I made a solid excuse, and true. Of course I wouldn't bother talking to any of my classmates regardless, since they were mostly normie trash but Sensei didn't need to know that.

"That would explain your improvement in the class rankings. Your classmates haven't noticed, but you've been steadily improving to the point you will be second in the heroics class when grades are released next. Luckily acting isn't part of the heroics course." Sensei finished smugly. I blinked at her in confusion so she explained proudly. "Recently I've noticed in class that your reaction to getting hit seems a bit fake, so when I punched you just now I held back all my strength to test you. It wouldn't have hurt a baby, yet you pretended that it really hurt you. So I knew that you must be getting hit outside of class, and probably by a pro of some type considering how rapid your improvement was."

Damn, I guess she tricked me. I had noticed early in the year that her punches had stopped hurting so much, so I got into the habit of reflexively faking a pained expression. And I had thought acting was one of my 108 skills, too. It looks like I needed more work on that, I can fool my sister but I guess she is more known for cuteness than intelligence. Plus in my sister's defense, pro heroes are trained to be observant.

"I thought you just hit me too lightly on accident. I didn't want you to hit me harder and actually hurt me, I'm sorry." There, I apologized and made an appropriate excuse all in one. Future generations of students should learn from my example.

Ms. Hiratsuka gave me a look like she was a cat that had just stuffed a canary down its throat. "Well, since the results are obvious I won't assign you any makeup work for physical training. Who is the one training you anyway, I know pretty much all the local heroes."

"Umm, I'm not really supposed to tell anyone except my parents, who were also sworn to secrecy. He doesn't want anyone else bugging him for training. And you know how many people can keep a secret..."

Sensei frowned at that. "Fine. I'll let you keep your secrets for now but you will need to show more effort in class though. Appearances are very important to the general public, and thus by extension important to heroes. It's best you learn that before you turn pro."

I nodded glumly in agreement. I couldn't argue with what she said, if I achieved my dream Pops was not going to be happy if it looked like I was slacking instead of diligently protecting Komachi. In fact, I might end up being forced to spend the rest of my life as a lookout on an ant hill or something.

"Good, now we just need to find something to do about your personality." Sensei stared at me with a wicked gleam in her eyes. I had a feeling that she already had a plan for me, and I wouldn't like it. She stood up abruptly, making me flinch in place. Her arm extended with her quirk to reach across the desk and she snatched my ear in a pinching grip before leaning across the desk to smirk right in front of my face. "By the way Hikigaya, how tough are you actually? I was lying when I said I punched you softly."

What?! My Sensei is too sneaky!

X X X

What happened next was pretty embarrassing. I had to stand up myself and walk with her to prevent my ear from being ripped off. Ms. Hiratsuka's other hand had snagged my bag as she passed my chair. Before I knew it, I was physically manhandled out of the lounge and partly down the hallway. We brushed past a few surprised students who thankfully let us pass without comment but not without judgement. It's her, she is the crazy one. I thought I recognized the student council president among them. If I had any reputation to ruin, this trip would have trampled it into the dirt. Luckily, I don't. Another win for the loners.

"Sensei! What are you doing? Let go," I managed to fight back and force her to relinquish her grip on my ear as she stopped in front of a door in the Special Use building. Oh wait, she had just arrived at our destination and let me go. Well, she was a pro hero and so used to restraining villains. I snickered at the thought of her dragging villains off to prison by their ears.

"Eh? What do you find so amusing now?" Sensei asked me curiously. "Wait, I'm sure I don't want to know what your rotten mind is thinking. Anyway, we're here." With that, she yanked the door open and strode confidently into the room like she owned the place. Well, she was a teacher here so technically she did have the right to enter most places in the school.

I paused in the doorway to scope out the room. It appeared to be an extra room used for storage. There were a few stacks of desks and chairs pushed to the back of the room, as well as a few storage bins. One of the bins was overflowing with battered focus mitts and blocking pads used in the hero course for training punches and kicks. And in a lone chair by the window, someone had stashed away the prettiest girl in school.

"Ahh. Ms. Hiratsuka, I see that my polite request for you to knock before entering has been ignored. You should really set a better example as a role model for your students," Yukino Yukinoshita chided Sensei at the sudden interruption, setting her book down. Even I knew who Yukinoshita was, though of course I had never actually spoken to her. Beauty, brains, wealth; she was the perfect package. She noticed me in the doorway and her doe eyes widened slightly. I gulped internally, wondering why she was still rumored to be single. "Oh, look out behind you. A grotesque villain has followed you to get revenge for disfiguring its face."

I scowled as my unasked question was answered, she was a total bitch. "Oi. That's pretty hypocritical of you to correct Sensei's manners and then be rude to another person, you daft ...girl," I pointed out, mindful in the end that I was standing within punching range of a trigger-happy pro hero. Now that she knew I could survive a pretty good punch, I was not looking forward to her increasing her power appropriately.

Yukinoshita just brushed her silky, lustrous hair back with a delicate hand in response. "I'm sorry, I was frightened by your unnatural appearance," she said faux innocently. "I can see now that instead of a villain, you must be a monster of some kind attempting to pass as a human. Sadly, it isn't enough of a disguise." Oh yeah, this bitch was gonna get it.

"Hmm, nice to see you get along so well," Ms. Hiratsuka said sarcastically. "Yukinoshita, why don't you introduce yourself before you continue throwing insults his way. And you," she gestured at me with one of her hands, "don't pick fights with the person you are asking for help." When did I say I wanted help?

Yukinoshita looked a bit upset at the command but she did stand up, and she did so ever so gracefully. I noticed that her uniform was definitely a nicer quality than the average student. Well she did have a lot of money, reportedly. "Very well. I am Yukino Yukinoshita from class 2-J. The pleasure is entirely yours." Introduction complete she sat back down, again gracefully. Even though I knew she was unhappy and lashing out at my presence, my heart skipped a beat at her introduction anyway. This memory will definitely be my pleasure tonight.

Sensei thumped me on my back to snap me out of my trance, and Yukinoshita wrapped her arms tightly over her chest. Oi, that's not what I was looking at. Also, that won't stop me from looking anyway if I wanted to. "Hachiman Hikigaya, 2-A. I'm not sure why I am here, but I'll take my pleasure where I can get it."

Yukinoshita turned to look to Ms. Hiratsuka again. "A disgusting pervert like that qualified for the hero course? I assumed it was accompanying you because you had picked it up from a local police station after school. Standards must be slipping at Soubu." That's it, I'm stopping to buy apples on my way home.

"Now now, Yukinoshita. Hikigaya is a rotten, depressing individual with many flaws, but he could be a great hero someday if he can correct most of them." Sensei gave me a backhanded compliment to boost my morale after that insult from Yukinoshita. "That is actually why we are here. Hikigaya can hardly learn why it is important to defend society when he doesn't fit into it himself, so I'm hoping you could help him better himself."

"The obvious solution is to scare him straight with prison visits. His eyes will take an extra strong dose, so leave him in there overnight. In fact, a couple of years should be sufficient."

"Hah! I thought of that but I don't have the time," Sensei joked. At least I hoped she was joking. I did not want to go to prison. "I want him to join your club so you could help him personally." This was a school club? Where were the other members?

"Your request is to have this creep join my club? Absolutely not. I'm not certain if the rotten nature of his face is transmissible or not, but I don't want to take any risks. Also, I wouldn't feel safe alone with someone of his predatory nature. He would spend the whole club period attempting to defile my body, no doubt."

"Hey. If I wanted to, I could use my quirk to look up the skirt and down the blouse of every girl in this school. But I don't do that," I defended myself. Well, sometimes it happened during training but honestly only by accident. I was only seventeen and hormones were definitely rough but I did have some principles.

"Hikigaya, that's not something to brag about. I think I need to drag you back to the teacher's lounge for another discussion." Ms. Hiratsuka face-palmed at my interjection, and Yukinoshita looked even more outraged. She was attempting to cover both her chest and skirt with her arms, which was hilarious (and would have still been ineffective).

"Don't worry, he doesn't know this but I can tell when he uses his quirk. He doesn't abuse it in class, he only uses it during hero training. I can teach you the signs so you will know too." She could tell when I used my quirk? Or was it a bluff to make me think that she could tell? Until I knew for sure, I would have to be even more careful if I ever wanted to use it during class-time.

Sensei sauntered to the back of the room and fiddled with the contents in one of the boxes. Yukinoshita and I both waited awkwardly, well at least the awkward part applied to me, while she pulled out of a bunch of hand-held focus pads and placed a few back into the box.

"Okay Yukinoshita, watch him closely," Sensei called out, as she stood aside. Again, it didn't really matter unless she somehow completely blocked the path to the box but I guess Sensei just wanted to make it even easier.

Yukinoshita looked unhappy with the whole arrangement. "I will almost certainly die from nausea but I will do as you ask." Bitch.

"That's the spirit. Now, Hikigaya use your quirk to look inside the box and tell me what shape the pads form."

Activating my quirk was the simple matter of focusing on where I wanted to look, my eyes did the rest of the work for me. My quirk is known as Curved Vision, at least according to my Quirk Registry Form. Back in my chuuni middle school days I tried to get the name changed to something cooler, like Shinobi-vision. My eyes can attract reflected light to them, which allows me to see around corners and other obstructions. I was able to look inside the box where Sensei stood, and then shut off my quirk before I risked the wrath of Sensei. "A square," I announced proudly. It was kind of nice to be able to show off my quirk in front of a pretty girl, even one as bitchy as Yukinoshita.

"Did you see?" Ms. Hiratsuka asked the frowning Yukinoshita.

"Yes, I noticed the changes to its repugnant eyes when it activated the quirk. So what is the quirk capable of? I need to know the exact details if I'm to supervise this creature." Really, she could see a difference after only examining my eyes once? She had to have incredible observation skills. I had to use my quirk in front of the bathroom mirror many times before I was capable of noticing the slight changes to my eyes. Trying to use my quirk to look at my own eyes just made me really dizzy.

"It's pretty amazing you can tell after only one time," I conceded grudgingly. "My quirk lets my eyes attract light to them, so I can see around corners and other obstructions." Like skirts.

"Hmm. Perhaps your eyes can exert gravitational fields that deform spacetime for light particles only, and perhaps in some kind of separate universe since it doesn't seem to effect the light for others." Yukinoshita clearly was fluent in science mumbo-jumbo.

"I think that's the gist of it. I'm not very good at physics, actually."

Yukinoshita wore a smug smile. "There is no need to apologize. I am certain there are many areas in which you are hopeless, Black Hole-gaya."

Ms. Hiratsuka clapped her hands as she walked back to rejoin us. "There, you see, you can handle his rotten nature just fine. Yukinoshita, I'll give you permission to use your quirk on him anytime he misuses his own. Just help him become a productive member of society during club time."

Yukinoshita seemed to be giving in to Sensei's demand. She also looked a little gleeful about the chance to punish me. Is she one of those girls? Seeing even more of my precious free time on the verge of slipping away, I acted.

"Oi, you haven't even asked me if I have time to join this club. I told you earlier that I train after school, I have scheduled practices with my instructor every day. Plus, if she gets to use her quirk on me then I should be able to use mine if she misuses her quirk." I argued back, fighting for gender equality. It's a very important concept for aspiring heroes to stand up for the downtrodden, especially when the ones being downtrodden were the aspiring heroes themselves.

"Pervert!"

"Hikigaya, send your trainer a message saying your wonderful Heroics Instructor Stretch Boxer is signing you up for an after school club to improve your heroic demeanor. He will understand the importance of this." I'm not putting that. Someone please date her right now so she has less time to spend harassing me.

I dutifully pulled out my phone anyway though. I was clever and had the bare minimum of numbers saved on my phone's memory, unlike those normies who had dozens or even hundreds of names, so it was a simple matter to find the proper contact. Plus, the extra memory on my phone could be for "research" pictures and videos. Truly the path of the loner was ideal.

Unfortunately, I was a bit rusty when it came to typing messages out so that part took a bit longer. Yukinoshita took the chance to needle me again. "How long does it take you to send a message? Then again, this may be a first time for you. I doubt many people would willingly communicate with a slug like yourself."

"Oi, I exchanged messages with a girl in middle school. In fact, I was actually faster than her at sending messages."

My middle school class had collectively decided to swap phone contacts one day after class. I had pulled my phone out too before I realized that "all" meant "everyone except Hikigaya" so I just stood there awkwardly. Finally, one kind or possibly masochistic girl accidently made eye contact with me and went through with exchange.

"Oh, was this girl vision-impaired then? That would explain why she agreed to exchange messages with you in the first place, she didn't realize just what she was corresponding with."

"Apologize to every blind person! Anyway, this girl could see just fine. She would always forget her phone was set to silent though. I could send her ten or more long emails before she could respond with one short reply saying 'Sorry my phone was off.'" I glared at Yukinoshita as I stabbed the send key on my phone. He would probably respond soon and then I would be free to leave.

Yukinoshita rubbed her temples. "For someone with a vision quirk you refuse to see the truth. The girl was lying about having her phone off, she just did not want you sending her more messages."

I knew what she said was true, but that didn't mean that it needed to be said aloud. Let me have some harmless delusions. Still, she was only telling the truth so I couldn't get too mad. "Oh, and I do apologize to the viewing impaired. Even though they can't see your eyes, they still wouldn't have anything to do with you because their other senses would let them detect your evil nature." This bitch! Ok, I was rightfully mad again.

"Oh, haha, maybe you should see if your mysterious trainer replied," Ms. Hiratsuka cut in, looking a little downcast. Oh no, Sensei has also had that excuse used on her. If only she wasn't so old, I would date her.

I checked my phone, and sure enough I had a reply in just that brief time. As I studied it, there was a second message. 'Aim for the Pro Exam! American Dream Plan Mk 2?!' This is going to take all night! I noticed that the old man had been added into the text group too, at least I didn't have to be the one to break the news to him.

"He wants... me to join the club," I stammered out. I was pretty devastated. Between the time after school this club would now take and the new training regime that accounted for this loss, my free time had evaporated.

"Now now, you look like your gundam's head has just been destroyed. You get the chance to spend time with a pretty girl every day after class, I'm a generous teacher to set this up for you." Ms. Hiratsuka was smug in victory, and ancient in her reference. Also she should really be more concerned with her own love life.

Yukinoshita huffed at that remark. "Generous to that trash maybe, but forcing me to spend time with him goes against the Geneva Convention."

"Don't worry. The Geneva Convention only applies to times of armed conflict." Really Sensei, that is what you think was wrong with that sentence? Still, it was nice to see Yukinoshita could be wrong too.

Ms. Hiratsuka smiled happily at us, intentionally oblivious to the distress she had caused for both Yukinoshita and I. "Very well, I will leave you both alone to settle in while I get the paperwork for Hikigaya to become an official member of the Service Club."

Service? How was waiting tables going to help me become a pro hero? I looked at Yukinoshita for an explanation. She apparently understood the meaning behind my look as she sighed in exasperation. "The purpose of this club is to perform community service by teaching others. I assume you know the old proverb, 'If you give a man a fish'? That is our motto. As such, this club is available to help the students of Soubu improve themselves."

I nodded my head in understanding. It was certainly better to teach others the methods to handle their own problems rather than be stuck helping the same people fix the same issues endlessly. "Makes sense. But how does this apply to me?"

"It does not as you are beyond traditional help. That being said, I believe Ms. Hiratsuka hopes that forced exposure to one of your social superiors might better help you ape our mannerisms. I'm skeptical that the results will be sufficient, but pathogens like you can adapt from a host by means of horizontal gene transfer Hikigerma." Yukinoshita gave me a coy grin as she verbally destroyed me again. How can she look so beautiful and annoying at the same time?

"Oi! How good are you at science anyway?"

"It is pretty clear I am superior to you in every important aspect. Then again, I am certain you are below most human beings." Yukinoshita certainly rode a high horse.

"Don't act like I'm a piece of trash. I'm third in our year for the language arts. My eyes may look rotten but I'm decent looking otherwise and actually pretty shredded under this uniform. And I'm quite skilled in the ways of the loner." Maybe I wasn't as high spec as Yukinoshita, but she set the bar unreasonably high. Except for politeness. "Also, I'm even above you when it comes to being kind. You've been nothing but a jerk to me."

Eyes flashing, Yukinoshita counterattacked. "Well they say that the truth hurts. I was merely honest in my assessment."

I scowled but I couldn't think of any response that wasn't exceptionally childish. Yukinoshita waited a moment before shooting me a smug grin and turning back to her book. Although I noticed she was careful to turn slightly towards me as she read so she could keep an eye on me out of the corner of her eyes. Silence soon ruled the room, but I was a loner and so comfortable in it.

I looked a bit enviously at the foreign novel she read, thinking of the light novel I had carefully tucked away in my own school bag. I sighed quietly and pulled a sheet of paper and pen out instead. I frowned down at the blank paper.

"What are you writing, a confession of your crimes?" I looked up to see Yukinoshita peering curiously at my paper. It was too far away for her to see without her coming closer. Which she did, reluctantly.

"I'm redoing this essay for Sensei," I informed her sourly, annoyed that this was probably going to be the new normal for me. "She wants it tomorrow, but between this club and the hero workout I need to make up after I'll be lucky to be home before midnight. So I need to do it now."

"Very well, I will assist you as I'm sure a creature as lowly as yourself would fail to write a convincing treatise on your own." Yukinoshita started pulling her chair over next to mine.

"Don't bother, you won't be any help anyway," I told her hurriedly. How did she expect me to focus if she was so close? I had to keep her away for the sake of finishing this essay and having any time for sleep tonight.

Yukinoshita shot me an aggrieved look so strong it threatened to melt my skin from my bones. Her arms folded across her slim body. "Really, refusing help from the top student in our year? Pride comes before the fall, Trashagaya."

Her insulting name for me almost brought back sad memories from my middle school days, but fortunately her glare was enough to snap me out of those daydreams. "It isn't like that," I protested, looking away. "The topic is our motivations for becoming heroes. So it's kinda personal. Plus, my problem was Sensei didn't think my listed reasons were enough so I need to think of another. She actually said my essay was brilliantly written. And that's a direct quote." Ok, that wasn't the truth but Yukinoshita had no way of knowing that.

"That's a lie. Ms. Hiratsuka would have used a vintage anime reference that only an irredeemable otaku would have understood." Yukinoshita was merciless, Sensei and I stood no chance against her rapier wit. "Now, tell me what reason you wrote about in your previous essay?"

I debated momentarily whether I should tell her the truth or not? Sensei had been strongly against my listed reason, but she was clearly being unreasonable. Perhaps Yukinoshita had a deeply loving sibling relationship and could help me convince Ms. Hiratsuka that my first essay was in fact sufficient.

"Well, I wrote that I wanted to be able to save my little sister. She's the most precious person to me. Sensei didn't think my love for her would be enough to motivate me through the hero course." I didn't bother telling Yukinoshita all of the other nonsense things Sensei had thought about my essay.

Yukinoshita gracefully sank into her chair, her gaze distant as she was lost in thought. "Familial relationships should be a sufficient reason," Yukinoshita began. "For the average fool that fills the hero course I am sure. Did you elaborate with any details indicative of a creepy fixation toward your younger sister?"

I felt my face heat up, strictly out of anger. "O- Of course I didn't. Anyway, my love for my younger sister is pure. As is her love for me."

Yukinoshita continued as if she hadn't heard my protest. I knew that she had because she turned and looked at me with such contempt that I cringed internally. And also externally. "I cannot be surprised that a being such as you would have a sister complex. Doubtless you disgustingly plan to cling to her so tightly that you will frighten off any potential male suitors for her, hoping she will eventually take pity on you and agree to an unholy union. I will not allow this to occur."

"Oi. I don't want to marry my sister, even though she is a wonderful girl. Also I'm not worried about boys being around her as long as they treat her respectfully." I doubted I had anything to fear, no mere boy would ever forge a bond with Komachi as strong as the one we shared. Also, Pops would surely kill the boy if one did manage to get too close.

Yukinoshita frowned at me for a long moment, before tossing her hair back in a gesture that was meant to intimidate me. Well, that was the result anyway. "Very well. So your younger sister was the reason you signed up for the hero course? It wasn't to show off with your quirk or to become famous? Answer me honestly," the beautiful she-demon demanded.

"Actually… I never signed up for the hero course. I was admitted to Soubu in General Studies due to my entrance exam scores. I only got into the hero course by accident."

I braced myself for another sharp bout of criticism, but surprisingly none was forthcoming. Yukinoshita merely gazed at me steadily. Encouraged that she was listening to my story seriously, I continued.

"On the day of our high school entrance ceremony, I rode my bike to school. Along the way, a dog ran into the street and I tried to save it and got hit by the car in its place. I spent two weeks in the hospital with a broken leg, and when I finally made it to school for the first time I discovered I had been transferred into the hero program." I kept the story short and sweet in hopes of staying on Yukinoshita's good side.

"Do you like dogs?" Yukinoshita was staring at me with a strange intensity.

"Huh? Ah. Well, I can't say that I hate dogs. I like most animals, but we only have a cat at home." I didn't really expect that question from Yukinoshita, but she seemed fairly satisfied with my answer.

"So, why did you save the dog?" She prompted. I guess Yukinoshita must have felt like she was getting somewhere, she certainly wasn't abandoning this line of questioning.

"I'm not sure. There was a girl there, the one walking the dog when it escaped. She would have been sad if the dog was hurt." I felt a little better after saying that part. No matter what, I had done a good deed. Yukinoshita was probably going to be a little impressed by that.

"So you jumped in front of a car to impress a pretty girl? Even though it was really her fault the dog was on the road in the first place?" Yukinoshita frowned at me.

"No!" I blurted out, a bit hurt by the accusation. "I never even got a good look at the girl, I couldn't tell you if she was beautiful or not. I don't know why I did it. I mean, I didn't expect anything from the girl or the dog. The girl didn't mean for her dog to escape, and the dog didn't know any better. I didn't really have a reason, I ran into the street before I thought about it…" I should really stop talking. I sounded less heroic and more idiotic everytime I told this story.

Yukinoshita was merely nodding though. "We found your reason for being a hero. You aren't smart enough to know any better."

"Oi! Heroics is a way of helping people, just like you claimed is the purpose of this club. Isn't that a case of the pot calling the kettle black?"

"There are many ways to help others, and a multitude of reasons why. Don't assume that you and I are in any way alike." Yukinoshita's tone was cool. "I made this club out of the obligation I feel towards those less blessed. It's a type of charity."

I gritted my teeth at the nerve of this girl. She was really getting on my nerves. How can she be so beautiful and yet such a bitch?

"You, on the other hand, saved an animal and by extension the anguish of a young girl without any regard to your own safety or possible reward. In other words, your reason for being a hero is because when you are presented with an opportunity to help another, your natural instinct is to attempt to save them."

My face was bright red as she smiled brightly at me. I couldn't help but stare at the beautiful girl praising me. Being a hero is the best. "Now Hikigaya, I think it is time you got on your knees." What? Yukinoshita smirked at my obvious confusion. "You foolishly claimed I would be unable to assist you. You owe me an apology." Nevermind, she is just a bitch. I sighed and got to work on my essay, determined to ignore her.

X X X

"Yo," I greeted lazily as I pulled open the door to the club room after class had ended for the day. Yukinoshita and I had gotten into a routine of sorts in the few days I had been in the club. I greet her, she bitches at me for giving her a casual greeting while neglecting to greet me at all, I bitch at her for being a bitch. Later, after she served us both tea we would both bitch about Ms. Hiratsuka and then she read and I did any homework that had been assigned.

"My my, you persist with your uncouth language even though we have a guest? Truly you have no shame," Yukinoshita reprimanded me.

Eh, a guest? I looked inside, sure enough there was another girl sitting in the room with Yukinoshita. She had short peach hair styled in a sidebun. Short was apparently one of the girl's personal style themes, as her skirt rode higher up her thighs than permitted by the school dress code. Combined with her partially unbuttoned shirt, she looked like your typical ho.

"Eh?! What's Hikki doing here?" The ho yelped in surprise. Hickey? I looked at Yukinoshita but her slim neck was unmarked. She just glared at me and pulled her blazer tighter around her form.

Yukinoshita turned to face me. "I'm amazed there is a girl that knows your name," she declared with her usual tone. "Then again, you probably bothered her sometime and she only remembers you in case she needs to report you to the teachers." Yukinoshita turned back to the ho. "I understand your hesitance to be around this creep, I'm somewhat reluctant to even show up to club myself. Unfortunately his presence here is mandated by the club sponsor out of charity towards him, and my benevolent nature precludes me from avoiding my duties here."

In my room, I have a notebook inscribed with names of people I have met. Not every person, although at this point the notebook is getting pretty full. It's a list of all the people I will refuse to save no matter the circumstances. Yukinoshita is the only name written on the list more than once, and I've only personally known her for four days at this point.

"Oh! No, it's fine. I mean his eyes are creepy but that's just part of his quirk right? Although the laughing he does in class is really weird. And he doesn't talk to anyone in class. Anyway, I just didn't expect Hikki to be here when I asked for help," the girl explained.

"Really? What did he do to you? I can help you file a police report for harassment, I have one already filled out with all of his relevant details already just in case," Yukinoshita said while giving me a glare.

"Oi, quit jumping to insane conclusions," I protested hotly. "I never touched this bitch, even though she is dressed like a slut."

"Bi-bitch?! Don't call me that!" the girl shouted. "And what do you mean I'm dressed like a slut?!" Again with the yelling. Has this bitch ever heard the term inside voice? This girl had been in the club room for mere minutes, yet she had already made more noise than Yukinoshita and I had, possibly ever.

"Don't put the blame for your actions on her lurid manner of dress. Confess your sins and your punishment will be swift," Yukinoshita said, ignoring the girl's protest. The girl mouthed 'lurid' to herself in confusion while Yukinoshita and I battled verbally.

"Don't you mean my punishment will be light if I confess?" I asked, surprised that Yukinoshita had messed up the quote.

"So you admit your guilt? Very well, I will summon Ms. Hiratsuka to take you away, but first I'll exact revenge for this crime myself." A layer of frost began to spread beneath her as she started menacingly making her way across the floor towards me. Looks like the verbal fight has spilled over into the physical realm. I nearly bolted out the door, before remembering my previous declaration of mutually assured destruction.

"Oi! If your quirk comes any closer, I'm using mine to look up your skirt. The whole school will know the color and style by lunchtime tomorrow," I warned her with a bluff. I was not on speaking terms with enough people to spread a rumor that fast, even one that sensitive and about as popular a person as Yukinoshita. So it would probably take a few days for it to reach everyone in school, but the threat was enough for her to turn bright red and pause her attack.

"Umm, I don't think this is right," the girl said, interrupting our standoff. "Hikki hasn't done anything to me. Sensei said I could get help here to improve myself. That's why I came here." She blushed as Yukinoshita and I scrutinized her before we both relented.

"I told you I didn't do anything," I muttered.

Yukinoshita calmly walked over to the tea maker as if we hadn't nearly gotten into an honest-to-God fight. Her layer of frost started melting. "Hikigaya, clean up the water on the floor," she demanded.

"Hey! It was your quirk that caused it, why do I have to clean up the mess?"

"Because I am your club superior and I told you to. Because you have left me to do all the cleaning the previous days we have been here. And finally, because I am the one making tea and if you want any the floor will be clean and dry before I am ready to serve," she finished. I grumbled under my breath but went to find a mop and towels in the pile of cleaning supplies in the back.

After a few moments we were all seated at a folding table with steaming cups of tea in front of us. Yukinoshita and I sat on the same side of the table, her on the left and me to the very edge on the right side. Our guest sat opposite us, closer to Yukinoshita's side but still ostensibly in the middle of us club members.

Yukinoshita took command of the meeting like I expected her to. She was the head of the club, and her personality meant she had the confidence to really drive any conversation at hand. "I am Yukino Yukinoshita from Class 2-J, and you apparently know the creep at the end of the table is Hikigaya."

"Oh! I'm Yui Yuigahama, from 2-A," the ho explained. I had thought she was the girl with a bubble quirk from my class, but I don't really interact with very many of my classmates and she was a typical good-looking high school girl so I couldn't be sure.

"What request do you have for the Service Club?" Yukinoshita's tone was a bit brisk and businesslike, but then again I expected that.

"Umm, like, so the thing is…" Yuigahama on the other hand didn't seem to expect it, and she ducked her head submissively as she struggled to compose a proper answer to the question in the face of Yukinoshita's stern expression.

"Please stop stalling, you may explain your request in plain words if necessary, I assure you that I have the ability to understand the common vernacular," Yukinoshita chided the girl.

"Ms Hiratsuka said you would grant my wish," Yuigahama said quickly, looking at Yukinoshita hopefully. Grant wishes? What, were we genies or something? Although Yukinoshita would look pretty nice wearing hip scarves.

Yukinoshita just stared coldly at her. I guess she was a bit irritated at all the delays. Personally I didn't mind, helping her would inevitably involve doing something other than sitting in my chair and drinking tea. The longer that this little interview took, the more time I would have to rest.

"Possibly, but it depends on the wish. The purpose of the club is to charitably help students improve themselves. It is a requirement that self-improvement must occur during the request for it to be accepted by the Service Club. That is why I need to know the exact nature of your request before I say if we will help you or decline."

Yuigahama glanced at me, and then looked back down. Her hesitation was driving Yukinoshita crazy, I could see the frustration visibly building in the way her lips were set and her normally silky-smooth skin on her face was tightening around her eyes. I sighed, clearly it was up to me to solve this stand-off.

"Yukinoshita, may I speak with you one moment," I announced suddenly, standing up from my seat. Both girls turned to face me in surprise and one of them out of anger as well.

"Hikigaya?! We are conducting an important club consultation and you are disrupting the process. How rude, disrespectful, and boorish can your behavior become? Apologize to our prospective client immediately." Yukinoshita blasted me, and I retrospectively realized that I should have acted with more caution when she was already frustrated. However, I resolved to be a hero and that met putting myself in danger to save others.

"Calm down, Yukinoshita," I told her bluntly. "This interview is not going to proceed until I leave the room, but as a member of the club I want to assist with the activity before I leave." Yuigahama squirmed in her chair at my revelation, but she also shot me a grateful smile that made my heart skip a beat. Don't smile at me like that you fool, I'll fall for you if you keep doing that. "Will ten minutes be enough?" I asked my classmate.

"Oh! Ummm, yes that should be plenty," she said with a sheepish laugh. "Thank you very much, Hikki."

"I see," Yukinoshita said after our little byplay. "Very well, let's get this over with." My club leader strode to the door and slid it open calmly. She turned to face me as I joined her in the hallway and looked at me expectantly.

"She's uncomfortable about whatever request she wants to make," I explained quietly. "Either she thinks it is embarrassing to need help with the problem, or maybe it's just an embarrassing problem in general. Maybe she got pregnant or something, I dunno. She wants to ask for help, but she's worried about how we will react." Left unsaid was my warning for Yukinoshita to treat the poor girl gently. I was sure a smart girl like her would catch on.

"Is there any substance to your rambling dialogue?" Guess not.

"I'm asking you to be gentle with her." I held up my hand to stop her from interrupting. "You've been polite at best, but now you are impatient and acting a little passive-aggressive. Let's face it, she doesn't seem like the most intelligent person. So, her request is probably something you and I would either consider a stupid reason or would handle on our own. But, it's a big deal to her and she really wants some help with it."

Yukinoshita considered my words for a moment. "Firstly, never insinuate the two of us are alike ever again. But your words were well-spoken. I will endeavour to show the utmost compassion to our schoolmate in her time of need. Thank you, Hikigaya." Yukinoshita actually gave me a slight bow before she moved to re-enter the clubroom, and as she passed through the door she turned her head slightly back in my direction with a contemplate expression on her face. I blushed and turned to make my way down the hallway to give them privacy. Maybe there is hope for her and I to be friends.

X X X

Or maybe not. I had returned to the clubroom after using the excuse of my voluntary banishment to grab a glorious MAX coffee from the vending machine. The sight that greeted me was completely unexpected though. It seemed that Yukinoshita had somehow taken my advice to treat Yuigahama kindly to heart except a little too plus ultra, to steal the catchphrase of Japan's top high school.

Our prospective client had pulled her chair over next to my club president's. She was practically sitting in the lap of an obviously uncomfortable Yukinoshita, wrapping her arms tightly around the girl. Hey, this scene is straight out of one of the light novels Zaimokuza recommended to me.

"Hikki, you're back," Yuigahama cheered gleefully. "Yukinon has agreed to help me with my request." What kind of name is Yukinon? These normies have no shame. Yukinoshita glared at me with a look of pure desperation on her face, ignored by an oblivious Yuigahama. She looked like a cat attempting to escape from the clutches of an overly affectionate little sister.

It made sense for them both to act this way. Yuigahama was your typical high school girl, enjoying her youth and all that came with it. Embracing her friends, calling them by affectionate nicknames, enjoying each other's company after school; the world was her oyster. My impression of Yukinoshita though, was that she was a loner like me. Perhaps by choice, although jealousy and envy can separate someone from a group quickly as well.

"Ah, that's great. Let's all take our previous positions so we can discuss it together."

Yuigahama released her death grip on Yukinoshita and scurried back to her side of the table. She scrunched herself down into her chair as I retook my position. Yukinoshita took a few deep breaths to regain her composure. "Ahem. Our client has expressed a desire to learn how to prepare a proper cooked lunch."

That's it? It didn't seem to be enough of a reason for her previous hesitance, and the way Yuigahama beamed at Yukinoshita was deeply suspicious but I decided to just roll with it. "That seems straight-forward enough. Did the nurse tell you that you need to eat more healthy food or something?"

"Eh? Why would I need to eat more?" Yuigahama asked. "A girl's figure is everything, you know." Yukinoshita and I exchanged puzzled looks. I guess neither one of us knew what Yuigahama was saying.

"Hikigaya… Yuigahama wants to share a homemade lunch with a male acquaintance. Unfortunately, she does not have any confidence in her ability to prepare a meal on her own. Furthermore, she is unaware what culinary selections a teenage male would prefer. We were hoping you would have some insight as a male yourself." My club president was too prideful to admit that she also was unaware what boys would enjoy eating.

Oh! I resisted the temptation to list a lot of weird and terrible foods to get revenge on the lucky normie that was going to receive a free lunch prepared for him. I decided to tell the truth in order to best help our client. "If the guy is a typical guy then the meal doesn't have to be anything extravagant really, it's always nice to just have a homemade lunch," I opined. "Everything is good to me. Hamburger steak, omelets, soba noodles, rice. If he is the discerning type, it's always nice to include some of the seafood and vegetables Chiba is famous for."

"Oh! Thanks very much, Hikki." Yuigahama and Yukinoshita had two very separate expressions upon hearing my choice, Yuigahama smiling a little sheepishly and Yukinoshita was frowning in my direction.

"Very well, if that is what you think the boy would like. Hikigaya, what is your level of proficiency in the culinary arts?"

"I can cook curry better than my younger sister," I replied proudly. Really, curry was on my only specialty and aside from that Komachi had surpassed me in the arena that was the household kitchen. I clung to the one dish I was superior to her in making with an iron grip, although her disappointment when she attempted to surpass me and failed was truly heartrending.

"In other words, you only know how to prepare curry?"

"That's not true. I can also cook perfect rice and make toast."

So yeah curry was really the only meal I could prepare, but fortunately it was Komachi's favorite. Therefore I saw no reason to learn to cook anything else. Yukinoshita apparently disagreed.

"Why not list cup ramen in your-"

"Hikki, how do you keep the rice from getting mushy?"

Yukinoshita's scathing critique of my joking response was cut off by Yuigahama's unexpected and troubling question. How bad at cooking is she?! Yukinoshita sighed in resignation. I too shared her sudden dread about the difficulty of this task.

"Ok, then this will be the plan. Yuigahama and I will head to the market to buy ingredients and then I will guide her as she prepares the meal at her dwelling, so we will conclude club activities for the day." Yukinoshita smiled beatifically at me. I had a terrible feeling about this plan of hers. "Don't worry Hikigaya, you can meet us here tomorrow at lunchtime to try the fare and as a trial run for Yuigahama. We are counting on your expert opinion."

Her words struck me like a bell of doom. I have to eat the cooking of someone who can't even cook rice? I would be more of a poison tester than a taste tester, Yukinoshita was clearly trying to remove me from her life by means of foul play. The killer was Yuigahama in the clubroom with badly cooked food. I wanted to protest, surely we didn't need to do a mock exercise for Yuigahama to have lunch with a boy. But as I opened my mouth to complain I caught sight of Yuigahama's face, she was looking at me so hopefully. Why? Why do you want me to come? In the end, I could only nod my head and smile sickly back at her.

X X X

As I walked to almost certain death, I thought about the irony of my situation. In prison, many of the countries that practiced the death penalty also granted the condemned prisoner the choice of a last meal. Although I had indeed offered advice on the selections for the meal, the understanding was usually that these would be cooked by a competent professional. It would be a bitter end if the last thing I tasted on this earth was a poorly-cooked meal. I clung to the hope that Yukinoshita was some kind of wunder-chef. Allez Cuisine! She did seem very confident in her cooking abilities the night before, and that boded well for poor stomach's chances of at least surviving this test.

I was following a path blazed by Yuigahama, our client having fairly sprinted out of the classroom the moment it was time for lunch. She must have forewarned her clique of friends about her plans, because although they were shocked at her leaving so abruptly they didn't bother to call after her. Even at my own more leisurely pace, echoes of "Sorry! Sorry!" lingered and more than a few turned heads from our fellow students provided evidence of her hurried passage in the hallways.

The heroic track students were something of a curiosity to the general student population. We were a separate curriculum, and privileged to not only get to spend time with a professional hero but also use our quirks during school hours. Many of the other students placed the popular normies of the hero class on a pedestal to admire and adore, and Yuigahama was a member of the most popular group in our year. You'd have to be pretty oblivious to avoid noticing the attention she was attracting, but this was Yuigahama so I assumed she had no idea the problems she was causing me.

The social situation enjoyed by the popular heroic students induced envy in some of the regular students. That led to scorn and resentment directed towards the hero class students on the bottom of the social totem pole. The exception was the student on the very bottom, he was a genius loner with amazing stealth abilities that allowed him to go under the radar. Or basically, since almost no one knew who I was, even fewer actually knew I was in the hero program.

Normally my anonymity would allow me to navigate the halls with ease, without even utilizing my patented skill Stealth-Hikky. However, there were too many eyes watching where Yuigahama was going. Rumors would also be started about where she was going in such a hurry, if I followed her it would be bad. I'd be mistaken for a villain that had infiltrated the school, or worse her stalker. Except they would probably assume I was blackmailing her into having sex with me.

Not that the rumors would bother me, but they would be trouble for a social girl like Yuigahama. Out of consideration for our client's reputation, I detoured to the vending machines. Taking the chance to bolster my digestive system with a Max Coffee, I used my knowledge of the school to approach the special-use wing from a less-used route.

I knocked politely on the door, it opened immediately and my club president stepped out. Her eyes flicked to my hand and the can of sweetened coffee nestled securely in my fingers. She slid the door closed and stalked over to me. Yukinoshita glared coldly at me as she leaned even closer to me. You're too close.

"I should have known you were incapable of following simple directions. Yuigahama started to doubt whether you would actually come."

From up close, it was clear that right now Yukinoshita lacked some of her usual luster. Well, I should point out that she was still exceptionally beautiful, only she was an exceptional beauty that upon closer inspection was showing minute signs of fatigue.

Her posture was only nearly perfect. Her hair was neatly done as usual, but subtly off from her usual style. Her eyes, always so expressive, almost seemed a little sluggish. Even her cold nature seemed a little thawed. Just how long did it take you to help Yuigahama cook one lunch?

"Long night? My taste buds thank you for the hard work."

"This is not the time for your pitiful attempts at humor. Our client is panicking due to the belief that you were going to abandon her here."

Shit. "Oh, hehehe. Well, she attracted a lot of attention running through the corridors so I thought it would be bad if there were rumors about me chasing her right before she confessed to her crush."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Yukinoshita suddenly reached out and grabbed my collar with both hands. She roughly dragged my face closer to her own. Close! Up close, she was even more beautiful and I admit I forgot where I was for a moment. But she was also even more ruthless, she shook me roughly and I regained my focus.

She leaned in even closer. "Shying away from the truth when action is necessary is a detestable trait. Grow up and face the reality in front of you." Then she shook me again, probably just because she felt like it.

Well, I probably deserved a bit of anger. From the way Yuigahama was acting, I suspected that she was interested in me. There really wasn't any other reason for her to pay attention to me, even if the ho was actually a nice girl. But I was doing my best not to believe that she did until Yukinoshita forced me to open my eyes.

In middle school when I thought a classmate liked me, I was wrong and ultimately humiliated. The whole debacle ended up making me become even more of a social outcast. It was a large part of the reason I had chosen to apply to Soubu, where the stringent acceptance requirements meant few if any of my old classmates would end up here.

But now I had confirmation from a reliable source that a good-looking girl wanted to date me. The only problem was I had no clue what to do. This was uncharted waters for me, a girl wanting to confess to an unpopular guy like me was the part of the map labeled Here Be Dragons! Thankfully, I realized I had an experienced pilot to help me navigate.

"I've never been confessed to before," I admitted. "What should I do?"

"You are asking me what you should do?" Yukinoshita asked incredulously, folding her arms under her chest. It made perfect sense to me though.

"Yeah. I bet someone like you gets confessed to all the time, what do you do? I did admit my feelings once, but it didn't go well so I don't really want to repeat that experience." That was an understatement. I was a hardened loner, but even I would struggle if I had to again endure what I had gone through the last time I entertained the thought of a relationship.

"I reject all of my would-be suitors out of hand, and emphatically so they and everyone who witnessed it will never bother me again," Yukinoshita declared haughtily. Visions of Yuigahama running from the clubroom and crying for the rest of the day rushed into my mind. The rest of the class is going to hate me, wait don't they already hate me? "However, unlike you, I am able to discern that the boys who have confessed to me have base motivations for doing so."

"Oh, thanks." Ok, I could work with that. I formed a simple plan in my mind. I would go in and enjoy lunch with Yuigahama, then ask her why she liked me and decide what to do then. All I had to do was just walk into the clubroom. My legs refused to move though.

Yukinoshita took pity on me. "Allow me to offer you some comfort. This is certainly the last time a female will ever confess to you."

Ok, my legs worked again. My face burning with anger, I strode to the door and opened it with a grunt. I might have heard a voice whisper "good luck" but it was only Yukinoshita there so I must have been imagining it.

My sudden arrival in the room surprised Yuigahama, who had been sitting despondently in a chair. She leapt to her feet and approached me nervously. I noticed a covered bento box placed on the usual table behind her.

"Hikki! You came after all."

"Oh, yeah. Umm… sorry I'm late."

"It's fine," Yuigahama said, beaming at me. Her mood really changed when I got here. I felt my heartbeat start to race, I wondered if she could hear it hammering away in my chest. It was a weird feeling, knowing that someone other than my little sister was happy to see me.

Yuigahama seemed to feel odd too, she kinda just stood there blushing. Her eyes glistened, either she was on the verge of tears before I arrived or happy tears now. We stood awkwardly for a moment, I casted my mind about coming up with a way to move this lunch along. I decided to just act naturally.

"I wanted to grab a drink before lunch, that way I knew at least one thing would taste good." Oops. Too bad I'm naturally kind of a dick.

Yuigahama's eyes shot wide open, and then she squeezed them shut and beat on my chest with her fists. "Hikki, you jerk! Yukinon and I worked really hard, ya know!" I fended off her attacks pretty easily, it wasn't the smartest idea to close your eyes when trying to hit someone.

"Sorry! Sorry! Let's eat so you can prove me wrong," I offered.

"Hmmph! You'll be lucky if I let you eat anything after you said that," Yuigahama scoffed, but she did walk over to the table. I followed after her, still feeling a bit nervous but the atmosphere felt a lot more natural now. Wait, does this mean I can only be happy when a girl is mad at me? That was a disturbing thought.

Yuigahama took the lead by unwrapping the large bento box and uncovering our lunch. A veritable feast of food stared back at me. The selections did not conform with any of the traditional bento types, but they were plentiful and arranged in an eye-pleasing manner. I had meant that they could pick one option from the choices I mentioned, not that they should make all of them. I noticed that Yuigahama was looking at me uncertainly, so I hastened to reassure her.

"Looks good," I commented, earning a relieved grin from the girl. We sat down in two chairs placed directly opposite from each other, our lunch in between us. We sat for an awkward moment before Yuigahama remembered to pass chopsticks over to me.

Then it was the moment of truth. Yuigahama waited with bated breath as I helped myself to a piece of salmon. I was a little self-conscious trying to eat with her watching me so intently, I managed to avoid giving the fish an experimental sniff only with the greatest use of my willpower. I have loved my sister and hated youth: therefore I die a loner. My last words thought but not spoken, I placed the morsel in my mouth.

It… was actually pretty good. I was worried it would be raw or burnt, but the salmon was well within the edibly-cooked range. I tried some of the soba noodles next, they were rather tasty also. Encouraged by the fact that I was continuing to eat, Yuigahama dug in as well.

Sitting across from one another is standard in romantic situations. I never really thought about why this was, but it quickly became evident to me. As we ate, our gazes naturally met several times. Luckily I could quickly look back down at the food before I got too embarrassed, but I did feel my cheeks burning. My lunch partner also got rosy cheeks, but despite that fact the continued accidental eye contact only seemed to encourage her.

"So, what do you think," Yuigahama asked smugly after a few minutes of us enjoying the food. "Pretty good, huh?" A minute ago you were almost peeing yourself you were so nervous, you bimbo. "Yukinon and I make a good team," she continued bragging.

"Yeah, it's good," I admitted. I was pleasantly surprised by the taste and quantity, I wasn't a picky eater but I did need a lot of calories to fuel my workout later. One part of the meal didn't make sense though. "I'm kinda surprised Yukinoshita let you cook all of this variety for me. She seems so prissy it probably offended her to have you cook something that went outside the norms of a traditional bento."

"Oh, it did! Yukinon was all, 'That boy vexes me even with his dietary preferences' and something about not being clear about your favorites is 'reflecting of an irresolute nature.'" Yuigahama attempted an impression of Yukinoshita's manner of speaking, it was actually pretty funny even though she was relaying insults about me.

"She's such a stuck-up bitch," I said, but without much heat. It's hard to be angry with a full belly, especially at a person who was responsible for helping to fill your stomach with delicious food. Though I suppose if anyone was talented enough at pissing me off it would have been Yukinoshita.

"Hey, Yukinon is great!" Yuigahama defended my clubmate. The problem is that she knows she is great and isn't shy about lording that fact over others. "But you two don't get along, huh? It seems like you guys can have fun together anyway though. The way you both talk, it's like you guys aren't afraid to say what's on your mind. It's… cool," she said, trailing off a bit wistfully at the end.

I had a good amount of experience playing dating sims. Even though they had never helped me with a real girl until now, I couldn't call the time I spent on them a waste because they were fun. Also, I will treasure the time I spent with Haruka forever. And actually, it was mainly due to the practice I had gotten from them that I saw the option in the dialogue tree opened up by Yuigahama's honesty.

"So, you think I'm cool. What else do you like about me?" I asked as casually as I could under the circumstances. I fought the instinct to look away with superhuman effort, and instead directed my gaze intently at her face. If it wasn't such a serious moment, I would have laughed at Yuigahama's reaction.

"Eh?! Hikki! Whaddya mean by that?" Yuigahama flailed wildly in response to my question, waving her hands in front of her face.

"Come on, when you confess you should do so honestly," I prodded.

"Ehehehe, I guess you know then," Yuigahama said sheepishly.

"Well, it did seem that way. And then Yukinoshita confirmed it for me just before I came into the room." I didn't feel any guilt for proverbially throwing Yukinoshita under the bus.

"Ah, Yukinon is working for my success. I can't let her down," Yuigahama said quietly. Is she confessing to me or to Yukinoshita? Then she raised her head and firmly faced me. "I do like you, Hikki. Please go out with me."

Wow, she came out and said it. I guess this was the power of normies, far different from that of the loners. Then again, the arena of a shared meal in an empty classroom gave a type advantage to normies. Loner-types kept taking damage every round they spent in this arena. I then realized that I should probably say something before the girl in front of me died from anxiety.

"Before I give you my answer, I want to know your reason for liking me."

"Eh?! My reason? That's so embarrassing, Hikki." Normies can tell you that they like you no problem, but are too ashamed to tell you why? It was then that I realized an illogical person liked me. Luckily, I had a relevant parable from the past that in no way involved me.

"Look, a friend of a friend once thought a girl in middle school liked him. Only he was an unpopular guy so he wasn't good in social situations. When he had the chance while they were alone, he got nervous and rushed a confession. He had planned to tell her that he liked the way she laughed, and that he loved how kind of a person she was but he said none of that. She looked really confused and surprised, and rejected me. Afterwards I realized she was simply a nice girl and wasn't treating me special, but also I wish I could have expressed to her the reasons why I admired her."

"Hikki, the story was about you? I thought it was weird that you had a friend who also had other friends. That's so sad." Damn, I was revealing my lowest point to everyone around me today. Thankfully, I was a loner so it was only two people but still this was a disaster. Luckily Yuigahama was a dim bulb, maybe I could trick her.

"Uh, no. It wasn't me, I was just getting into the character. Anyway, Yukinoshita told me that I should have you tell me the impetus behind your approach." Yuigahama tilted her head cutely. It was super effective so I explained it to her in simpler terms. "Umm, Yukinoshita said I should ask you why you liked me."

"Oh! Well, if Yukinon wants me to…" Again I briefly wondered what I was doing here. I should have helped her cook my patented curry for Yukinoshita, then those two could get together. Man, that was an attractive thought.

"Hikki, your face is really gross right now. This is already difficult enough." Oops, I was lost in my pleasant fantasy with the yuri Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. Yuyuyu. Whoops. I hastily wiped the smirk from my face. Yuigahama gave me an approving look but then her grin turned a little sad. "I don't really know how to say this," she admitted.

"Why don't you start when you first noticed me, or something," I suggested. My experience with normies told me that they were primarily concerned with superficial features in potential partners, focusing on things like looks and popularity. I was decent looking, the less said about my social standing the better. Therefore, I was kinda flattered that she found me physically attractive.

"You saved my dog once," she admitted quietly, looking away and pushing her index fingers together out of embarrassment.

Eh? This bimbo was the one who let her puppy escape? I never knew she went to my school. I admit I sometimes imagined the girl with the dog as a college student who sought me out to thank me. She would end up giving me her number once we discovered that we got along well, and once she got a steady job after graduating I could marry her and live as a home-based husband hero. That flight of imagination was ruined by this revelation.

Not that Yuigahama was ugly. She had a very pretty face, and her unbuttoned top drew attention to the fact she was blessed in the chest department. The problems lay in other areas. She was set to graduate at the same time I would and thus wouldn't be in position to support a house-hero right away. Plus, she might very well become a heroine herself, thus rendering my position of house-hero as redundant until we had children for me to look after.

The main problem was her reason though. "Is me saving your dog the only thing you like about me? You know, we learned in hero studies that rescue fantasies don't exactly lead to stable, happy relationships." It may have seemed a bit hypocritical, but I had never really treated the idea of dating the mystery girl as anything other than an idle thought. If Yuigahama only liked me because I had rescued her dog, there wasn't much hope we could maintain a relationship.

"Mmmh no, you stopped me before I could finish. It's just why I noticed you in the first place though, since you don't socialize very much in class. I thought you were kinda creepy. Some of my friends don't even know your name properly, did you know?" Was this a lecture on the disadvantages of loners or a confession? Well it did at least confirm that my Stealth Hikky ability was functioning properly during class time.

"Mmmh, maybe you don't care that they don't know your name. That's one of the things I like about you, I think. You don't really try to fit into a group, you can stand strong on your own. It's amazing that you can live your life without a care for what others think." So you like me because I don't have any friends? It seemed like a weird flex, but then again Yuigahama's friends were all normies of the highest degree so maybe she was tired of dealing with their foolishness.

"Oh! Like. It's really impressive the way you can talk with our instructor. She's a pro hero but you don't seem fazed at all. You just seem so different, and I think I like that."

Is there hope for her? Is there hope for me? I didn't really have any of the answers at this time, and it was already late in the lunch period. "I see. To be honest, I don't really know what to do."

Yuigahama perked up and sat up very straight, pushing her prime assets forward as a consequence. "Hikki! I'm amazed you are even considering dating me! I'm so happy." Her smile was making the process of deciding even tougher for me. I liked her smile, but I was also worried that if we dated she would never smile again in her life.

"I guess we could try to get to know each other better to see if we can date."

Yuigahama lunged around the table with incredible speed, wrapping me up in some kind of martial arts death grip. Upon further inspection, it was just a normal hug. It was way more awkward than the hugs my little sister gave me, which I entirely attributed to the degree of closeness between my sister and I. I barely noticed the fact that her chest was pressed tightly against my side. Eventually she released her hold, backing up slightly but still standing entirely too close. She was leaning over, providing a tantalizing glimpse down her partially unbuttoned top.

"Hikki! You can come with my group after school. We usually go to a cafe or for ice cream near campus, it's cute and the snacks are like, so good. It'll be so fun!"

Love is able to conquer all. Which just proves that I don't love Yuigahama yet, because there was no way in hell that I was going to go to a cafe with her and her friends. It really sounded like hell for a loner.

"There is one small problem. I'm a little bit strapped for time right now. I have to attend my club after school, and then I train with a retired pro hero. We won't get to see each other very much outside of school hours."

Yuigahama looked so deflated I felt pretty bad. Almost as bad as if I would have if I didn't have a good excuse and was roped into spending time with a bunch of normies. Fortunately, she bounced back pretty quickly with a look of determination.

"I'll join your club," she said. "It would be great to spend more time with Yukinon, too." Visions of Yuigahama forcibly cuddling with Yukinoshita occupied my frontal lobe. My club president was not going to be pleased about this development. This was a situation that demanded that I act.

"Make sure you talk to Sensei first, you need her approval to join." If Sensei lets her in the club then she will be able to keep Yukinoshita from declining her membership. Pleased that I wouldn't be the only one to suffer continued awkward interactions in this situation, I smiled at the blissfully unsuspecting girl next to me. The gods of the Superhero genre must be idiots.

"Ok Hikki, I can do that right away!" Yuigahama scrambled for the door, only pausing to turn back towards me once she was already there. I looked down at the remains of our lunch.

"Don't worry about this, I'll polish off the rest and bring the bento box back with me. I can give it to you after class or at club later." Also, this would be a good excuse to not walk back to class with her. That would be a terrible mistake, all of the normies would surely hate me if they knew one of their own liked me. Yuigahama just gave me a heart-warming smile and bade me goodbye as she flounced out of the room. Her skirt danced tantalizingly up as she did, showcasing her smooth legs.

Wow. I slumped back into my chair, exhaustion hitting me like a luxury sedan now that it was all over. Considering how much I had been dreading this meal, I was ecstatic how well it had gone. I had gotten free food and we had conversed without Yuigahama getting upset, well too much anyway.

And the best part was I no longer had to be anxious about any awkward interaction with Yuigahama due to her possible crush. Between the two of us we had resolved the situation much more amicably than my last foray into the world of romantic relationships had gone. Instead of the difficult situation with a spurned suitor and disgusted confessee, we were… a thing? Wait, we didn't resolve this at all!

I sighed in dismay. We had merely postponed the awkwardness for the time being, but I was somewhat buoyed by the realization that we hadn't completely ruined anything yet. I pulled out my phone and held it contemplatively in my hand. I wondered what I should say, and to who? Then I put it away and proceeded to clean up the remnants of our shared lunch as I thought about the person responsible for this entire situation. I have to get back to the classroom before another teacher forces me to join a club.